The Big Sleep

[Tonyksin]

Restless nights were becoming the norm for him it seemed.

He couldn’t deny that it was appropriate though. Everything he was doing was terrible. Every decision he made was leading him even further into depravity. Monsters like him didn’t have the privilege of good sleep. There was too much weighing on his soul. It was kind of funny. He’d never been one to care much about… well, really anything. Life used to feel free and easy. Like nothing he did really mattered in the grand scheme of things. He was just gliding through it all never trying too hard or caring too much. But now… Now everything seemed so significant. Every step he took, every thought that passed through his mind. It all had some grandiose meaning.

He wasn’t used to it. He missed being able to not care.


[Lorenzo Tavares Continued From RICH_BOY_LIKES_IT_ROUGH.MP4]


It was day six on the island. Lorenzo had survived nearly an entire week. It felt like he’d been here for longer. Every passing day made it harder to remember what it felt like to be home. How it felt to be just some dumb kid without any blood on his hands. He’d done… he’d made his mistakes before all this. He couldn’t deny that. He hurt people. Did things he never thought he was capable of. Hah. He didn’t know himself at all, apparently. He was capable of a lot more than he ever imagined. Rapist. Murderer. Monster. All those terms applied to him. He really was absolute scum.

But still…

He couldn’t help but want to go back. Back to where he felt loved. Where he felt like he deserved it. Ty almost made him afraid to go back for a while. Knowing that by now, the entire world knew what he’d done… it shook his resolve. His family, they must have learned the truth by now. Learned what kind of beast they had raised in their own home. He wondered if they were blaming themselves. Lashing out at each other. Wondering what they could have done to cage the beast inside him so he wouldn’t have done what he did. He wondered if they even wanted him to survive this. To come back to them. Or would it be better if their shame died alongside him on this island?

He didn’t know.

It was funny. He’d spent all this time just wanting to make it back, but here he was, wondering if there was anything left to go back to. Anyone there waiting for him. If even after everything they heard and saw they could still embrace him like they used to and tell him it would be okay. Tell him they loved him. Tell him none of it mattered. Just hold him close and never let him go again. Was that still something he was allowed to wish for? Was he still allowed to hope they could still love a monster like him?

He had no answers.

So he just had to keep going.

Keep going, and keep hoping.

Even with his very humanity at stake. What else could he do now?

His head shot up as the speakers on the island once more blared to life. He looked up from his seat against a tree in the Upper Wilderness of the island. He’d just finished changing the bandages on all the wounds he’d accrued during his stay. His body ached, but he could still power through. With Diego gone, he didn’t have to hold himself together as much. When it hurt too much, he could stop and rest. He could show that tiny shred of weakness. The perks of being on his own. Out of everything he’d endured, the gunshot wound was probably bothering him the most. But it, just like all the others, would fade with time. He’d get used to the pain, and it would just blend in with all the rest. He just needed to try and ignore it.

The terrorist started as he always did, clamoring on and listing the recently deceased. Two people got their collars blown. Lorenzo reflexively lifted his arm to rub gently across the cold metal of his own collar. A death he didn’t envy. Madison, queen bitch of George Hunter, caved in the skull of Nathan Coleman. He shut his eyes and cringed in disgust. That was too cold, even for him. But what right did he have to judge, after all he’d done so far? Poor kid didn’t stand a chance regardless, but he was probably the only one out of them all who deserved a better out. One of the Carter brothers bit it too. Claudeson… that was the super-religious dude. Guess God was okay with killing monsters after all. Lorenzo would have to remember that.

His own deeds were next to be read off. Followed by Diego’s. Lorenzo wondered how long the boy would last out there on his own. He didn’t regret cutting him off. It was necessary. Diego wasn’t suited for this path. Too little too late on that end. Lorenzo wouldn’t be surprised to hear his name tomorrow. His eyes flickered down to the ground before he shut them again. No. It wasn’t his problem anymore. Never was. Ericka racked up more kills yesterday. She was really going all out it seemed. It was funny, Lorenzo wondered how Ty felt about his girlfriend becoming as much of a beast as his former friend. Yuka, Sal, and…

Lorenzo’s eyes shot open at the final name read off from Ericka’s killing spree. His mouth dropped open a bit, and all of a sudden he felt himself start to tremble. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t be. She didn’t. He tried to stand, but his legs were shaking so badly that he just fell back to the ground. No. Nononono. He just… He just saw him. They were just face to face. He’d… he’d called out to him. Tried to stop him. Lorenzo just walked away. Silent tears spilled down his cheeks.

Dem.

His mind raced with what ifs and could haves. What if he’d decided to abandon his path and go with Demetri when he begged him to? What if they’d spent their final days together? He could have protected him. He could have stopped it. He… His chest was burning with sorrow and regret. Demetri was someone he never wanted to imagine as dead. He loved him. Maybe he tried to forget it after that day so many years ago, but right now it all came rushing back. His first love. The person he needed more than anyone else once upon a time. And now he was gone.

Why?

Ericka.

He’d kill her.

He’d rip her apart.

And then, the other shoe dropped. Before he could even process one loss, another punched him in the gut.

Lucas Brady took the coward’s way out and killed himself.

Lorenzo’s body shook. Pain mixed with anger. Desperation threaded with frustration. No vengeance for his friend. It had been stolen from him. Ripped from his fingers so quickly. Couldn’t even live to see his comeuppance. Lucas always was a sniveling little bitch. It was infuriating. Lorenzo’s mind didn’t even know what to feel. What to do. So…

He began to laugh.

Starting as a small chuckle, it grew and grew until it was a full on manic cackle. What else was there to do but laugh at a time like this? He couldn’t help himself. It was as if he felt a weight simultaneously lift from his shoulders and crush him flat as a pancake. Why not laugh? All of this, this island, these people, the ones who put them here; it was just a shitty game to them. The cameras were recording every second of their struggles. Of their losses. And yet, there they stayed. Six days later, and no one was coming for any of them. All anyone could do was watch. Watch their foolish hope die one by one.

“You bastards got me! You pulled the best prank!” He shouted to the empty sky as he cried and laughed and his brain slowly melted.

“You want this?! You want me to give up everything?! FINE! I’ll kill them all! Ericka, Tyrell, Diego, ALL OF THEM!” His shaky legs held firm finally, and he dragged himself up to his full height.

“And then, when that’s through, I’ll kill all of you too! All you bastards will fucking pay!” His laughing died down and the manic grin on his face fell sullen.

“Just wait. I’m coming.”

Lorenzo grabbed his bags, hefting them over his good shoulder. He clipped the maul back to his belt, and shoved the gun into the back of his jeans. He pulled the tracker from his pocket and took a scout of the area.

Three dots near the edge of his range.

Fuck it.

He headed straight for them.

[Lorenzo Tavares Continued In My Heart Will Be Blacker Than Your Eyes When I'm Through With You]