in which brackie critiques your characters By Version

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
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Brackie
Posts: 787
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:37 pm

in which brackie critiques your characters By Version

#1

Post by Brackie »

hi this is me making an attempt to read/write every day by reading other people's characters and writing about them

- the premise of this particular critique thread is that you give me a version/game you were in and I read then critique all of the characters you wrote in that version.
- if you want in, post in here with the version you want critiqued/looked at (preferably with a list of your characters in said version)(or perhaps a link to a post/wikia page with said characters) and you'll be added to the pool
-- every character though. no "could you read A B and C but not touch X or Y?" - all or nothing, baybee.
- i will try to go in depth but i am generally a man of brevity so if you've seen my Read-A-Thon posts you'll know what you're in for w/r/t critique length (unless something catches my eye in a positive or negative manner). i'll do my best to talk about things that worked or things that didn't, either overall or in specific posts/threads/arcs/scenes, but there's some rust on the hinges so bear with me as i learn how to do critiques again
- only request critiques for characters from versions currently still running if all your characters in said version are decease-ed (at this moment that means if you're out of v7 or program v3 or you kill all your tv3 cast in pregame right this minute)
- any version, any length, any size. so if you were in the battle royale au, or virtua, or v2, then here's where I get to experience that version through your characters for a moment.

i'll start the queue w/ three handlers and see what happens

* Catche Jagger (V7)
* Kermit (V7)
* Ruggahissy (V5)
[+] The Island
V4: G069 - Clio Gabriella: Hold me closer, tiny dancer; count the headlights on the highway to hell.
V4: G083 - Paige Strand: Feelings don't try to hurt you, even the painful ones. You're responsible for all of the damn consequences.
V4: B118 - Jacob Charles: Every grieving heart has screamed at one time or another 'why can't you just let me die?'
V4: G114 - Aston Bennett: A woman who desires revenge must dig three graves.
V4: B108 - Ma'afu Tuigamala: Most men would rather forget a hard truth than face it.
V5: G015 - Janie Sinneave: Every human being must find her own way to cope with the impossible, and the only job of a true friend is to facilitate whatever method she doesn't choose.
V6: B018 - Maxim Kehlenbrink: Too much self-centered attitude brings isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger, and a hammer to the skull.
V7: G044 - Mikki Swift: It takes 18 years to build a reputation and a minute to ruin it.
V7: G070 - Jessica Rennes: Despair is our chance to wrestle with water and fall through.
V7: G075 - Aditi Sharma: She can still scream that rebel yell, just as loud as it was in 2005.
[+] Home
V4: B042 - Brendan Wallace: History has a way of repeating itself for years to come.
Meanwhile...
v5 - Penny Huang: Good girls can make bad decisions.
v5 - Jasper Rourke: Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "what could have been".
v7 - Gaelan Meloy: And nothing matters.
v7 - Jordan Brankovich: Rethinking it all.
v7 - Kayden Brockman: Not done yet.
v7 - Ji-hyun Christensen: Just getting started.
[+] Remind Me Tomorrow
Destiny Martinez will live fast and die faster.
Aidan Winston is going to let you know you're not solving anything.
Lara Rodriguez thinks you should keep your opinion on her to yourself.
Peyton Hoffman isn't fond of the PC Police ruining everything.
Lindsey Sewall wants to make sure you drank water today you stupid bitch.
Luke Travers needs to have a code.
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Catche Jagger
Posts: 294
Joined: Thu May 23, 2019 12:39 am

#2

Post by Catche Jagger »

I'd appreciate a critique of my v7 cast: Thomas Buckley, Colin McCabe, and Sapphire Waters
[+] sig
[+] V7
ImageB078 - Thomas Buckley: "Holy- yes, I am scared because I am not ignorant to the world around me. What the fuck are you talking about ‘am I scared’?”
Status: DECEASED
Memory: 1 | Pregame: 1-2 | Trip: 1
V7: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9

ImageG078 - Sapphire Waters: “It’s okay, Emmett…”
Status: DECEASED
Pregame: 1
V7: 1-2-3-4

ImageB079 - Colin McCabe: “Hey you murderous prick! Tell me how the fucking dirt tastes!”
Status: DECEASED
Pregame: 1-2
V7: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7
#1 Uriel Hunter stan

"I'm refined, I'm cultured. I'm a fashionista. I'm everything you're not and never will be." - Ali Grayston, 2006
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Kermit
Posts: 1647
Joined: Fri Aug 17, 2018 9:06 pm
Location: Don't worry about it :)

#3

Post by Kermit »

im kermit and i was in v7 and one of my children is like 15k words and the other is [toben's wordcount spoilers] even though they're 15 kids apart in the death order
[+] v7
[+] Michael Froese
Michael Froese - The story of an identity; the story of a matador; the story of a liar; the story of a junkie; the story of a very special frog; the story of a jackal; the story of an oscillator; the story of a ghost; the story of the death of an author; the story of a bunch of other stuff.

THREADS!

PREGAME: Mad world - This...this felt nice. - Michael was incredibly disappointed in himself for actually agreeing to go do something with Beryl. - He wasn't actually all that sorry. - Part of him was worried his real motivation wasn't self-torturing altruism but instead the fact that it was one of the few things that still made him feel.

