Life Is Just A Memory

[Primrosette]

((Emmett Bunnell continued from It's Nothing Like Kill Bill))

Emmett could hear Cecil calling his name repeatedly behind him and it only made Emmett move faster to get away from him for who knows how long. He knew that he was be immature and that he shouldn't be taking it out on Cecil. He knew that Cecil didn't deserve his wrath and Emmett didn't think that he had any words that he could say to make anything fucking better for the both of them. He still felt angry at Cecil for just looking at him like he was something to always judge. It just made him think of how his Mom-

No, don't think about home, Emmett. You'll just break more and then you will just take that gun in your hands and....

Emmett shook his head to get that dark thought that was lingering in the back of his mind and he made it shut the fuck up for the time being. He could see the buildings that were in front of him and he started to slow down a little. He could hear Cecil's footsteps getting closer and all he could feel was a boiling point taking over his mind. This anger was more driven at himself than Cecil. But all Emmett knew was to lash out like a wounded animal with hurtful words that he never meant. He was just scared of getting close to people and now his fear was becoming more real on the murder island. He.... He hated it.

"WHAT?!" He suddenly yelled as he twisted his body around to glare right at Cecil and he didn't raise the gun. He wasn't going to shoot Cecil like he was nothing. Emmett wasn't that fucking stupid and he just wanted to get the hurting anger out of his broken heart. "What.... What the fuck do you want, Cecil...?!"

[LeslieFranc]

((Cecil Salazar-Loveless continued from It’s Nothing Like Kill Bill))

It wasn’t so easy anymore to lock up all his frustrations if he couldn’t even find a way to practically solve his problems in order to at least soothe them back to their cages. If Emmett won’t even listen to what he had to say, to have a nice and calm and fucking perfect conversation about what was ought to be done and not to be, then was there even a point in diplomacy? Cecil wanted to fix this, but Emmett doesn’t even think, period, much less think about what comes out of his mouth, that ass—

“Em—”

“WHAT?!”

Finally.

The proper thing to do was to be the calming presence to balance out Emmett’s snarling rage. However, to have that anger directed at him only spurred indignation. Cecil thought that the both of them would’ve already cooled down by now, but clearly not, their encounter with Lucas still fresh. Cecil didn’t know the unrefined form of logic that Emmett used for him to conclude that Cecil was the one to blame, and he didn’t care for it, so he wasn’t there taking any of that shit. What Cecil did know and care for now, was that he had every right to be mad at Emmett, who had none.

“What I want, is for you to listen to what I have to say for now,” he said, deceptively calm before finally, he stopped thinking by then.

Suddenly, he pointed at the vague direction of where they came from.

“What happened back there with Lucas? Was your business. Your responsibility,” his finger was then pointed at Emmett. “You were the one who wanted to kill him. I was just there. You could’ve killed him. But you didn’t. Don’t you dare blame me for the consequences of your choices.”

A bitter smile crept its way as he continued on, his thoughts a jumbled mess and yet he still tried to convert them to coherent words.

“You wanted to give him food? Fine. Then you wanted to kill him? You’ve got your reasons. Spare him? I’ll respect that. But bring him with us? Risk our lives? No problem for you!” he laughed humorlessly, his voice rising in volume and intensity. “Oh Emmett, if I agreed with your idea and Lucas did kill anyone else, namely us, then that would be on me, you could blame me all you want, because then I’d be the idiot that had let that happen!”

[Primrosette]

Emmett felt his anger seething and he did actually listen to what Cecil was saying to him. He knew that he was the fucking idiot in this situation and he knew that things shouldn't be like this between them. He was betting that the world was laughing it up at seeing him get chewed out by his ally right now and he knew that the terrorists wanted to see blood spilled. But Emmett was never, NEVER going to hurt Cecil like that. All he had was words. Stupid, stupid words that he just wanted to use to push people away because he was scared shitless of getting others killed because of him. He knew the truth. He had always known that he was the one at fault and yet he was a stubborn asshole who didn't want to take the blame once again.

He didn't want to show Cecil that he was still afraid of letting everyone down. Hell, he had already let a lot of people down. Even Cecil.

"You don't think that I fucking get that! I only said that shit back there because you always put me down and you're always judging me for what I'm doing! I'm trying, Cecil! I'm trying so hard to be a better person but I can't be like Emil or Sapphire or.... or...." Emmett's yelling voice was getting quieter and quieter and he was shaking. His body was shaking and he hated it. He hated the smile on Cecil's face and the laugh wasn't making things any better. "I'm the hateful Emmett who wants to push everyone away because he's fucking scared of getting close to others and he has a problem with keeping his shitty anger under control..."

