“That it - that it does.”
Somehow, not enough for him to want to stop. His head spinning, he shuffled back across the floor, leaning against a nearby wall. Catching his breath, he held the pillow against his body. The soft fabric was comforting.
His words held none of the malice they’d carried only moments earlier.
“Hey you - you threw down first! You know I can’t turn down a pillow fight.”
Smiling, he thought back to the first night in the hotel room. Drawing his imagination there took him even further back. To the far edge of a classroom, where they could talk without a teacher picking up on it. A rowdy show they were definitely too young to get into. Drunken stumbles down dimly lit streets, breaking into abandoned buildings just for the hell of it.
Places that weren’t here.
Ty pulled the pillow close, shivering. Something felt strange. As if he was seeing this place for the first time. Not the room, or this building. The island. For the first time in over a week, he looked into Lorenzo’s eyes and felt something other than hate.
They were far from home. Alone in more than a few ways, but they were alone together. It was so easy to get caught up on ending Ren, on fixing his mistake. Ultimately missing the forest for the trees, in the end.
All it took was one dumb, silly moment to remind him of all of their other dumb, silly moments. To make whatever was going on between them seem so small compared to what was going on around them.
“What the fuck are we doing here?”
Hello, My Name Is Human
Private
“I don’t even know anymore.” He stated simply, as his laughter died down.
Lorenzo sunk down into a seated position, leaning against the chaise lounge for support, and resting the back of his head on the cushion. The back of his skull still hurt, but the cushion was soft enough to be a bit relieving at the very least. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at Tyrell, now that they weren’t actively trying to kill each other.
The truth was, Lorenzo really didn’t know why he was doing what he was doing anymore. Ever since he woke up, he’d been telling himself this was the only way. That he had to do whatever it took to go home to his family. No matter what that meant. Every step of the way he told himself it was his only path. All the violence and blood and death would be worth it in the end. The lives he took wouldn’t matter anymore once he was home and safe. He’d convinced himself he was a monster, a person meant to do terrible things. But now…
Now he was just so tired.
He stared u at the ceiling of the drawing room, trying to find the fire he’d kept in his eyes all this time. Trying to find the willpower to keep trudging through and fighting for the sake of his survival. But right now he couldn’t find even an ounce of it. He was just completely worn out. He’d been rationalizing it all since day one, every fight, every manipulation, every single step he took down his twisted path. But now none of those things made sense anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to believe a single one of those reasons.
“I saw Axel, y’know.” He said wryly.
“Tried to kill him, too. Hell, maybe I did, I left before I could tell.” He released a shaky breath, and his mouth began to tremble.
“Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?” His voice cracked as he spoke, tears prickling at his eyes.
“Am I really a monster, Ty?”
Lorenzo sunk down into a seated position, leaning against the chaise lounge for support, and resting the back of his head on the cushion. The back of his skull still hurt, but the cushion was soft enough to be a bit relieving at the very least. He couldn’t even bring himself to look at Tyrell, now that they weren’t actively trying to kill each other.
The truth was, Lorenzo really didn’t know why he was doing what he was doing anymore. Ever since he woke up, he’d been telling himself this was the only way. That he had to do whatever it took to go home to his family. No matter what that meant. Every step of the way he told himself it was his only path. All the violence and blood and death would be worth it in the end. The lives he took wouldn’t matter anymore once he was home and safe. He’d convinced himself he was a monster, a person meant to do terrible things. But now…
Now he was just so tired.
He stared u at the ceiling of the drawing room, trying to find the fire he’d kept in his eyes all this time. Trying to find the willpower to keep trudging through and fighting for the sake of his survival. But right now he couldn’t find even an ounce of it. He was just completely worn out. He’d been rationalizing it all since day one, every fight, every manipulation, every single step he took down his twisted path. But now none of those things made sense anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to believe a single one of those reasons.
“I saw Axel, y’know.” He said wryly.
“Tried to kill him, too. Hell, maybe I did, I left before I could tell.” He released a shaky breath, and his mouth began to tremble.
“Like, what the fuck is wrong with me?” His voice cracked as he spoke, tears prickling at his eyes.
“Am I really a monster, Ty?”
At this point it was hard to muster a reaction to Lorenzo’s words. If he’d killed Axel, he was already getting what he deserved for it. Axel was close to him in ways that Ty wasn’t; it no doubt tore Ren up inside to think about. There was only so far he could hate, only so much he could ever really do with it. Vengeance for that and everything else only seemed like an empty gesture. It didn't seem to matter, now.
Ty shrugged. Doing so reminded him how bad the cut on his chest really was.
