C Moretti

[Yonagoda]

Name: Cecilia “C” Moretti
Gender: Genderqueer, tentatively transmasculine
Age: 18
Hobbies and Interests: Digital media and design, philosophy and epistemology, journaling, RPGs, social and identity psychology, immersive Cyber experiences, neurology

Appearance: C has grayish dirty blond hair, hazel eyes, and heart-shaped face. Their face is heart-shaped with a soft nose, upturned eyes, and round cheeks. C’s frame is on the smaller side, at approximately 5’3, 130 lbs. It is hourglass-shaped, sometimes masculinized in the school’s server, with fair, peachy skin. C’s hair is choppy, with a fringe in their Avatar that would’ve been visually obstructive in real life. They style it in a mid-length bob in both iterations, but, in Cyberspace, they have a braided rattail, and it is dyed to be a more desaturated shade. They have sharpened canines, reflective eyes, and other similar small changes to their body in Cyberspace. They've been implementing aesthetic changes ever since middle school, but are conservative with editing their facial features in school for the sake of recognizability.

C likes to design their own clothing in Cyberspace, and wears them infrequently. they have a fondness for geometric patterns and cutesy illustrations. They are comfortable showing skin in their Avatars, but not in real life. On the first day of the event, they were wearing an oversized white tee with drawn rabbits on it, blue basketball shorts underneath, a pair of sneakers, and dangling earrings. In real life, their body was wearing what they typically wear to bed- a black sports bra and pajama pants.

Background: Cecilia was born on the eighteenth of November to Aveline, a NICU nurse and amateur photographer, and Jordi, a manager at a dishware store. Both of them were relatively caring and attentive parents to her. Cecilia had an aptitude for art at a young age; she was an avid watcher of child-friendly anime like Sailor Moon, which eventually led to an interest in the less child-friendly genre of dark magical girls, and she would draw fanart for whatever media she enjoyed. C's social life was mostly facilitated by her parents, as she was often unwilling to initiate friendships with other people. Social interaction quickly became exhausting with fellow children, and she felt as if she was too mature for them. On the other hand, she was a good student and a bit of a teacher's pet.

Upon regularly using Cyber technology for middle school, Cecilia began to develop doubts about the reality of the world she lives in. The idea of her brain being made to feel stimuli that doesn’t exist in real life was existentially worrying for her, and because of this she frequently had to check in and out of Cyber Reality for the sake of her own mental health. Despite this, Cecilia frequently spent her free time in Cyberspace, finding it much easier to engage with her creative side digitally, and considering the mental issues a decent trade-off. It wasn’t until a check-up by a middle school counselor that she began to realize her odd relationship with Cyber technology wasn’t normal, and that her episodes of derealization should be looked at. She picked up a habit of writing a diary, which she's maintained almost daily for the past several years, at the suggestion of a counselor to feel grounded, but otherwise refused to further engage with any mental health resources. She maintains a staunch belief that her worries are valid, and avoids telling her parents about them out of a fear of being seen as weird or unstable, and also because she considers this level of skepticism and out-of-the-box thinking to be a defining part of her that she doesn't want to lose.

In the summer between 8th and 9th grade, Cecilia attended a summer “Philosophy of Science” program held in Cyber Reality; Although unfamiliar with the topic, she was enthralled by the concept of philosophy itself, as an usually contemplative person. Throughout the month-long program, she developed a fondness for philosophical experiments and browsing the web for them. Cecilia has long held fears about whether the world was in and of itself a simulation, which Cyber usage has only amplified; these fears were caused by early exposure to science fiction media, such as the Culture series, which dealt heavily with reality and technologically simulated consciousness as their core themes. As such, C is often worried about the impacts that future technological developments, including the further development of Cyber technology, on the human experience. She is also interested in the neurological impacts of Cyber on the brain, and the exact sciences behind how it works, as it ties into her interest in the consciousness and self-perception.

Soon after, Cecilia would begin to consider themselves as genderqueer, albeit rather unsurely, after being exposed to the concept and finding it a fit for them. C doesn’t like to stick with any particular labels, and is not uncomfortable with presenting as female, which is why they’d rather stay in the closet and avoid perceived discrimination and troubles that would come with transitioning in real life. By now, they’ve settled on an androgynous avatar called “Ciel” in most Cyber settings outside of school. As a part of their philosophical interests, they are currently preoccupied with queer theory and identity studies mostly out of an interest in how people group and identify themselves, and as a result are disproportionately concerned with the details of their own identity, which is not limited to gender. They began to experiment with identity in high school, often using avatars of different race, sex and ages in various servers, and putting on different political and psychological labels, such as MBTI. They use "C" within school for simplicity as a nickname.

