What I'm Saying to You: Things Can Change

[Catche Jagger]

It wasn’t uncommon for Thomas to just wander the halls of George Hunter after school. He wasn’t the sort to properly make plans with others unless he was being invited by someone else, not wanting to impose or anything. After all, he couldn’t invite others over his place, with his mom being so self-conscious over its near constant state of mess.

This way he might just happen to come upon someone he knew without feeling like he was putting some undue burden on someone who felt bad for the weird kid with nothing better to do, other than the homework he was putting off, that may have come along with having to directly ask. Additionally, he could always pretend he’d been on his way somewhere else if he ever felt he’d somehow intruded, a plausible excuse when you come across someone spontaneously.

Given, it did sound a bit psychotic when it was all laid out like that, but it had served him better than isolating himself like some sort of school-shooter-in-the-making, or socially stumbling all over himself like some sort of real special needs kid.

Today, though, Thomas did have a specific destination in mind, and a specific friend he’d been hoping he might see.

Stepping through the doorway, he found Sakurako where he might have expected, working on sets for the upcoming fall production. The sight of her filled him with the mixed sense of butterflies-in-the-stomach and overbearing dread that he’d hoped to be rid of by now.

That hadn’t worked out yet, but it didn’t stop her from being a good friend and he wouldn’t let it stop him.

That is, as long as you don’t just stand around staring.

Taking a step further into the room, he finally spoke up. “Hey, Sakurako. What’s shakin?” He mused, taking on a playful tone of voice.

[Sunnybunny]

It took her one beat too many to respond, but Sakurako and her work were a pair not so easily parted.

"Hopefully not this wall, or they might never let me work on this stuff solo again!"

She knew full well it should hold, but the act of shoring it up before adding a little color was comforting. Pointing to a chair near her workspace, she motioned to Thomas to make himself comfortable. She had an hour or so before she had to go home, the company would be nice. Being alone tended to make her lose track of time. Besides, it was nice to hang out with a friend.

Taking a moment to give him her full attention, she puts the tape measure in her hand down. Sakurako looked a bit messier than usual, but set work always had her like this. The blue jean jumpsuit she was wearing was rather plain for her too, though that wasn't super important right now.

"Hey hey, what brings you around? Did you need someone to play off of, or were you just looking for little old me?"

Table readings were another service she offered, though she could never quite commit roles that weren't hers to memory.

[Catche Jagger]

For a moment, Thomas thought that she hadn’t heard him. With her hair blown out as it always was, he assumed she might have headphones in. Just as he prepared to repeat his greeting, though, Sakurako spoke up.

The boy chuckled at her remark, before taking a seat beside a seat beside where his counterpart had been working. Sure, he looked a bit messy from work, but that didn’t stop her from looking really good.

Anyway.

“Well, you know me with my big-brain energy. I’m just out and about, letting the ol’ gears spin, letting all my amazing insights bubble to the surface. Don’t have much better to do, so I thought I might check and see if there was anybody cool around.” Thomas relaxed slightly, leaning back in his seat. “But I guess you’ll do in their stead.” He snickered a bit at that.

“Though,” he continued, bowing his head reverently, “I do hope I’m not bothering the master while she is at her craft.”

[Sunnybunny]

"Dude, the cool kids around here are scaaaary! George Hunter is the ocean, and I'm just a little clownfish trying to touch the butt."

It wasn't as if she had anything against most of them individually, just they when they were in a group it could very easy turn into a veritable blood bath. She was much better off hanging out with people not so concerned with what social role they played.

As if she could talk.

Sakurako smiled at Thomas, nice and easy, either showy or a show. Giving a few knocks to the set so far, she waited for disaster to strike. Well, it was more like she was waiting to confirm she hadn't been overly confident in how she'd put it up. The various thespians of their group did tend to be rough on things sometimes, but that was acting for you.

"A true master is moved by neither praise nor criticism, young grasshopper. But tell me some big-brained insights, since you're here."

She loved a good tangent.