“Yeah, you’ve done some awful shit. I mean, so did I. Look at us. What the fuck is wrong with us? I have a couple of ideas but they’re probably not worth a damn. Does knowing it was wrong make it any better, does that make it worse? Fuck if I know. There’s no time to figure that shit out. Not much time to be anything else either.”
He shook his head, and brushed away strands of matted hair.
“It’s not all your own fault. I mean yeah, you made some pretty fucking stupid decisions and did something that I’m not sure anyone’s ever gonna forgive you for but like…”
Ty winced, pain that didn’t come from the injuries to his body. It was something that had been eating away at his soul for a while now. His own voice wavered at first as he spoke.
“I’m… I fucked up.”
He cleared his throat, spitting bloody saliva to the floor.
“You came to me for help and my first reaction was to try to hurt you. I should’ve - I should’ve swallowed my own fucking pain and trauma and been your friend. I fucked up. Tried to scare you off instead of helping you figure it out. Would’ve helped him a hell of a lot more if I did, too. No matter how straight-up evil what you did was - it wasn’t right to react like that. I didn’t make anything better. I wasn’t helping him, or you, or my sister or like, fuckin’ anybody but myself. Just made me feel better ‘cause I was scared and I thought I didn’t really know you anymore. It doesn’t make any sense but like, I didn’t want to lose you to something like that. After that, and telling everybody, the cameras - it just feels like more than a bit of all the shit you did was my fault. That’s - that’s why I was trying to kill you. It’s the only way I could try and make up for it. I know that’s messed up. Everything about this is.”
Silence hung over the room, tested only by the broken breaths they both took. Ty stared out past the open doors to the manor’s balcony. They might as well have been back at that hotel. If they were, he knew what point of divergence he’d choose to act on.
He looked back to Lorenzo, unable to stop himself from musing sarcastically.
“Then again, if I’d just thrown your bitch ass off the balcony you’d be in the ICU and I’d be in prison, and we’d both have fucking survived. Didn't 'cause I figured I had too much to lose. Go figure.”
Ty shrugged. Doing so reminded him how bad the cut on his chest really was.
“Yeah, you’ve done some awful shit. I mean, so did I. Look at us. What the fuck is wrong with us? I have a couple of ideas but they’re probably not worth a damn. Does knowing it was wrong make it any better, does that make it worse? Fuck if I know. There’s no time to figure that shit out. Not much time to be anything else either.”
He shook his head, and brushed away strands of matted hair.
“It’s not all your own fault. I mean yeah, you made some pretty fucking stupid decisions and did something that I’m not sure anyone’s ever gonna forgive you for but like…”
Ty winced, pain that didn’t come from the injuries to his body. It was something that had been eating away at his soul for a while now. His own voice wavered at first as he spoke.
“I’m… I fucked up.”
He cleared his throat, spitting bloody saliva to the floor.
“You came to me for help and my first reaction was to try to hurt you. I should’ve - I should’ve swallowed my own fucking pain and trauma and been your friend. I fucked up. Tried to scare you off instead of helping you figure it out. Would’ve helped him a hell of a lot more if I did, too. No matter how straight-up evil what you did was - it wasn’t right to react like that. I didn’t make anything better. I wasn’t helping him, or you, or my sister or like, fuckin’ anybody but myself. Just made me feel better ‘cause I was scared and I thought I didn’t really know you anymore. It doesn’t make any sense but like, I didn’t want to lose you to something like that. After that, and telling everybody, the cameras - it just feels like more than a bit of all the shit you did was my fault. That’s - that’s why I was trying to kill you. It’s the only way I could try and make up for it. I know that’s messed up. Everything about this is.”
Silence hung over the room, tested only by the broken breaths they both took. Ty stared out past the open doors to the manor’s balcony. They might as well have been back at that hotel. If they were, he knew what point of divergence he’d choose to act on.
He looked back to Lorenzo, unable to stop himself from musing sarcastically.
“Then again, if I’d just thrown your bitch ass off the balcony you’d be in the ICU and I’d be in prison, and we’d both have fucking survived. Didn't 'cause I figured I had too much to lose. Go figure.”
As Lorenzo listened to Tyrell’s words, the wetness prickling at the corner of his eyes broke free, and soon became a waterfall surging down his cheeks. He sat there, head back against the cushion, silently letting out all the emotions he locked up inside himself ever since that day on the balcony. Ty’s words unlocked the cage keeping them at bay. Was it wrong that what Ty said was all he wanted? Was it fucked up that hearing them made him feel validated? When he went to him that day, it was because those were the words he had wanted to hear.
