After a few moments, his labored breathing came to a sudden halt. A ragged noise that escaped from his throat was all but entirely drowned out by the sound of rain. His pupils dilated, hiding the green irises that seemed so much like her own. Drops of water fell onto his eyes without rousing so much as an errant twitch from his eyelids. The muscles in his face relaxed under her hand, and as she let go of his slackened jaw his head simply rolled to the side.
I didn’t look away.
She caught it. There was a particular moment when the flicker of life in his eyes went out. She saw death, at least as pure a demonstration as she could experience on this side of the veil. That which animated him, that made him a person, it just
stopped.
There’s nothing here. Nothing left at all.
There was a body, of course. On its own it had no more significance than the dirt it was lying in. Its contribution was no longer manifest in actions or aspirations anymore. Its most important role was as nutrition for the things that still lived. Insects, fungus, bacteria, scavengers; even the tree it was lying underneath. That was all it meant to the world.
That’s how it’s supposed to be. Life, death, and then new life. A cycle.
Erika stood up suddenly, nearly tripping over her own feet as she recoiled from the body and from her own thoughts. She lost the shaky grip held on the sliver of serenity she found in facing down her fear. Once again, it reached out and took hold of her.
“Fuck!”
There’s a cycle to this, alright. Blake’s death only makes things worse.
A second kill to her name, and one they’d announce tomorrow. If she couldn’t remain vigilant, if she didn’t force herself to do what was necessary, it would be her that fed the dirt next.
All of this could come to an end so quickly, you’d only notice if you were watching for it.
Erika inhaled deeply, pausing for a moment before exhaling. Again and again, taking in deep breaths of the humid, rainy air. Searching for the strength and clarity to ignore the chill in her bones and the gnawing anxiety that seemed so close to tearing them out from her skin. She craned her head upwards. Rain hit her face, and she shut her eyes without even thinking about it. It felt cool. Even after immersing herself in the presence of death, it was still impossible to draw breath in a place like this and feel anything but alive.
It was that feeling that finally contained her fear, placed it somewhere that it belonged. Somewhere it did more than just torment her.
Everything else that lives knows well enough to fight for itself. It's so much a part of being alive. Fighting to stay that way, for as long as possible, even though one day it's going to end. Sometime, somehow.
That's the only thing I have to fear. Not the fact that it’ll happen, but the context.
Erika shook her head, snapping out of her stupor. Adjusting the rifle slung on her shoulder, she made sure it was pointing down to keep water out of the barrel. Taking back her own bags, she paused for a moment before grabbing a hold of Blake’s as well. Before long, she’d left the area and broke into a light jog.
It’s just the state of nature. It’s cruel, and amoral. It always has been.
Some things have to die, so that others can live.
