Nicholas Cameron

Name: Nicholas Cameron
Gender: Male
Age: 18
Hobbies and Interests: Literature, history, video games, roleplaying

Appearance: Nicholas stands at 5'9" with a medium build. His face is oval-shaped, with round cheeks, brown eyes, and a hawk-like nose, framed by shaggy brown hair. Though he does make an effort to clean up when forced to interact with others outside of Cyber Reality, he tends to neglect his hygiene on a regular basis, and an unwillingness to look in mirrors causes him to be often unaware of small and otherwise correctable defects in his appearance, such as hair sticking up or crooked, mismatched clothing. His forearms and ankles are covered in a network of thin cuts and faint scars.

His Avatar resembles his physical appearance, though with a variety of small changes. Its height has been reduced by three inches, with thinner shoulders and wider hips than the physical body it is emulating. His hair is styled in a wavy bob, and the overall face shape has been slightly changed, with a smaller brow, a more rounded chin, and an upturned nose. Its hands and feet are noticeably smaller and thinner, and its physique is overall noticeably more slender than the nonathletic appearance of its owner. It also possesses significantly less body hair and is devoid of the various scars and injuries that mark his actual body.

Both in real life and CR, Nicholas tends to wear drab, shapeless clothing that covers up as much of his body as possible, sticking to wide-leg jeans and bulky hoodies whenever permitted. Even in warm weather, he prefers to cover up as much of himself as possible, sticking to long sleeves unless the weather becomes too hot to wear them without becoming physically ill. During the warmer months of the year, he focuses the bulk of his self-harm onto his ankles, the results of which can be covered up by his socks. During this time, the scars on his arms are only visible on close inspection, as the body hair in the region obscures the skin from a distance.

On the day of the attack, his avatar was wearing his typical outfit of a black hoodie, blue jeans, and white sneakers.

Background: Nicholas was born to Ian and Shannon Cameron, the first of two children. His brother, Thomas, was born two years later, and they both have maintained an affable, though not always emotionally close, relationship while growing up. Their parents both work relatively high-paying jobs, with Ian working as an actuary and Shannon working as an accountant. However, Shannon's career was put on hold when she took several years off to raise her children as a stay-at-home mother, and her advancement has been much slower than it otherwise would have been due to this circumstance.

On the surface, the family appeared to have an ideal life, with the two parents doing their best to ensure their children's future success, going as far as enrolling them in expensive private elementary schools when they reached school age. However, issues began to manifest fairly early in Nicholas' life. Not long after starting school, he began to experience a frequent sense of inexplicable disquiet and a feeling that something was defective about him at a fundamental level, leaving him often unable to sleep at night. He found difficulty relating to his peers, and this discomfort continued to increase as he got older, causing him to isolate himself from others and spend most of his free time reading, typically fantasy and science fiction, though broadening to other types of literature as he got older, as well as historical non-fiction. His parents, both introverts, did not see this as a problem, initially, though his difficulties in socializing eventually resulted in him becoming the subject of bullying and ostracization by the other students in his class. His already frequent bouts of melancholy worsened, and his once excellent grades began to slip towards an average, and then low state. His parents attempted to have the school intervene, but the school administration was ultimately unable to resolve the situation through disciplinary action, and the small class size meant Nicholas couldn't be effectively separated from the other students causing him trouble. Even more troubling, a few of his teachers seemed to take a personal dislike to him, often suggesting that he might be lying about his experiences with other students and accusing him of trying to emotionally manipulate others whenever he found himself crying as a result of the stress put on him.

Eventually, his parents decided to transfer him and his brother to another private school, at which a similar situation arose not long after. Nicholas' parents, both very religious, were hesitant to enrol their children in the public school system rather than another religious private school. However, upon much discussion between themselves, the two eventually decided that the public system would have the lowest tolerance for bullying and that minimizing the risk of their child's unpleasant situation occurring a third time was more important than having their sons enrolled in a school that purported to share their moral values. Once Nicholas finished eighth grade, he began attending Sycamore High School, followed by his brother two years later.

However, despite the absence of bullying in high school, Nicholas found his mental health continuing to deteriorate. The lack of guidance counsellors at his elementary schools or any sort of expertise on the needs of neurodivergent children on the part of the staff meant that his parents were never suggested counselling or other psychological evaluation over his frequent emotional distress and issues regarding academic performance, and his parents, themselves ignorant on the topic, attributed all of their child's difficulties to the consequences of bullying. Over the years, Nicholas had learned to hide his feelings well enough to avoid attracting attention from any school staff or his family, and, along with a lack of bullying, his grades saw enough of an increase that his parents saw no cause for concern, ignorant of their child's worsening depression. Over time, Nicholas began to attempt to become something of a class clown in order to both cheer himself up and better cover up his internal negativity. While he found some success with the latter goal, he found that the effect of his behaviour had diminishing returns on improving his mood.