Lorenzo wanted Ty to console him, but more than that he wanted his friend to help him figure out what to do. How to make everything feel right again. Help him find a way to make amends for what he’d done. Help him find a way to feel like himself again after crossing a line he never imagined he’d cross. He didn’t want to be told it was okay, he just wanted to be told there was a solution. Instead he just felt even more isolated and alone than ever before in his entire life.
Did he blame Ty?
Not really. At least not completely.
But still… still he was just a high school kid who needed his friend to be there for him in his darkest hour. Maybe if he had been, maybe things would have been different. Maybe he wouldn’t have fallen so far. Maybe they wouldn’t be sitting here right now, both beaten half to death. But the fact was that they were. No amount of maybes and should haves would change that.
But hearing Ty say those things made him feel happy again. A brief moment of happiness before it all fell apart again. Silence hung in the air for a moment after Ty’s confession. Lorenzo didn’t know what to say to him. He didn’t know if he even had the faculties to speak. The tears kept running and his lips kept quivering. Lorenzo wanted to tell him he forgave him. After all of it. Because what was the point in staying mad now? None of it mattered anymore. What was done was done.
In this moment, all Lorenzo wanted was his friend back.
Then Ty spoke again, and Lorenzo couldn’t keep the scoff from spilling from his mouth as he laughed again. Fuck, Ty really was an asshole. That was always what he loved about him.
“Dumbass.” He said with a chuckle.
“Shoulda fuckin’ done it.” Lorenzo lifted his head from the cushion and looked at Ty for the first time since the pillow fight. He was smiling, and still crying, but really smiling like he hadn’t since before prom.
A breeze blew through the room, and Lorenzo turned to look at the open door to the balcony. Jeez. Convenient, that was. Lorenzo patted his right pocket, hoping to find what he was looking for. He grinned upon feeling it, and dug his bloody hand into the pocket to pull out his prize. He held it up to his face and smiled. His pack of smokes. He opened the top to see what there was. One left. How perfect. Using the lounge as support, Lorenzo slowly dragged himself to his feet. The pain throughout his body was absolute torture, but right now, he didn’t care. He just wanted one thing.
“Split a boge? Last one I got.” He grinned as best he could with his busted lip, and started to head towards the balcony.
Lorenzo popped the cigarette in his mouth, dropping the empty pack to the ground and lighting the tobacco stick with his trusty lighter. He took a deep inhale, the smoke filling his lungs, and let it out slowly. It hurt his chest a bit, but that was alright. The last cigarette he’d ever have, maybe. Sharing it with a bud felt like the right thing to do. He took another long drag, and held it out for Ty to take.
Lorenzo wanted Ty to console him, but more than that he wanted his friend to help him figure out what to do. How to make everything feel right again. Help him find a way to make amends for what he’d done. Help him find a way to feel like himself again after crossing a line he never imagined he’d cross. He didn’t want to be told it was okay, he just wanted to be told there was a solution. Instead he just felt even more isolated and alone than ever before in his entire life.
Did he blame Ty?
Not really. At least not completely.
But still… still he was just a high school kid who needed his friend to be there for him in his darkest hour. Maybe if he had been, maybe things would have been different. Maybe he wouldn’t have fallen so far. Maybe they wouldn’t be sitting here right now, both beaten half to death. But the fact was that they were. No amount of maybes and should haves would change that.
But hearing Ty say those things made him feel happy again. A brief moment of happiness before it all fell apart again. Silence hung in the air for a moment after Ty’s confession. Lorenzo didn’t know what to say to him. He didn’t know if he even had the faculties to speak. The tears kept running and his lips kept quivering. Lorenzo wanted to tell him he forgave him. After all of it. Because what was the point in staying mad now? None of it mattered anymore. What was done was done.
In this moment, all Lorenzo wanted was his friend back.
Then Ty spoke again, and Lorenzo couldn’t keep the scoff from spilling from his mouth as he laughed again. Fuck, Ty really was an asshole. That was always what he loved about him.
“Dumbass.” He said with a chuckle.
“Shoulda fuckin’ done it.” Lorenzo lifted his head from the cushion and looked at Ty for the first time since the pillow fight. He was smiling, and still crying, but really smiling like he hadn’t since before prom.
A breeze blew through the room, and Lorenzo turned to look at the open door to the balcony. Jeez. Convenient, that was. Lorenzo patted his right pocket, hoping to find what he was looking for. He grinned upon feeling it, and dug his bloody hand into the pocket to pull out his prize. He held it up to his face and smiled. His pack of smokes. He opened the top to see what there was. One left. How perfect. Using the lounge as support, Lorenzo slowly dragged himself to his feet. The pain throughout his body was absolute torture, but right now, he didn’t care. He just wanted one thing.
