Only Got Bad Things On My Mind When I'm With You

[backslash]

Hm.

Well, Rue thought, staring up at her bedroom ceiling and trying to shift away from the damp spot on her bedsheets (and ugh, she had just changed those, and now she would need to do so again), that had been...

Well. It... wasn't terrible? Probably. She wasn't in pain, which was the main thing she had worried about beforehand, so that was a point in Galahad's favor, wasn't it?

Of course maybe that meant they hadn't done it right.

Speaking of Galahad, Rue was trying very hard not to look at him as he struggled to dress himself. There had been some brief attempt at post-coital cuddling, and it had been sweaty and sticky, and he had been laying on her hair so that it pulled whenever she shifted, so that had ended soon enough.

On the whole, the experience was...

Well, it had happened. It had certainly happened.

After another minute or two of hearing Galahad fumble around, Rue turned to him. She pulled the sheet up to cover herself; it was far too little, too late to think about modesty now, but she felt better with even the flimsiest of barriers between them.

"You seem to be having trouble."

[Pippi]

It hadn’t been that bad, really.

Admittedly, Galahad didn’t exactly have anything else to compare it to, this being his first time and all. But, keeping that in mind, it really wasn’t bad at all, especially considering how he’d been fumbling through it with very little idea of what he was supposed to do next, and whether what he was doing made Rue feel good, and…

…

Okay, Christ, he really wasn’t selling himself on it anymore.

At least he’d remembered to bring a condom. That was a point in his favour, right? Although, maybe if he had forgotten, they wouldn’t be stuck in this heavy silence, as he desperately tried to pull his jeans back on without making an even bigger idiot of himself.

Galahad grunted, trying to push his foot through one of the leg holes, belt buckle jingling merrily away, tormenting him as he realised he was trying to put both feet through the same leg. Goddamnit. This sucked. He really, really wished they could have just gone back to cuddling. That was something he knew he could do, something he wasn’t likely to mess up or disappoint Rue with. Even sweaty, uncomfortable snuggling was better than feeling her eyes piercing his back, watching him mess up putting a pair of trousers on.

God. He hadn’t covered himself in glory then, and he was barely able to cover himself now.

Rue eventually broke the silence, and Galahad turned to look at her, hiding everything but her head from view with the sheets. He didn’t see the point in the slightest; he’d already seen everything she was hiding, after all, and, really, he was in a much worse state, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers that he was pretty sure were on the wrong way around.

He didn’t say that, of course, and instead continued his efforts to pull his jeans back on.

“Uh,” Galahad muttered, making sure he had both feet in separate holes this time. “Nah, nah I’m fine, I just… gotta…”

He stumbled backwards as he spoke, cracking his elbow against the wall, a spasm of pain shooting through him, as his jeans fell to the floor again.

“Ow…”

[backslash]

Rue winced as Galahad, in all his boundless grace, failed miserably at putting his pants back on like a normal human being and managed to injure himself in the process. She wasn't sure what to follow her comment up with, though; he clearly was having trouble, nerves manifesting after the fact instead of before or something, but it wasn't as though she could put his pants on for him. Instead of adding anything further, Rue sat up more, bringing the sheet with her, and leaned against the headboard.

Maybe her faintly pitying stare would motivate him more than words.

Rue knew that she was being a little mean to Galahad, and she wasn't proud of it. She did like him. Whatever she had told herself or tried to tell herself though, it was becoming quite clear that she didn't like him all that much more than any other boy she had dated, even with this latest step.

Galahad bent over, revealing that he had managed to put his underwear on backwards. Rue... was not going to mention that. She looked away at the opposite wall, unsure if she wanted to laugh or hide her face in secondhand mortification.

Galahad was a sweetheart. She liked him. She didn't love him, and didn't like the idea that something as ridiculous as putting your clothes on the wrong way round would keep her from loving someone, but that was all she could think about now.

"I had a good time," Rue said, to bolster both their spirits. She managed to make it not sound like a lie.

[Pippi]

He really kinda wanted to rip his belt buckle off and hurl it out the window right now.

He wasn’t going to, obviously. Rue didn’t seem to be too pissed off with him right now – he couldn’t quite glean her facial expression in the low light but he couldn’t feel her glaring daggers into his heart – but he imagined that shattering a window just because he couldn’t put his goddamn jeans on would change that faster than you could blink.

