Zane Wilcox

[Anderson]

Name: Zane Wilcox
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Hobbies and Interests: Computer programming, video games, hiking

Appearance: In his physical form, Zane is a slightly overweight, average-height white teenager, clocking in at about 165 lbs, with lousy muscle tone. His hair is medium-length and black, his eyes hazel. His style of dress is generally casual - a fairly plain t-shirt and jeans or cargo pants and sneakers if the weather is warm, with the addition of a pullover hoodie if it's on the cooler side.

Digitally, he's shifted that avatar to weigh more like 150 lbs with better muscle tone - not a bodybuilder, but much closer to an athletic build and his hair is somewhat shorter. His hair is also a bit darker, but otherwise the form of his avatar closely follows his physical body. Instead of jeans or cargo pants, he'll usually wear something closer to tactical pants, an edgier t-shirt that he's designed himself, and combat boots.

Background: Zane was born as the second child and second son of a pair of computer programmers working for one of the innumerable computer companies in the Bay Area. His mother ended up quitting work after giving birth to him, having found herself informally sidelined - but a decade of his parents having been a DINK household in the tech industry meant that their house was well on its way to being paid off and so they were able to make ends meet between his father's significant income and his mother doing limited contract work once he was in school.

His parents did their best to encourage Zane's abilities with computers, and Zane did enjoy learning how to code from them. At the same time, much as many lawyers, doctors, etc. pressing their kids to follow in their footsteps pushes them away from that path, so did his parents pushing him into the full virtual world of Sycamore HS create a bit of tension: Computer stuff began to feel like work for him instead of fun, and while he continued to excel at it, he also quickly burned out on being in a virtual world. As a result, the virtual world(s) are something he avoids outside of school as best he can. A side-effect is that while he never took up any team sports, he has spent plenty of time hiking in the hills around the Bay Area to spend time in the real world. His hiking often allows him to clear his head when he gets stuck on programming-related assignments.

Zane's dislike of his parents pushing him into computer-related things has led to rebelliousness at school, but at home he's been doing his best to stifle it. He can act out in places they aren't, and that avoids direct conflicts with them. He hasn't always succeeded, and whenever his at-school antics end up getting him yelled at home, there's usually a resulting argument which is then followed by apologies. In general, he's just running the clock until he can graduate and move on to focus on something else.

Zane has less of a sibling rivalry than he might otherwise have with his older brother: His brother, now a Freshman at UCLA, is far more enthusiastic about coding and working in virtual settings, and Zane has at times intentionally underperformed or acted out so as to avoid being drawn on comparisons. He doesn't resent his brother's skills, and the two have collaborated on a number of projects, but Zane does resent being stuck expecting to be the same as his brother.

Personality: Despite being a skilled coder, Zane does not want to be at this school. He doesn't like the whole digital school thing. Even he generally hasn't answered this in full detail when asked, though if pressed, he has often blamed either not wanting to live in the digital world or having school become too much like fun. This occasionally makes him grouchy when dealing with his teachers, though among his classmates he's at most occasionally sullen, if only because he manages to act out in what he thinks are amusing ways. He's careful not to get expelled, if only because his parents would kill him, but otherwise the result is roughly in line with a generic bored gifted, talented kid.

When he's doing things he wants to, or is at least not bogged down in being forced to do things he doesn't and he's had a bit of time to mentally separate himself from those things, he tends to be a lot more easy-going. At these times, he's still something of a joker or merry prankster.

Reputation: Zane is very much an archetypical class clown and troublemaker, albeit with a digital bent in how he does so. He's often wandering right up to that invisible line - figuring out things he wasn't told not to do and then doing them. This doesn't keep him out of trouble, but it does generally keep him from suffering too much for it (and if asked, he's usually willing to explain what he did to pull some prank). Aside from that, he's mildly popular even if he's somewhat introverted and occasionally a bit of a grouch. A lot of this comes from the fact that his pranks tend to amuse his classmates, and even if they don't, they'll tend to be the sort that skew towards things that might be helpful, such as trying to time a glitch to distract a teacher from giving a pop quiz. His popularity has come and gone somewhat over the years.

[Cicadan]

Hello there! There shall be critique.

[+] .