Out of the servers that they frequent, the most common ones are for roleplaying. They started to get into cyberpunk dystopias and other high-tech settings in middle school, but were never quite able to act on this interest until ninth grade, where they were invited to a biopunk LARP hosted in Cyber. They are currently involved in three active servers; one for a Warhammer 40k/Mass Effect fusion shooter, one Cyber-converted tabletop/strategy dice game with a hard science fiction base, and one for a biomechanical horror setting created by a group of online friends. The first and last servers skirt regulations on ego-shooters and realistic gore, but C finds the realism to be oddly immersive, and that it adds to their atmospheres. They find depictions of death, moral dilemmas, and graphic body horror to be fascinating within a simulated reality, and are a lot more comfortable with violence within Cyber Reality than they’d like to admit. C actively seeks out scary or distressing Cyber content as entertainment. In addition to roleplaying with others, they also play single-person RPGs both in and out of Cyber. C considers Cyber materials to be a suitable outlet for morbid fascinations and the normally repressed parts of the human psyche, and as such are a lot more callous and interested in graphic content, which are ironically harder to find in cyber than in normal media, within these simulations. C wants to discover their own tolerance for, and reaction to, uncomfortable scenarios. This is sometimes advised against, but other times egged on, by their friends in these roleplays. C does not want to meet them in real life, but feels as if their relationships can replace offline friends. They vent their feelings to these groups infrequently. C's parents are concerned about the time they spend online and their lack of friends in real life.

Throughout high school, C has spent most of their time alone and working on one project or another, rarely spending their days with other people unless needed. They’re a regular in several artistically or technologically focused clubs, but tends not to stand out much for their contributions. They have decided to pursue design in college. C has slightly above-average grades, and are convinced that they are predisposed against mathematics due to their calculus scores being far below that of their other classes. Their parents are becoming increasingly worried with their lack of motivation for the future and the time that they spend online. C themselves has a good, but not very close relationship with their parents, often feeling like they don't understand them. This lack of understanding is a sentiment they feel towards almost everybody else they interact with. Their sense of ennui and loneliness is worsened by their refusal to reach out.

Personality: C is generally affable and polite. They have trouble forging close interpersonal relationships, and most of their friendships are incredibly shallow. With exception to a few topics, C has a shaky grasp on their identity and sense of self. Simultaneously avoidant of being perceived as troubled, but also taking pride in their own unique mentality, C struggles to open up emotionally to others, but is much more open to making conversation.

C’s mental health has been in a state of catastrophic decline for the past several years. They suffer from bouts of extreme derealization and easily fall into delusional spirals. Despite this, they are wholly unmedicated and endeavor to continue to be so in the future. This is at least partially because of their stubborn personality, but also because of their philosophical and spiritual beliefs. C is contemplative and tends to focus more on details than a big picture. They sometimes consider themselves to be an emotional or spiritual masochist because of the way that they refuse treatment and actively throw themselves into harrowing simulations in Cyber. In truth, this is because they believe that these experiences build character, and that, instead of being mere psychological symptoms, their mental struggles are also an integral part of who they are. C also abstains from self-medication and medical intervention out of a fear of an unintentional, artificial change in personality. C is intensely curious and motivated by knowledge, including self discovery.

C is relatively uncreative despite their hobbies, preferring to stick by already-established rules and preexisting precedences; C struggles when not following directions, and enjoy the comfort of having something to stick to. They like labels and easy catagorizations, though they are often too lazy to actively clean up and organize after themselves.

Reputation: C is considered to be generally nice but neither interesting nor particularly worth mentioning by the majority of the student population. They have somewhat close acquaintances, but little to no good friends. C thinks of each relationship they have with others as being unique, and tends to tailor their responses and behavior around people they know in order to please them, though not out of a desire to manipulate. They have a closer bond with their teachers than other students.

[Cicadan]

Welcome back. We'll try to get this all finished up as soon as we can for you.

[+] .

Could you briefly elaborate on her mentality and sociability in the years of her life prior to her starting to regularly engage with Cyber Reality? If she was more of a loner or had friends, how she performed in school, so on.

Still missing this from the previous critique.

created by a group of online friends who they weren’t particularly close to, but enjoy playing with.

This is sometimes advised against, but other times egged on, by their friends in these roleplays, which they tend to be quite close to.

This information here is a bit vague and difficult to parse- since she isn't close to a group of friends from one particular roleplay you'd want to specify which of the other RP groups has friends she feels more closeness to.

That's it.

[Yonagoda]

Done! Simplified the friendships stuff.

[Cicadan]

Approved.