It’d probably also alert everyone in the vicinity that something was going on in Rue’s bedroom, and good God was that the last thing in the world Galahad wanted right now.

Galahad let out a gentle sigh, as he pulled his jeans up again, belt taunting him all the while. He wasn’t sure exactly how he’d envisioned this all panning out, but this… this definitely wasn’t it. He’d imagined pillow talk, at the very least. Gently tangled up in Rue’s arms under the covers, feeling soft and warm and close. The more he thought about that now, the nicer it sounded.

Instead, he’d taken about 5 minutes just to pull his trousers up.

His fingers fumbled about in the dark, trying to slip his button into the hole, when he heard Rue speak up behind him. Galahad felt his heart leap in his chest, a sudden buzz of excitement at her words flooding through him. He didn’t care whether it was true or not, whether she was just saying it to be nice or to convince herself or whatever. It still felt good. It sounded true. It sounded like everything was okay.

“Good!” Galahad blurted out, pausing for a moment before stumbling over his next set of words.

“I mean, uh, I’m glad. So did I. Um. It was good. Really good.”

Silence enveloped him again like a blanket, and Galahad wished he was under the one Rue was protecting her dignity with, rather than this suffocating one that had snuffed out that excited buzz in an instant. He thought, desperately, of something else to say, and the only thing he could think of was something he really should have said earlier, something to check whether Rue was okay, something that it was way, way too late to do anything about now.

“It didn’t, um, hurt or anything, did it?”

Another pause. Another question wormed its way out of Galahad’s mouth before he could prevent it.

“Oh, uh, also, have you… did you see my t-shirt anywhere?”

[backslash]

"It didn't hurt," Rue reassured Galahad. That much was true. It hadn't been comfortable, and there hadn't been anything like fireworks, but the horror stories she had heard every now and again -- tearing and blood and a boy who didn't care -- hadn't manifested here.

Of course, the fact that Galahad obviously did care very much made it a little bit frustrating that she couldn't just be annoyed with him.

"Did you check the foot of the bed?" Rue gathered the top sheet around herself and slid out of bed, wrapping up in it like a makeshift toga. The least she could do was to make a token effort at being helpful, and hurry Galahad on his way that much faster.

Though- well. That was. There was definitely something going on when she stood up that wasn't entirely pleasant. Rue cinched the sheet more tightly around herself in direct opposition to the urge to drop it and check out what exactly was happening. She could imagine well enough.

[Pippi]

“Good! That’s… yeah, that’s good!”

Galahad offered Rue a smile she would barely be able to see in the dark, as he stumbled his way to the foot of the bed, and in the span of the short journey, he went from considering that a good thing to do to an incredibly awful one. What the hell did he look like right now? Some kinda eager puppy or something like that, no doubt.

Christ, and he’d probably acted like that the whole time and he hadn’t even noticed. He knew what kinda impression that’d probably have left. That he was just some horny adolescent, desperate to get his rocks off. And… well, yeah, that was kinda true, he really couldn’t say otherwise. But that’d also make him look like he was just another one of those boys who wanted nothing more than to sleep with Rue – and Galahad was certain there were plenty of people like that at St. Editha’s, Rue was attractive and hot and stuff – and then forget about her. And more than anything? He’d wanted to make sure Rue was comfortable and happy. Maybe he’d failed at the second part, maybe not, but from the sounds of it, he was okay at the first part.

So he was glad it didn’t hurt. Really glad. It was the least she deserved from all this. She deserved more, honestly. More than the subpar performance he’d given, that was for sure.

Maybe he’d get another opportunity soon.

Jesus, and there was horny Galahad brain right on cue, getting him all excited about future prospects when he still had to perform the walk of shame today.

And now he was just standing directly over his bright purple t-shirt, the t-shirt that could have been seen from fucking Mars, rather than doing anything about it, and suddenly the prospect of walking home in half-buckled jeans and without a shirt sounded better than standing here like this.

Resisting the urge to slam his forehead into the bedframe, Galahad stooped down, picking his shirt up and hastily pulling it over his head and shoulders. By some miracle of chance, he wasn’t wearing it inside out and backwards when he stood back up again.

“Got it!”

Yeah, of course you do, you pillock, you’re wearing it.

Galahad stood there for a moment, looking at Rue. Then, realising it looked like he was staring right at her chest, he turned away, ruffling his hair with his hand, patting his jean pockets with his other.