The Hobbies and Interests section takes the form of a single line list with items seperated with commas like so:

Computer programming, video games, hiking

I'd want a few more core details for appearance covered: legnth and style of hair, general dress style on a daily basis, and the specific outfit he was wearing when the terrorist attacks occured. For both his Meatspace self and his Avatar.

Also, Avatar is capitalized.

(and second son)

Omit parentheticals and integrate them into the body of the sentence. You do this a bunch so be sure to look through for all of them.

innumerable computer in the Bay Area

Missing a word after computer.

"work"

Avoid air quotes, also.

Some more detail I'd like in his Background: you note that he's somewhat popular, so how does he earn that popularity in his present day? Was it always the case that he was popular? Was he put up to programming by his parents from the get go or did he discover it on his own and only feel the weight of their insistence over time? Considering his burn out what personally are his plans for the future, and is there any conflict with his parents over the pressure they put on him either internally or manifesting in arguments with them or the sort?

he's at most occasionally sullen...

Avoid ellipses, also.

bored gifted/talented kid

Replace the / with a comma.

figuring out things he wasn't told /not/ to do and then doing them

Similar to air quotes, don't use /this/ form of emphasis, too colloquial tonally.

How is his personality more generally, when he's doing things he actually wants to be doing or around people who don't irritate him?

That's it.

[Anderson]

Even if this isn't at 100%, I think I've dealt with most of the specific issues. Please let me know if you would like to see more elaboration on anything.

[DerArknight]

Hi there!

Apologies for the long delay, I will be the staffer taking care of Zane from now on.

Zane is already looking good, but still in need of a few additions and rewrites. The profiles are supposed to be factual and non-judging, with the idea that they are written by a bored terrorist who is just doing his job and has no interest in the kids. So let's get to the lines in particular that I would like to see edited:

In the Appearance-section, you already did a good job of describing Zane both inside and outside of CR, but you missed his exact height (X'Y'') and what his Avatar was wearing on the day of the game. Please add this details. In addition, the word "Avatar" needs to be capitalized, which isn't the case two times in the second paragraph.

Now onto the Bio:

Zane's life, so far, has been painfully boring:

Apart from "boring" being opinionated, this line adds nothing to the profile and can just be removed.

He was born as the second child and second son of a pair of computer programmers

I would like to hear some more about his two siblings. How much older/younger are they? What are their names? How is Zane's relationship with them?

and his mother doing limited freelance/contract work once he was in school.

This sentence would work better using only one option.

Computer stuff began to feel like work for him instead of fun, and while he continued to excel at it...he also quickly burned out on being in a virtual world (something he avoids outside of school as best he can)

No need for dramatic pauses, a normal comma is enough. I will also repeat Cic's request to remove all parentheticals. To give an example how this line could read instead:

Computer stuff began to feel like work for him instead of fun, and while he continued to excel at it, he also quickly burned out on being in a virtual world, something he avoids outside of school as best as he can.

A side-effect is that while he never took up any team sports, he has spent plenty of time hiking in the hills/mountains

Italizing words for emphasis also doesn't really belong in profiles. Also I would like you to remove the "/" by either chosing one option or writing "hills and mountains".

to spend time in the real world (and occasionally, perhaps ironically, coming home with new ideas on programming things from his trips).

Please remove the parentheticals and the use of "ironically", which is again going against the aimed tone for profiles.

Now onto the Personality:

Even he couldn't tell you why (though if pressed, he'll blame either "just not wanting to live in the digital world" or "having school become too much like fun"), but it's mostly because his parents made him.

As above, please remove the parentheticals. In addition, airquotes are also rather unwanted.

"bored gifted, talented kid"

The airquotes again.

Finally, the Reputation section has one use of parentheticals I would like to see gone:

(and if asked, he's usually willing to explain what he did to pull some prank)

That would be all. The list might look intimidating, but don't worry: Most of the edits are rather small and if you have any questions or problems, you can always contact me over DM or Discord.

Have a nice day!

[Anderson]

I believe I've dealt with everything but the sibling part - I'm working that up now, but I wanted to get everything else sorted ASAP so I have that out of the way.

[Anderson]

Sibling situation addressed. Older brother only (Zane's the second kid, there's no third that I could find in there ). The older brother's probably about two years older than Zane. Relationship is pretty standard, but brother as skilled programmer is certainly helping feed into Zane's occasional misbehavior so as to be "different from him".

[DerArknight]

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