INTL Critiques

This is where you can come to request critiques of your characters or writing. Unlike the board on Main, this board is focused specifically on Mini characters and games. Feel free to start threads either asking for or offering critiques.
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Carrion Queen
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 6:35 am

INTL Critiques

#1

Post by Carrion Queen »

Hello

I get sad when the Your Thoughts section on the wiki is empty so I decided to leave comments for everyone.


  • My kid is dead and I want a critique.

    Good news, they probably already have a critique. I've left wiki page comments for everyone who has died except for Leander and Fabiano who I will get to today or tomorrow and Abel and Dominik who I have read all of but did not leave a comment on for reasons™.
  • My kid died but I want a more detailed critique than what you gave in the wiki comments.

    Ok. I can do that.
  • My kid is NOT dead but I would like a critique.

    I can do this based on my impression at the moment. You'll still get a comment when you die based on their whole story.
  • I want something else

    Also fine. I can recommend an anime your character would like, guess their favorite flavor of ice cream, or you can just come here to tell me I stink.
An edit: If you don’t want me to put up my thoughts or would like me to take down any thoughts I have put up, I will honor those requests.
[+] May you find that which shines and learn the power of miracles.

The only thing I've ever been proud of was describing the setting sun as "daylight's falling star" in a recent Supers post.

Supers
Ximena Rodriguez: "Everything is just a matter of time."
International
Soraya Martinez: "Need a translator? I'm pretty good."
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Kermit
Posts: 1018
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2018 5:26 pm

#2

Post by Kermit »

guess my intl character's favourite flavour of ice cream

(p.s. you smell)
[+] Characters or something
[+] Everett Taylor
Everett Taylor (SC2) -- Baby Kermit's first SOTF character

THREADS!

PREGAME: Baby Kermit makes an unnecessary OOC note

ISLAND:
[Baby Kermit uses unnecessary over-the-top formatting] -- [Baby Kermit kills a guy and then makes a melodramatic speech to the rest of the room] -- [Baby Kermit isn't very good at thread names] -- [Baby Kermit gets fucking murdered]
[+] Harland Strange
Harland Strange (PV2.5) -- The kind of guy who lives in a well.

THREADS!

ISLAND:
[The thread that everybody was there for] -- [To be fair to Santiago, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty.] -- [Harland has a Gamer moment] -- [Harland falls down] -- [Oops]
[+] Luanne Grasset
Luanne Grasset (TV3) -- Untitled (Your Cast), Barbara Kruger, 2016

THREADS!

PREGAME: ["We took a tour of Universal Studios in Los Angeles and, inside and outside the place, it was very difficult to tell what was real. They're not-real people trying to say something. And we're real people not trying to say anything. I just like everybody and I believe in everything." - Andy Warhol]

MEMORIES: ["The only thing I know is that I paint because I need to, and I paint whatever passes through my head without any other consideration." - Frida Kahlo]

FLOTILLA:
["Images are made palpable, ironed flat by technology and, in turn, dictate the seemingly real through the representative." - Barbara Kruger] -- ["You'd be surprised how many people want to hang an electric chair on their living-room wall. Specially if the background color matches the drapes." - Andy Warhol] -- ["In the end, glorification of splendid underdogs is nothing other than the glorification of the splendid system that makes them so." - Theodor Adorno] -- ["I think that art is still a site for resistance and for the telling of various stories, for validating certain subjectivities we normally overlook. I'm trying to be affective, to suggest changes, and to resist what I feel are the tyrannies of social life on a certain level." - Barbara Kruger] -- ["I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process." - Vincent van Gogh] -- ["One eye sees, the other feels." - Paul Klee] -- ["I suppose I have a really loose interpretation of "work" because I think that just being alive is so much work at something you don't always want to do." - Andy Warhol] -- ["I think that every so-called history book and film biography should be prefaced by the statement that what follows is the author's rendition of events and circumstances." - Barbara Kruger] -- ["I never think that people die. They just go to department stores." - Andy Warhol] -- ["From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity." - Edvard Munch] -- ["I think I developed language skills to deal with threat. It's the girl thing to do-you know, instead of pulling out a gun." - Barbara Kruger] -- ["Since I was shot, everything is such a dream to me. Like I don't know whether I'm alive or whether I died. I wasn't afraid before. And having been dead once, I shouldn't feel fear. But I am afraid. I don't understand why." - Andy Warhol] -- ["'One to the other / Unos á otros' - Thus goes the world. We mock at and deceive each other. He who, yesterday, was the ball, is to-day the horseman in the ring. Fortune directs the feast, and distributes the parts according to the inconstancy of its caprice." - Francisco Goya] -- ["It's good to keep in mind that prominence is always a mix of hard work, eloquence in your practice, good timing and fortuitous social relations. Everything can't be personalized." - Barbara Kruger] -- ["Art...has always been a polite form of terrorism." - Robert Boswell] -- ["I'm trying to deal with ideas about histories, fame, hearsay, and how public identities are constructed." - Barbara Kruger] -- ["Death means a lot of money, honey. Death can really make you look like a star." - Andy Warhol] -- ["Our whole society is aboard the raft of the Medusa." - Jules Michelet]

ARTWORK CREDITS (Warning: technically contains spoilers i guess if you haven't read Luanne)
[+] Astrid Millar
Astrid Millar (Supers), Gift: Goth Eyes -- (Seen and Not Seen)

(TW: Astrid's story deals with themes of ableism, usually in a fairly implicit capacity.)