ISLAND:
Michael and all of his friends were going to be footnotes in a history textbook. - he was folding in on himself like a four-dimensional object in three-dimensional space - Everything was about pain, fear, and love. - "Gave them our reactions, our explosions, all that was ours; For graphs of passion, and charts of stars." - He had a duty to look into someone's eyes as he killed them. - Closure really did sound like nothing at all. - "I wish we were lovers, but it's for the best." - Michael Froese the award-winning murderer. That was who he was now. - "I wanted to lose myself." - "Good and bad, all roads lead to Rome and I just, it hurts too much to be a good person." - "Somewhere out there in the deep blue sea, there's this whale." - "...It's harder to be yourself than it is to be anybody else." - "The neighbors, they adored him for his humor and his conversation. Look underneath the house there, find the few living things, rotting fast in their sleep; oh, the dead," - He gave her a big hug. He buried his head in her shoulder, feeling her cold, spongy, rubbery skin against his forehead. She had no eyes. She had no face. Something had eaten her face. - Michael Froese was a crazy person with a gun. - Validation. - "You don't live in a goddamned movie." - "I miss what it's like to be, like, actually alone." - "Market data inconsistent. Cantor API problem. Trading system offline," - Michael didn't want this. It wasn't like that'd stop him. - "I'm wide awake, it's morning." - He was a spree killer now, he supposed. - When he gave his word, he was giving nothing. - The fact they even existed was being politicized. - "BERYL FUCKING MAHELONA. TELL ME WHAT YOU DID TO BERYL MAHELONA," - 'Am I gray?' - A beach covered in unidentified decedents. - He'd never felt anything unconditionally. - "Look around you, you're surrounded.
It won't get any better. And so, goodnight."
[+] Valerija Bogdanovic
The story of a (failed) revolutionary.

THREADS!

PREGAME: August 12th, 2017 - The explosive sound of metal hitting metal

ISLAND:
She turned away. Everything from here on out was for the terrorists to see. - "All of us, we have the chance to actually do something with our lives." - The students were the shark in the box. - Complacency was festering like a tumour. - "She's right. It won't - it won't change anything," - Scraped into the wall, in neatly-styled lettering, the words "If they won't live in peace, then they'll die for peace." - Val needed a gun, - "I do not care for violence without a point," she stated. "My gun is not loaded." - "Juliette, I'm sure you already know this, but you really should take pains to be careful around people who speak only in enthymemes." - "Someone once said, 'Change must come with the barrel of a gun', and they were not wrong." - Two explosions.
destroy the UN08/03/2019
Micheal experienced super position wherein he was both Beryl and he was Beryl's RP site quote. He was sure he could be happy about this but he no longer knew what happiness meant.
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Ruggahissy
Posts: 1593
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:13 pm

#4

Post by Ruggahissy »

V5

Pls read Michelle Wexler, Paris Ardennes and Amaranta Montalvo.
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Brackie
Posts: 787
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:37 pm

#5

Post by Brackie »

and that is a closed queue
[+] The Island
V4: G069 - Clio Gabriella: Hold me closer, tiny dancer; count the headlights on the highway to hell.
V4: G083 - Paige Strand: Feelings don't try to hurt you, even the painful ones. You're responsible for all of the damn consequences.
V4: B118 - Jacob Charles: Every grieving heart has screamed at one time or another 'why can't you just let me die?'
V4: G114 - Aston Bennett: A woman who desires revenge must dig three graves.
V4: B108 - Ma'afu Tuigamala: Most men would rather forget a hard truth than face it.
V5: G015 - Janie Sinneave: Every human being must find her own way to cope with the impossible, and the only job of a true friend is to facilitate whatever method she doesn't choose.
V6: B018 - Maxim Kehlenbrink: Too much self-centered attitude brings isolation. Result: loneliness, fear, anger, and a hammer to the skull.
V7: G044 - Mikki Swift: It takes 18 years to build a reputation and a minute to ruin it.
V7: G070 - Jessica Rennes: Despair is our chance to wrestle with water and fall through.
V7: G075 - Aditi Sharma: She can still scream that rebel yell, just as loud as it was in 2005.
[+] Home
V4: B042 - Brendan Wallace: History has a way of repeating itself for years to come.
Meanwhile...
v5 - Penny Huang: Good girls can make bad decisions.
v5 - Jasper Rourke: Of all the words of mice and men, the saddest are, "what could have been".
v7 - Gaelan Meloy: And nothing matters.
v7 - Jordan Brankovich: Rethinking it all.
v7 - Kayden Brockman: Not done yet.
v7 - Ji-hyun Christensen: Just getting started.
[+] Remind Me Tomorrow
Destiny Martinez will live fast and die faster.
Aidan Winston is going to let you know you're not solving anything.
Lara Rodriguez thinks you should keep your opinion on her to yourself.
Peyton Hoffman isn't fond of the PC Police ruining everything.
Lindsey Sewall wants to make sure you drank water today you stupid bitch.
Luke Travers needs to have a code.
I'm hosting a SOTF!
SOTF: International
Applications Open Now!
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