Aurora Bay High School's library was a modest affair of scratched-up wooden tables and scratched-up wooden chairs, cheap metal book stoppers and armchairs with the stuffing coming out, faintly stained carpets and yellowing fluorescent lights that didn't flicker but somehow felt like they should; it was, in short, a library like most of its ilk. And, like most libraries of its ilk, this one's assortment of traits somehow contrived to mix in such a way that the overall effect was not altogether unwelcoming; the space felt broken-in, yes, but not quite broken-down. All around there were students, heads bent over books over tables, or splayed out in loose circles on the floor, scribbling answers and thumbing through notes; some were muttering to themselves, others were quizzing each other. If the rising din of barely-lowered voices wasn't quite loud, it wasn't exactly befitting of a library.
Perhaps the librarian was in a sentimental mood today. This was the first time since the start of the semester that students had visited the library in such numbers—and after all, the days when it had seemed possible that the librarian would never again see a student in the library had not been so very long ago. Perhaps it seemed to the librarian that on days like these, in the last few minutes before the bell rang, the library became possessed of a homely kind of liminality, not unlike that of a rest stop that had long become familiar to the truckers who traveled along that route—but such a state could only persist so long as the students remained, which would not be for long in any case. So why work to quiet students who would be gone from the library in a few minutes anyways, when doing so risked shooing them away prematurely?
But all this can only ever be conjecture, of course. We do not have access to the librarian’s thoughts. Whatever the reason for it may be, when the librarian stepped out of her booth to shush the students, she only did so with half a heart.
And so it was that she missed, in the very back of the room, curled up in an armchair with a calculus book on the tablet arm in front of them, the sleeping form of the person known to most as Maria Vu—their snores soft, but audible. Their limbs were tidily arranged, almost comically neat: ankles crossed, knees bent, hands folded one over the other. Before them, the tablet arm had been pushed away, as though they had wanted to avoid the possibility of drooling over the book's pages--an explanation that would have made sense if the act of falling asleep while studying was one that could be performed intentionally.
All around there was movement and noise, students rising to their feet and shoving books into bags—yet they remained still. There were eight minutes to go before the bell rang.
1Sophokles, Antigonick, trans. Anne Carson (New York: New Directions), 42.
late to learn O yes I am[1]
In the library on a Wednesday morning in late January, just before school starts | open
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BlizzardeyeWonder
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 5:01 pm
Nothing quite like a trip to the library before the school day starts. Meilin was here bright and early for bright and early (for the year) volleyball practice anyway, and figured she'd spend her thirty-twenty-quickly-became-fifteen minutes before the bell flopping into an armchair at the library and just... doing nothing, like a starfish? Maybe catching up on some reading, but even that might be too much effort for her hands right now, how the bones in her wrist rang and rattled.
And that suspicion was proven right -- when she sat down in an armchair, kind-of across and kind-of beside some other student's napping spot (Maria, right?), she draped her arms over the armchair's arms and they immediately felt like anchors. Guess she'd be doing this for the next fifteen-more-like-ten minutes before the bell.
[Meilin Zhou; Pregame START]
Meilin's eyes darted to the library's clock as people streamed out of the library. It was now eight-more-like-five minutes before the bell, and she'd been here for... six? two? minutes? She didn't check the clock when she got here, rookie mistake. It felt like no time at all. It felt like eternity. Her arms still felt heavy and resistant to the thought of lifting them. So did her feet, sneakers feeling like rocks tied around her ankles.
Meilin's eyes darted over to Maria, sleeping close by. Well, at least she seemed unbothered. Why disturb that? She waited. Her eyes darted back to the clock...
And that suspicion was proven right -- when she sat down in an armchair, kind-of across and kind-of beside some other student's napping spot (Maria, right?), she draped her arms over the armchair's arms and they immediately felt like anchors. Guess she'd be doing this for the next fifteen-more-like-ten minutes before the bell.
[Meilin Zhou; Pregame START]
Meilin's eyes darted to the library's clock as people streamed out of the library. It was now eight-more-like-five minutes before the bell, and she'd been here for... six? two? minutes? She didn't check the clock when she got here, rookie mistake. It felt like no time at all. It felt like eternity. Her arms still felt heavy and resistant to the thought of lifting them. So did her feet, sneakers feeling like rocks tied around her ankles.
Meilin's eyes darted over to Maria, sleeping close by. Well, at least she seemed unbothered. Why disturb that? She waited. Her eyes darted back to the clock...
The nameless person known to Meilin as Maria didn't stir. They seemed dead to the world.
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BlizzardeyeWonder
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 5:01 pm
...and then her eyes darted back to Maria. Six-more-like-three minutes left. The bell's approach and Maria's dead stillness was actually starting to stress Meilin out a little, like. What if she slept through the bell? The teachers here could get pretty anal about lateness, especially on a test day, like today. And from what little she knew about Maria, her classmate in calculus, a compatriot in upcoming tests, she probably wouldn't like that very much!