THREADS!

PREGAME: [STANDING ON THE SHORE, GETTING OLD. YOU LEFT ME HERE AMID THE VAPE CLOWNS.] -- [You could meet someone who’s lost like you.]

THE MUTE: ["There's a schematic for the whole Goths album between when and where I was in my youth, I mean some of them are stories but they all correlate to moments. I spent 9 months in Portland when I was 18, 19 years old and these were formative months because I was an absolute failure at living my life and I had friends who kept me alive and who saw through my hard veneer and who chose to be kind to me even though I was not worthy of their kindness, I was not. This is why when people tell me 'Hey John, you're a good guy', I say 'No, I've seen John in a lot of guises and I reject any claims to being a good guy, I see' and in Portland I had a community of people who accepted me exactly as I was and though I didn't know how to take their acceptance, and this song -- most of them are with god now -- and it's called 'Wear Black' ."]

THE COMPOUND:
[You could be anywhere on the black screen.] -- [Hand me your hand, let me look in your eyes, as my last chance to feel human begins to vaporize. Maybe it's the heat in here, maybe it's the pressure; you ought to head for the exits, the sooner the better.] -- [Don't you know people write songs about girls like you ?] -- [Tonya, you were the brightest. Yeah you rose from the ashes, and survived all the crashes, wiping the blood from your white tights.] -- [Never seen anything like that before, falling bodies tumble 'cross the floor.] -- [Take a look at these hands, you don't have to mention it. No thanks, I'm a government man.] -- [But you're waking a monster that will drive you from your hoary halls of gold, and your body will get cold. And we don't waste time with love. It's just death from above.] -- [This ain't no party, this ain't no disco. This ain't no fooling around. This ain't no Mudd Club, or C.B.G.B. I ain't got time for that now.] -- [Stay alive. Maybe spit blood at the camera. Just stay alive. Stay forever alive.] -- [And I run, and I run, and I run, and I run] -- [upon this tidal wave of, oh god oh god, young blood young blood young blood young blood -]

THE AFTERMATH:
[No one cares about the waves at the bottom of the ocean, and at the bottom of the ocean it's always blue. No one will remember 'cause nothing lasts forever, and everybody's looking for somebody to use.] -- [We are the ones who don't slow down at all, and there's nobody there to catch us when we fall.] -- [But I am just a broken machine, and I do things that I don't really mean.] -- [Come on in, we haven't slept for weeks. Drink some of this, this'll put color in your cheeks.] -- [No promise sweeter than a blood pact. Nothing harder to go through with than a vanishing act. No morning colder than the first frost. No friends closer than the ones we’ve lost. Nothing sharper than a serpent’s tooth. Nothing harder than the gospel truth. Though you repent and don sackcloth and try to make nice, you can’t cross the same river twice.] -- [???]
[+] Yumiko Kusaka
Image
im losing my edge
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Dogs231
Posts: 607
Joined: Mon Oct 12, 2020 6:45 pm
Location: The Pear Wiggler
Team Affiliation: Emmy's Selkies

#3

Post by Dogs231 »

Lex isn't dead but I would love to hear your impressions on him regardless!
Image
[+] PRESENT
SOTF-INTERNATIONAL V1:
[ERROR: RELATIONSHIP THREAD UNAVAILABLE.]
Appearance Tracker

Image
O18: Alexander "Lex" Latimer - "You've got something to go home to, right? Then it's yours."
Assigned Weapon: Pistol Auto 9mm 1A, Pistol Auto 9mm 1A
Status: ALIVE
Location: He prepared for the end in The Mysterious Circle - United by the Moment.
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10

SOTF: Cyber
[ERROR: RELATIONSHIP THREAD UNAVAILABLE.]
[ERROR: APPEARANCE TRACKER UNAVAILABLE]

A01: Solana "Sunny" Lucero Estelle - "—maybe I'll die. But, you know, united we stand, united we fall. Something like that, anyway. If I'm going, well, I'm going down swinging."
Designated Weapon: W-7 — Gold Silverware Set
Designated Utility: U-26 — Surveillance System
Status: DECEASED
Location: She met her match and lost the game in The Distorted Homeroom (Room 308) - Error.
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1/1

A18: Daniel Arista - "It ain't right for a man, you know, to die on his knees." [Adopted from Cob]
Designated Weapon: W-27 — Tennis Racket
Designated Utility: U-18 — Non-Fungible Token (NFT)
Status: ALIVE
Location: He played the game like he was told in The Distorted Homeroom (Room 308) - Error.
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1

ONE ROOM DEATH GAME:
[ERROR: RELATIONSHIP THREAD UNAVAILABLE.]
[ERROR: APPEARANCE TRACKER UNAVAILABLE]