He went silent for a moment and he knew that he wanted to hit something. Anything. He wanted to hurt himself. He was getting more tired of everything that was happening and he just wanted to curl into a hole and die.

"...I couldn't do it. Lucas was right there. I could have just done it. I could have just pulled the trigger. But I didn't. It would have been so easy. So fucking easy. He killed Andy. He killed.... He k-killed..."

[LeslieFranc]

Cecil had always wondered if he'd ever have the motivation to do something like this before graduation. This was a thought of back then back home, obviously, but he'd be lying if he said that he never fantasized about finally letting loose onto some idiot classmates and tell them exactly how stupid they were. The common routine was take the high road, act dismissive, prove you're better than them, etc. It was already programmed into his mindset, but then there were times when it wasn't so easy; frustration and stress would build up, and a little glance at something or a little blunder or a little mistake after, and then he'd be already outlining all the wrong things he could point out and deliver them in a way he knew it would hurt, allowing him to let out some steam. It would've been an undignified sight alright, but of course, he would have clamped it all down shut inside and continue on the usual routine.

"Always judging you and putting you down?" Cecil scoffed. "If I went along with every decision you decided to do, Emmett, I'd wind up dead."

No "high road" routine here. No outline of an argument. Cecil wasn't even sure what was the point anymore. Maybe show everyone just how pissed I really am at everything. He just wanted to hurt. Venom slid out from his throat, his head filled with spite that he never expected for himself to be capable of.

"Try harder," he pushed. "Do better! Better than Emil or Sapphire, who are dead. We're not, and I'm doing my best to maintain that. But you? Hateful Emmett who pushes everyone away? You just kept whining earlier about how you have more people than I have who died or doing bad or making your life so tragic! Everybody in this island is doing bad, stop complaining, just stop—"

Moments after this, Cecil would think about the way he was acting here and get overwhelmed with complicated and mixed feelings about how similar to his grandparents he was being. For now, he simply lost his breath, along with his already messy and uncoordinated train of thought, so his line of speech also came to an abrupt halt.

A simple pause. And then he picked up from where he left off.

"And now, what? You're having regrets?" So much disgust on that last word.

Too familiar. All these bitterness and harsh words and—

"Shit..." he shakily sighed.

[Primrosette]

Emmett felt the words coming out of Cecil's mouth sinking and he felt like a complete dick for what he had said before to the other boy back at the temple. He shouldn't have tried to blame Cecil for everything and he should have carried the burden himself. He had to take it all and feel the weight on his shoulders for as long as he could live. He couldn't just give up like this. Even if he had a lot of regrets and he still wanted to grieve over how much of a failure he was.

Emmett let out a shaky breath and he felt himself moving closer to Cecil; his footsteps were heavy and slower.

"I know, I know, I know, I k-know! I know that I'm not the only one who is hurting on this island and I should stop being so selfish about my own feelings. I never asked you about... Camila." Emmett's voice sounded like he was feeling regretful and the anger that he had felt was going away quickly. "I'm sorry for everything I did and said to you, Cecil. It was.... wrong of me. I just couldn't take it anymore and I.... I..."

He felt himself trailing off quietly and he put his hand on Cecil's chest, not caring if Cecil would push him away or not.

"God, this isn't what I wanted to happen. I didn't want us to fight like this. F-Fuck...." He said softly and then he bit down on his lower lip slightly. "Maybe we should just... I.... Cecil, I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I've always had regrets over a lot of things. I am still to blame for what happened to Emil and Sapphire and I will have to carry that guilt for as long as I can live."

He let out a broken laugh that was weak and fragile and he had no idea why he was even laughing. Everything was just getting worse and worse.

[LeslieFranc]

Cecil’s eyes widened at the mention of Camila’s name, having an actual person and not an impersonal voice out there outright mentioning her turned out to have a lot more impact to him than he ever expected. He blinked the upcoming tears away, thankful that none of them managed to spill. Soon enough, his anger unfairly melted to a puddle of melancholy, and with Emmett’s subsequent apology, Cecil found himself already losing the will to fight more. Emmett had bowed his head, which meant Cecil was the victor in this conversation, but that tiniest speck of satisfaction wasn’t enough to make him feel any better at all. Instead, he just wanted this to be over soon.

