Olivia's cleaning process whenever she had a friend over was her personal form of DEFCON 1, her Herculean tasks, and not necessarily because she had a particularly messy room but making sure anything incriminating was hidden took a full sleepless night's worth of quadruple checking that nothing was in a drawer that might be opened on accident. Old cringy poems she hated, clipouts from fashion magazines that would imply her latest Zara skirt and leggings combo had been meticulously researched rather than being effortless feminine instinct. It was all hidden away in the shoe box in the other bigger shoe box under her bed surrounded by spare beddings and decoy cringe- the neatly stacked posters of 'hot' musicians and actors she'd used to keep up as aspirational crushes. In case anyone asked.
She looked rested and wakeful though. Maybe it was the adrenaline, maybe it was Maybelline (Instant Age Rewind® Eraser).
(Olivia Fischer, memory 1)
Current Mindworm:
In The Bible - Morgan Wallen ft. HARDY
Yes, she wore makeup during a private sleepover in her own room with one of her closest and best friends. It was overkill, but she thought it was fair to show that she put in effort and respect for one of the few people who'd had the patience to stick around this long.
Serena had been in her parish since they'd both been little girls, long enough that Olivia was pretty sure Serena still remembered the days that Olivia had been the girl most likely to have a nervous meltdown and run out of the classroom screaming in those halcyon days of Sunday school. Unfortunate that Serena had been there to see it, but Olivia was somewhat sure the maxim that other people didn't remember her own cringe as much as she remembered it applied here.
Somewhat. There was only so much she could trust Serena's memory to have failed, end of the day. Girl was smart, full compliment intended.
She had... odd social circles, putting it mildly. It was one of those things Olivia was pretty sure friends weren't supposed to talk about- politics, religion, third rails, and Olivia was deathly determined to not touch a single subject that could get the two of them on each other's bad side. Olivia had heard talk that Serena was pretty intense within her newfound social circle. Honestly, kind of disheartening that Serena had the verve and drive to be a new person around others but kept to her more meek self where Olivia could see her. Or maybe it was a relief. It was that age old question of weighing freedom and security as opposites on a scale. Serena lived a whole life out of sight out of mind, but she was supposed to be one of the few people Olivia cared enough about to want to know everything.
It was a mess. Olivia didn't like messes? End of the day the status quo was kept for a reason.
Part of the status quo was their monthly slumber party, a bubble in spacetime where they could exist without the external pressures of high school in a morally decaying America. Movies, books, album listens and rates like the little gremlin Fantanos they were. Not that Olivia would ever publically admit she kind of liked the music Serena introduced to her. Metalheads were societial fringe for a reason- Olivia was not publically about that life. Just unironically knowing the Internet's busiest music nerd was bad enough. She could pass that one off as having gotten into one of his memes like his beef with Drake, at least.
Their time together had entered the lull phase, the moment when they were both doing their own thing but in the same room, feeding off each other's energy. The sort of moment she preferred with most of her peers since it meant she had to spend less mental energy puzzling out what the fuck they were on about.
Olivia was spread out over her bed, fully encased in a tomb of old color-faded pajamas, idly considering a Khan Academy video of precalc concepts for the tenth time without a single word of closed caption landing. She'd picked the time to watch Serena idly, wondering what was going on in her friend's head as the stars outside her bedroom window sizzled and her Spotify playlist- a public account friends knew about, so mostly pop tunes- warbled.
"You think we're in for any surprises? For senior year."
Behold, these are the fringes of His ways
summer before Senior year. Private!
Behold, these are the fringes of His ways
Upcoming:
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Serena was so mindlessly lost in scrolling through Twitter that she hadn't expected Olivia's voice to pierce the comfortable silence that had formed in the preceding minutes. Was it bad to lose herself in her phone at a friend's place? They were supposed to be talking, face to face, like friends should. Were friends supposed to talk all the time? Quiet moments were natural. Conversations dying out weren't always a result of awkwardness, right? Well, that was the state they were in: quiet, natural silence that was interrupted only by the soulless pop music which Serena did her best to block out. Maybe that was what got her. She'd spent too long trying to insulate her ears from corporate-mandated feel-good noise pollution that she'd unintentionally wrapped a bubble around her head. When Olivia's innocuous question traveled through the air, it acted as a needle to burst that little insulating bubble in an instant, and unfortunately, Serena was not prepared for it.
"Gwuh-"
Her hand's grip on her phone went slack, and a few moments later, a disheartening smack emanated from the floor. She sighed.
God damn it.
((Serena Waters - PREGAME START))
"Ah, uh, sorry! Was distracted is all, hehe", Serena muttered towards Olivia, doing her best to collect herself for just a moment. She looked to the floor expecting the worst, and was pleasantly surprised to see that her phone had landed on its case. Thank the spirits.
Not wanting to break her criss-cross position on Olivia's chair, she reached down to grab it, only to feel the fire of humiliation burn her way up her spine and into her brain when she realized she couldn't reach it. She sighed again in mild frustration. Still not wanting to get up, and definitely not wanting to ask Olivia to get it, she opted for a compromise solution by reaching for it with her foot. While she was attempting to get a good grip on her phone, she wondered for a brief moment why she dropped it.
Oh, yeah, Olivia talked.
Wait.
What did Olivia ask? Oh wait, yeah, she was asking about surprises.
Oh. She probably needed to answer her at some point. Yeah, now was a good time.
"Uhhh, any surprises?" Serena responded, still trying to coordinate her foot so that she could retrieve her phone. "That's kind of, um, a broad question." She paused for a moment. Bingo! She got her phone and snatched it up with her fingers. She finally turned her head towards her friend so that she could actually talk to her face. She noticed Olivia's eyes looking up at her expectantly. Serena fought down a blush. How long had she been looking at her like that?
Never mind that, she still had a question to answer. "Um, if I could tell you what surprises we'd see, then they wouldn't exactly be surprises, right? Surprises aren't exactly predictable or anything. Honestly, I'd be surprised if some people in our class graduated, but I don't know."
"Gwuh-"
Her hand's grip on her phone went slack, and a few moments later, a disheartening smack emanated from the floor. She sighed.
God damn it.
((Serena Waters - PREGAME START))
"Ah, uh, sorry! Was distracted is all, hehe", Serena muttered towards Olivia, doing her best to collect herself for just a moment. She looked to the floor expecting the worst, and was pleasantly surprised to see that her phone had landed on its case. Thank the spirits.
Not wanting to break her criss-cross position on Olivia's chair, she reached down to grab it, only to feel the fire of humiliation burn her way up her spine and into her brain when she realized she couldn't reach it. She sighed again in mild frustration. Still not wanting to get up, and definitely not wanting to ask Olivia to get it, she opted for a compromise solution by reaching for it with her foot. While she was attempting to get a good grip on her phone, she wondered for a brief moment why she dropped it.
Oh, yeah, Olivia talked.
Wait.
What did Olivia ask? Oh wait, yeah, she was asking about surprises.
Oh. She probably needed to answer her at some point. Yeah, now was a good time.
"Uhhh, any surprises?" Serena responded, still trying to coordinate her foot so that she could retrieve her phone. "That's kind of, um, a broad question." She paused for a moment. Bingo! She got her phone and snatched it up with her fingers. She finally turned her head towards her friend so that she could actually talk to her face. She noticed Olivia's eyes looking up at her expectantly. Serena fought down a blush. How long had she been looking at her like that?
Never mind that, she still had a question to answer. "Um, if I could tell you what surprises we'd see, then they wouldn't exactly be surprises, right? Surprises aren't exactly predictable or anything. Honestly, I'd be surprised if some people in our class graduated, but I don't know."
Current Mindworm:
Khan Academy - Dividing complex numbers in polar form
"Was distracted is all."
