Things Fall Apart

[Skraal]

((Nicholas Cameron continued from I Don't Hate My Body, I'm Just Afraid of It))

Nicholas stopped in his tracks, trying to figure out what the heck he was looking at. The whole scene was a mess, and not just because of the chest high pile of crackers blocking the way forward. Those suspended bridges were one of the most interesting parts of the school building, and to see the once clear glass desecrated like that evoked a strange feeling of revulsion. It was a little overdramatic of him to think of it that way, but, well... once glass was broken, that was it, right? The clear, unspoiled surface of the bridge and its roof would never come back to the way it was.

He sighed as he looked away, eyes traveling down to the ground far below. Why was he even thinking about this, honestly? It was a CR environment, so who cared if anything got broken or ruined? It wasn't real, and if he had to be perfectly honest, it was stupid of him to care. All the same, that was just how his brain worked, at this point - the glass was always half empty, no matter the situation. It wasn't reasonable (at least, that was what anyone he had ever shared his feelings with had tried to persuade him of), but, well... It was hard to explain, even to himself, but the disappointments just felt more real, and forcing himself to go along with what others wanted and ignore those thoughts seemed like just living a lie, really.

In that case, perhaps it was fortunate that yet another spiral into negativity was interrupted by the unexpected arrival of a heads-up display.

[Skraal]

Nicolas sat in silence as the announcement ended, Zeph's voice still echoing in his ears. As much as he liked to think of himself as having been desensitized to anything one could see in CR, this was on a completely different level than anything he had encountered. He felt almost as if he were about to vomit, unable to stop replaying the gruesome scenes in his mind over and over again. Of the three, it was the first one that really stuck out the most, though. Not just because it had the most gore, but because it put to reality one of the thoughts that had been constantly going through his mind since he got here. It was his, er, exit plan, as it were.

He glanced downward, hefting the crossbow in his hand and watching its metal surface glint in the light. It was a lot smaller than what Kirsten had, unfortunately. Would it still be enough to kill him instantly, like hers? Or would repeating her actions just end up with him bleeding out slowly and painfully after the bolt had done its work? Of course, it was doubtful that she was right, and that doing it would get him out of here. All the same, though, if he was going to die here regardless, what did he have to lose? He could take the gamble on the "you die in here, you die in real life" line being a lie, and the worst case scenario would be exactly where he was going to end up if he didn't give it a shot.

His hand twitched, slowly lifting the weapon a few inches before coming to a stop. As much sense as it made... he just couldn't do it. The visceral fear of the pain he might be putting himself through was just too much to bear. Maybe things would be different if he had a weapon that was better suited for that purpose, but, really, at this point he was just making excuses for himself. He was a coward, and that was all there was to it.

Nicholas groaned softly as he dragged himself to his feet. As tempting as it was to beat himself up again over this, he knew he had to keep moving, especially if he wanted to catch up with Raj. He wasn't quite sure how they had gotten separated, but honestly, it didn't really matter at this point. It happened, and it was a mistake that he needed to fix as soon as possible.

((Nicholas Cameron continued in I Have the High Ground))