He tensed at the attempt for physical contact, but didn’t make a move to reject it yet. Listening to Emmett’s woes, his free hand slowly crept to firmly hold Emmett’s wrist, gently pulling it away from him, but not letting it go. Not yet.

Cecil licked his lips in thought, racking his brain for a way to say something in response and coming up with nothing substantial. Or at least, nothing that would perfectly encapsulate the things he felt about what Emmett was going through.

Taking a deep breath, he tried to press on.

“I can’t just tell you to stop feeling guilty or frustrated or…regretful,” he resentfully stated. “But I can’t let you take that out on me, or yourself.” A familiar voice at the back of his head vaguely whispered Hypocrite, but he ignored it.

“You take that out on your enemies. If you can’t bury it deep down, then you let it drive you. You don’t wallow and drown in it.” His grip on Emmett’s wrist tightened as he glared at him. “You’re going to hunt down Lorenzo, aren’t you?” The same familiar voice vaguely whispered again, this time the name of her killer. He’ll ignore it for now. “And—I don’t know, find Adonis? Help me find Declyn? Focus on that.”

He sighed.

“And you just do what you can.” Finally, his hold loosened, softening his tone of voice just a little bit.

“I’ll stay with you. For now,” he grunted. “But I need you to listen to me if I think something’s wrong.”

[Primrosette]

Emmett listened as Cecil was telling him what he should do than feel his guilt taking over him more and he knew that Cecil was right. He had to hunt down Lorenzo and put an end to his reign of terror and he wondered if Lorenzo had hurt more people. He couldn't bear the thought and he knew that he had to stop moping around. He actually had to do something about it and he had to find that green freak soon. Murder was wrong and he knew that he shouldn't do it. But if it could stop Lorenzo from hunting down innocent people; then he would do it and this time he would actually pull the fucking trigger unlike what he did with Lucas.

"Alright, alright. Shit..." He sniffed as he was speaking quietly and he glanced at Cecil's hold on his wrist, not feeling the urge to shake him off. He missed being able to touch people without getting their blood on his hands and he let out a shaky breath that sounded more like a choked sob. "Yes, I want to stop Lorenzo from killing anyone else and I need your help with that, Cecil. I can't take him out alone and there's the problem of him with the tracker. We need to get it back."

He winced when he heard Adonis' name and he knew that he should be looking for him too. He couldn't avoid Adonis forever and it was more likely that they would run into each other at some point. He still didn't know if Adonis would want to see him but that didn't fucking matter anymore and he wanted answers from Adonis. He hoped that answers were not going to be worse than he thought and he knew that he shouldn't make excuses for what Adonis did. But he didn't know what had happened. He was going to find out. Hopefully or not.

"Adonis... I want to find him. I have to make sure that he's okay and I should talk to him about Tristan. I have to find out what happened and then... I don't know. I'll figure it out." He said to the other boy and then he glanced around, hoping that no one heard their screaming match at each other. "And please stop me if I do something or say something that is fucking stupid. I'll try my best to listen, I will."

[Ruggahissy]

((Jonah Heartgrave continued from DXXM))

Jonah was sitting at the table, drinking some water and eating his mostly flavorless breakfast. He and Arizona had made their way to some of the housing and mostly choose a home at random. After making sure the inside was clear, they went about making sure all the windows and doors were locked before sleeping for a very long time.

It was nice being just the two of them, even if they were more or less playing house. He still felt so bad about leaving Max and Darlene, and he hoped that eventually Darlene would follow the trail of marshmallows which lead up to the doorstep of their new home. He hoped these things, but he didn't say them to Arizona. He didn't want to make her worry or make things unpleasant.

He also still had something for her. Jonah reached for his pocket, but suddenly there was a lot of noise from outside. It sounded like there was an argument. Jonah leaned over and tried to look out the window to see what was happening.

"Should we do something?" he asked Arizona.

[LeslieFranc]

With a strained but nonetheless soft smile, Cecil solemnly nodded along with Emmett’s resolutions. “Looks like we both have our work cut out for both of us,” he mused uselessly, averting his eyes as his own to-do list finally popped to his mind, still in no particular order: Stay alive. Find Declyn. Kill anyone else who could be dangerous to us. Underneath the latter were a list of names, with Micheal Froese on top, followed by Gervais, then Lorenzo Tavares, maybe Erika, and finally the other names he had often heard in the morning announcements.