"Same girl, same." Olivia murmured back, the precise volume of nonexistence reserved for saying things that weren't meant to be heard more than felt as an abstraction. Responding for the sake of responding. One of those things Olivia had... learned to do? At some point, after her childhood therapist had worked hard enough at it on her behalf.
Outside of the permanent sensory overload slash minefield that was navigating day to day social life with her peers, Olivia rarely got an opportunity to actually let her gaze rest. The liquid in her eyeballs was constantly stirred and shaken like a bartender's best steel- she could never stare at someone for too long, or not look at them for too long, there was a balancing act, eye contact but not too direct, but not too unfocused, but not too soft. Watching Serena was meditative. Olivia didn't really process the full circus act of the incredible journey of the phone. If there had been a terminally awkward, stone silent pause that had accompanied her friend's flailing, Olivia let it pass.
Serena had a much cuter nose than Olivia did. Olivia wouldn't pretend that didn't make her salty, but she also definitely wouldn't ever say it with anything less than a sympathetically lippy smile.
"Hey, don't get pedantic with me." Olivia raised an eyebrow, exaggerating a sugary sweet whine in her reply. Unlike with the occasional guy who made her have to play defense, acting cute around a friend actually felt nice. "And eesh, harsh. But true."
Olivia swapped her browser app out for Spotify. Her playlist became Serena's playlist- the number of songs she'd saved from her friend's own recommendations. Olivia was probably only an entry level poser compared, but she considered it nice to offer some overtures to her friend's eclecticly edgy tastes.
"Good Christian girls don't say mean things," Olivia rolled her eyes. "But yeah, class of 2024's kind of a dud." She rolled herself over, leaving her casually staring at the ceiling for a moment as she rested her phone on her stomach.
"Except for us. We're pretty good at this thing. Not getting my hopes up, but wouldn't it be cool if we ended up in the same college?"
Potentially dangerous subject. Neither of them had exactly been confident about their future education prospects, but wasn't that what friends were for? Diluting the existential anxiety between themselves? ... That was how Olivia had been led to believe it worked, anyways. Years of having friends and all that.
As time passed the tension in her chest that accompanied every word that she drafted and hit send on seemed to reduce. By a bit.
Khan Academy - Dividing complex numbers in polar form
"Was distracted is all."
"Same girl, same." Olivia murmured back, the precise volume of nonexistence reserved for saying things that weren't meant to be heard more than felt as an abstraction. Responding for the sake of responding. One of those things Olivia had... learned to do? At some point, after her childhood therapist had worked hard enough at it on her behalf.
Outside of the permanent sensory overload slash minefield that was navigating day to day social life with her peers, Olivia rarely got an opportunity to actually let her gaze rest. The liquid in her eyeballs was constantly stirred and shaken like a bartender's best steel- she could never stare at someone for too long, or not look at them for too long, there was a balancing act, eye contact but not too direct, but not too unfocused, but not too soft. Watching Serena was meditative. Olivia didn't really process the full circus act of the incredible journey of the phone. If there had been a terminally awkward, stone silent pause that had accompanied her friend's flailing, Olivia let it pass.
Serena had a much cuter nose than Olivia did. Olivia wouldn't pretend that didn't make her salty, but she also definitely wouldn't ever say it with anything less than a sympathetically lippy smile.
"Hey, don't get pedantic with me." Olivia raised an eyebrow, exaggerating a sugary sweet whine in her reply. Unlike with the occasional guy who made her have to play defense, acting cute around a friend actually felt nice. "And eesh, harsh. But true."
Olivia swapped her browser app out for Spotify. Her playlist became Serena's playlist- the number of songs she'd saved from her friend's own recommendations. Olivia was probably only an entry level poser compared, but she considered it nice to offer some overtures to her friend's eclecticly edgy tastes.
"Good Christian girls don't say mean things," Olivia rolled her eyes. "But yeah, class of 2024's kind of a dud." She rolled herself over, leaving her casually staring at the ceiling for a moment as she rested her phone on her stomach.
"Except for us. We're pretty good at this thing. Not getting my hopes up, but wouldn't it be cool if we ended up in the same college?"
Potentially dangerous subject. Neither of them had exactly been confident about their future education prospects, but wasn't that what friends were for? Diluting the existential anxiety between themselves? ... That was how Olivia had been led to believe it worked, anyways. Years of having friends and all that.
As time passed the tension in her chest that accompanied every word that she drafted and hit send on seemed to reduce. By a bit.
Upcoming:
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
At the deliberately petulant whine that Olivia let out, Serena three-quarters-jokingly and one-quarter-legitimately raised her hands slightly in an apologetic gesture. Serena knew that her friend was self-exaggerating, but she still disliked hearing anyone being even slightly annoyed at something she said. The feeling was comparable to a centipede burrowing under skin and crawling up her spine, carrying with it a payload of unanswerable questions directly to her brain. Am I annoying? Do I talk too much? Should I just keep my mouth shut? What if they've always felt this way about me and just let the mask slip?
When Olivia punched in the new Spotify tunes, the anxiety questionnaire left her head as the thick, aggressive sounds of Kirk Hammett's guitar filled her ears. Sure, it was the Black Album, which was the most poserish dad rock album she could think of, but it was infinitely better than the overly-polished and superficial pop "music" that was on before. While it wasn't the good stuff like Master of Puppets or Reign in Blood, it would do. She was still surprised that Olivia had even bothered to pick up the entry-level stuff at all, considering she still followed Christian doctrine like her parents wanted her to.
Of course, it was then that Olivia decided to yank the tunes out of her head and pour hydrochloric acid down her ear canal by calling her a good Christian girl. She tried and failed to fight down a wince as the words sent her synapses firing electrical signals to all the wrong parts of her brain. Serena wasn't lying to her friend if she never asked directly, right? She wasn't hiding anything. The act of hiding implied that there was something actively searching for it, and as far as Serena knew, Olivia wasn't actively searching for her downloaded PDF of Mao's Little Red Book on her phone. How could Serena be lying if Olivia wasn't digging for the truth? As far as Olivia was aware, her old friend was still the same ignorant church freak she always was. Best to keep the masquerade up for as long as she could, right? Serena didn't dare think of the consequences of Olivia managing to pierce the veil and discover the revelations contained within.
Serena's eyes eventually refocused, only to find that her friend had rolled herself over on her back. She forced her eyes to meet her friend's gaze. She had asked her another question.
"Uhh, to be honest with you," that was a first, "I have no idea where I'm gonna go. I haven't applied for anything. I haven't really even started looking at anything. College still seems really far away."
If Serena was the Sun, then college always felt like Alpha Centauri. It was always visible, always on the horizon, and yet it felt like an eternity away. It was always so far off in the future, some magical and mysterious place where you either partied til you died or studied til you wanted to die with little in between. Ever since she broke free of her Christian conservative worldview, she wondered what it was there. Were they all as liberal as she thought? Would she not get stoned to death by the mob for being farther left than Bernie Sanders? Could she actually express who she was to a wider audience? It was why college seemed so mystical; things she would never consider here in St. Paul could be reality in the isolated ecosystem of a university. The issue was, of course, she had no idea where she wanted to go and what she wanted to study there. She had to decide pretty soon, though. She was about to reach Proxima Centauri, senior high, and Alpha Centauri was just around the corner.
"Heck, I don't even know what I want to study at school, want I want to major in," Serena said, flashing a flustered smile and tugging on her sleep shirt's neckline with her finger. The collar was loose and distended because of it, but she couldn't break the habit.
"Do you know what college you wanna go to? What your major'll be?"
