Talking points about your kid.

Reviving from Tapatalk.

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
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NotAFlyingToy
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Location: Burlington, Canada
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Talking points about your kid.

#1

Post by NotAFlyingToy »

Hello.

On Tapatalk, I had a thread of questionable usefulness and entertainment wherein I read the first and last thread of a dead kid and gave an acidic take about them. I usually saved my criticisms for times when I felt burnt out or particularly salty. A lot of the time (a lot of the time) I usually used my precious three sentences to crack a joke at someone's expense.

It likely wasn't useful, but it was fun.

So here's the new thread:

1. You give me a dead kid.
2. I read through the kid until I hit a point I want to discuss about them, be it a critique, something that I liked, or some nerdy RP theory crap that I want to mouth off about
3. You pretend to be grateful and you give me another kid.

I'm not going to have a queue because queues are just lists of kids that don't go critiqued. Instead I'll let you guys know when to stop making submissions because I'm working on replies, and then I'll let you know when to start again.

Thanks.
Author of the #SwiftBall Bible.
[+] Characters
Hansel Williams never fully realized he was wrong.

Brandon Baxter lost agency, the girl, and power.

Oskar Pearce's shield shimmered, shone, and shattered.
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KamiKaze
Posts: 937
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 10:47 pm
Location: Behind you.

#2

Post by KamiKaze »

I think I tried to force you to read Junko last time. Here she is again.
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NotAFlyingToy
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#3

Post by NotAFlyingToy »

Queue's closed forever. This was a terrible idea.

(Just kidding Kami <3)
Author of the #SwiftBall Bible.
[+] Characters
Hansel Williams never fully realized he was wrong.

Brandon Baxter lost agency, the girl, and power.

Oskar Pearce's shield shimmered, shone, and shattered.
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MK Kilmarnock
Posts: 1931
Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 5:28 am
Location: On one of the coasts, generally

#4

Post by MK Kilmarnock »

Give me a full Justin thought instead of just the last thread >:C

Edit: Actually Justin fucking sucks, gimme Wyatt instead. You still owe me reads on the whole Ace/Justin feud anyway and that's all I really want of him
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MurderWeasel
Posts: 2566
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:37 am

#5

Post by MurderWeasel »

NAFT, you sexy beast, can I get your take on Juliette Sargent?
Avatar art by the lovely and inimitable Kotorikun
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Emprexx Plush
Posts: 1678
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 3:37 pm
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#6

Post by Emprexx Plush »

Hey Naft, welcome to my quest to make you read all my most bullshit things, here's SCDos KK you kids have fun now
[+] SotF Characters
[+] V5 Characters
ImageG056, Alda Abbate(Adopted)
It was difficult to nail down exactly when the anger started. Remembering a time when it wasn't there, coiled up and waiting to strike or alive and thrashing, was growing more and more challenging. It'd been with her for so long that it no longer felt like an intruder in her mind. It felt like a part of her.
ImageB062, Garrett Wilde
I multiplied. Then I subtracted. That's what we do now. That's how we keep the most people around.
ImageB014, Joachim Lovelace(Adopted)
Your turn.
[+] V6 Characters

ImageG037, Abby Floyd:This place was vile. Overwhelmingly, terribly vile. Character Theme: Everything's Alright-Emily Scholz
ImageB016, Ty Yazzie: You ever wonder if you still got a home to go back to? Character Theme: Warrior People-Medicine For The People
ImageIsaac Brea(Adopted from Espi): Isaac's well of fucks was bone-dry. Character Theme: The Whiskey, The Liar, The Thief-Patent Pending
ImageG011, Caedyn Miller:So...how did you wanna do this? Feeling an open casket? Or is that dumb? Nah, don't say it, that's dumb. We'll be soup by the time they send us home anyway. Character Theme: Sleep-My Chemical Romance
ImageG032, Irene Djezari(Adopted from CicadaDays): Death was not worse than Meme Hell. Character Theme: A Beautiful Lie-30 Seconds To Mars
[+] V7 Characters
ImageB066, Blaise d'Aramitz: I am not fucking dabbing on a corpse, Carl. Character Theme: The Nurse Who Loved Me-A Perfect Circle
ImageG032, Helena 'Hel" Fury: I hope my family’s waiting. The one I made out here. I hope you’ll be a part of it again. Character Theme: Fix Me-10 YearsImage
ImageB073, Jeremiah Anderson: "GO--GO--GO." Character theme: The Big Sleep-Murder By Death
ImageG066, Marco Hart: I'm not satisfied anymore. I don't think I'd want to be if I could. Character theme: Maurice's Monsters-Small Leaks Sink Ships
ImageG080, Nikki Nelson-Kelly: The fools. The morons. The aBsOlUtE cReTiNs. Character Theme: Movement-The Whip
ImageG062, Tonya Collins: The girl, the person, the thing, the shape on the screen, that wasn't her. Character Theme: Get Down-Isador
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Ohm
Posts: 500
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:49 pm

#7

Post by Ohm »

