hello you appear to have one (1) more spot on ur list so imma jump on it
im gonna go with Nia on your end she overlaps with Jeremiah a bit so thatll maybe make ur life slightly easier??? outside of the trip thread she has with jeremiah that paige already linked i think her two memory threads are pretty important, starting here. rest of pregame is Optional
(id like very much to take richard if thats okay!!!)
VoltTurtle's Bad Opinion Club
Nobody should listen to me for any reason, but I am nonetheless handing out critiques (for a trade).
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 801
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
I do in fact have one more spot! With Nia taking it up, everyone will have to wait until I get through Yuka before another one is available.
Anyway, feel free to take Richard! I am sorry in advance.
Anyway, feel free to take Richard! I am sorry in advance.
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 801
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Finally, we get to our local chartreuse gucci queen...
Yuka Hayashibara
Strength: Yuka's primary strength is one shared by much of Maraoone's other characters, that being an understandable psyche that's easy for the reader to empathize with. Right from the word go, Yuka is very easy to get into the headspace of and understand on a personal level. That's good, because it builds audience investment in her character for whenever everything starts to go downhill.
Which it does, quite quickly in fact, when Yuka loses it after finding out that one of her beloved sisters died on the first day. The choice to have her completely disappear for a bit here works really well -- it really makes the reader feel Yuka's immediate shock and desperation without having to convey it explicitly. Cutting out thoughts and using entirely environmental/body language cues to allow the reader to piece together a character's emotions is a very powerful tool, one that Mara utilized masterfully here and elsewhere.
Additionally, due to that empathy that Mara is able to cultivate, Yuka's gradual, trauma-induced decline from feeling bad for mildly scaring people with a fake weapon to rushing headlong with a knife at basically anyone she encounters ends up working really well and makes complete sense given how she gradually gives into her anger at the world around her and (courtesy of Teresa) cultivates a sense of apathy towards her own safety. Her partnership with Teresa once she winds up embracing the no fucks given living on the edge lifestyle is in particular deeply entertaining, something I wish the rest of her story had, because...
Weakness: Yuka's main problem isn't so much herself and the quality of her writing, but rather with her choice of supporting cast and the roles she takes in threads. For most of her story, Yuka's thread partners don't really mesh well with her as a character, and she sticks around them often far past the point where she should have abandoned them. Character chemistry is admittedly more of an art than a science, despite being called "chemistry", but the important aspects are maintaining a mix of points of common ground and points of contention, that way the characters can both bond with and conflict with one another.
Unfortunately, for the first half of Yuka's time on the island, she isn't surrounded by characters that she has good chemistry with. Instead, she's almost entirely neutral to everyone she encounters (even Yuki), which ultimately leads to a feeling that she's not going anywhere or doing anything meaningful with the characters around her. Her first thread is probably the most fun of her first half, given the point of contention about the salt gun and Quinn in particular being so antsy about it and driving the main point of conflict in the thread. After that, though, Yuka mostly meanders about and doesn't really do much of anything. It isn't until much later, when she finally partners with Teresa and M. Frog (temporarily in his case), that there starts to be real chemistry at play again.
Additionally, Yuka often ends up taking charge in the groups that she finds herself in, which isn't exactly good, because she's not really designed for that role. Characters that take charge of a scene should generally have a clear goal (something to drive them onward) and a direction (a plan of action that engenders audience expectation). Yuka almost has this in the form of her drive to find her sisters (and later her sister's killers), which is a clear goal, but there was no direction to it (no plan on how to accomplish it) leading to it amounting to a bunch of aimless wandering until she just happens to run into Yuki, which isn't very interesting.
Instead, where Yuka really shined was as supporting character to others with more concrete goals (such as Teresa, with the lofty ideal of just having fun coupled with the somewhat cogent plan on how to do it). Unfortunately, though, until the Teresa partnership, she ends up getting trampled by the characters that she's supporting. Red of Tooth And Claw is the biggest example of this, because while it starts off interestingly with the dynamic between Demetri, Yuka, and Yuki, once Erika enters the scene Yuka is completely sidelined and has no agency in the final outcome, which while not necessarily bad on its own ends up leaving the end result (Yuka losing it after watching Yuki die) feeling unearned by her narrative.
She does eventually manage to hit a good sweet spot where she really, really shines, but it takes until...
Thread Highlight: We're All Excited, We Don't Know Why, Maybe It's 'Cause, We're Gonna Die
This is, I think, Yuka's best thread, where she really demonstrates all of her strengths as a character. It's the most explicit conflict that she gets into that she maintains a real sense of agency with, with a lot of fun dynamics between all the involved characters. There's a good gradual build of tension as the conversation between her & Teresa with Nick & Marco that's drenched in good beats start to finish progresses, even before it degenerates into an actual fight. Here no-fucks-given Yuka does what she does best and takes a stand by initiating the fight in what is clearly a desire to take her anger out on someone she feels deserves it, which is great!
This immediately leads to a stellar follow through with Nick and Marco as the two of them decide to actively make better decisions (in Nick's case, not harming Yuka, in Marco's case, not wanting to kill Yuka and instead just maim her), which serves as an awesome character beat for both of them that was only made possible via Yuka's somewhat senseless aggression. Everyone works really well together in this thread, with Teresa and Marco stoking the flames, Nick serving as the focal point of the tension, and Yuka providing the spark that makes it all light up.