When Olivia punched in the new Spotify tunes, the anxiety questionnaire left her head as the thick, aggressive sounds of Kirk Hammett's guitar filled her ears. Sure, it was the Black Album, which was the most poserish dad rock album she could think of, but it was infinitely better than the overly-polished and superficial pop "music" that was on before. While it wasn't the good stuff like Master of Puppets or Reign in Blood, it would do. She was still surprised that Olivia had even bothered to pick up the entry-level stuff at all, considering she still followed Christian doctrine like her parents wanted her to.
Of course, it was then that Olivia decided to yank the tunes out of her head and pour hydrochloric acid down her ear canal by calling her a good Christian girl. She tried and failed to fight down a wince as the words sent her synapses firing electrical signals to all the wrong parts of her brain. Serena wasn't lying to her friend if she never asked directly, right? She wasn't hiding anything. The act of hiding implied that there was something actively searching for it, and as far as Serena knew, Olivia wasn't actively searching for her downloaded PDF of Mao's Little Red Book on her phone. How could Serena be lying if Olivia wasn't digging for the truth? As far as Olivia was aware, her old friend was still the same ignorant church freak she always was. Best to keep the masquerade up for as long as she could, right? Serena didn't dare think of the consequences of Olivia managing to pierce the veil and discover the revelations contained within.
Serena's eyes eventually refocused, only to find that her friend had rolled herself over on her back. She forced her eyes to meet her friend's gaze. She had asked her another question.
"Uhh, to be honest with you," that was a first, "I have no idea where I'm gonna go. I haven't applied for anything. I haven't really even started looking at anything. College still seems really far away."
If Serena was the Sun, then college always felt like Alpha Centauri. It was always visible, always on the horizon, and yet it felt like an eternity away. It was always so far off in the future, some magical and mysterious place where you either partied til you died or studied til you wanted to die with little in between. Ever since she broke free of her Christian conservative worldview, she wondered what it was there. Were they all as liberal as she thought? Would she not get stoned to death by the mob for being farther left than Bernie Sanders? Could she actually express who she was to a wider audience? It was why college seemed so mystical; things she would never consider here in St. Paul could be reality in the isolated ecosystem of a university. The issue was, of course, she had no idea where she wanted to go and what she wanted to study there. She had to decide pretty soon, though. She was about to reach Proxima Centauri, senior high, and Alpha Centauri was just around the corner.
"Heck, I don't even know what I want to study at school, want I want to major in," Serena said, flashing a flustered smile and tugging on her sleep shirt's neckline with her finger. The collar was loose and distended because of it, but she couldn't break the habit.
"Do you know what college you wanna go to? What your major'll be?"
Olivia would never have complained about a night spent with a good friend. Never never.
Current Mindworm:
10 ICONIC METAL SOLOS
Never.
Serena was one of the only ones that really mattered, end of the day. If Olivia had to assign her friends a number and put those numbers into a meaningful order- and everyone did that, despite how whitewashed her generation tried to sell itself, goodie two shoes activists who were socially enlightened or whatever- if Olivia did such a thing Serena would top nearly every metric. Mallory was a positive spin on the metaphysical embodiment of eh. The designated driver squad was an artifice and likely to fracture into shards after high school ended- in part thanks to Mallory, incidentally.
But if Olivia could ever complain about something, any tiny little thing... at some point their sleepovers had gotten a little more awkward. Around the time Serena had started hanging out less at school, finding new friends. A sakura blossom's worth of social butterflies- oh god that metaphor was mangled, never again- and suddenly Serena had always seemed to fidget a bit more, struggle to fit comfortably into her own outline. Regardless of whatever Olivia said or did, all the things she'd usually done, the staring, the thinking out loud about their futures in a shared, safe space... Serena would just seem like she was a bit more out of place. Still a friend, a best friend, still part of Olivia's ecosystem that she rarely opened up to any sort of species of any invasiveness, but...
God, maybe it was the whole crush thing Olivia swore Serena had on her? But Olivia didn't like thinking about that- she was pretty sure from observation of a decade of media and gossip that unrequitied feelings never ended on a happy note.
But yeah. Whatever Serena was doing in her own mind, if it was radical Marxist thought or imagining Olivia's lips or anything else odd like that, well. Olivia would put up with it. More than anyone else Olivia knew, Serena was worth it. It was the full field of fresh bullshit, the social graces, the fake smiles, the mentally exhausting calculus that happened whenever Olivia's mind recognized a human face from the static of a dull background. If Serena was going to be another person Olivia struggled to be around, Olivia would make it work. For her. For the honestly only friend she really had.
Sad as it was to admit. Olivia's chest felt a bit tight, and her fingers itched to move, like her fingernails were little ostrich heads that needed to be buried in sand.
But none of that showed. She was still staring a bit less than politely because it was the only place and only person she could safely do that around, she was still exuding good vibes and well wishes and prayers with a gentle grin sloping over her slightly glossy, slightly overdone for being in her own room lips.
"I guess it is, isn't it?"
One of those things that was closer than it appeared in the mirror. All those times Olivia in the driver's seat of her own life had to throw her head back over her own neck to glance, to make sure college really was closer than her mom was gaslighting her.
"I dunno, I'm worried a bit about the crowd. Me and my concerns about finding a bible study crew or something wherever I end up." She giggled. That was a bit nobody else was in on- she had never liked sharing her religion with others much. It was kind of just what happened when you were in church. Something else about life that happened without her consent, or at least, without her consent being especially enthusiastic.
Olivia introduced the glare of her phone screen to the conversation. It had already been there of course, but now it was an active participant as she held it up into Serena's field of vision. Olivia had a bit of a reputation, she guessed, for having very well formatted Google Docs. The type to use all the headers, so went the injoke.
Ohio State University got Title size text. Manifesting, etc.
"Major will be whatever gets my mom off my back," Olivia half-lied through her grit teeth. The part unsaid was that nothing she told her mom was an acceptable answer. "It's like, just need to get something that looks good on paper, right? I'm the prodigal heiress and all that." Olivia rarely sounded so venomous in public, growling like she was ready to hock a lugey was definitely not a look she liked showing off around others. It was a Serena-only privelige. "But," she softened quick. "Don't want to make this a vent session! Just saying it how it is."
Current Mindworm:
10 ICONIC METAL SOLOS
Never.
Serena was one of the only ones that really mattered, end of the day. If Olivia had to assign her friends a number and put those numbers into a meaningful order- and everyone did that, despite how whitewashed her generation tried to sell itself, goodie two shoes activists who were socially enlightened or whatever- if Olivia did such a thing Serena would top nearly every metric. Mallory was a positive spin on the metaphysical embodiment of eh. The designated driver squad was an artifice and likely to fracture into shards after high school ended- in part thanks to Mallory, incidentally.
But if Olivia could ever complain about something, any tiny little thing... at some point their sleepovers had gotten a little more awkward. Around the time Serena had started hanging out less at school, finding new friends. A sakura blossom's worth of social butterflies- oh god that metaphor was mangled, never again- and suddenly Serena had always seemed to fidget a bit more, struggle to fit comfortably into her own outline. Regardless of whatever Olivia said or did, all the things she'd usually done, the staring, the thinking out loud about their futures in a shared, safe space... Serena would just seem like she was a bit more out of place. Still a friend, a best friend, still part of Olivia's ecosystem that she rarely opened up to any sort of species of any invasiveness, but...
God, maybe it was the whole crush thing Olivia swore Serena had on her? But Olivia didn't like thinking about that- she was pretty sure from observation of a decade of media and gossip that unrequitied feelings never ended on a happy note.
But yeah. Whatever Serena was doing in her own mind, if it was radical Marxist thought or imagining Olivia's lips or anything else odd like that, well. Olivia would put up with it. More than anyone else Olivia knew, Serena was worth it. It was the full field of fresh bullshit, the social graces, the fake smiles, the mentally exhausting calculus that happened whenever Olivia's mind recognized a human face from the static of a dull background. If Serena was going to be another person Olivia struggled to be around, Olivia would make it work. For her. For the honestly only friend she really had.