“Split a boge? Last one I got.” He grinned as best he could with his busted lip, and started to head towards the balcony.
Lorenzo popped the cigarette in his mouth, dropping the empty pack to the ground and lighting the tobacco stick with his trusty lighter. He took a deep inhale, the smoke filling his lungs, and let it out slowly. It hurt his chest a bit, but that was alright. The last cigarette he’d ever have, maybe. Sharing it with a bud felt like the right thing to do. He took another long drag, and held it out for Ty to take.
Ty nodded at the offer, thankful that someone on this island had the common sense to save a smoke. It was no less difficult getting to his feet than it looked like it was for Lorenzo. It was hard to imagine they were even speaking after having done this to one another. Like any pain, that kind of hate was hard to really approximate once it choked, and ran out of fuel.
It wasn’t like they stopped hating one another, he figured. They just stopped needing to. It would’ve been dumb to keep fighting after their world already ended. Better people still found a way to do it, after all, but they didn't have to. They could choose not to.
Lorenzo offered the lit cigarette, and Ty took it with a nod. It felt normal. Hard to feel guilty about what it might’ve been doing to his body after what they’d just been through. Probably one of the only things Ty really knew he didn’t feel guilty about.
They stared out at the lush island; it really was a fantastic view. It made Ty wonder, if only for a moment, what caused people to abandon this place. Creepy cult shit aside, it certainly had been someone’s idea of a paradise.
He looked down at himself. It could’ve been worse, but not by much. The little nicotine high was only a minor comfort, and Ty found himself having to lean on the railing of the balcony to steady himself. The path ahead wasn’t going to be an easy one. He took a drag, and handed the cigarette back to Lorenzo.
“So, you figure this is it? Lights out, roll credits? Or you figure there’s something on the other side? I thought I knew before all this. Not so sure now.”
It wasn’t like they stopped hating one another, he figured. They just stopped needing to. It would’ve been dumb to keep fighting after their world already ended. Better people still found a way to do it, after all, but they didn't have to. They could choose not to.
Lorenzo offered the lit cigarette, and Ty took it with a nod. It felt normal. Hard to feel guilty about what it might’ve been doing to his body after what they’d just been through. Probably one of the only things Ty really knew he didn’t feel guilty about.
They stared out at the lush island; it really was a fantastic view. It made Ty wonder, if only for a moment, what caused people to abandon this place. Creepy cult shit aside, it certainly had been someone’s idea of a paradise.
He looked down at himself. It could’ve been worse, but not by much. The little nicotine high was only a minor comfort, and Ty found himself having to lean on the railing of the balcony to steady himself. The path ahead wasn’t going to be an easy one. He took a drag, and handed the cigarette back to Lorenzo.
“So, you figure this is it? Lights out, roll credits? Or you figure there’s something on the other side? I thought I knew before all this. Not so sure now.”
Lorenzo took back the cigarette with a shrug. Getting all philosophical all of a sudden wasn’t really his MO. did it really matter at this point if there was anything else after? Fuck, i he was being real he kind of hoped there wasn’t. He was too drained to want there to be an after. He took another pull as they stood there looking out over the island, the breeze drifting over them. It was funny. Everything out there looked so peaceful and serene from up here. Like there weren’t dead bodies of people he’d known most of his life littering the ground all over. Lorenzo put a hand on the railing as he released the smoke from his lungs. The smoke stung a bit as it passed over his lips.
“Who knows.” He stated bluntly.
“Sounds kinda peaceful. If it was just over, yknow?” He took another drag and passed the cigarette back to Ty.
“Specially after all this.”
“Who knows.” He stated bluntly.
“Sounds kinda peaceful. If it was just over, yknow?” He took another drag and passed the cigarette back to Ty.
“Specially after all this.”
Ty nodded, taking the smoke back. There wasn’t much left of it. It was all they had left to share.
“Yeah. If it was like being asleep - fuck, I’m okay with that. Feels like it’s been so long since I ever got any rest. Too many nightmares. It’s no fun waking up in one, either.”
His fingers tapped on the railing of the balcony. Putting his weight on it quickly seemed like a bad idea as the old wood wobbled back and forth, and so Ty settled for leaning unsteadily on his good leg.
There’s only one way this ends.
The sun was starting to properly set now. Searing white light slowly fading to a dull red-orange. Some of the oppressive heat of the day was starting to give way, and the feeling of a breeze across his skin was probably the only really pleasant sensation Ty was aware of. For the moment, there wasn’t much in the way of mayhem to overhear from the rest of the island.
It was calm.
“I’m gonna finish this.”
