Ajay Bachmeyer

[ItzToxie]

Name: Antoine Jean-Paul Bachmeyer
Gender: Male
Age: 17
Place of Residence: Cape Town, South Africa
Language/s: English, Afrikaans
Hobbies and Interests: Boxing, Miscellaneous Criminal Activities, Zef Fashion.

Appearance: Ajay is a Caucasian male standing at 5’7 and weighing in at 154 pounds. His posture can be described as slouching, as he frequently keeps his hands in his coat pockets, with his shoulders curled and his head tilted forward when tensed up, or his shoulders and neck leant back, with his head cocked to the side when relaxed. He has a round head shape with beady blue eyes, and angular eyebrows shaved into a striped pattern. He has a small upturned nose. He has thick, heart shaped lips, a small rounded chin, and a somewhat widened jawline, with high cheekbones. His ears are angular and on the larger side. He has a gold tooth in place of his left canine. His head is shaved, with the exception of of a large strand of Cossack styled blonde bangs, combed over across his forehead and laying down the right side of his head over his eye, reaching down to his cheekbone. The tips of his blond hair are dyed blue, then red at the edges. Both of his ears are pierced with rings, with a line of them going up his left ear.

His fashion sense is equally kitsch, with Ajay favoring track suits, polo shirts, and various rings and chains to hide his low class upbringings. On the day of the abduction, Ajay was wearing a reflective silver track jacket with two rounded symbols of a pink and orange striped synthwave sunrise, silhouetted by black palm trees, a smaller one on his left breast , and a larger one on the back, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Underneath, he wore a red and black polo shirt with the collar popped. Below he wore black track pants with red stripes going up the outer sides, tucked into black socks and a pair of white and gold high top Jordan’s with silver studs and red laces. Ajay chose to accessorize his outfit with various rings adorning his fingers, along with golds chains along his neck including a silver Celtic cross, a gold FN-Fal symbol, and his mercenary grandfather’s dogtags. He finished off his outfit with a lacrosse belt bag along his waist. On his face, he wore a silver pair of aviators with purple lenses.

Biography: Ajay was born on March 6, 2001 to Malachi and Rachel Bachmeyer, as the youngest son of three by three years. At the time their oldest son, Rembrandt ran a boxing gym in Cape Town, and the middle son, Leon was partway through elementary school. The Bachmeyers were poor, and what little money they had was siphoned to Leon so he could make something better of himself, and give back to his family, as they claimed, though the more likely reality was that he was simply the favorite. Ajay wasn’t planned, as the family believed that they didn’t have enough money to support any more children, but due to their conservative beliefs, refused to have an abortion. While growing up, Ajay was given substandard care, as his parents were frequently at work, and had to rely on Leon to babysit him, whom neglected his duties multiple times, along with most of Ajay’s few commodities like clothes and even fewer things like toys being hand me downs from Rembrandt.

Ajay’s early childhood was unremarkable for the majority of it. His preschool was uneventful, and most of his time in primary school was spent daydreaming. He was a quiet kid who mostly stayed to himself so people didn’t interact with him often. Eventually this made him a target for bullies. Despite being a rather quiet child, he was far from passive. Near the end of 7th grade, Ajay had enough of it, and decided to fight back. Shortly after, he was suspended for fighting.

Despite his protests, Ajay’s parents punished him for the risk of compromising his education, and grounded him for the entirety of the summer. They warned him to tell the teacher the next time it happened. Once his suspension was cleared, Ajay returned to school, where to no ones surprise, the bullying resumed. He followed his parents’ advice however, and reported it to the nearest teacher in private the first chance he could. Nothing came of the report, and it wasn’t as private as Ajay had hoped, as one of his bullies overheard the attempt. The bullying occurred less frequently but increased with severity, with Ajay frequently being targeted and being jumped outside of school on his walks home.

One day near the halfway point of 8th grade, Ajay’s parents were too busy with work to pick him up from school. They had decided to send Leon to come pick him up that day. Ajay waited after school for at least an hour, but Leon never appeared. He chose to walk home himself. On the way back, his bullies waited for him, and jumped him for being a snitch. They stole his shoes and left him in the dirt. When Ajay gathered the strength to return home, he found Leon watching TV. He confronted Leon about his behavior, who just slapped Ajay in the mouth and told him to ‘stop being a bitch.’ When his parents returned home, Ajay had told them of what Leon had done. They stated that they would ground Leon for the entire year, but that ended only a week after it started. Ajay returned to school that week, wearing Rembrandt’s busted old shoes from when he was 13, and continued to get bullied. When he got home, Leon bullied Ajay, in retaliation for getting him in trouble for his negligence. Leon would emotionally belittle Ajay on most occasions, but when given the chance become more physical and hit Ajay when he knew he could get away with it.