Can I get your thoughts on Brandon Murphy? He's pretty short at 3 threads.
[+] V6
G019 Serena Waters
Image
The Past:
1
Island:
1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12
Meanwhile:
1
B037 William "Will" McKinley
Image(Adopted from Dannyrulx)
Dannyrulx:
Memories:
1-2
Pregame:
1-2
Sadie Hawkins Dance:
1-2
Island:
1-2
Adoption:
3-4-5-6-7-8
[+] V7
B026 Sean Leibowitz
Image Image
1-2-3-4-5-6-7
B071 Sal Bonaventura (Adopted from Skraal)
Skraal:
1-2-3-4-5
Adoption:
6-7-8-9
B085 Brandon Murphy (adopted from Rattlesnake)
1-2-3
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BlizzardeyeWonder
Posts: 682
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:41 pm
Location: The Zone™

#8

Post by BlizzardeyeWonder »

you know what I've already made you read so much you might as well read all of Camilla Bell
[+] Meilin
Meilin Zhou (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: life observes itself
-->Pregame Status: Waltzed out a party with her crush
>Prom Start: Fancy Meeting You Here
-->Prom Status: Taking a dance, taking on the world
>Trip Start: The Best of You
-->Trip Status: Running away from an eyeful of NSFW
>Game Start: Rise Great Undead Lord Dread
-->Game Status (FINAL): Stop hitting yourself

Aesthetics
"No sun to rise would be okay with me... Everyday, every day is okay"
[+] Camilla
Camilla Bell (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: Who's Turn Was It, Anyway?
-->Pregame Status: Had more than her fair share of revelry
>Prom Start: Early in the Morning
-->Prom Status: Ditching the drama for blues
>Trip Start: When I'm Gone
-->Trip Status: Preemptively homesick
>Game Start: Bloom Nobly, in a Transient Life
-->Game Status (FINAL): Loved to death.

Aesthetics
"A voice in her head, a voice in her head, screaming all the words that were left unsaid"
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Namira
Posts: 1593
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 10:11 am

#9

Post by Namira »

Hey Naft, I'm really curious as to your take on Tatsumichi Oki and would love to hear your opinion.
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Sunnybunny
Posts: 384
Joined: Fri May 17, 2019 7:35 pm

#10

Post by Sunnybunny »

Let's go back, way back.

Sammy Franklin, please
VII
G071 - Sakurako Adina Jackson - i'll be ready every day / for as long as i can say / here I am in the future with my friends


VIII
Dancing Shoes
Bare Knuckles
Wild Horses
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Fenris
Posts: 1529
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 5:56 pm
Location: hell probably

#11

Post by Fenris »

hello i might as well give you the kid we were gonna do stuff together with until you went out for cigarettes forever

here's axel
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
[+] v7
the dead:
Image[B040] Dante Valerio - Fell asleep too early.
[V7] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: None Now: [Start] Prom: [Start] Trip: [Start]
Image[G014] Apollonia "Nia" Karahalios - T-R-I-E-D.
[V7] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: None Trip: [Start]
Image[B004] Axel Fontaine - Lost his place.
[V7] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start] Trip: [Start]
Image[G041] Ivy Langley - Together forever.
[V7] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start] Trip: [Start]

the living:
ImageArtem Fyodorov - Desperate.
[Meanwhile] [x] [x] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start]
ImageZen Alicea Feliciano - On vacation!
[Meanwhile] [x]
[Pregame] Then: [Start] Now: [Start] Prom: [Start]
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Maraoone
Posts: 736
Joined: Sun Aug 19, 2018 11:39 am

#12

Post by Maraoone »

My son pls

Edit: i cant read so i changed the link to a dead kid
[+] the youfs
[+] V7
V7:
Dead:
B083 - Diego Larrosa - Palayain mo na ako. - He didn't want this. say goodnight to the bad guy [10/159]
Current Theme Music: Devil Town (v1) - cavetown
Weapon: Tactical Combat Shovel
Previous Threads: Love & Money - before the day is done, my prince is gonna come - How Far I'll Go - Gimme, Gimme Shelter or I'm Gonna Fade Away - no one round here's good at keeping their eyes closed - Still Waiting - Hell is Other People - RICH_BOY_LIKES_IT_ROUGH.MP4 - I Don't Wanna Be Myself - The Bell Tolls For Our Funeral - The Gang Goes Out For Breakfast - Untrust Us - Crimewaves - Love itself is just as innocent as roses in May - Will All Be Forgiven? - black eyes looking up from below - Silent Key - it's ok we're just scared - life's alright in devil town - Beyond Human (Barely Human) - And Now Those Days Are Over and We Are All Ghosts - The Ultimate Test of Cerebral Fitness - Ang Pagbibinata ni Diego Larrosa - perverse verdict - Madness in the Method - park the car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me
Memories: Hiya sa Timog

