End of Innocentia

#1

((Yuichiro Takiguchi continued from Oni wa soto! Fuka wa uchi!))

The announcement finished. It would be over soon. Don't worry too much, okay?

Rain tickled Yuichiro’s face as he stared up at the clouds, tiny reminders from God that he was still alive. That he still had work to do before he could finally die. That he still had a mess to clean up.

Shimizu-san was still alive. He’d freed Inada-san, but he hadn’t done the job right. Old Failure Yuichiro, even when he knew what he had to do. Because of him, Shimizu-san was still suffering. Probably suffering even more, because she’d been there when Inada-san died. She had to see her friend die, and she was still alive. That was so hard.

Yuichiro could relate.

He squeezed Tadakatsu’s hand with both of his. It helped, but not enough.

“I don’t know what to do, Katsu-kun. I messed up. I want to save people, it’s the only way I can help any more, but I still messed up.”

So what, was he going to give up now? He’d finally been told how he could help, but the first time he screwed up, he was going to throw in the towel?

“No, it’s not that. I know you can’t give up. Kenshiro never gives up. Astro Boy never gives up. Sugimara-san and Shuya-san and Mimura-san never gave up.”

But they still died.

“Because real life isn’t anime. I know that. I know people sometimes think I’m kind of dorky and only think like that, but I know it isn’t. Anime is just nicer. It’s simpler. At the end of the day, the good guy wins. Good things happen to good people, and bad guys get stopped or change their ways. I wish life was like that.”

So which are you?

“I don’t know. I want to be a good guy. I want to save people. But I can’t even do that right. Even if I’m saving people from the game, I still have to hurt them. Even if we got off the island, if I could save them like that, we couldn’t go home. I don’t know where we’d go. We’d never see anyone again. That would hurt too much. Saving them like this is the only way that makes sense.’

“But it’s hard, Katsu-kun. And I don’t know if I’m good at it, and you’re not here to tell me if I am, or to stop crying and keep trying. I miss you.”

He stared down at the hand. He hesitated, before pressing it against his face. He knew it was ice cold, but he didn’t pull it away. He couldn’t. His tears stuck to the decaying fingertips.

“I just don’t know what to do. I know I have to go back and finish things off, but it’s hard, and I don’t know if I can. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish we could just go back to school, and be in homeroom together again.”

Tadakatsu’s fingertips stroked his face. He’d never had someone that wasn’t family so close to him before. He never thought he would. Even his mother and grandmother hadn’t stroked him like this. It was so kind. So gentle.

So intimate.

“I wish we were together. I wish we could’ve been together longer. I know it’s weird for a guy to like another guy like this, but it’s how I feel. What’s wrong with that?”

The base of Tadakatsu's palm moved dangerously close to Yuichiro’s lips. The lips in turn moved closer, wanting to taste the hand on his face. Dirty images flashed through his mind. He remembered seeing Katsu-kun when they had been changing in homeroom all those times. He had tried not to stare. No-one had noticed when it happened. No-one paid attention to him. But it was happening again now.

It was hard to deal with when there was no privacy at home. Now he had all the privacy in the world, out in the open on an island full of corpses. The guilt he had felt back then, doing something like that over a guy, his friend, was still with him. But that had never stopped him before, dirty as he was.

And Katsu-kun was there with him now. It was OK. He would take the lead. He moved downwards, as Yuichiro unzipped his fly, and pulled himself out.

He felt himself in Katsu-kun’s grip. It felt so good. Primal pleasure that had been lost in the sea of confusion and grief that had drowned his mind. The turmoil abated, replaced with innocent, dirty thoughtlessness. A shameful, sinful release from the black storm covering his mind.

Silence fell over the island, save for the continuing sound of rain and his own heavy breathing. He looked down at Katsu-kun’s detached hand.

It was an ugly stump of lifeless flesh, covered in his own pent-up seed.

“I’m so fucked up.”

((Yuichiro Takiguchi continued in See You At The Crossroads))