Ajay hoped things would get easier in high school, but it didn’t. He dealt with the same bullies from the year before, with new ones joining in. Leon in his senior year made Ajay’s life hell at school and at home. It was early in the year that Ajay got suspended again for fighting, a fight that he didn’t start, and hadn’t even won. It didn’t matter to his parents, they grounded him for a month. Leon tormented him the moment he got home. Ajay realized he was in a lose lose situation, and took the advice Leon gave him a year before. Not even a minute into Leon tormenting Ajay, Ajay swung on him, and didn’t stop until he was crying on the floor. Ajay told Leon to ‘stop being a bitch.’ His parents told Ajay that he was grounded for the year. This time they kept that promise.

The remainder of the year was an exercise in futility, going to school, enduring his bullies, going home, enduring Leon. He used what little time he had alone to work out, and pay no mind to the days blurring by. It became a routine, wake up, go to school, go home, do his best to ignore Leon, work out, go to bed, repeat. As he got stronger he lashed out against Leon more often, already stronger than him before he began working out, it became much easier for him to overpower Leon. Ajay became more outspoken, and more rebellious to the chagrin of his parents, and Leon. Ajay didn’t care, his situation couldn’t get any worse. His parents would often threaten Ajay with harsher punishments or even to kick him out of the house, but they were ineffective and never acted upon it. Funnily enough, after a while, Leon began to leave Ajay alone. With more time to himself, Ajay used the time to work out more often.

Near the beginning of the summer, during a family reunion, Ajay had met his eldest brother, Rembrandt, who’d recently acquired enough dosh to own his own boxing gym in Belhar. His parents were suspicious of this, as barely a year ago, he hadn’t had a cent to his name so the jump to owning his own gym was rather sudden. Ajay paid no mind. Throughout the summer Ajay spent more time in Rembrandt’s gym than his own home. Rembrandt helped build Ajay’s strength, and after hearing about his bullying issues, taught him how to refine his skills with boxing.

With a newfound confidence, Ajay had returned to school, only to get suspended for fighting the first week in. This time he won for his efforts. After getting sent home early, Ajay had made his way to Rembrandt’s rather than going home. It was here he learned how Rembrandt had gathered the money to buy the gym.

Ajay had returned to see a group of loan sharks beating into Rembrandt for being behind on payments. After a short confrontation, Ajay, feeling he owed Rembrandt for his help, offered his services to help pay for the gym. The loan sharks enlisted Ajay’s help for their racket, sending him to various shops and stores behind on payment. Turns out, the kid was a born natural. They gave him a cut of the payment for himself as a show of appreciation. It was the most money he’d ever held in his life.

The loan sharks belonged to a local racketeering gang in Belhar, known as The Sexy Boys. Enamored by the gangster lifestyle, Ajay had sought to join them. After passing their canonization, they put him to work, sending him to ward off dealers of rival gangs, rough up those whom were late in their payments, and work as muscle and bodyguard details for some of the higher ranked members. Ajay was paid handsomely for his work. Through his connections with the gang, he’d also found some local fight clubs with lucrative payments for winning fights and bets.

Saving up his money, he took his belongings and moved into his brother’s gym, using what he’d earned to help pay off his debts, and using what remained on himself, buying himself new clothes and gear he could never even afford in his previous life. His previous home life with his parents and brother was an abandoned haze, and they’d only reach out to him when they’d needed something. He left their voices on the answering machine as a reminder of how far he’d come.

As of now, Ajay’s life at school is relatively quiet and uneventful. He’d picked up a reputation of a rough fighter, and rumors spread that he was a gangster, so many of his bullies strayed away from him. He tends to not talk to many of his classmates, unless they were in on his business practices. He’s had a rather noticeable transformation as a scrawny ratty looking kid into wearing the flashy kitsch he drapes his body in, adding on to the rumors of him being a gang member. Ajay doesn’t particularly care to blending in, as the police generally stay far away from the crime ridden haunts he frequents, only showing up for homicides or more serious crimes than the low level jobs he works. As he worked his way into the gang, he's had to deal with some of the more 'harder' jobs, including a few that have put him in the line of fire. The first time he was ever shot at had ended up with him taking one of his injured friends to a back alley doctor after a narrowly avoided drive by on his part. Whilst he's had other encounters similar to this, Ajay himself hasn't found himself involved with enacting or participating in gang shootouts as much as he was evading them. To everyone's surprise, including his own, he's much less phased by these events as one would expect, taking a fatalist point of view that his time will come when it comes.