Beneath the happy, playful facade that Nicholas put on for others, however, lay deep scars from his prior experiences as well as an increasing discomfort with the onset of puberty. The changes to his body brought with them a deep sense of wrongness, and by the age of fifteen, a terrifying realization had begun to form in his mind: not only did he feel a deep discomfort at the emergence of masculine features in his body, but he also experienced a longing to instead develop as his female classmates had, often daydreaming about having been born a girl instead of a boy. This understanding brought with it a sense of deep shame, as he had heard his family and other members of their church frequently express extremely negative opinions about the LGBT+ community, with his parents explicitly describing them in private as disgusting on numerous occasions. As such, while he did not fully understand the nature of his feelings, there was one thing that was certain to him, and it was that his feelings must be hidden from others at all costs.

The next couple of years would see his situation worsen, as the feelings got more intense while his home environment began to feel even more hostile. His parents, frustrated by the progressive culture surrounding them but unwilling to leave the state for economic reasons, began to take on a siege mentality, their beliefs only becoming more hostile and bitter as they began to feel persecuted for being unable to express what they saw as common-sense moral truths without experiencing negative social consequences. Thomas also began to take on similar beliefs to his parents, as well as consuming a large amount of extremist material online. This would result in him frequently opining on the state of the world to his sibling, often venturing into the topic of how disgusting and deviant he found the transgender community and how ridiculous he considered their activism to be treated as the gender they identify with rather than the one they were assigned at birth. Nicholas' gentle attempts to indicate that he was not interested in discussing the matter were ignored, and he felt unable to push back more firmly on the matter without potentially revealing his secret, leaving him often feeling trapped and helpless at home. The situation would only worsen when his extended family came to visit from out of state, as their opinions were not any more tolerant than the rest of his household's, and the feeling engendered by their visits has given him a deep dread of holidays, as well as of his own birthday.

As time went on, Nicholas found himself sinking deeper and deeper into depression, with his only solace being his hobbies. He began to devote an excessive amount of his free time to video games and online activities. In particular, he found himself a particular interest in CR roleplaying games, both singleplayer and multiplayer. The ability to pretend to be someone else became an essential coping mechanism for him, with any time spent outside of escapist fantasy becoming increasingly unbearable. Suicidal thoughts became more and more frequent, and while he found himself unwilling to act on them out of fear, self-harming behaviours such as cutting became a common occurrence.

Eventually, he decided to confide in a friend about how he felt. To his dismay, he found her confused and uncomfortable over the information. While she assured him that they would still be friends, the two of them began to drift apart. Once she graduated, having been a year older than him, he found his requests to spend time with her politely declined time and time again with a variety of excuses, which after some time he began to interpret as a personal rejection, further deepening his sense of shame and self-hatred.

As of senior year, Nicholas is internally barely holding himself together. His years of experience in repressing his feelings have assisted him in hiding the full extent of his depression from those around him. While the ones closest to him feel a suspicion that something is wrong, his unwillingness to open up to anyone has prevented those suspicions from progressing any further. He presents as a person concerned with maintaining his privacy and hides as much as possible of his online activities and his personal struggles from those he knows offline. His first friend at Sycamore was a student in the grade above his, and most of his friendships were made through that initial connection. Due to this, the majority of his circle of friends in school have been one year older than him, and graduated at the end of the previous school year, leaving him feeling lonely and isolated at school. He does his best to avoid spending time with his friends outside of CR and avoids in-person school events whenever possible. When forced to attend in-person events at school, he avoids social interaction to the best of his abilities and finds it incredibly uncomfortable when he is recognized offline. His parents are concerned with the excessive amount of time he spends in CR, but rather than seeing it as an issue of depression, they view it as similar to an addiction to video games. However, aside from the occasional nagging, they do little to actually limit their children's access to CR, as the two of them feel that it would be hypocritical given that they too spend what they considered to be an unhealthy amount of time using the internet.