[Catche Jagger]

Thomas chuckled at Sakurako’s remark.

And then there she was, letting Thomas ramble on about his stuff. “Thank you very much, oh wise master.” He grinned, looking over the girl’s set work.

He’d been thinking about a lot of things, some of them best not shared at the moment. Still, Sakurako was good. He was comfortable with her… and stuff.

“Well, I’m mainly thinking about how Heelys are really due for a comeback any day now.” He spoke with the declarative confidence of a prophet making a sermon. “After all, what better way to and from class than a pair of heel wheels?”

He cut himself off at that. Leaving a pregnant pause.

That isn’t what was on your mind.

“I guess, I’m also thinking about… senior year, I guess?” He shrugged, his expression turning slightly more bashful as he got a bit more honest. “Just, you know, it’s winter break then prom then graduation, pretty much. It’s a lot to take in.”

Do you feel like an adult yet?

The question rested on his tongue and never left there. It was one of those things that he wished he could ask everyone around GHH: if they felt the same bullshit inferiority that he did when he remembered that he was going to be 18 soon. He knew the answer was probably yes, and that they were all probably just dealing with the load better than him, but even so…

Anyway he’d shifted the topic on Sakurako a bit suddenly and realized that might not have been the best move. Running his fingers through his tangled curls, Thomas refocused on her.

“I guess I’m just getting all philosophical about it.” He gave a reassuring smile, hoping not to betray some of the less than positive feelings at play.

[Sunnybunny]

She very nearly made a pithy comment about heelies and truly being hell on wheels, but that wasn't the point. It would have been easier if it was, but were things ever? Even what Sakurako was good at took time and patience. What she was bad at?

"It's probably better that you're thinking about this kind of stuff than not, you know? As wild as our class can be and as fun as it is to watch, this place isn't the be-all end-all of everything. Could you pass me that deep blue bucket of paint over there? And grab us a brush."

She avoided, like the plague.

"Are you ready for it to be over? Our not-so-daring, not-so-heely, high school life?"

It was weird, thinking about endings. This time next year, who knows where they would be? Sakurako had a location, a school that had accepted her, and in ways she still felt as lost as she did as a little girl in NY.

"Shall we have a little symposium? Not cavorting like the Greeks, of course, but-"

Listening? She could do that.

[Catche Jagger]

“Oh yeah, sure.” Thomas smiled and passed the paint to his friend before getting up and grabbing a brush for her.

Sakurako was nice, too nice probably and that was part of the problem. Thomas perhaps wouldn’t feel so bad about projecting or imposing feelings on someone who wasn’t so nice, but then again, how could you be attracted to someone who you just thought of as an asshole? That was the catch, wasn’t it.

Part of the boy wished Sakurako was still dating her sort-of-ex, Zen. That would just make things a whole lot simpler and he’d have some reason beyond his own (usually correct) logic to just leave sleeping dogs where they lie.

Would you really be happy then? Or just another resentful dude in the “friendzone?” Are you really any better than that now?

Not worth dwelling on again.

“Eh, I don’t know if I’d say ‘ready.’” He shrugged, handing off the brush. “Maybe I’ll just stay here a while longer, keep doing pre-calc until I get arthritis, become so enlightened that I become one with this place.”

Thomas’s tone was still performative, joking, but he couldn’t help but think that such a notion might return to him as some sort of wacky, darkly comic dream or nightmare.

Sakurako had kept the focus of the conversation on him, his problems, whether out of sincere concern or an attempt to be considerate. Kind, but just flat-out spilling his guts to her was definitely not in the cards.

“I mean, I don’t think I could cavort like the Greeks if I tried. I lack their confidence… and single-piece attire.”

He examined Sakurako’s work, and found himself a topic that might suit him better than word-vomiting about random crap.

“Well, before I launch into some speechifying, I was wondering what this masterwork you’ve got here is?” He asked, looking over the in-progress set.

[Sunnybunny]

"You could be the Phanthomas of the Theater! But no kidnapping, that's creepy."