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With that, the sixth slot in my queue is now open, and Mara's trade is now pending.
Off the bench, Beats, you're up.
Yuka Hayashibara
Strength: Yuka's primary strength is one shared by much of Maraoone's other characters, that being an understandable psyche that's easy for the reader to empathize with. Right from the word go, Yuka is very easy to get into the headspace of and understand on a personal level. That's good, because it builds audience investment in her character for whenever everything starts to go downhill.
Which it does, quite quickly in fact, when Yuka loses it after finding out that one of her beloved sisters died on the first day. The choice to have her completely disappear for a bit here works really well -- it really makes the reader feel Yuka's immediate shock and desperation without having to convey it explicitly. Cutting out thoughts and using entirely environmental/body language cues to allow the reader to piece together a character's emotions is a very powerful tool, one that Mara utilized masterfully here and elsewhere.
Additionally, due to that empathy that Mara is able to cultivate, Yuka's gradual, trauma-induced decline from feeling bad for mildly scaring people with a fake weapon to rushing headlong with a knife at basically anyone she encounters ends up working really well and makes complete sense given how she gradually gives into her anger at the world around her and (courtesy of Teresa) cultivates a sense of apathy towards her own safety. Her partnership with Teresa once she winds up embracing the no fucks given living on the edge lifestyle is in particular deeply entertaining, something I wish the rest of her story had, because...
Weakness: Yuka's main problem isn't so much herself and the quality of her writing, but rather with her choice of supporting cast and the roles she takes in threads. For most of her story, Yuka's thread partners don't really mesh well with her as a character, and she sticks around them often far past the point where she should have abandoned them. Character chemistry is admittedly more of an art than a science, despite being called "chemistry", but the important aspects are maintaining a mix of points of common ground and points of contention, that way the characters can both bond with and conflict with one another.
Unfortunately, for the first half of Yuka's time on the island, she isn't surrounded by characters that she has good chemistry with. Instead, she's almost entirely neutral to everyone she encounters (even Yuki), which ultimately leads to a feeling that she's not going anywhere or doing anything meaningful with the characters around her. Her first thread is probably the most fun of her first half, given the point of contention about the salt gun and Quinn in particular being so antsy about it and driving the main point of conflict in the thread. After that, though, Yuka mostly meanders about and doesn't really do much of anything. It isn't until much later, when she finally partners with Teresa and M. Frog (temporarily in his case), that there starts to be real chemistry at play again.
Additionally, Yuka often ends up taking charge in the groups that she finds herself in, which isn't exactly good, because she's not really designed for that role. Characters that take charge of a scene should generally have a clear goal (something to drive them onward) and a direction (a plan of action that engenders audience expectation). Yuka almost has this in the form of her drive to find her sisters (and later her sister's killers), which is a clear goal, but there was no direction to it (no plan on how to accomplish it) leading to it amounting to a bunch of aimless wandering until she just happens to run into Yuki, which isn't very interesting.
Instead, where Yuka really shined was as supporting character to others with more concrete goals (such as Teresa, with the lofty ideal of just having fun coupled with the somewhat cogent plan on how to do it). Unfortunately, though, until the Teresa partnership, she ends up getting trampled by the characters that she's supporting. Red of Tooth And Claw is the biggest example of this, because while it starts off interestingly with the dynamic between Demetri, Yuka, and Yuki, once Erika enters the scene Yuka is completely sidelined and has no agency in the final outcome, which while not necessarily bad on its own ends up leaving the end result (Yuka losing it after watching Yuki die) feeling unearned by her narrative.
She does eventually manage to hit a good sweet spot where she really, really shines, but it takes until...
Thread Highlight: We're All Excited, We Don't Know Why, Maybe It's 'Cause, We're Gonna Die
This is, I think, Yuka's best thread, where she really demonstrates all of her strengths as a character. It's the most explicit conflict that she gets into that she maintains a real sense of agency with, with a lot of fun dynamics between all the involved characters. There's a good gradual build of tension as the conversation between her & Teresa with Nick & Marco that's drenched in good beats start to finish progresses, even before it degenerates into an actual fight. Here no-fucks-given Yuka does what she does best and takes a stand by initiating the fight in what is clearly a desire to take her anger out on someone she feels deserves it, which is great!
This immediately leads to a stellar follow through with Nick and Marco as the two of them decide to actively make better decisions (in Nick's case, not harming Yuka, in Marco's case, not wanting to kill Yuka and instead just maim her), which serves as an awesome character beat for both of them that was only made possible via Yuka's somewhat senseless aggression. Everyone works really well together in this thread, with Teresa and Marco stoking the flames, Nick serving as the focal point of the tension, and Yuka providing the spark that makes it all light up.
--
With that, the sixth slot in my queue is now open, and Mara's trade is now pending.
Off the bench, Beats, you're up.
Time to work on my critique muscle a bit. Take a look-see at my boy Morgan, would you please?
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 801
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
THE PACT IS SEALED.
Read Marceline, Dodd. They died in the same set, after all.
Read Marceline, Dodd. They died in the same set, after all.