Ty took one last drag of the cigarette, and then flicked it off the balcony. Exhaling smoke, he thought back to every time he’d stood on a precipice. That same feeling of calm amidst a whole lot of chaos in his mind. A melancholy expression formed on his face, and he chuckled.
“Peaceful... fuck, I hope so.”
He took a slow breath, steadying himself.
“Hey, Lorenzo?”
“Yeah. If it was like being asleep - fuck, I’m okay with that. Feels like it’s been so long since I ever got any rest. Too many nightmares. It’s no fun waking up in one, either.”
His fingers tapped on the railing of the balcony. Putting his weight on it quickly seemed like a bad idea as the old wood wobbled back and forth, and so Ty settled for leaning unsteadily on his good leg.
There’s only one way this ends.
The sun was starting to properly set now. Searing white light slowly fading to a dull red-orange. Some of the oppressive heat of the day was starting to give way, and the feeling of a breeze across his skin was probably the only really pleasant sensation Ty was aware of. For the moment, there wasn’t much in the way of mayhem to overhear from the rest of the island.
It was calm.
“I’m gonna finish this.”
Ty took one last drag of the cigarette, and then flicked it off the balcony. Exhaling smoke, he thought back to every time he’d stood on a precipice. That same feeling of calm amidst a whole lot of chaos in his mind. A melancholy expression formed on his face, and he chuckled.
“Peaceful... fuck, I hope so.”
He took a slow breath, steadying himself.
“Hey, Lorenzo?”
Ty finished the last of the cigarette, flicking it off the balcony and down to the island below. Lorenzo’s eyes followed the flickering cherry of the smoke as it fell, until his eyes lost it against the background. Shit. That was his last smoke. He’d kill for another one right about now. Oh well. His eyes danced along the sky, watching the colors warp and change as the sun set on another day. It was captivating. He wondered if his family was watching this same sky right now. If his sisters could see how beautiful it was. It was a nice thought.
Ty called his name.
Lorenzo turned.
Something hit him in the chest, and he stopped. His eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Ty’s eyes were full of pity and sadness. Lorenzo’s eyes descended slowly, down Ty’s face and down his outstretched arm, and to his own chest, where the ceramic shiv had planted itself. A shaky half breath fell from his lips, and he looked back up at Ty in shock.
“Fuck… No fair.” He choked out, followed by a terrible cough and blood spraying from his mouth.
Ty grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Somehow, it felt good. Ty held him close for a second, as more bloody coughs wracked through Lorenzo’s body. The shiv was still in his chest. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Just coughing and gasping for air that wouldn’t stay in. Ty released him after a moment, and Lorenzo stumbled back, his right hand shooting up to grip the impaled shiv. He didn’t pull on it, but just gripped it hard, making sure it really was there and he wasn’t imagining things. He stumbled again, hitting the rickety railing of the balcony.
Unfortunately, it couldn’t handle his weight, and broke free from the side of the building.
Lorenzo’s eyes never left Tyrell as he fell, until he disappeared from his vision. His face wasn’t angry. It wasn’t upset. He just wanted to look at his friend one last time before it ended.
As he fell, many thoughts ran through his mind. His mother and father. His sisters. Kayden. Artem. Memories raced by in an instant. Him and Demetri as kids. Axel and Andy. Declyn. School. Concerts. That time he got too high and needed Ty to talk him down. Prom night. His breakdown in the alley. Taking Bianca and Adrianna to school in the mornings. Marina fighting with him over the shower. His calls with Alessia. His mom’s cooking. That time his dad poured him a scotch and they just sat together, unknown to his mom or sisters. One by one they came and faded.
Lorenzo hit the ground head first. The impact snapped his neck to the side, and the rest of his body crumpled to the ground below. He convulsed and wheezed on the ground for a few moments, but it didn’t take long for it to be over. Darkness enveloped his mind in short order. The last thing he saw was the colors of the sunset in the sky above.
B03 - LORENZO TAVARES - DECEASED
80 STUDENTS REMAIN
Ty called his name.
Lorenzo turned.
Something hit him in the chest, and he stopped. His eyes widened in a mixture of surprise and confusion. Ty’s eyes were full of pity and sadness. Lorenzo’s eyes descended slowly, down Ty’s face and down his outstretched arm, and to his own chest, where the ceramic shiv had planted itself. A shaky half breath fell from his lips, and he looked back up at Ty in shock.
“Fuck… No fair.” He choked out, followed by a terrible cough and blood spraying from his mouth.
Ty grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Somehow, it felt good. Ty held him close for a second, as more bloody coughs wracked through Lorenzo’s body. The shiv was still in his chest. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Just coughing and gasping for air that wouldn’t stay in. Ty released him after a moment, and Lorenzo stumbled back, his right hand shooting up to grip the impaled shiv. He didn’t pull on it, but just gripped it hard, making sure it really was there and he wasn’t imagining things. He stumbled again, hitting the rickety railing of the balcony.