Sad as it was to admit. Olivia's chest felt a bit tight, and her fingers itched to move, like her fingernails were little ostrich heads that needed to be buried in sand.
But none of that showed. She was still staring a bit less than politely because it was the only place and only person she could safely do that around, she was still exuding good vibes and well wishes and prayers with a gentle grin sloping over her slightly glossy, slightly overdone for being in her own room lips.
"I guess it is, isn't it?"
One of those things that was closer than it appeared in the mirror. All those times Olivia in the driver's seat of her own life had to throw her head back over her own neck to glance, to make sure college really was closer than her mom was gaslighting her.
"I dunno, I'm worried a bit about the crowd. Me and my concerns about finding a bible study crew or something wherever I end up." She giggled. That was a bit nobody else was in on- she had never liked sharing her religion with others much. It was kind of just what happened when you were in church. Something else about life that happened without her consent, or at least, without her consent being especially enthusiastic.
Olivia introduced the glare of her phone screen to the conversation. It had already been there of course, but now it was an active participant as she held it up into Serena's field of vision. Olivia had a bit of a reputation, she guessed, for having very well formatted Google Docs. The type to use all the headers, so went the injoke.
Ohio State University got Title size text. Manifesting, etc.
"Major will be whatever gets my mom off my back," Olivia half-lied through her grit teeth. The part unsaid was that nothing she told her mom was an acceptable answer. "It's like, just need to get something that looks good on paper, right? I'm the prodigal heiress and all that." Olivia rarely sounded so venomous in public, growling like she was ready to hock a lugey was definitely not a look she liked showing off around others. It was a Serena-only privelige. "But," she softened quick. "Don't want to make this a vent session! Just saying it how it is."
Upcoming:
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
"Yeah, yeah, I get you, hehe. I feel that way with my dad too sometimes," Serena stated. "I'm no heiress or anything, but there's always parental pressure. Heck, my parents weren't happy when I told them I didn't want to go on a mission immediately after I graduated."
At this, Serena unfolded herself from her criss-cross and refolded herself into a ball, pulling her legs to her chest and resting her head on her knees. Even though she wasn't accustomed to it, it did feel good to vent the pressure that had been building up in her chest. While she couldn't really release too much to anyone, especially Olivia, there was still the relief of getting something, no matter how small, out there.
"Ohio State, huh?" Serena observed, doubling back from the short vent session and returning to the topic of college. "Christians are everywhere, you know? Pentecostals aren't that rare. It's not like we're Mormons and we have to trek all the way to Utah or anything," she said, giggling slightly at the end of her sentence. "You'll find people. I don't think that needs to be a big concern of yours."
With her brief spiel over, Serena took a moment to inhale and caught a whiff of Olivia's makeup. She barely stifled a giggle. Serena had seen the makeup when she walked in and hadn't really thought much of it. Olivia had always been someone to keep up appearances no matter where she went or what she was doing, which, well, was fair enough. It was something that Serena was familiar with, but at least Olivia kept up one front to all people instead of switching between two like Serena was doing. Maybe it was because she was tired, but the fact that her best friend wore makeup during a sleepover was so absurd that it tickled something within the primal recesses of her brain.
Blinking once, twice, thrice, her eyes silently shifted across Olivia's frame, from the tips of her toes and those painted nails to her faded, washed out pajamas, up to her neck, then her flowing blonde hair, then her pearly, perfect teeth and warm, full lips, and finally those eyes. Those soft, green eyes that seemed to travel on into infinite depths the longer she looked at them. When Serena had learned the true definition of the word pretty- not the one she learned as a kid, but the one she had figured out late last year- she found that Olivia's eyes had met that definition perfectly. She'd been terrified to think about what that meant. Applying 'pretty' to a close friend who almost certainly didn't agree with that definition was one of the scariest actions she'd ever undertaken. She did her best not to think about it often, because thinking about it made it clearer to her that it would never work out. It was best to leave what could be as a vague and alluring mystery than to uncover the formless, roiling pain and disappointment that laid beyond the veil.
Oh, she'd gotten lost in her thoughts again. Her eyes refocused and found themselves still gazing into Olivia's and-
Oh no. How long had she been staring?
A sense of dread and panic immediately exploded from the innards of her mind and sent flames traveling across her gray matter and down her spinal cord. She blinked again, her eyes immediately darting away from her friend's eyes, shifting to anything else. Serena moved her head back, causing Olivia's own head to disappear from her vision, blocked by her knees. Blood flew into her cheeks. She had to do her best to hide it. Uh distraction? Yeah, uh, a distraction!
Her brain fumbled over the English language, to the point where she could barely get two words out of her mouth.
"I-I'm thirsty."
Genius.
At this, Serena unfolded herself from her criss-cross and refolded herself into a ball, pulling her legs to her chest and resting her head on her knees. Even though she wasn't accustomed to it, it did feel good to vent the pressure that had been building up in her chest. While she couldn't really release too much to anyone, especially Olivia, there was still the relief of getting something, no matter how small, out there.
"Ohio State, huh?" Serena observed, doubling back from the short vent session and returning to the topic of college. "Christians are everywhere, you know? Pentecostals aren't that rare. It's not like we're Mormons and we have to trek all the way to Utah or anything," she said, giggling slightly at the end of her sentence. "You'll find people. I don't think that needs to be a big concern of yours."
With her brief spiel over, Serena took a moment to inhale and caught a whiff of Olivia's makeup. She barely stifled a giggle. Serena had seen the makeup when she walked in and hadn't really thought much of it. Olivia had always been someone to keep up appearances no matter where she went or what she was doing, which, well, was fair enough. It was something that Serena was familiar with, but at least Olivia kept up one front to all people instead of switching between two like Serena was doing. Maybe it was because she was tired, but the fact that her best friend wore makeup during a sleepover was so absurd that it tickled something within the primal recesses of her brain.
Blinking once, twice, thrice, her eyes silently shifted across Olivia's frame, from the tips of her toes and those painted nails to her faded, washed out pajamas, up to her neck, then her flowing blonde hair, then her pearly, perfect teeth and warm, full lips, and finally those eyes. Those soft, green eyes that seemed to travel on into infinite depths the longer she looked at them. When Serena had learned the true definition of the word pretty- not the one she learned as a kid, but the one she had figured out late last year- she found that Olivia's eyes had met that definition perfectly. She'd been terrified to think about what that meant. Applying 'pretty' to a close friend who almost certainly didn't agree with that definition was one of the scariest actions she'd ever undertaken. She did her best not to think about it often, because thinking about it made it clearer to her that it would never work out. It was best to leave what could be as a vague and alluring mystery than to uncover the formless, roiling pain and disappointment that laid beyond the veil.
Oh, she'd gotten lost in her thoughts again. Her eyes refocused and found themselves still gazing into Olivia's and-
Oh no. How long had she been staring?
A sense of dread and panic immediately exploded from the innards of her mind and sent flames traveling across her gray matter and down her spinal cord. She blinked again, her eyes immediately darting away from her friend's eyes, shifting to anything else. Serena moved her head back, causing Olivia's own head to disappear from her vision, blocked by her knees. Blood flew into her cheeks. She had to do her best to hide it. Uh distraction? Yeah, uh, a distraction!
Her brain fumbled over the English language, to the point where she could barely get two words out of her mouth.
"I-I'm thirsty."
Genius.
Olivia's grousing melted into the cosmic background radiation, the mild irritation that had tensed her teeth and rolled her eyes instantly gone. Even a moment of being unbecomingly angry was already nerve wracking. She would've apologized for it if it had been anyone else.
