What position would your kid play in Basketball?

[Frozen Smoke]

hello coach, please can u tell me what you think of my tape - Jacob Rowe

[almostinhuman]

there's a Greene sibling already in the pipeline so how about everyone's favorite player who's definitely very athletically inclined

[MurderWeasel]

Yvette please!

[The Honeless Beard]

but what's Penders' basketball position and role, nyaft

Scouting Report: At an average height and above average weight, David is a big body to throw into your roster with enough stamina to make big impacts in the early game but be swapped for better scorers late. He excels at setting hard, punishing screens that free up daylight for his ball handlers and boxing out rebounds so that his team can feast. Defensively, David is mostly a short rim-protector that stays home, roaming the paint and trying to ensure that nobody gets an easy bucket.

Analysis: David plays the 5 and plays it well, though his shotmaking skills lack somewhat. He's mostly out there to run plays through, and despite gaining a short shot game from around 6 feet late in the season, never really blossomed as a true offensive threat.

Signature shot: Dropping his shoulder around a screen to send a defender on his back, finishing with a scowl.

Standard statline: 4-9-0 with 5 fouls, exclusively for moving screens.

[The Honeless Beard]

Emmy Soon

Scouting Report: Emmy's positional awareness as a centerback and wherewithal for finding angles has allowed her to transition easily to the basketball mentality, and as such she's our defensive specialist for the 3/4 forwards. Normally she'd be far too short to cover these positions, but considering every other kid is like 5 feet tall, she's gonna do great. We have soccer for footwork and defensive ball for awareness meaning her ability to switch on defense and fight around screens is likely in the top five percentile, though her offensive skills likely lack.

Analysis: As mentioned in the SR, Emmy's gonna switch between the 3 and the 4, but truthfully she's not going to conform to a regular offense and is just gonna be parked on the other team's best scorer. She's likely a risk of foul trouble most games but she makes up for it by knocking folks off their game early and knocking them off often.

Signature shot: Keeping step-for-step with a driving opponent, finishing the defensive play out with a block that leads to an odd-man rush.

Standard statline: 0-4-4 with 2 steals, 2 blocks, and a decent 22 minutes of playing time.

[KamiKaze]

You know, out of morbid curiosity...

[Applesintime]

angry Irish girl

[The Honeless Beard]

noah

Scouting Report: Noah's a great size and shape for basketball, but we know very little about his athletic capability. I think it's more fun to assume that he's super athletic so we can have another person who's 6 feet or taller in here, so welcome to the team, Noah. Noah's personality doesn't translate super well to someone who's on-ball a lot, so I like to see him as kind of a slasher - he cuts to the basket, looks to get a pass in motion, and rises to yoke it down the rim.

Analysis: Noah's gonna be our 4, but he's not a face-up four (the bottomest of all basketball positions) rather a back-to-basket back down bruiser. He works best when he's got a runway so when Noah's on the floor he's constantly in motion, running around and setting screens to get a mismatch. On defense, Noah plays hard but not necessarily smart - he can cover a defender for a long while but he'll get beaten by a blind screen or a quick handle.

Signature shot: Euro-step dunk to layup transition with a hand in his face.

Standard statline: 11-5-0 with 1 steal and 5 fouls.

[Ohm]

Kyle Benson

[Primrosette]

Kaine, please? ; )

[The Honeless Beard]

JENELLE viewtopic.php?t=3197

Scouting Report: Jenelle strikes me as someone who'd glean pleasure from torpedoing both teammates and opponents alike, and likely isn't a popular person on the court. She joined practice just to get a specific teammate alone in the bathroom and gave them a swirly for not responding to a facebook invite. She also joined to support her brother but got bored real quick.

Analysis: Jenelle rides the wood as a 12th bencher but probably is beloved for her smack talk (she probably views her teammates as people she can bully better than the other team) and gets put in the game to immediately flagrant 1 the opposing team's enforcer.

Signature shot: Pulling an opposing player's jersey off to make them drop the ball.

Standard statline: 0-0-0, flagrant 1 at the 2nd minute.

[Yonagoda]

Melodie

[The Honeless Beard]

hello coach, please can u tell me what you think of my tape - Jacob Rowe

Scouting Report: It seems like we've found our bottomest boy on the court, as Jacob has decent height but absolutely no muscle to bang down low and would likely have a decent flexibility driving to the rack if he had the disposition for it. Jacob strikes me as someone who would avoid the contact in the paint and prefer to work on the perimeter or on the outside - lots of up-fakes and fallaway Js.

Analysis: Jacob is gonna be our face-up 4. Most power forwards tend to be paint-dwellers who get lots of rebounds and exhibit power and will on the court, but not this buddy boy. Hope you like step-left jumpers over shorter defenders, screens so soft they're actually rolls, and pretty immaculate free-throw shooting, because Jacob is never going to drive in his life.

Signature shot: Rising up for a three over a guard defender.

Standard statline: 13-4-1 at 66% true shooting.

[The Honeless Beard]

there's a Greene sibling already in the pipeline so how about everyone's favorite player who's definitely very athletically inclined

Scouting Report: Nadine's mind is a marvel, being a quick learner and grasping new concepts easily means that she's locked in to drawing up plays and observing the other team's best players and their strengths and weaknesses. What isn't a marvel, however, is anything but Nadine's mind, which means tragically her career as a ball player is very short. She's invaluable behind the bench as an assistant (to the) coach, however, watching the other squad for weaknesses.

Analysis: Nadine's dedication to the sport meant that she was able to draw up five final plays in the dying minutes of the Wave's season, resulting in open-look shots that sent the Wave to the playoffs where they lost in the first round. Nadine's contribution will be forgotten easily by everyone but her coach, who touched her elbow and said "Great play, Flores."

Signature shot: A triple blind screen play that shakes the 2 loose enough for a beautiful shot with nobody to contest.

Standard statline: 18-12 so far.

[The Honeless Beard]

Yvette please!

Scouting Report: Nope. No no no. If Chris Bosh had to stop playing on blood thinners there's no way Yvette is ever allowed on a basketball court, especially when an errant elbow or a stray fingernail could make her even shorter. Give track and field a try.

Analysis: Liability risk, and our insurance can't handle another one.

Signature shot: A flu shot.

Standard statline: Gone.