Room 713: We Didn't Start The Fire (Yet)

[Tonyksin]

It felt like he was sinking.

As if he was caught in quicksand, and no matter how hard he struggled he just kept getting pulled in deeper.

His mouth was dry. Dryer than it had ever felt before. He couldn’t build up any moisture no matter what he did. His vision was unfocused and off-kilter. His stomach was doing backflips inside him and he felt like he needed to expel whatever little there was inside of it. He felt hot, like his skin was on fire, and it felt like something was crawling right beneath the surface all over. Inside his mind the words kept repeating over and over. They were screaming in his head so loud it felt like his eardrums were going to burst.

Raped him.

YOU RAPED HIM.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know. He did. He knew what he’d done. It was awful and disgusting, but he did it. There was no running away from it, no matter how much he wanted to. It was a mistake. He hadn’t planned on doing it, he just wanted to make Kayden jealous. He just wanted to prove to himself that those irritating feelings inside him could be locked away just like everything else. He just wanted to feel like he used to, put the wall he used to protect himself from getting hurt back in place. It wasn’t supposed to go like this. Artem wasn’t supposed to get hurt. Lorenzo wasn’t supposed to ignore all the signs that he needed to stop. It was just supposed to be a hook-up, goddammit. No one was supposed to be in pain.

Instead, now they both were.

And he couldn’t fix it.

The tears wouldn’t stop coming and he wallowed in his self-made sorrow. Out of the corner of his eye he saw movement, and he looked up to see Tyrell pocketing his Vape. He spit out more harsh words towards him and lorenzo just continued to cower from his position on the floor. Ty stepped forward and put his hands on his shoulders. Lorenzo flinched visibly, the touch feeling like a scalding iron on his bare skin. He didn’t know what hurt worse. The threatening words that began to spill from his former friend’s mouth, or the seething hatred that stared deep into his soul.

But then came something that sparked a flame of rage inside him.

Everyone…?

Was he going to tell everyone?

The flame was small, barely enough to keep burning, but it planted itself there in his heart. Ty couldn’t tell everyone. That would be the end of him. No… if everyone knew… Flashes of all the people in his life turning their backs on him shot through his mind like a burning wildfire. It made his breath catch in his throat. What would they all say? What would they all think? His sisters couldn’t find out what he’d done. How would he ever look at them again if they knew he was a rapist?!

He choked out another sob as the reality of what he called himself hit him like a freight train.

Ty walked off, telling him he could get himself to the roof if he took the stairs. Lorenzo understood the meaning. May as well take a swan dive and save himself the pain of everyone realizing what garbage he was. There was some noise inside but Lorenzo ignored it. He let his head fall back against the railing of the balcony and looked up at the morning sky. The tears had stopped by now. There wasn’t anything left. What was he supposed to do now? The one person he thought he could turn to ended up the worst possible person to tell.

What kind of madness was this?

Too many mistakes in a row.

The door slammed, signalling someone had left. Must have been Tyrell. Lorenzo heard his name as Axel left right after. Andy wasn’t far behind either, leaving him alone in the hotel room. He sat on the balcony for a bit longer, staring at the sky and wondering how everything had come to this. How he’d found himself here, alone, with a guilt crushing him and the threat of everyone finding out what he’d done looming over the horizon. He thought of his family, of the chaos that must be happening in the household as everyone readied themselves for the day. He just wanted to be there.

He should have never gone on this ridiculous trip.

Slowly but surely he collected the dropped cigarettes on the ground and returned them to his pack. He left one out, and lit it as soon as he was done. He stood up shakily, but kept his balance by leaning on the rail. He took a shaky breath and followed it with a pull of the nicotine stick.

The flame hadn’t died out.

He needed to make sure none of this got out. Not to anyone.

Whatever he had to do, he’d do it.

He pulled his phone from his pocket again and texted Parker.

>Hey. I’ve got some good bud, wanna meet on the roof to smoke before you shower?

He put the phone back in his pocket and took a deep breath.

He needed to make sure no one else ever found out.

Not ever.


[Lorenzo Tavares Trip Continued Elsewhere]