A Cruel Director's Thesis

#1

((Yuichiro Takiguchi continued from When the seagulls follow the trawler))

Yuichiro looked at Katsu-kun. Blood was starting to dry into the rocks around him. His body was mangled.

He wasn’t smiling.

But he had smiled before. Yuichiro remembered it clearly. He wouldn’t ever forget that smile. It was why Oki-san was free up on the lighthouse balcony. He realised, as he had gone between the other bodies in the lighthouse, that they were free too. There were a lot of them by now.

He had taken the necktie, that he still hadn't realised was a funeral tie, off his head and now was wearing it around his neck like he was supposed to. He was no Joestar, or Sugimara. He also didn’t know how to tie a necktie, so it was a poorly knotted job. His school jacket was unbuttoned, making his outfit look suit-like, if one buried under a layer of grime and sweat.

He had stopped in the bathroom on his way down. He had washed himself using some bottled water. It hadn’t worked well, but he had needed it. The bathtub at his apartment back home was very small, but he’d always enjoyed bathing. It helped calm him down. He had gotten to rinse his shirt and underwear out. They were cold against his skin, but it still felt better. No-one had disturbed him.

He was calm now.

He looked down at Katsu-kun, who still wasn’t smiling.

Yuichiro wasn’t sure what to think anymore. He had figured out how to save people, but he knew it was unfortunate that they had to die. But being alive was only suffering, he thought. Maybe that’s what this whole thing was about. Maybe the government wanted to show young people that life was only suffering. What a cruel thesis to teach them.

He looked at the entrance to the lighthouse. Just a few days ago, he had been wondering if Yahagi-san wanted to do it with him. Was she still alive? He couldn’t remember, there had been too many names to keep track of. He hoped she was free of this too. He hoped it hadn’t hurt. Falling off the lighthouse probably hurt.

“Hey, Katsu-kun.” he said to the unresponsive corpse. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t go with you. I wanted to, really. But Oki-san showed me I still have to do things here. It’s OK, you’ve probably met him by now. I hope he’s doing alright. I hope everyone’s doing alright.”

He knelt down, his trousers lapping up the water from the receded tide that still clung to the rocks.

“I’m…I’m still not sure, you know? I know I have to save people, and I know how to save people now. It isn’t how I thought I’d save people, but it’s how I saved you. It’s how I saved Oki-san. Maybe it’s how I saved Niida-san too? I mean, he didn’t have to go through any of this, he was dead straight away. That’s not so bad, right? Not having to go through this?

“I know I don’t want to go through this anymore, but I have to. I have to help my friends. I want to help my friends. I’m glad I could help you. But I miss you. I know it’s only been a little while, but I really miss you, Katsu-kun.”

He sniffed. His eyes were growing wet again. Crybaby Yuichiro, huh? He laughed at the thought, with no-one to hear it.

He reached out. Tadakatsu’s hand was already cold, but still limp. It didn’t feel at all like it had up on the balcony, but it was still his. His rough calloused fingers could easily swallow his own little digits. He didn’t want to let go. But he couldn’t carry Tadakatsu’s body around with him. He was already carrying four guns, Oki-san's broken weapon since added to the collection. It had warped on the rocks below when it hit the ground, so it was unlikely to fire, but he was keeping it.

He wanted Tadakatsu’s hand too. He was selfish like that, he supposed.

There was a rock in his own hand. He wasn’t sure how it had got there. He wasn’t sure what was happening when he brought it down on Tadakatsu’s wrist. It didn’t make much noise. It left an indent, but not much else. He brought it down again, but he didn’t think it was working.

He didn’t know what he was doing, but he had rested Tadakatsu’s wrist on another rock, angled at the joint. He brought his own rock down again. It felt like more this time. He saw skin starting to part.

It took a while, but he had Tadakatsu’s hand. He looked down at the corpse, as he felt the fingers wrapped around his own.

He rubbed at his eyes again with his free hand. He didn’t want to go. But he had to.

“I guess this is goodbye. I hope I get to see you later, Katsu-kun. Thank you for-

“Well, thank you for letting me tell you how I feel. Thank you for making me feel like someone cared.”

It took all of what little willpower he had, but he walked away, still holding Tadakatsu’s hand. He didn’t want to ever let go.

((Yuichiro Takiguchi continued in Oni wa soto! Fuku wa uchi!))