G013 - Yuka Hayashibara (adopted from Ryuki!) - Does it spark joy? - She fixed up her look in one of a kind [46/159]
Current Theme Music: Play With Me - DDLC OST
Weapon: Bug-A-Salt Camofly 2.0 Insect Eradication Gun
Previous Threads: Quintessential Thinking - I Pray to the Lord You Reveal what His Truth is - all of our heroes fading - now i can't stand to be alone - Incredible Adventures - there's a pale imitation burnt in my eyes - Red Of Tooth And Claw - The Fifth Announcement - Low Times - Party Like It's 1999 - Hell and You - We're All Excited, We Don't Know Why, Maybe It's 'Cause, We're Gonna Die - Ron Gets a Bath As Well, Whether He Wants To or Not - No Exit
Pregame: In Vino Veritas - Shake It Out
Memories: Hayashibara Heart to Heart
Prom: Fear and Delight
Trip: Room 832: Welcome to the Witching Hour

G052 - Joanne Coleman (adopted from Cicada!) - I've got a thick skin and an elastic heart. - She tried to do something in Sleep Is The Cousin Of Death [116/159]
Current Theme Music: When You Die - MGMT
Weapon: George Hunter High School mascot costume
Previous Threads: hold on to this lullaby - Don't Stray Off The Path - D.R.E.A.M. - I'm Not That Nice, I'm Mean and I'm Evil - we keep these promises, write it in a letter
Pregame: You did not break me. I'm still fighting for peace. - Desperate Times - Heavy is the Head That Wears the Crown - Do You Have The Time - i'm so 3008
Memories: I'm alright. I'm just fine. And you're a tool, so. - Make A New Cult Every Day

G075 - Aditi Sharma (adopted from Brackie! and somer!) - She failed in Yellow Light [88/159]
Weapon: Browning Hi Power 9mm
Previous Threads: Pandorama - Antisocial Darwinism - My Lucifer Is Lonely - They Couldn't Buy A Fucking Toaster. They're Broke, John.
[+] V6
V6 Characters:
G062 - Olivia Fischer prayed a thousand prayers in Ye Not [37/107]
Previous Threads: Sæglópur - Until all our yesterdays are lighted fools... - the way to dusty death - a concrete cave - I'd Say That I've Had Worse Days, but Then I'd Be Lying - Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Until Then, You Are Free - Cast in the Name of God
Memories: Sometimes when we reach for the stars...
Weapon: Lobotomy pick.
[+] V5
Dead:
B045 - Juhan Levandi - An Estonian wanna-be journalist with a fear of the dark who wanted to bring them all down in Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien [18/152]
Weapon: Party Bag (contains a noisemaker, party hat, two single-serving bags of candy, and a Hotwheels car)
Pre-Game Threads: Wiping All Out - Quixotic
Previous V5 Threads: Despair - The Real Folk Blues - The two people in the distance were Paulo and Becca - Mischief Managed - Sleeper Cell - Tell No Tales - So, How Was Your Day? - And I'm Not Sleeping Now - Intermission - Glass - A Manic Depressive Named Laughing Boy
G067 - Carmina Maliksi - A Filipina car junkie with a /slight/ obsession with Korea and Japan who has finished things up (somewhat) in Red as Blood [139/152]
Weapon: Non-Functional Flamethrower (left in the Clubhouse)
Previous V5 Threads: Finding Center - Wish I Could Breathe - The Visionary
Memories: Offended?
B054 - Oscar Trig (adopted from Greg the Anti-Viking) - An artist who desperately needs a pencil, paper and a cigar and thought with his heart in Fumble [76/152]
Weapon: Binoculars
Pregame Threads: Taking it to the Streets
Previous V5 Threads: Waking Up at the Beginning of Time - Steadier Footing - Handoff
[+] misc
[+] meirl
Image
new resting place for chatsig never forget 2018
give my v8 kids friends pls
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Tonyksin
Posts: 533
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:51 pm
Location: New Jersey

#13

Post by Tonyksin »

I apologize in advance. I give you my green child
V8 Relationship Chart
[+] V8 Kids Lined Up To Die
Sebastian Odegaard - Playing The Leading Man
Yoona Lee - Rejecting Society
Chanel Andersson-Joseph - Changing Her Aesthetic
Marc Hines - Lazer-Focused on the Future
[+] V7 Kiddos
V7:
Relationship Thread
Appearance Tracker

ImageLorenzo Tavares B03 - DEAD
Pregame:1 2 3 4 5 Memories:1 2 3 4 Prom: 1 2 3 4 Trip: 1
Island: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
ImageGina Petrov G43 - DEAD
Pregame: 1 2 3 4 Memories: 1 2 Prom: 1 2 Trip: 1
Island: 1 2 3
ImageJackson Sullivan B36 - DEAD
Pregame: 1 2 3 4 5 Memories: 1 Prom: 1 2 Trip: 1
Island: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7
ImageAmelia Fischer G34 - DEAD
Pregame: 1 Memories: 1 2 Prom: 1 2 Trip: 1
Island: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
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CondorTalon
Posts: 450
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 6:17 am

#14

Post by CondorTalon »

*yeets Catherine Zier in your direction*
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