“So, uh… I think I got everything…”

[backslash]

Rue sighed, and it was more fond than exasperated. Galahad really was cute, the way a dog that kept running headfirst into walls was cute.

"Your socks and shoes?" She suggested. She knew Galahad had been wearing socks to begin with, because she remembered telling him to take them off. Who knew where his shoes had ended up between the front entrance of the von Schroeders' massive home and Rue's bedroom.

The longer that Galahad stuck around trying to find all his effects, the more likely it was that he'd bump into someone while trying to stealthily make his way out. Worst-case scenario, he ran into Rian.

Dammit. If Rian found out about this or even suspected, Rue would have to kill him and then herself. And probably Galahad too, just for good measure.

Rue was already clutching the bedsheet around herself pretty securely, but she tightened her grip just a bit anyway when Galahad's gaze swept over her again. It was hard to deal with someone so earnest. And so dumb, endearing or not.

[Pippi]

Damn it. He was so sure he’d gotten everything sorted. His wallet, phone, and headphones were all in his pockets, and-keys. Where were his keys? He hadn’t heard them fall to the floor when he’d, y’know. Taken his jeans off, but he hadn’t exactly been paying attention to that at the time, either. Maybe they had fallen out. Maybe they’d slid underneath Rue’s bed and- Oh, no, wait. They were still in his pocket, behind his wallet. Phew. Crisis averted.

Anyway. He’d been certain he was all ready to sneak out of the von Schroeder house with at least a fragment of his dignity intact – because, let’s face it, they weren’t likely to be doing anything else, especially after their attempt at cuddling had ended so… messily. But then, Rue just had to remind him that he’d forgotten all about his socks and trainers, and now Galahad kinda wanted to slide under the bed and remain there for eternity.

He could have so easily resented her. Resented her for making him feel so stupid and pathetic, even though it wasn’t intentional. Resented her for staying there, safe and warm under her sheets, as he fumbled around in the dark trying to put his boxers back on. He could have resented her so easily, if the thought had merely crossed his mind. But it hadn’t, and it never would. He knew he could never hate Rue, no matter what happened, no matter what she did. And especially not for something as small as telling him he wasn’t wearing socks. Which, of course, he wasn’t, and if Rue’s family found an unfamiliar pair of socks in her room, then they’d almost certainly raise hell.

So as Galahad walked towards the door of Rue’s bedroom, he only felt frustration that he hadn’t been a better boyfriend for her today. Nothing else.

He felt stupid doing it, but as soon as Galahad found his socks, after a minute or so of sweeping his hand across the carpet, he sat down to put them on. He probably looked like a right tit, but better doing that than trying to put them on standing up and falling ove-keys. He’d lost his keys again, they’d definitely fallen out of his pocket this time, an- no, no, damnit, they’d just slipped inside of his wallet. Christ alive.

Y’know, thinking back on it, he really didn’t know why Rue had told him to take his socks off. He was gonna do that anyway. He wasn’t an animal, he wasn’t gonna have sex whilst wearing socks, after all.

“Okay, right, that’s definitely it…” Galahad muttered as he stood up, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. “I think I kicked my shoes off in your downstairs hallway, so… um…”

Rue’s home, so familiar, now felt like a maze filled with deathtraps, as Galahad considered the prospect of getting downstairs without any of her family seeing him.

“You think I could just go out the window instead?”

[backslash]

"I think you'd most likely fall and hurt yourself, which would be a whole other thing for us to explain," Rue deadpanned. Maybe if they were on the ground floor, she'd consider it, but they were not. "And you'd still be without your shoes."

She sat down on the bed, arms still securely wrapped around herself to keep the bedsheet in place. Maybe Galahad wouldn't be so out of sorts if she were getting re-dressed too, though she doubted it. She wanted to take a shower once he left. She could smell him on her skin now, and it was distracting. Maybe discomforting was a better word?

Rue didn't hold with any old-fashioned discourse about virginity and losing a part of yourself once the deed was done. Indeed, she didn't feel as though anything had been lost, but rather that a foreign presence had taken root. She couldn't say invaded, because she had invited him in, but the faint traces that he left felt out of place in the sanctuary of her room, on her body.

It occurred to her that she could perhaps circumvent the issue of Galahad needing to sneak out right at this moment by inviting him to stay the night. She waved the thought away like an insect that had buzzed too close to her ear.

"If anyone sees you, don't say anything to them. Just run." She smiled and hoped that it sounded as much like a joke as she had intended.