Image
Tyler Becerra - "We're all gonna make it."
Status: ALIVE
Location: He's gambling with his life in The Stage - One Room Death Game.
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1
[+] PAST
SOTF-TV V3:
Relationship Thread
Appearance Tracker

Image
ES03: Cory Cartwright - "We can have power over the situation. We can defeat the game. We only need to figure out how."
Assigned Weapon: Diving Knife
Status: DECEASED
Location: He was out of his depth in Jetties: Central - Armageddon Game. [47/81]
Pregame History: 1
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

SOTF-SUPERS V1:
Relationship Thread
Appearance Tracker

Image
S015: Noah Davis - "We're alive, and that means we still have a chance to set things right."
Gift: Finger Guns
Status: DECEASED
Location: He tried his best, but came up short in The Flatlands - Pale Rider. [19/43]
Pregame History: 1
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

BATTLE ROYALE AU V2:
[ERROR: RELATIONSHIP THREAD UNAVAILABLE.]
[ERROR: APPEARANCE TRACKER UNAVAILABLE.]

Image
B15: Shūya Nanahara - "Well, now, I'm no hero, that's understood..."
Assigned Weapon: Icepick, the Power of Rock Music!
Status: DECEASED
Location: He refused to play by the rules in In-Between - The Worst Game in History. [10/42].
Pregame History: 1
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7
[+] CONCEPTS
[+] SOTF-SECOND CHANCES V3

Liam Black is one sick puppy - "No more rain, where's the sunshine when you need it?"
Austin White is always right - "I would very much like to see you prove me wrong."
[+] SOTF-SECOND CHANCES V4

Josh Goodman is living the dream - "For a mad scientist, imagination is the greatest weapon."
[+] SOTF-TV INTERMISSION

Tamarisk Allen is a dead ringer - "We're friends, and friends stay together to the end, right?"
Stryker Williams is the best around - "Now, I'm going to take my first step towards greatness."
Blake Killam is made for this - "This show has been my life, from start to finish."
[+] SOTF-TV V4

Richard de la Cruz is determined to win - "Watch as I do something unimaginable."
Evan Gemstone is ready to die on this hill - "I'll send this whole structure crashing down."
[+] SOTF-U V2

Alex Wituk is vibrating with motion - "I don't know what came over me, but I was on fire with anger!"
[+] SOTF-INTERNATIONAL V2

Kim Song is under watch - "두렵더라도 강해져야 합니다."
[+] SOTF-SUPERS V2

Adam Ka'uhane is forgotten - "Nobody will remember me when I'm gone."
[+] OTHER

Caius Jones is a doomsayer - "The signs are clear; the end is nigh!"
Maxwell Verity is telling the truth - "Life is an equation, and numbers don't lie."
Aiden Chase is speedrunning life - "It's simple, just beat the clock."
[+] EXTRA

Image

SOTF AU V1:
Relationship Thread
Appearance Tracker

Image
B001: Jason Dagon - "They say it's hard taking a life; they're wrong. It's the easiest thing in the world."
Assigned Weapon: IWI UZI
Status: ALIVE
Location: He laid them to rest in The Cemetery - Obituary.
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36
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WorldFat
Posts: 154
Joined: Wed Jan 13, 2021 4:12 am

#4

Post by WorldFat »

I'd like to hear all the critiques you have on Philia.
[+] PAST
SOTF-INTERNATIONAL V1:
[ERROR: RELATIONSHIP THREAD UNAVAILABLE.]
Appearance Tracker

Image
O16: Philia Constantinou - "But your correct choices are the ones you make in your own volition."
Assigned Weapon: L1A1 Self-Loading Rifle
Status: DECEASED
Location: She found her freedom in The Mysterious Circle - Inner Animal. [7/29]
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9

SOTF-SUPERS V1:
Relationship Thread
[ERROR: APPEARANCE TRACKER UNAVAILABLE.]

S037: Cyrus Vähi - "It's our spotlight! Our stage. And I get to finally experience the closing of curtains for one of our many characters."
Gift: The Evil Eye
Status: DECEASED
Location: He took his final bow in The Flatlands - Look But Don't Touch. [38/43]
Pregame History: 1
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3, 4

BATTLE ROYALE AU V2:
[ERROR: RELATIONSHIP THREAD UNAVAILABLE.]
[ERROR: APPEARANCE TRACKER UNAVAILABLE.]

B12: Yutaka Seto - "You never know…"
Assigned Weapon: Smith & Wesson M19 .357 Magnum Revolver
Status: DECEASED
Location: He lost on the draw in Residential Area (H/I8) - Stood Up.
Pregame History: [ERROR: PREGAME HISTORY UNAVAILABLE.]
In-Game History: 1, 2, 3
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Yonagoda
Posts: 1075
Joined: Fri May 29, 2020 6:13 pm

#5

Post by Yonagoda »

I think you critiqued makaria before actually so I just wanna pop in here n say thank u.

More detailed critique is cool but also i dont wanna work u to death so don't do it. please. ur old and need to rest ur grandma bones.
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