Conversation was so nice when it was simple. She was positive the two of them could dance around a topic forever, its dips and bends, and it really was fun. Much better than being lost in the world that was her thoughts. Gesturing with her thumb to the set again, she paused before dipping her brush with the slightest bit of color.

"They should have some togas in costuming. But this is a big mansion in NYC, which makes me more interested in the details. I miss it sometimes, the city."

The City. A place much bigger, brighter, and meaner than this place. Some part of her would always want to go back to it, but that was the part that wanted to shy away from being whoever she was meant to be. She couldn't hide under big sis Minako's skirts forever, or even at all. If she was going to stand out anyway, it might as well-

See! Lost in thoughts, all alone.

"But it's for Funny Girl, which I liiike, but that's kind of a period piece so I have to think about that before I end up screwing up and painting in a dvd player or something."

She hummed a little of I'm the Greatest Star before putting the brush to its rather large canvas.

"But I think I'll miss this place the same way I miss home, when we graduate. I'll be freer than ever, but who's going to entertain me with their antics?"

[Catche Jagger]

Thomas drew an “X” over his heart with a finger.

“I swear, no matter how deformed and good at singing I might get, there will be no kidnappings on my watch.” Thomas allowed a smug look to cross his face as he spoke.

Sakurako mentioned missing the city, which he understood. Not the city specifically, but missing a place which felt more natural, more like home. For him, that was Massachusetts, with his relatives and old friends and the colder winters.

For a moment, it seemed like… something crossed over his friend’s face. It was the sort of subtle shift in expression that Thomas was apt to miss in most people, but not here. He felt the impulse to ask her about the city, what it was like, but as soon as the thought came, Sakurako spoke up and the moment was gone.

The remark did give him an idea, though. It was the sort of thing that saying earnestly would make one sound like a damn child, but with an air of irony it could slide.

“Maybe you should paint a little hidden Sakurako. Put a little something of you back in the city?” He said, still using a performative tenor as he smiled at her.

Then they were back to graduation. Back to endings.

She asked a question that made his heart beat a bit faster and his face feel rather hot for some reason.

Just calm down for a fucking second. This is just a really simple question.

Still, he couldn’t keep playing the part, and slipped back into his normal tone of voice as he replied.

“Well, I’m sure a bunch of people here are going to keep you up to date on all of their stuff, you know. I know I’d like to. Keep in touch and stuff, I mean.”

[Sunnybunny]

Tilting her head back a little, hair falling back, Sakurako laughed heartily at her friend.

"I'll hold you toooo thaaaat..."

There was a beat, then another, as Thomas made his suggestion. She blinked at him, owlish, before becoming a whirlwind of motion all at once. The paintbrush in her hand was tossed off to the side as she replaced the lid on the paint. This never happened! She needed blueprints, she didn't come up with ideas, especially one as bright as this. Umm... paper!

"You're a genius! You're my hero!"

The deeper voice didn't hurt either. Sounded super astute.

Grabbing a spiral and pencil, she hopped onto the nearest desk and started sketching. Art wasn't her thing, but this was simple enough that if she took it slow it could be done.

"But why just me when I can sneak all of us in here?"

Her drama family, in the past. And Thomas, asking as if he honestly didn't know her heart on this. That would make sense, since she hadn't exactly told him or any of them... much of anything that mattered.

"Keep in touch? Like, postcards and shit? I might be leaving here but it doesn't mean I'm not going to bug ya."

[Catche Jagger]

Though he had been laughing with her, Thomas was briefly concerned for a moment that he’d said something wrong as Sakurako’s laughter faded into a moment of what seemed to be awkward contemplation. But then, without a word at first, she started to move and that alone cut through the tension for him.

“Well, I don’t know about ‘genius’, but I will take ‘hero’, thank you very much.” He said with a smile as she got to work on… whatever image she’d seen sprout from his little suggestion.

Throwing in everyone from drama was certainly more than Thomas would’ve suggested, and seemed like a pretty ambitious little project. On the other hand, Sakurako had a sort of infectious quality when she was decided on something, and Thomas was pretty sure that wasn’t just him. Wasn’t like he was some set design expert anyway.