[Pippi]

“I mean, they’re not too expensive. My, uh, shoes, I mean. I could always pop into town and grab a new pair, right?”

Galahad gave a sheepish little grin at Rue, awkwardly shuffling his feet on her carpet, trying to play his words off as a joke, despite the fact there was more than just a kernel of truth embedded within them. He didn’t want to go downstairs. Scratch that, he would rather walk through a bed of thorns coated on acid and set on fire than walk down the flight of stairs to the von Schroeder’s front door. Bumping into one of the people renting a room would be tolerable. Bumping into Rian? He’d want to die on the spot. It’d save Rue the effort of killing them both herself, after all.

Instinct told him he should just strip back off and get under the covers again. Even if it was just him sleeping on the far side from Rue, that was fine by him. It had been nice, those brief moments before and afterwards, the two of them just sharing her bed, before it had become unpleasant and uncomfortable. Warm and safe and… well, to be all sappy for a moment, it had felt right. Like he belonged there.

But that warmth wasn’t here any longer. The sheets wrapped tightly around Rue told him all he needed to know; that he wasn’t welcome there anymore, or at least not for the time being. He’d made a right dog’s dinner of this whole thing, after all; every action he made and word he spoke left an awkward aftertaste lingering in the air.

And in the end, the only thing that sounded worse than going down those stairs right now was staying in this room alone with Rue.

“Heh, uh, don’t worry. I’ll take the usual route. And nobody’ll see me, I’ll be sneaky, I promise.”

Galahad turned and put his hand on the doorknob, beginning to turn it. Then he stopped, at the same time his heart did.

“Hey, uh, Rue? I, uh… I…”

His mouth ran dry, because of course it would, in the worst possible moment.

[backslash]

"Hm?"

Rue had gotten lost in her thoughts for a moment, but Galahad saying her name pulled her attention back up to him again. There he was, looking sheepish and nervous like always. He looked just like he had when he first asked her out.

Rue could have felt or said or done a lot of things, but in that moment, she just smiled at him warmly. She didn't have to force it. Whatever that feeling was in those fleeting seconds, the fact that he inspired it in her was why she really liked him. She didn't think that it was love, but for now, it didn't have to be.

"See you later, okay?"

[Pippi]

This could have been the sum total of everything that had happened in this room. A stuttering series of fumbles and missteps, resulting in an awkward silence, emotions high, a cold feeling growing between the two of them. Galahad could feel his heart pounding as he waited for Rue’s reply, already certain he knew what it’d be, ready for her to put a full stop on tonight.

But he was wrong. She smiled at him instead, and for those few moments before he left, he felt the chill between them dissipate, and he felt a smile slide onto his own face, and that very same rush he’d felt when he’d realised he had totally fallen for her bubbled up inside of him again.

“Yeah,” he said, still smiling, the words flowing from his mouth like they’d been scripted in advance. “I’ll see you later, and, uh, I’ll message you when I’m back home safe.”

Galahad’s gaze drifted over Rue’s smile and up to her pretty eyes, and everything felt like it had turned out okay after all.

He turned the door handle, slipping out of the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind him.

By some miracle, he made it out of the house and down the street without being seen.

((Galahad Matthews, continued elsewhere in the past))

[backslash]

There was blood after all, she discovered in the shower a few minutes later. A little bit of pain. She hadn't noticed at the time.

Rue stood under the water for a long while, letting it ease away the tension in her skull and shoulders. She felt like she ought to feel changed somehow, like she had gained something, or lost it. All there was was a little bit of discomfort, physical and mental. There ought to be more, but there wasn't.

Galahad was a sweetheart, really and truly. She'd have to find some way to let him down easy, without insinuating that he'd been... inadequate. A simple text wouldn't do the trick this time, much as Rue wished it would. Things were much simpler when you didn't have to deal with unpleasant news face to face.

Maybe a phone call. Rue wasn't entirely confident that Galahad wouldn't cry, and at least if it was over the phone, she could set it down and walk away until he got hold of himself.

Maybe this, maybe that. People were annoyingly mercurial. Truth was, Rue couldn't even be entirely sure of herself a lot of the time.

What was for sure was that tomorrow would come around, and she'd have time to see Galahad at school, assess again how she felt about him and them and all it entailed, and she could come to her conclusions then.

That, like Galahad, would have to be good enough.

((Thread Concluded))