It had to be the- Metallica? Which band was playing now? All those tunes blended together as 'Serenas taste' in Olivia's head, she didn't bother to remember the specifics since she'd only ever play them when either Serena or nobody was watching. The mood in the room had turned aggressive and Olivia remembered why happy thoughts were important.
Current Mindworm:
Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles
Anaesthetic, so on.
"Yes, heaven forbid we have our own ideas about our futures," Olivia mellowly mumbled. There, that was safer. Friendly banter but not the sort that reminded Olivia there was a reason she paced her room and scraped her own skin with her teeth in the witching hours of the night. In between moments of crucial social media banality, of course.
"But yeah, you're right. I don't intend to like, go all in on it. It'll just be comforting to have a familiar setting regardless of where I end up."
God willing. Olivia knew her generation was more godless. She understood getting away from the more suffocating elements of faith- again, Mallory was a textbook example of everything wrong with... that. But people had pushed too far. Not that Olivia would ever preach that right at their faces. Kind of defeated the whole point.
A comfortable moment of silence followed, and Olivia pleasantly contemplated her friends gaze. A quiet exchange, market value. Olivia let herself enjoy an honest jealousy of Serena's beauty, all the things her friend had in a more naturally attractive and symmetrical face that Olivia didn't. In the world outside a room with the two of them in it and nobody else Olivia couldn't dare let herself feel any true negative emotions without immediately supressing them as quick as she noticed them. That was one of the dangers that came with staring too long, or being too casual with her body language. Her own self could easily betray her to the outside world.
With Serena she didn't have to give a damn. Olivia's eyes softened and sharpened at once. Clear jealousy, clear contentment in that very human moment.
Olivia was a bit sad Serena broke the moment. She didn't even have time to compare their blushes in her mind- how Serena's apple round cheeks probably looked a bit better in blood shades than Olivia's own.
"Oh yeah," Olivia nodded, speaking a bit slowly. Her first words had the sycnopation of a yawn.
"I got..."
Olivia rummaged through the plastic bag at the foot of her bed. A generic brand one, but distinctly not the same color as the ones they used at Quik Mart, the center of the galaxy that she orbited around with her teenage doom spiral.
"Ocha Green Tea-" two sealed, still slightly dewy bottles of the famous Asian mart swill, "and sodas." Coke Zeros, two liters, one for each of them. Certainly a more pleasant set of indulgences than her nights out spent pretending she liked the bitter liquid fire that was alcohol. "If you want anything else we can troll the kitchen. You look a bit hot, should I turn up the AC a bit?"
Easy out. No need to provoke the elephant in the room, after all. Unrequitied feelings never ended on a happy note. Flattering as they were.
It had to be the- Metallica? Which band was playing now? All those tunes blended together as 'Serenas taste' in Olivia's head, she didn't bother to remember the specifics since she'd only ever play them when either Serena or nobody was watching. The mood in the room had turned aggressive and Olivia remembered why happy thoughts were important.
Current Mindworm:
Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles
Anaesthetic, so on.
"Yes, heaven forbid we have our own ideas about our futures," Olivia mellowly mumbled. There, that was safer. Friendly banter but not the sort that reminded Olivia there was a reason she paced her room and scraped her own skin with her teeth in the witching hours of the night. In between moments of crucial social media banality, of course.
"But yeah, you're right. I don't intend to like, go all in on it. It'll just be comforting to have a familiar setting regardless of where I end up."
God willing. Olivia knew her generation was more godless. She understood getting away from the more suffocating elements of faith- again, Mallory was a textbook example of everything wrong with... that. But people had pushed too far. Not that Olivia would ever preach that right at their faces. Kind of defeated the whole point.
A comfortable moment of silence followed, and Olivia pleasantly contemplated her friends gaze. A quiet exchange, market value. Olivia let herself enjoy an honest jealousy of Serena's beauty, all the things her friend had in a more naturally attractive and symmetrical face that Olivia didn't. In the world outside a room with the two of them in it and nobody else Olivia couldn't dare let herself feel any true negative emotions without immediately supressing them as quick as she noticed them. That was one of the dangers that came with staring too long, or being too casual with her body language. Her own self could easily betray her to the outside world.
With Serena she didn't have to give a damn. Olivia's eyes softened and sharpened at once. Clear jealousy, clear contentment in that very human moment.
Olivia was a bit sad Serena broke the moment. She didn't even have time to compare their blushes in her mind- how Serena's apple round cheeks probably looked a bit better in blood shades than Olivia's own.
"Oh yeah," Olivia nodded, speaking a bit slowly. Her first words had the sycnopation of a yawn.
"I got..."
Olivia rummaged through the plastic bag at the foot of her bed. A generic brand one, but distinctly not the same color as the ones they used at Quik Mart, the center of the galaxy that she orbited around with her teenage doom spiral.
"Ocha Green Tea-" two sealed, still slightly dewy bottles of the famous Asian mart swill, "and sodas." Coke Zeros, two liters, one for each of them. Certainly a more pleasant set of indulgences than her nights out spent pretending she liked the bitter liquid fire that was alcohol. "If you want anything else we can troll the kitchen. You look a bit hot, should I turn up the AC a bit?"
Easy out. No need to provoke the elephant in the room, after all. Unrequitied feelings never ended on a happy note. Flattering as they were.
Upcoming:
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Upon hearing Olivia mention the air conditioning, Serena almost cried with relief. Sure, the deniability wasn't particularly plausible- Serena was wearing a thin tank top and shorts that cut off a few inches above her knees, it was only fifty degrees outside, and the fan was blowing- but Olivia tossed down an escape rope from what could potentially be a friendship ending conversation. She would be an idiot to not take it.
"Oh, yeah, it's pretty warm, hehe," a bald-faced lie, "I wouldn't mind if you turned the AC up. Thanks."
Despite having relegated the previous interaction to the dustbin of history, Serena couldn't help but feel a prickling sensation on the back of her neck. It was as if a spider was biting her nape, injecting her with the venom of doubt. Serena knew in her heart of hearts that Olivia's comment about the AC was a ploy. If there was one thing her friend wasn't, it was dumb, especially when it came to social matters. She had to deal with all the intrigues of her overbearing mother and keeping up her outward cheery persona, even to those she didn't like. Olivia not knowing Serena's true feelings about her, even after her blunder, seemed like a pipe dream.
Still, Olivia hadn't acknowledged it at all. She'd seen the neon lights flashing outside her window and had chosen to shut her blinds. That meant Serena didn't have to acknowledge it either. Sure, the silence felt like it was going to corrode her guts into a thick slurry of regret and self-doubt, but her appearances were more important. If her rogue thoughts got out to the wrong people, it would effectively mean that one arm of her social life would be dead and gangrenous, and Serena didn't know if she would survive the amputation without anesthetic.
Oh, wait, Olivia had asked her about drinks, and she had been sitting around and staring blankly like a dope. Truthfully, Serena never cared for either soda or tea, so that meant a stroll to the kitchen. She didn't mind, though; maybe escaping her best friend's bedroom would give her a desperately needed breath of fresh air. Somewhat reluctantly, Serena unfurled herself from her ball form, wincing as her feet touched the cold tile. She stood up, stretching her legs out.
"Oh, uh, I'd just like some water. We can head down to the kitchen, i-if you don't mind."
"Oh, yeah, it's pretty warm, hehe," a bald-faced lie, "I wouldn't mind if you turned the AC up. Thanks."