His plan once he graduates high school, if he does graduate is to continue the gang life, and try to cut himself in on a slice of the business, as well as make sure his brother never has to worry about paying his dues again. The only reason he stays at school is to hang out with the few friends he's got there, along with just going through the motions, taking no regard to actually putting in effort into academics. His only aspirations outside of making his way up the ranks of The Sexy Boys are short term, his goal right now to buy himself a piece, and a vehicle of some sort.

When he's not at the gym or 'work' Ajay frequents shopping centers, particularly sportswear and shoe shops. He's also fond of flaunting his ill gotten gains and reputation to his friends at school, taking his closer friends to red light districts for entertainment, and occasionally cutting them in on the betting tables at the local fight clubs. He frequently shows up at local parties, mostly for fun, but occasionally with intent to deal.

Advantages: Ajay is no stranger to violence, neither in the ring or outside it. He’s got the endurance to take a beating, and the practice and strength necessary to deal some real damage in a bare knuckle brawl.
Disadvantages: His high visuality wardrobe provides no tactical advantage, and will not find camouflage in any form of climate or locale. The only way Ajay knows how to solve situations is through violence or intimidating, making him rather predictable and blind to more subtle options.

[Cicadan]

Hey Toxie, time for a critique.

[+] critique

Past languages everything is unnecessarily bolded. Check out your formatting, you might be missing a [/b] somewhere. Also Male in Gender shouldn't be bolded so check that out as well.

Putting 'fashion' in Zef fashion under hobbies in air-quotes is a bit too informal for a proper profile, so please remove that.

At the time their oldest son, Rembrandt runs a boxing gym in Cape Town

ran a boxing ring

and give back to his family, as they say

As they said. Replacing said with 'liked to say' or 'claimed' would probably more accurate word choice.

Near the end of 7th grade, Ajay was suspended for fighting.

If he was generally a quiet kid what led him to be involved in fights on campus? Expound on this particular incident a bit, did he have enough of the bullying and hit back?

The bullying occurred less frequently but increased with severity.

Describe this, likewise. There's a large range of what 'increased severity' could entail and I want to make sure its nothing that'd make me wonder why the school wouldn't crack down on it.

What was the nature of Leon's bullying? Verbal, emotional, physical? There's a gap in time between when Leon starts bullying and when Ajay fights back in high school, so I'd like a sense of how things were sustained/escalated at home in that time period.

What was the nature of Ajay fighting back as he started to buff up and get more confident? Did his parents never threaten to kick him out or the like, since they obviously take Leon's side and would consider Ajay the problem child or something along those lines? Want that to be clarified as well.

Looking a bit into the real life Sexy Boys gang, these people are carrying around guns and people get shot and killed in the news. Is Ajay not exposed to this danger at all?

to deal some real damage in a bear knuckle brawl.

He got mad drip, so like an ocean he can’t blend in.

I'm going to pretend I'm going to let this through but rephrase this (or don't. See if I ding you for it in the next round of critiques, shruuuuug).

Does Ajay not have any hobbies besides his gang activities? Did he not do anything in his free time in the times before he toughened up? Even if those are all former 'soft' hobbies I'd like a little expounding on them. Also, how does he do in school? Does he care about his academics at all, or is he just staying in school because its compulsory?

Let me know if you have any questions!

[ItzToxie]

I think i made all the needed edits.

[Cicadan]

Quicker set of edits for the sexy boy this time! These should be the last set.

[+] edits

Gender: Male

Male is still improperly bolded.

Throughout the summer Ajay had spent more time in Rembrandt’s gym than his own home

Don't need 'had' in that sentence.

Second to last paragraph gets a bit bloated, for readability I'd like to see it cut into two smaller ones. `As he worked his way into the gang` or `His plan once he graduates high school` would be my personal recommendations for natural paragraph breaks.

[ItzToxie]

Edits made!

[Cicadan]

Accepted!