Unfortunately, it couldn’t handle his weight, and broke free from the side of the building.
Lorenzo’s eyes never left Tyrell as he fell, until he disappeared from his vision. His face wasn’t angry. It wasn’t upset. He just wanted to look at his friend one last time before it ended.
As he fell, many thoughts ran through his mind. His mother and father. His sisters. Kayden. Artem. Memories raced by in an instant. Him and Demetri as kids. Axel and Andy. Declyn. School. Concerts. That time he got too high and needed Ty to talk him down. Prom night. His breakdown in the alley. Taking Bianca and Adrianna to school in the mornings. Marina fighting with him over the shower. His calls with Alessia. His mom’s cooking. That time his dad poured him a scotch and they just sat together, unknown to his mom or sisters. One by one they came and faded.
Lorenzo hit the ground head first. The impact snapped his neck to the side, and the rest of his body crumpled to the ground below. He convulsed and wheezed on the ground for a few moments, but it didn’t take long for it to be over. Darkness enveloped his mind in short order. The last thing he saw was the colors of the sunset in the sky above.
B03 - LORENZO TAVARES - DECEASED
80 STUDENTS REMAIN
While he hadn’t expected the balcony to give way, Ty was glad it did. He wanted it to be quick. He wanted it to be over.
There were any number of ways he could’ve made it worse for him. Juvenile fantasies of exacting the worst possible kind of revenge on Lorenzo had certainly crossed his mind. Torture, mostly. Treating him as an effigy for every abuser, every evil person for whom Ty had harbored fantasies of retaliation.
Ty wasn't so sure he enjoyed it anymore, fighting back. Surviving as he’d put it, even before all of this. Getting into scraps with people who he thought needed to be taken down a peg. Hurting his father, tormenting an invalid who should’ve just been left alone to die. Finding any way to make himself seem superior. It was easy to mistake the rush he felt in those times, and the numbness that followed, for catharsis or satisfaction. To keep thinking it would act as a balm on his own pain. Nothing like that could ever be a substitute for what had been taken from him.
Watching his world fall apart made him see things differently. Pulled him away from the prospect of ever getting better, of someday quelling the fucked up instincts he had; the way he treated sadism, as if it was some kind of a nervous tic.
The thing of it was, to enjoy the suffering of someone like Lorenzo still meant enjoying someone else’s suffering. A bad person who had been broken down to a sniveling, crying mess was still a person. They didn’t sound any different. They certainly didn’t bleed any differently. Screams weren’t a sweeter sound just because they came from someone who deserved it.
And he did deserve it, absolutely. For all the rest of them had done, Lorenzo was one of the only ones who did horrible shit well before the excuse of kill or be killed.
Ty stared down at the body from the balcony, cradling the cut across his chest. Lorenzo was dead now, but that wasn’t as hard to adjust to as he imagined. The person he fought, the friend he shared despair and a cigarette with - it was just a ghost. Something that didn’t belong here anymore. An idea of a person that was starting to fade away.
All that was left were wounds and memories, and how difficult it felt to distinguish between the two. Stumbling back inside, he noticed how incredibly quiet it seemed in the manor house now. His whole body ached, the feeling of pins and needles seemingly never-ending. No single cut or scrape was bleeding horribly, but altogether he was more than a bit of a mess.
He slumped down onto the chaise-lounge, once again clasping a pillow close to his chest. Exhaustion nearly overwhelmed him, and he could barely keep his eyes open. After a few minutes, he stopped bothering to try.
No more Andy, Lorenzo, maybe Axel too. Katie was dead. Erika wasn’t herself anymore. In spite of everything she’d done, he almost wanted to find her. Like she was still somehow able to make sense of everything, that there was some comfortable explanation for abandoning him, setting him up, and killing nine people.
No, that wasn’t right. He didn’t want her any more than he really wanted to share a smoke with Lorenzo.
The time was what he missed. High school, a contrived little world where everything seemed so incredibly absurd and arbitrary - but at least it made sense. It wasn’t so fucked up and unforgiving. Life was simple in so many great and awful ways back then.
It wasn’t so lonely.
“I wish we could’ve just been stupid teenagers together.” Ty repeated her words, muttering them to no one and to everyone.
His eyes shot open. Ty’s body demanded it, but he didn’t want rest. He wanted something chaotic, something dynamic. Where it wasn’t so hard to justify his existence, where he didn’t feel like he had to. A game that wasn’t zero-sum. A place where the endgame wasn’t the end.