Despite having relegated the previous interaction to the dustbin of history, Serena couldn't help but feel a prickling sensation on the back of her neck. It was as if a spider was biting her nape, injecting her with the venom of doubt. Serena knew in her heart of hearts that Olivia's comment about the AC was a ploy. If there was one thing her friend wasn't, it was dumb, especially when it came to social matters. She had to deal with all the intrigues of her overbearing mother and keeping up her outward cheery persona, even to those she didn't like. Olivia not knowing Serena's true feelings about her, even after her blunder, seemed like a pipe dream.
Still, Olivia hadn't acknowledged it at all. She'd seen the neon lights flashing outside her window and had chosen to shut her blinds. That meant Serena didn't have to acknowledge it either. Sure, the silence felt like it was going to corrode her guts into a thick slurry of regret and self-doubt, but her appearances were more important. If her rogue thoughts got out to the wrong people, it would effectively mean that one arm of her social life would be dead and gangrenous, and Serena didn't know if she would survive the amputation without anesthetic.
Oh, wait, Olivia had asked her about drinks, and she had been sitting around and staring blankly like a dope. Truthfully, Serena never cared for either soda or tea, so that meant a stroll to the kitchen. She didn't mind, though; maybe escaping her best friend's bedroom would give her a desperately needed breath of fresh air. Somewhat reluctantly, Serena unfurled herself from her ball form, wincing as her feet touched the cold tile. She stood up, stretching her legs out.
"Oh, uh, I'd just like some water. We can head down to the kitchen, i-if you don't mind."
Current Mindworm:
(TRIGGER WARNING, Insects) I don’t want the soda that bad
It was done. The sanctum of her own room was one of- no, the only- place on earth where she could act before thinking and generally get away with it. The little FireTV stick esque remote that controlled her thermostat was in her hand and manipulated to a few less degress Farenheight before she was consciously aware of what she'd grabbed or where it had come from. She was told that was how adult life worked by her mom. A lot. Something about how even the most exciting things would become background noise with time.
Once, Serena had been a person with the exact same energy as Olivia's room. No need to think when speaking. In that regard, gayness had to make everything harder, and Olivia was glad it wasn't something she personally had to deal with.
Mom had mentioned that too, that things got lonlier with age. Olivia wasn't that optimistic she'd prove the maternal unit wrong.
"Alright. Usual drill if we run into Mom."
Deny deny deny.
--
In the end there was nobody down in the kitchen, just an ice cube cold room-shaped cube of air where her parents had left the thermostat depressed for the night after turning in. Always made for a pleasant morning whenever Olivia was the first out of bed.
On a reflex- old enough to be celebrating its thirteenth some birthday- Olivia had briefly meandered closer to Serena. Body heat stealing, like had been so easy when they'd been little kids. Consciously within a moment Olivia noticed, and backed off when the little nitpicky voice in the corner of her skull reminded her why trying to sidle up to Serena just didn't work in present day present time.
"Anything else you're feeling?"
(TRIGGER WARNING, Insects) I don’t want the soda that bad
It was done. The sanctum of her own room was one of- no, the only- place on earth where she could act before thinking and generally get away with it. The little FireTV stick esque remote that controlled her thermostat was in her hand and manipulated to a few less degress Farenheight before she was consciously aware of what she'd grabbed or where it had come from. She was told that was how adult life worked by her mom. A lot. Something about how even the most exciting things would become background noise with time.
Once, Serena had been a person with the exact same energy as Olivia's room. No need to think when speaking. In that regard, gayness had to make everything harder, and Olivia was glad it wasn't something she personally had to deal with.
Mom had mentioned that too, that things got lonlier with age. Olivia wasn't that optimistic she'd prove the maternal unit wrong.
"Alright. Usual drill if we run into Mom."
Deny deny deny.
--
In the end there was nobody down in the kitchen, just an ice cube cold room-shaped cube of air where her parents had left the thermostat depressed for the night after turning in. Always made for a pleasant morning whenever Olivia was the first out of bed.
On a reflex- old enough to be celebrating its thirteenth some birthday- Olivia had briefly meandered closer to Serena. Body heat stealing, like had been so easy when they'd been little kids. Consciously within a moment Olivia noticed, and backed off when the little nitpicky voice in the corner of her skull reminded her why trying to sidle up to Serena just didn't work in present day present time.
"Anything else you're feeling?"
Upcoming:
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Halfway into the trek to the kitchen and Serena almost wished she'd just taken the green tea. Walking on cold tiles was never fun, but for whatever reason Olivia's house felt like it was encased in a glacier. Did her parents decide to leave the air conditioner on for the night? What purpose did that serve? Yeah, it made sense to have it on when it was 80 outside, but at night it was just torturous. It made Serena wish she'd taken her jacket with her to the kitchen.
Still, it wasn't long before the pair had made it to their destination. Upon arrival, Serena immediately beelined the rightmost cabinet closest to the kitchen's entrance. She knew the layout of her friend's house like it was her own, and she knew where to find everything by memory. She opened the cabinet and took out a tall glass, closing the cabinet and moving a couple of feet to the left by the refrigerator. There, she put her cup under the filtered water dispenser and waited. The water was always cold enough that it didn't need ice, but it was so slow to come out that it straddled the border between a continuous stream and steady droplets.
The soft padding of footsteps emanated from behind her, but Serena's dulled senses were too engrossed by the water to notice. Thus, she was woefully unprepared when Olivia strode up behind her, close enough that she could feel the tendrils of her body heat latch on to Serena's skin. For the briefest of moments, Serena didn't need a jacket; Olivia's heat disseminated through her skin, traveling through every cell in her body as it encompassed her head to toe. She couldn't stop a soft gasp from spilling forth from her lips.
Of course, before she could truly process it, it was over. Such a perfectly imperfect moment was already caught downstream in the flow of time. She realized she had tensed up, and relaxed her posture, but she could still feel her legs quivering. The heat was gone, the tendrils of warmth severed by the distance Olivia had put between them. Serena remembered being able to be that close to each other back when they were kids, when they harbored a grand innocence and nasty little 'feelings' weren't there to muck it up. Now, though? The mere act of being close to her best friend felt like a bridge of intimacy that was far too treacherous to cross, no matter how much Serena ached to. That ache made itself painfully clear in her chest and core, taking the form of an all too familiar heat that Serena didn't want to identify.
Only in your dreams and midnight fantasies, Serena's brain chided. Never in your lifetime. You should know that by now.
In the time it took her for her thoughts twist and snap and roil around in the primordial soup of electrochemicals and nerve signals, her glass was only half-full. Screw it, it was gonna have to be enough. Serena couldn't bear just standing around anymore. She had to move. She took a swig to cool herself off, despite the kitchen being cold enough to freeze a yeti. She didn't want her blush to be visible even in the low-light conditions.
Moving away from the fridge, Serena quietly ambled over to the dining room table. Quietly pulling up a chair, she plopped down in it and kicked her feet up, desperate to get them off the frozen tiles. She sipped on her water while devising an answer to Olivia's question.
"Oh, I don't know." She checked her phone, the military clock telling her it was 23:30. "It's getting kinda late. I'd be down for anything else you could think up, but-"
As if on cue, she started to yawn, though she stifled it as best as she could.
"I don't think I can really conjure up anything, hehe."
Still, it wasn't long before the pair had made it to their destination. Upon arrival, Serena immediately beelined the rightmost cabinet closest to the kitchen's entrance. She knew the layout of her friend's house like it was her own, and she knew where to find everything by memory. She opened the cabinet and took out a tall glass, closing the cabinet and moving a couple of feet to the left by the refrigerator. There, she put her cup under the filtered water dispenser and waited. The water was always cold enough that it didn't need ice, but it was so slow to come out that it straddled the border between a continuous stream and steady droplets.
