Three sentences about your kid.

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NotAFlyingToy
Posts: 323
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Location: Burlington, Canada
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Three sentences about your kid.

#1

Post by NotAFlyingToy »

You give me a child.

I read their first and last thread.

I write three sentences about them.
Author of the #SwiftBall Bible.
[+] Characters
Hansel Williams never fully realized he was wrong.

Brandon Baxter lost agency, the girl, and power.

Oskar Pearce's shield shimmered, shone, and shattered.
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Cactus
Posts: 2101
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:36 pm
Location: Toronto, Canada

#2

Post by Cactus »

Claudeson Bademosi

Last thread's still in progress so if you want a different one click "P4" in my sig.
[+] V7

B027 - Morgan Dragosavich: "Now come on, you have a flight to catch."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 - P7 - M1 - PPr1 - PPr2 - T1 - T2 - T3

B042 - Connor Lorenzen: "You— you're gonna have to live with this for— for a long time. A long time, and I hope you do, brother. Really."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 - M1 - M2 - Pr1 - PoPr1 - T1

B005 - Claudeson Bademosi: "May you see your Redeemer face to face and enjoy the vision of God forever."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 -M1 - VPS - T1

B062 - Jeff Greene: "Wait a minute, you're not Palom—"
Status: DECEASED (adopted from Blastinus)
V7: 9 - 10 - 11

G042 - Ariana Moretti: "You were always here."
Status: DECEASED
V7: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5
Pregame: P1 - P2 - P3 - P4 - P5 - P6 - M1 - M2 - M3 - T1 - T2 - T3
[+] Meanwhile...

V7 (2018):

Life; As It Happens

1: The Essay; June 2, 2015
2: The Pizza; June 6, 2015
3: The Leak; June 7, 2015
4: The Safe; June 4, 2018
5: The Call; September 19, 2015

6: Coda
7: The Secret; June 4, 2018
8: ???; June 9, 2018
9: ???; June 10, 2018
10: ???; June 10, 2018
11: ???; September 13, 2018


Ross Miller

1: Shatterday; June 9, 2018
2: I Wait on You Inside the Bottom of the Deep Blue Sea; July 13, 2018 - ongoing

3: ???
4: ???
5: ???

Pregame: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - M1 - M2 - SP - Snapchat

Carl Fredericks/Steven Lorenzen: The Needs of the Many

V6 (2015)
Mrs. Ritch: Sweet Billy
[+] The Past

The Creme de la Creme

V3: B007 - Keith Jackson: At the end of the road he's running, looking back to survey where he's been.
V1/3: B077 - Adam Dodd: You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain. The truth lies somewhere in between.
V1: B087 - Sidney Crosby: It's only cowardice if other people are around to tell you so. Otherwise, it's survival.
V1: B092 - Eddie Serjeantson: Fully in charge, but not much of an arborist.
V2: B013 - Andrew Ponikarovsky: Probably could have used a proper license and a driving lesson.
V1: G005 - Amanda Jones: A breath of fresh air, and in the end, that was all it took.
V3: B099 - John Sheppard: Went out with a bang.
V3: B122 - Ryan Atwell: Couldn't help but write a "Dear John" letter.
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Deamon
Posts: 1367
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:28 pm

#3

Post by Deamon »

Here have Travis Lynch
V8
Aracelis Fuentes
California “Cali” Fox
Darryl Smith Jr.
Jessica Romero
Roberta “Robbie” Woodvine
[+] V7
G047 - Aliya Kimia Nemati - Blowgun w/ 10 Poison Darts - you're nobody till somebody kills you - "I just wanted to talk." - DEAD
G001 - Arizona Butler - Camping Stove - Dead Bxdies in the Lake Part II - ""We got there eventually." - DEAD
B046 - Bret Carter - Weighted Net - Swerve - "I'll just be on my way and we can all continue with our evenings." - DEAD
G022 - Forrest Quin - Ball-gag and handcuffs - DRUGS SAV3D MY LIF3 - "Abe-" - DEAD
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Yugikun
Posts: 950
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:48 am
Location: in a place where this joke is funny
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#4

Post by Yugikun »

Jasmine King, you sexy beast.
[+] The Past
Image Image Image

B003: Jeremy Frasier — "Yeah. No regrets." — 57%
Kills: 2 | Equipped with: Scoped Raging Bull, $1000, Wooden Baseball Bat, Eyepatch, Pancor Jackhammer
PREGAME — Past: ☆ ☆ ☆ | Present: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ | Sadie Hawkins: ☆ ☆
V6: ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
THEME: OneRepublic — Love Runs Out

B013: Alvaro Vacanti — "Thank... you..." — 41%
Kills: 3 | Equipped with: MAC-10
PREGAME — Past: ❇ ❇ ❇ | Present: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ | Sadie Hawkins: ❇ ❇
V6: ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇ ❇
THEME: The Megas — The Haystack Principle

G030: Jasmine King — "I win." — 11%
Kills: 0 | Equipped with: Brass Knuckles
PREGAME — Past: | Present: ☻ ☻ ☻ | Sadie Hawkins: ☻
V6: ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻ ☻
THEME: Luck Ganriki — golden sneer
[+] The Future
ImageImageImageImage

Nicholas "Nick Andretti" Andretti — The Mercenary — "Have a problem? I can help you. For a price."
Clover Wilkinson-Crowheart — The Cryptid — "Don't... talk to me..."
Teddy "Theodore" Berenson — The Crusader — "Be excellent to each other."
Yong Yi "Penny" Yu — The Burnout — "I DO TWO THINGS I RAP AND FUCK"
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