It didn’t feel right to just fade away.
Something different, sure. As long as it isn’t nothing at all.
If only. Somewhere in his mind he almost figured he could earn it, if he just did everything right. Like he’d close his eyes for the last time, and open them somewhere else. Somewhere new. Maybe he didn’t even have to take all of these memories with him, at least the bad ones. Maybe he could be somebody else. It seemed just appealing enough to seem real.
Ty stood up from the chaise-lounge, pillows under his arms as he limped down the hallway of the manor’s upper floor. On the way out of the drawing room, he grabbed the maul. Walking back through the building, he was kind of impressed at the carnage that they’d caused.
The door to the drawing room was broken off its hinges. Blood trailed up the stairs and across the banister. They shattered the front window, the glass curio, and the glass coffee table; the dining room floor was pretty much an even layer of broken glass. The wooden dining table was lying flat on the ground, its legs split out in all directions. Every drawer in the kitchen had been torn out with their contents spilled across the floor. Only now did he notice the strange presence of old blood stains and toy cars in the main foyer.
The front door was slightly ajar, and Ty stepped outside to see Lorenzo’s bags lying where they’d fallen. The Uzi was right next to it, still with the empty magazine slotted in. Looking inside Lorenzo’s bag, he found a decent amount of ammunition and supplies. The folding shovel was more of a cherry on top than anything else.
Something else caught Ty’s attention in the bag. A small, gray device. The layout on the small screen reminded him of the motion tracker from Aliens. Flicking it on, Ty saw the display read out one dot at “0.” Another one was nearby, around the edge of the house. Where he knew Lorenzo was lying dead.
“Well fuck me, that’s nifty.”
It tracked collars. That was worth more than any weapon he could’ve found. It was exactly what Lucas, Princess and Katie needed; some way to pre-empt an attack by Erika or anyone else. An edge over all the seasoned murderers. It was a chance, more than they’d had before.
Maybe there was somewhere else he belonged, somewhere he’d end up when he was done here. However, he wasn’t done here. As alone as he felt, he knew he couldn’t forget about them. The people that had given him a chance, that he’d abandoned to come here and finish this. If they were all he had left, they deserved all he could give.
The struggle to stand back up felt all the more frustrating knowing what he now had in his possession. The walk back to the Temple wasn’t easy to begin with, and it was made all the worse for what he’d gone through. In spite of the sunburn on his arms, Ty couldn’t help but notice just how pale his skin looked. Everything here was trying to wear him down and tear him apart, and it was working.
If this was all he could do before it was over, so be it.
Tyrell loaded a fresh magazine into the Uzi, and cocked back the action. Fading away like a candle at the end of a wick, it didn’t really appeal to him. He supposed there were more than enough ways to die like that out here, blood loss and infection chief among them.
That was no way to go, not for him. He’d go screaming into the void, a bolide cutting a fiery streak across the sky before shattering into dust. For himself, for the others, and everything that used to be.
It’d be nice if that earned him something else after all of this. Ty supposed it didn't really matter either way, if he chose to believe it.
There were any number of ways he could’ve made it worse for him. Juvenile fantasies of exacting the worst possible kind of revenge on Lorenzo had certainly crossed his mind. Torture, mostly. Treating him as an effigy for every abuser, every evil person for whom Ty had harbored fantasies of retaliation.
Ty wasn't so sure he enjoyed it anymore, fighting back. Surviving as he’d put it, even before all of this. Getting into scraps with people who he thought needed to be taken down a peg. Hurting his father, tormenting an invalid who should’ve just been left alone to die. Finding any way to make himself seem superior. It was easy to mistake the rush he felt in those times, and the numbness that followed, for catharsis or satisfaction. To keep thinking it would act as a balm on his own pain. Nothing like that could ever be a substitute for what had been taken from him.
Watching his world fall apart made him see things differently. Pulled him away from the prospect of ever getting better, of someday quelling the fucked up instincts he had; the way he treated sadism, as if it was some kind of a nervous tic.
The thing of it was, to enjoy the suffering of someone like Lorenzo still meant enjoying someone else’s suffering. A bad person who had been broken down to a sniveling, crying mess was still a person. They didn’t sound any different. They certainly didn’t bleed any differently. Screams weren’t a sweeter sound just because they came from someone who deserved it.
And he did deserve it, absolutely. For all the rest of them had done, Lorenzo was one of the only ones who did horrible shit well before the excuse of kill or be killed.
Ty stared down at the body from the balcony, cradling the cut across his chest. Lorenzo was dead now, but that wasn’t as hard to adjust to as he imagined. The person he fought, the friend he shared despair and a cigarette with - it was just a ghost. Something that didn’t belong here anymore. An idea of a person that was starting to fade away.