The soft padding of footsteps emanated from behind her, but Serena's dulled senses were too engrossed by the water to notice. Thus, she was woefully unprepared when Olivia strode up behind her, close enough that she could feel the tendrils of her body heat latch on to Serena's skin. For the briefest of moments, Serena didn't need a jacket; Olivia's heat disseminated through her skin, traveling through every cell in her body as it encompassed her head to toe. She couldn't stop a soft gasp from spilling forth from her lips.
Of course, before she could truly process it, it was over. Such a perfectly imperfect moment was already caught downstream in the flow of time. She realized she had tensed up, and relaxed her posture, but she could still feel her legs quivering. The heat was gone, the tendrils of warmth severed by the distance Olivia had put between them. Serena remembered being able to be that close to each other back when they were kids, when they harbored a grand innocence and nasty little 'feelings' weren't there to muck it up. Now, though? The mere act of being close to her best friend felt like a bridge of intimacy that was far too treacherous to cross, no matter how much Serena ached to. That ache made itself painfully clear in her chest and core, taking the form of an all too familiar heat that Serena didn't want to identify.
Only in your dreams and midnight fantasies, Serena's brain chided. Never in your lifetime. You should know that by now.
In the time it took her for her thoughts twist and snap and roil around in the primordial soup of electrochemicals and nerve signals, her glass was only half-full. Screw it, it was gonna have to be enough. Serena couldn't bear just standing around anymore. She had to move. She took a swig to cool herself off, despite the kitchen being cold enough to freeze a yeti. She didn't want her blush to be visible even in the low-light conditions.
Moving away from the fridge, Serena quietly ambled over to the dining room table. Quietly pulling up a chair, she plopped down in it and kicked her feet up, desperate to get them off the frozen tiles. She sipped on her water while devising an answer to Olivia's question.
"Oh, I don't know." She checked her phone, the military clock telling her it was 23:30. "It's getting kinda late. I'd be down for anything else you could think up, but-"
As if on cue, she started to yawn, though she stifled it as best as she could.
"I don't think I can really conjure up anything, hehe."
Ice in her veins it was that cold. Olivia wasn't the sort to wear a jacket in her own home, she supposed that was just a thing a native Twin Cities girl did.
Current Mindworm:
Ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine
The more pressing sensation was that of a dull burn, little insect legs skittering up and down the concealed dark of her eyebags. The muscles there were slowly tensing, a few turns too many of a Philips-head. Something in her makeup was an irritant... The new palette of her color corrector, had to be. Damn NYX. She'd have to remove it before she slept, and she'd do that when she got around to it. No need to take it off before Serena was asleep, historically Olivia was always the second one between them to slumber.
No need to put it on in the first place, but habits died hard.
As Serena left the kitchen Olivia belatedly remembered to put together her own drink. Fifty percent Diet Coke and fifty percent Oi Ocha were unceremoniously dumped into the same tall glass Serena had picked out for her own drink. The concoction was mixed solely through the force of the liquid as it poured, a quiet sound in tandem with the continued churn and drip of the fridge's ancient water dispenser. Olivia was reminded of many a similarly poorly lit night, wandering around alone in her own kitchen putting together study snacks and drinks. Similar witching hours she recalled, how many times she'd drunk all sorts of combinations of caffine just to keep her awake, such that her odd taste in mixed beverages no longer did much to her alertness.
She'd never make them in public, though. Olivia was pretty sure only Serena and maybe Mallory knew the sort of swill she drunk in her free time. Even her own mother didn't care enough to observe her daughter's mundane habits.
She checked her phone with her free hand, hovering at the doorway between kitchen and dining room for a moment while taking a frank gulp of her tea-soda. 23:30.
"There's a few documentaries I was interested in watching."
Documentaries that Bree had recommended. Olivia normally wasn't that into streaming platforms, but the access she did have to most of them through her parents was convenient enough in cases like this. The typical documentary was either too sensationalist or too dry for her tastes, but they at least made for good conversation.
"Besides that, fair on the time. I'm good to call it a night."
Olivia could still remember a few years ago, when the both of them had been more likely to stay up all night talking about books and interesting things they'd found on Wikipedia crawls, with iHeartRadio humming along in the background. To think that she'd gotten old enough to have fond memories of a simpler time. Weird. But it was definitely the sort of staying up that wore less on her soul than the sort she did now. The regular partying and late night studying, while necessary for a well lived life, probably left abrasions they'd find on her dry bones decades after she was put in the ground. Olivia was glad Serena liked sleeping earlier nowadays. It meant someone in her life out of all the people involved- herself included- cared enough to give her the time to rest that she craved.
"I can lead."
A quick prayer before bed, as was tradition. Olivia recalled the prayers in an instant, casually as she continued to drain her cup.
In the moment of silence she also, against her will, remembered the tension that had stolen Serena's body the instant in the kitchen they'd gotten too close. She shooed it away. That intrusive image had nothing to do with her. It was between Serena and God.
Current Mindworm:
Ceilings - Lizzy McAlpine
The more pressing sensation was that of a dull burn, little insect legs skittering up and down the concealed dark of her eyebags. The muscles there were slowly tensing, a few turns too many of a Philips-head. Something in her makeup was an irritant... The new palette of her color corrector, had to be. Damn NYX. She'd have to remove it before she slept, and she'd do that when she got around to it. No need to take it off before Serena was asleep, historically Olivia was always the second one between them to slumber.
No need to put it on in the first place, but habits died hard.
As Serena left the kitchen Olivia belatedly remembered to put together her own drink. Fifty percent Diet Coke and fifty percent Oi Ocha were unceremoniously dumped into the same tall glass Serena had picked out for her own drink. The concoction was mixed solely through the force of the liquid as it poured, a quiet sound in tandem with the continued churn and drip of the fridge's ancient water dispenser. Olivia was reminded of many a similarly poorly lit night, wandering around alone in her own kitchen putting together study snacks and drinks. Similar witching hours she recalled, how many times she'd drunk all sorts of combinations of caffine just to keep her awake, such that her odd taste in mixed beverages no longer did much to her alertness.
She'd never make them in public, though. Olivia was pretty sure only Serena and maybe Mallory knew the sort of swill she drunk in her free time. Even her own mother didn't care enough to observe her daughter's mundane habits.
She checked her phone with her free hand, hovering at the doorway between kitchen and dining room for a moment while taking a frank gulp of her tea-soda. 23:30.
"There's a few documentaries I was interested in watching."
Documentaries that Bree had recommended. Olivia normally wasn't that into streaming platforms, but the access she did have to most of them through her parents was convenient enough in cases like this. The typical documentary was either too sensationalist or too dry for her tastes, but they at least made for good conversation.
"Besides that, fair on the time. I'm good to call it a night."
Olivia could still remember a few years ago, when the both of them had been more likely to stay up all night talking about books and interesting things they'd found on Wikipedia crawls, with iHeartRadio humming along in the background. To think that she'd gotten old enough to have fond memories of a simpler time. Weird. But it was definitely the sort of staying up that wore less on her soul than the sort she did now. The regular partying and late night studying, while necessary for a well lived life, probably left abrasions they'd find on her dry bones decades after she was put in the ground. Olivia was glad Serena liked sleeping earlier nowadays. It meant someone in her life out of all the people involved- herself included- cared enough to give her the time to rest that she craved.
"I can lead."
A quick prayer before bed, as was tradition. Olivia recalled the prayers in an instant, casually as she continued to drain her cup.
In the moment of silence she also, against her will, remembered the tension that had stolen Serena's body the instant in the kitchen they'd gotten too close. She shooed it away. That intrusive image had nothing to do with her. It was between Serena and God.
Upcoming:
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Second Chances V3 (deconreconfirmed):
Relations Thread!