Her little crack about postcards helped to further ease his nerves. He got it, he was in on the joke again. No pressure.

“If you’re planning on keeping in touch with postcards, I’ll warn you that you might have to be pretty consistent. You know I’m pretty shit at texting already… and now you’re going to have me learning a whole new way of communicating?” He asked, the ease and confidence starting to seep back into his voice again.

“Oh, if you are putting me in this thing, make sure you get my good side. Art’s forever, you know?” He added while gesturing toward his face in the way he assumed a model might, taking a peek at whatever Sakurako had drawn up so far.

[Sunnybunny]

As long as she kept things small, it was easy enough. Happy enough too, picking out who went where. It would be their little secret unless someone went looking for it, and Sakurako had no fear of any consequences.

Her sketch work, in miniature, was better than she would give herself credit for.

Tilting her head, she grinned once more.

"And a humble hero, too! I don't mind sending things as long as you appreciate the effort. I'll buuury you in California post cards! An avalanche of missives!"

That being said: "You could get better at texting, though. Just a little."

Even with Thomas, easy as things were, it did take some effort to reach out and not get all nervous about it. Nothing to dwell on with his model pose, and she lightly poked at him with the eraser end of her pencil.

"Like you have a bad side, come on. But let's see... ooooh, stand over by that window?"

[Catche Jagger]

"Well, a hero always has time for a missive from a fan. And I… I will get better, at texting and all that." It was a promise that Thomas did deeply want to keep, even if he had a fair bit of doubt that he could live up to expectations he was setting up for himself.

After all, he never was particularly good at living up to expectations.

He felt a his heartbeat pick up slightly as Sakurako mentioned him not having a bad side, but in a rare show of self-control, Thomas managed to not get too in his head over it and continued to smile when Sakurako poked him with her eraser, quietly hoping that he didn't look like too much of an idiot.

"Alright, alright." Thomas walked to the window, complying with Sakurako's request. At first, he considered striking a silly pose, but then stopped himself. Instead he simply hooked his thumbs into the pockets of his jeans as he looked back at his friend, deciding to try looking something like himself for her… whatever that meant.

"How's that? Ready to draw me like one of your French girls?" He grinned, standing a bit straighter than he normally might, still himself, but perhaps a bit more than that.

[Sunnybunny]

"You'd better, mister."

There was something in her voice that left no room for his refusal. Even though they would all be moving forward in their own ways, Sakurako didn't want to be left behind.

That threatened to bring sadder thoughts, but she focused on what was in front of her. The sun was starting down the path towards setting, giving a glowy sort of light from behind Thomas. It made her long for more skill, a better way to express what it was she saw.

Her pencil moved against the paper lightly, starting from the top. His hair was pretty curly, huh? And not in a Shirley Temple way, too tight and twee, good ship lollipop, it just suited him.

"Don't we need a couch? And I'd have to buy you that big diamond necklace to wear... just that."

The snicker from her lips didn't quite match her expression, which was so much softer.

In another moment of inspiration, she pulled put her phone to snap a pic of him, something that was usually a much trickier task.

[Catche Jagger]

Thomas probably should have known where that "French girls" comment would get him, but he had said it anyway and Sakurako's reply left him feeling just a bit exposed. He could only hope that the warmth he felt in his face didn't equate to something she might easily pick up.

That'd be sure to make her uncomfortable, you taking some little joke seriously all of a sudden.

The sense of worry was not completely unfounded, but Thomas also knew that this was Sakurako he was dealing with. She got it… well, most of it, most of him. Maybe because they were a lot alike, maybe because she was a more understanding person than most.

Thomas was pulled from his thoughts as Sakurako suddenly took a picture of him.

"Can I, uh, ask what that was?" He asked, still a bit stunned. When it came to moments like this, he was far more frequently photographer than subject.

Thomas cleared his throat.

"Am I just that stunning right now?" A smile. He bounced back again.