Awkwardly clearing his throat, he released his hold on Emmett’s wrist.

“Well, that’s all I wanted to hear,” he said stiffly. “I’m glad we came to an understanding.”

Something in Cecil finally relaxed as he processed the fact that he and Emmett had resolved their tension with nothing completely broken, and he couldn’t help but be relieved about that fact. Forcing himself to go for a cheerful smile, he willfully strode past Emmett, determined to continue moving forward through these parts of the village.

“Anyway, the houses here are a bit better than the ones on the other side of the village,” he observed before giving a suggestion. “We could find a place to rest up a bit?”

[Primrosette]

Emmett was glad that he hadn't lost a frie- partner that was willing to stay with him and he was glad that they had the spat in a way. It felt like something heavy had been lifted off of his shoulders a little and he was glad that they had come to a mutual understanding. He let out a sigh of relief and then he noticed that Cecil was already starting to move ahead of him, making Emmett power-walk to not lag behind.

"Yeah, yeah. I definitely think that we need a break and we could come up with a plan of what to do next. Like maybe we could find something to write on?" He said as they were still walking and Emmett found himself looking at the house that was closest to them. "If we don't, then we can think things through with talking to each other and then we can try to remember things by memory."

He stopped him from moving and he jabbed a thumb in the direction of the house that was towering over them.

"Wanna stay in this one? I can check first for any fuckers who will try to hurt us or maybe there is nice people in there. Fuck, I don't know." He said with a shrug of his shoulders and he felt a light smile spread across his worn face. "I really would rather have it be empty but if there are any non-hostile people in there... Then maybe it won't be so bad..?"

Being more nicer was going to be kind of harder than he thought. But he was doing okay for now...

Wasn't he?

[Deamon]

((Arizona Butler continued from DXXM))

They'd walked and found shelter. It was one of many identical houses that existed were all grouped together. The build quality didn't match the ostentatiousness of the mansion. On the other hand, the interior wasn't covered in vomit and blood. So it won out in terms of smell. Not that it was bad. She wasn't going to complain about having a roof over her head. Jonah's presence also added a level of comfort to everything. She felt better than she had since she woke just due to him being there. Her initial action still weighed on her and she felt a need to tell Jonah. He deserved to know. It wasn't fair to keep it to herself but at the same time, she didn't want to put that weight on his shoulders as well.

She had been thinking about while they supposed to be sleeping. She had woken up during the night—the result of her recurring nightmare—and thought about it. She still didn't know what had possessed her to do it. The only person who had known about it was Saffron and she was gone. In the end, Arizona had fallen back asleep without coming to any grand realization about what happened, cue the nightmare again. None of that information had been passed on to Jonah. When asked how she had slept she had responded with a simple 'good'.

Now they were just passing the time in each other's company. Arizona had no problem with that. The list of people on the island who were close to her had shrunk dramatically. Every day that passed seemed to knock another name off it. She was only really left with Jonah and...Quinn. She had found one of them and she had every intention of finding the other. In the meantime she was enjoying the brief reprieve from the outside world they had been granted. Although it came to end all the same.

There had been noises outside. It sounded like an argument, the sort of thing they didn't need to get involved in. But Jonah being who he was peered out of the window and asked if they should intervene. Arizona looked up from where she lay on the bed. She knew what she wanted to say, but instead, after looking at Jonah's face she decided to hedge.

"Can you see what's happening?"

[Ruggahissy]

Jonah put his meal bar down on the table and stood up fully to just peer out of the side of the window, angling himself to see them as they seemed to be towards the front of the house. He sighed.

"Looks like two people. One blond guy and one cute, dark-haired girl or maybe guy. It's hard to tell," he said, reporting back. He then looked back at Arizona and then stepped out of view of the window again.

"Uh -- But -- I mean. But not like you. You're the undefeated, regional, tri-state hotness champion 2018," he said quickly, looking down at his meal rather than at Arizona.

Jonah put a hand up to his face discretely to see if it was hotter than usual. The talking coming from outside had stopped, or at least had become quieter so that they couldn't hear it from inside. He then looked at himself and then Arizona, appraisingly.

"We've got a lot of muscle on both of them."

A bit of lingering doubt chased at him. He was concerned that he still wasn't up to his usual strength these past few months. It wouldn't be a problem now, but what if they did encounter someone bigger? Jonah would give it his all, but he hoped that his all would be enough. Would Arizona be alright on her own? Maybe. She was strong and she'd have his gun when he was gone.