Olivia Fischer (original handler, Maraoone)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Faith Marshal-Mackenzie (original handler, Frozen Smoke)
Memories: 1 Pregame: 1
Sayuna Lewis (original handler, Cicada)
Princess McQuillan (original handler, Cicada)
Pregame: 1
Oh, a documentary wouldn't be too bad. Serena enjoyed them, particularly the British ones; the ones with American narrators always felt like they were trying too hard to hype her up and sensationalize the content. Sure, the British narrators were nigh-universally stuffy 80 year olds, but their voices had a calming effect on her. When she was in the mood to watch a documentary, the British voice wrapped around her like a warm blanket, which in her opinion perfected the experience.
In the succeeding moments, Serena was downing the rest of her water, and of course Olivia then brought up something which she'd been able to so blissfully ignore during the day: bedtime prayer. Serena almost choked on her drink.
Son of a...
Olivia had them memorized. Serena would've had them down as well had she not secretly stopped doing them nearly a year ago. She'd been doing them for so long that she thought she'd never forget, but as soon as she ceased her nightly prayers her brain jettisoned them from her memory like they were unwanted cargo. Making matters worse, the prayers at Olivia's house were varied and there were few repeats. She couldn't just summon the words like she had been able to a few months ago, and even then she found herself struggling to catch up with Olivia.
The façade was slipping. Her stomach folded itself up like origami. She had thought about studying different nightly prayers in the past before her she had wholly rejected the idea. Maybe it was a matter of principles over pragmatism, but Serena refused to liken hanging out with her childhood friend to her school exams. She hated that she even used the term 'pragmatism' to think about it. Was this really how far it had devolved? She had legitimately thought about making herself a study guide to use over at her best friend's house. If Serena had to strategically plan and think about how to interact with Olivia, could she even consider herself a true friend? There was a lot more than just Serena stuffed into the closet; it was so full that it was going to burst sooner or later. But instead of doing the healthy thing and letting it all out, she had to carefully block it off and reinforce it, brick by brick. If she didn't let it out, then the rift between them would grow wider and wider until before Olivia got too inquisitive and figured the whole scheme out, which would inevitably end what sad husk of their relationship was left, but if Serena spilled everything to her best friend right now, she would overload Olivia with so many emotional burdens that their relationship would buckle and collapse under the pressure.
The stark reality is that despite the illusion of two choices, they both led to the same outcome: everything falling apart. The only differing factor was if it fell apart now or later. Serena didn't know if this qualified as a Catch-22, but if did, then it fucking sucked.
It took Serena a couple of moments to answer, and in that time the disconnect between her brain and the rest of time had become increasingly noticeable. She was taking too long to answer questions now, though she could probably chalk it up to her being tired.
"I'm up for a documentary!" she chirped, trying to conceal the stress that was mounting in her voice. "Only one though, I think that's the max I can make it through."
***
Maybe she couldn't make it through one documentary. The peaceful voice of the British narrator was working its magic a little too well, and Serena thought she would zonk out at any moment.
The two of them were back in Olivia's room, sitting on two beanbag chairs positioned in front of the television set. As much as Serena would've liked to cuddle with Olivia underneath one blanket, they each took separate ones and sat on separate chairs, with Serena occupying the one on the left. The beanbags had started out a few inches apart, but over the course of the hour-long documentary she'd subconsciously moved her chair close enough to Olivia's that they were basically touching. The only reason her mind let herself get away with it was because the conscious part of her brain was too busy trying to shut itself down. She yawned heartily. It was impossible to suppress.
The documentary was about life in the deepest parts of the ocean, which Serena would've been interested in watching if the weights on her eyelids weren't forcibly closing them every thirty seconds. She swayed slightly. If only she... if only she... if only...
The thought that never was quietly faded back into oblivion as she felt her eyes shutting themselves with a sense of finality. She began to lean ever so slightly to her right, not realizing that she was getting closer and closer to Olivia the further she went. The blanket anchor she'd made on her shoulder gave way, and the old plaid fabric cascaded down into a puddle on the floor. Her newly uncovered legs subconsciously extended towards the TV trying to recover the blanket, to no avail, and at that moment her mind decided that enough was enough. Her head laid itself gently on Olivia's shoulder, her soft breaths willowing outward, mixing together with her friend's before dissipating into the atmosphere.
Sleep at last.
In the succeeding moments, Serena was downing the rest of her water, and of course Olivia then brought up something which she'd been able to so blissfully ignore during the day: bedtime prayer. Serena almost choked on her drink.
Son of a...
Olivia had them memorized. Serena would've had them down as well had she not secretly stopped doing them nearly a year ago. She'd been doing them for so long that she thought she'd never forget, but as soon as she ceased her nightly prayers her brain jettisoned them from her memory like they were unwanted cargo. Making matters worse, the prayers at Olivia's house were varied and there were few repeats. She couldn't just summon the words like she had been able to a few months ago, and even then she found herself struggling to catch up with Olivia.
The façade was slipping. Her stomach folded itself up like origami. She had thought about studying different nightly prayers in the past before her she had wholly rejected the idea. Maybe it was a matter of principles over pragmatism, but Serena refused to liken hanging out with her childhood friend to her school exams. She hated that she even used the term 'pragmatism' to think about it. Was this really how far it had devolved? She had legitimately thought about making herself a study guide to use over at her best friend's house. If Serena had to strategically plan and think about how to interact with Olivia, could she even consider herself a true friend? There was a lot more than just Serena stuffed into the closet; it was so full that it was going to burst sooner or later. But instead of doing the healthy thing and letting it all out, she had to carefully block it off and reinforce it, brick by brick. If she didn't let it out, then the rift between them would grow wider and wider until before Olivia got too inquisitive and figured the whole scheme out, which would inevitably end what sad husk of their relationship was left, but if Serena spilled everything to her best friend right now, she would overload Olivia with so many emotional burdens that their relationship would buckle and collapse under the pressure.
The stark reality is that despite the illusion of two choices, they both led to the same outcome: everything falling apart. The only differing factor was if it fell apart now or later. Serena didn't know if this qualified as a Catch-22, but if did, then it fucking sucked.
It took Serena a couple of moments to answer, and in that time the disconnect between her brain and the rest of time had become increasingly noticeable. She was taking too long to answer questions now, though she could probably chalk it up to her being tired.
"I'm up for a documentary!" she chirped, trying to conceal the stress that was mounting in her voice. "Only one though, I think that's the max I can make it through."
***
Maybe she couldn't make it through one documentary. The peaceful voice of the British narrator was working its magic a little too well, and Serena thought she would zonk out at any moment.
The two of them were back in Olivia's room, sitting on two beanbag chairs positioned in front of the television set. As much as Serena would've liked to cuddle with Olivia underneath one blanket, they each took separate ones and sat on separate chairs, with Serena occupying the one on the left. The beanbags had started out a few inches apart, but over the course of the hour-long documentary she'd subconsciously moved her chair close enough to Olivia's that they were basically touching. The only reason her mind let herself get away with it was because the conscious part of her brain was too busy trying to shut itself down. She yawned heartily. It was impossible to suppress.
The documentary was about life in the deepest parts of the ocean, which Serena would've been interested in watching if the weights on her eyelids weren't forcibly closing them every thirty seconds. She swayed slightly. If only she... if only she... if only...
The thought that never was quietly faded back into oblivion as she felt her eyes shutting themselves with a sense of finality. She began to lean ever so slightly to her right, not realizing that she was getting closer and closer to Olivia the further she went. The blanket anchor she'd made on her shoulder gave way, and the old plaid fabric cascaded down into a puddle on the floor. Her newly uncovered legs subconsciously extended towards the TV trying to recover the blanket, to no avail, and at that moment her mind decided that enough was enough. Her head laid itself gently on Olivia's shoulder, her soft breaths willowing outward, mixing together with her friend's before dissipating into the atmosphere.
Sleep at last.