On the topic of gender identity, Nicholas' experience is marked by a deep sense of guilt and shame. While he is aware that his feelings match up well with the clinical description of gender dysphoria, he feels an unwillingness to identify as female, even within his own mind, and despite feeling happy when referred to by feminine pronouns, does not typically use them unless roleplaying as a female character. What remains of his emotional stability is held together to a large degree by denial and repression, and he fears that acknowledging himself to be a girl rather than a boy might cause the entire situation to unravel, with potentially disastrous consequences. He is deeply jealous of his transgender and gender non-conforming peers who are able to express themselves freely and finds himself avoiding them in an effort to limit the pain caused by this jealousy along with avoiding provoking suspicion from his family. The extent of his ability to express himself outside of roleplaying has been to slowly tweak his Avatar to be more and more androgynous as time goes on, adjusting the features he finds most distressing in a manner slowly enough that he hopes his peers will not notice the changes. Even this limited expression feels extremely dangerous to him due to the possibility of his parents finding out and asking awkward questions, but the feeling of relief that he gets from it is too valuable to him to give up entirely. He has often considered attempting to confide again in someone from one of the various online communities he finds himself a part of, but the pain of his previously perceived rejection still weighs heavily on him and holds him back from doing it.

His academic performance is on the lower side of average, and while he wishes that he could do better, the fact is that his emotional struggles hold him back from doing so. He views himself as a disappointment to his parents, and though they stopped commenting negatively on his grades several years ago, the lack of positive reinforcement on their part serves to support that feeling. His excellent academic performance as a young child was frequently attributed by family and other authority figures to a high level of natural intelligence, and with that performance no longer present he feels unintelligent and undeserving of praise or support. His vision of the future is incredibly bleak and hopeless, and it is difficult for him to picture anything about where he wishes to go in life, resulting in him having no idea at all which college he would like to attend or what he would want to study there. The knowledge that he will be forced to choose soon serves as a ticking time bomb in his mind, and along with the increasing masculinization of his body as he ages, each day feels like it brings him closer and closer to unavoidable disaster.

Personality: In real life, Nicholas is shy and quiet, doing everything he can to avoid being noticed by those around him. In CR, however, he displays a somewhat more outgoing personality though still with a marked awkwardness. He enjoys seeing the reactions of others when he asks unusual and sometimes silly questions in class, though he moderates the frequency of those remarks around teachers who he knows are not amused by them. Beneath both personas is a desperate need to be liked, and he attempts to make up for his feelings of awkwardness and not fitting in by trying extremely hard to make others happy and avoid saying things that upset them.

When forced to interact with classmates in the real world, he attempts to replicate the personality he displays in CR, though a noticeable lack of confidence still leaves a sizable gap. Many find this behaviour somewhat strange, but those who know him well have mostly just accepted it as part of his preference for interacting in CR. Even those who notice the difference in appearance between his Avatar and actual body rarely seem to suspect anything even close to the true reasons for his behaviour, and any prodding at the matter is extremely uncomfortable for Nicholas, who usually plays it off as some sort of joke, and reacts with frustration in the odd circumstance that this excuse is not accepted.

Reputation: Nicholas gets along well with his peers, and though he is generally well-liked by those around him, there are few people in his grade who would consider him a friend, due to his socializing through his school years being primarily through students in the grade above him. He has a particularly good rapport with his homeroom teacher and enjoys discussing the books he's read with him. In general, his teachers tend to enjoy having him in their classes, though from time to time they express frustration at him disrupting lessons with barely relevant questions. His extreme preference for spending time in CR is seen as somewhat unusual, though given that many of his classmates express similar preferences to some degree, it is rarely questioned.

Designated Number: A11

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Designated Weapon: W-19 — Mission Crossbows SUB-1 XR
Designated Utility: U-6 — Commemorative T-Shirt

Conclusion: "I think I'll be little use with regards to your many troubles. After all, I'm not exactly your therapist. But, if it's any consolation, we're giving you the perfect opportunity to vent some stress. I've heard that a little bit of acupuncture is very, very relaxing, after all..." — [LINCOLN], Announcer

The above biography is as written by Skraal. No edits or alterations to the author's original work have been made.

Evaluations

Handled by: Skraal

Kills:

Killed By:

Collected Weapons: TBA

Allies:

Enemies:

Mid-game Evaluation:

Post-Game Evaluation:

Memorable Quotes:

Threads

Below is a list of threads containing Nicholas, in chronological order.

Sandbox & Memories:

• 3:06 AM

SOTF: Cyber:

• I Don't Hate My Body, I'm Just Afraid of It
• Things Fall Apart
• I Have the High Ground

Your Thoughts

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