All that was left were wounds and memories, and how difficult it felt to distinguish between the two. Stumbling back inside, he noticed how incredibly quiet it seemed in the manor house now. His whole body ached, the feeling of pins and needles seemingly never-ending. No single cut or scrape was bleeding horribly, but altogether he was more than a bit of a mess.
He slumped down onto the chaise-lounge, once again clasping a pillow close to his chest. Exhaustion nearly overwhelmed him, and he could barely keep his eyes open. After a few minutes, he stopped bothering to try.
No more Andy, Lorenzo, maybe Axel too. Katie was dead. Erika wasn’t herself anymore. In spite of everything she’d done, he almost wanted to find her. Like she was still somehow able to make sense of everything, that there was some comfortable explanation for abandoning him, setting him up, and killing nine people.
No, that wasn’t right. He didn’t want her any more than he really wanted to share a smoke with Lorenzo.
The time was what he missed. High school, a contrived little world where everything seemed so incredibly absurd and arbitrary - but at least it made sense. It wasn’t so fucked up and unforgiving. Life was simple in so many great and awful ways back then.
It wasn’t so lonely.
“I wish we could’ve just been stupid teenagers together.” Ty repeated her words, muttering them to no one and to everyone.
His eyes shot open. Ty’s body demanded it, but he didn’t want rest. He wanted something chaotic, something dynamic. Where it wasn’t so hard to justify his existence, where he didn’t feel like he had to. A game that wasn’t zero-sum. A place where the endgame wasn’t the end.
It didn’t feel right to just fade away.
Something different, sure. As long as it isn’t nothing at all.
If only. Somewhere in his mind he almost figured he could earn it, if he just did everything right. Like he’d close his eyes for the last time, and open them somewhere else. Somewhere new. Maybe he didn’t even have to take all of these memories with him, at least the bad ones. Maybe he could be somebody else. It seemed just appealing enough to seem real.
Ty stood up from the chaise-lounge, pillows under his arms as he limped down the hallway of the manor’s upper floor. On the way out of the drawing room, he grabbed the maul. Walking back through the building, he was kind of impressed at the carnage that they’d caused.
The door to the drawing room was broken off its hinges. Blood trailed up the stairs and across the banister. They shattered the front window, the glass curio, and the glass coffee table; the dining room floor was pretty much an even layer of broken glass. The wooden dining table was lying flat on the ground, its legs split out in all directions. Every drawer in the kitchen had been torn out with their contents spilled across the floor. Only now did he notice the strange presence of old blood stains and toy cars in the main foyer.
The front door was slightly ajar, and Ty stepped outside to see Lorenzo’s bags lying where they’d fallen. The Uzi was right next to it, still with the empty magazine slotted in. Looking inside Lorenzo’s bag, he found a decent amount of ammunition and supplies. The folding shovel was more of a cherry on top than anything else.
Something else caught Ty’s attention in the bag. A small, gray device. The layout on the small screen reminded him of the motion tracker from Aliens. Flicking it on, Ty saw the display read out one dot at “0.” Another one was nearby, around the edge of the house. Where he knew Lorenzo was lying dead.
“Well fuck me, that’s nifty.”
It tracked collars. That was worth more than any weapon he could’ve found. It was exactly what Lucas, Princess and Katie needed; some way to pre-empt an attack by Erika or anyone else. An edge over all the seasoned murderers. It was a chance, more than they’d had before.
Maybe there was somewhere else he belonged, somewhere he’d end up when he was done here. However, he wasn’t done here. As alone as he felt, he knew he couldn’t forget about them. The people that had given him a chance, that he’d abandoned to come here and finish this. If they were all he had left, they deserved all he could give.
The struggle to stand back up felt all the more frustrating knowing what he now had in his possession. The walk back to the Temple wasn’t easy to begin with, and it was made all the worse for what he’d gone through. In spite of the sunburn on his arms, Ty couldn’t help but notice just how pale his skin looked. Everything here was trying to wear him down and tear him apart, and it was working.
If this was all he could do before it was over, so be it.
Tyrell loaded a fresh magazine into the Uzi, and cocked back the action. Fading away like a candle at the end of a wick, it didn’t really appeal to him. He supposed there were more than enough ways to die like that out here, blood loss and infection chief among them.
That was no way to go, not for him. He’d go screaming into the void, a bolide cutting a fiery streak across the sky before shattering into dust. For himself, for the others, and everything that used to be.
It’d be nice if that earned him something else after all of this. Ty supposed it didn't really matter either way, if he chose to believe it.