"I'll go out and check," he whispered. Jonah took his gun and put it on the bedside table next to Arizona. "If you hear me say that it looks nice out, they're not dangerous. If you hear me say that it looks like it's going to rain, light them up," he said, leaving quickly so that she couldn't stop him. He strode rapidly to the front door and opened it. The act of opening the door flung a few of the Lucky Charms he'd left there to the side.

"Uh, hey there," he said clearly. "If y'all don't tone it down, I'm going to call the police. This is a family neighborhood."

[LeslieFranc]

Cecil considered the house Emmett had randomly picked, humming thoughtfully as he then glanced around the other similar houses that really didn’t look any better, but at least he knew that there were several more options. He smirked in amusement as his partner rambled on about potentially meeting more people. Cecil thought back on the previous social encounters he had accompanying Emmett: the first one with those guys on the pier which started off terrible, and then the somehow even more terrible last one which resulted with their just recently resolved argument. And if it turns out there are people inside…

Glancing back at the house Emmett pointed out, he stared at it for a little bit before turning back to Emmett with a shrug.

“Third time’s the charm,” he finally decided. “Just don’t call them ‘fuckers,’ for starters,” he added as an afterthought, a small but teasing smile grazing his lips.

Just as he finished speaking, the door to that house flung open. Reflexively, Cecil raised his weapon towards the direction of a sudden arrival. He was halfway from outright aiming his ballistic knife at the new person before he stopped himself when they started talking. His own mouth moved involuntarily in response.

“We’re sorry,” was his automatic answer the moment he heard the statement uttered by the newcomer, baffled blinking soon following after once he realized it himself.

It was a broad boy with pale blue hair. Unarmed, he noticed, then glanced back at the house apprehensively. So there are people in there. Are there more, though?

Finally lowering his knife, he carefully looked at Emmett in concern, sneaking a glance at the gun for his comfort, before turning his attention back to the silvery blue head. Looks like he’ll be leading their greetings today.

“I meant, we’re not here to cause trouble,” he reassured the boy with a smile.

[Primrosette]

"Ah, I uh.... I got it. F-Fuck...." Emmett could feel his face heating up a little in embarrassment as swearing was something that felt so normal for him to do and he guessed that he could tone it down a bit. Dammit. He noticed the door opening and he didn't raise the gun as he didn't want to come off as hostile again and because he knew who the blue-haired guy was.

Emmett felt himself let out a small chuckle at what Jonah - yes, he remembered most people as he was normally around in the background of most people and he was not a fucking stalker, for fuck's sake - was saying and he noticed that Cecil seemed to be leading the conversation this time. Emmett thought that was a better idea than letting him take the lead again and it was somewhat comforting to let Cecil take the role instead. Emmett needed a break from being a dumbass to people and he felt his chest tighten as he stared at Jonah, knowing that he had shared a room with Adonis during the trip. The trip....

Why does it feel like the trip was a lifetime away from me? God, I wish that we could all go back to that and pretend that all of this was just some screwed-up nightmare in my fucked-up brain.... Sadly it is not to be.

"Yeah, yeah. We don't want to cause any harm and we just want to find somewhere to rest." Emmett said as he shifted on his feet lightly and he glanced up at one of the windows of the house, feeling eager to just sit down and sleep for a while. "Hey, Jonah. Have you seen.... Have you seen Adonis at all?"

[Deamon]

He said he'd go out and check. Gave her a gun and instructions on what to do. Then he fucked off before she could say anything. Arizona knew enough about teamwork to know that wasn't how you did shit. It wasn't like she could say anything though because Jonah was already outside talking to the pair outside.

"Fuck sake." She muttered as she rolled off the mattress and picked up the gun from where he had left it on the bedside table. It was a large handgun of some kind and for some reason it was gold. She had no idea why other than whoever had originally owned it must have been a really sad fuck. Regardless of that detail, it was surprisingly heavy in her hand so she used her other to steady her grip. She didn't have much experience shooting guns. In fact, using the word experience gave her too much credit. Maybe she had shot one once or twice at a party, or back with her family. But she couldn't say for certain.

Arizona moved over to the window and looked out. Yeah, it was two guys alright. Jonah had been right in his assessment. They could have probably dunked both of them easily enough. She couldn't see any weapons on them. Her view wasn't good though so there was a good chance they were obscured.

No one seemed aggressive so she listened in.