So she hauled herself off her seat, carefully and slowly like dragging a ball and chain. She leaned towards Maria as she took a step, then another, towards her. Her arm still felt like the weight of a boulder as she lifted it, and her hand with fingers extended but together like a slate of stone. Keeping the rest of her body a good distance away, she ever so gently, ever so gently, poked Maria in the shoulder.
"Psssst."
So she hauled herself off her seat, carefully and slowly like dragging a ball and chain. She leaned towards Maria as she took a step, then another, towards her. Her arm still felt like the weight of a boulder as she lifted it, and her hand with fingers extended but together like a slate of stone. Keeping the rest of her body a good distance away, she ever so gently, ever so gently, poked Maria in the shoulder.
"Psssst."
The nameless person flinched, shook, stretched, and slowly began uncoiling themself and blinking the sleep from their eyes--and then those eyes went wide, and the person leaped to their feet, knocking the tablet arm back and spilling the textbook to the ground. Their head swiveled back and forth as they found their bearings and realized what they had done, their shoulders sagging as their eyes alighted first on the clock--8:24, 6 minutes before class started--and then on the face of their rescuer--Meilin, whom the tablet arm had barely missed, who could and should have been using the time to cram in some last-minute studying herself.
"Ahhh. Um. Hi! Sorry! I..."
[They blinked rapidly, their sense returning to them as they remembered who they were, and, more critically, who they were in the place they were at. Quickly they donned the mask of Ren Vu and then, even more quickly, on top of it, the mask of Maria.]
They smiled ruefully, straightened their back, and ran a quick hand through their hair.
"Spared me the trouble of a tardy on test day, Meilin," they said, their voice as warm as it could be, and inclined their head slightly.
"Thank you."
Their eyes drifted down to the calculus textbook lying face-down on the floor, and they bent over to pick it up. Its pages were impactfolded, with creases like crushes. They sighed, began flipping through the pages for the lesson they had last studied, then stopped, and, with a despairing little shake of the head, closed the book and hoisted it into their bag.
"Ahhh. Um. Hi! Sorry! I..."
[They blinked rapidly, their sense returning to them as they remembered who they were, and, more critically, who they were in the place they were at. Quickly they donned the mask of Ren Vu and then, even more quickly, on top of it, the mask of Maria.]
They smiled ruefully, straightened their back, and ran a quick hand through their hair.
"Spared me the trouble of a tardy on test day, Meilin," they said, their voice as warm as it could be, and inclined their head slightly.
"Thank you."
Their eyes drifted down to the calculus textbook lying face-down on the floor, and they bent over to pick it up. Its pages were impactfolded, with creases like crushes. They sighed, began flipping through the pages for the lesson they had last studied, then stopped, and, with a despairing little shake of the head, closed the book and hoisted it into their bag.
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BlizzardeyeWonder
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 5:01 pm
"Hey, it's no problem." Meilin gave her a gentle smile.
She crouched down to pick up the textbook, but Maria got to it first. She brought herself back to her feet, and glanced behind her. Her bag leaned against the armchair she climbed out of. She'd studied a bit last night, but maybe it would have been wise to reread her notes just now... Smart of Maria to do that, really.
The words, in hushed tone, spilled out from her sympathy. "...how're you feeling about the test?"
She crouched down to pick up the textbook, but Maria got to it first. She brought herself back to her feet, and glanced behind her. Her bag leaned against the armchair she climbed out of. She'd studied a bit last night, but maybe it would have been wise to reread her notes just now... Smart of Maria to do that, really.
The words, in hushed tone, spilled out from her sympathy. "...how're you feeling about the test?"
Was it too close to the test to get some last-minute studying in or too late? Two words that seemed to be saying the same thing but in context were very different, not that it would matter when the bell would sound to usher them to the slaughter, but she was being dramatic there.
Raina had been reclining in a darkened corner of the library, earbuds in and enjoying the inherent suspense of her darkened surroundings. Sat there, arms resting on the chair luxuriating in the darkness, like a vampire awaiting the approach of one of their thralls. The reality was that the light that had been above her had flickered and then gone out, as lights so often did and she hadn't been bothered enough by it to move.
She wanted to conserve energy for the test you see. That was after all what the internet had advised, many an article had preached the benefit of rest and relaxation the night before and morning of any test, and Raina had been confident enough in Future Raina's ability to deliver a result that she had embraced the idea. The calculus of an early night was often changed when you had insomnia and Raina eagerly accepted the prebuilt excuse. Her sleep, while taking a little longer to arrive, had eventually burst through the door and knocked her out at 11:27 pm. Which, was not great but not terrible, she certainly didn't feel like she'd been pushed down a hill when she'd awoken, which was a bonus.
But as Raina removed her earbuds she realized that someone had invaded her sanctum and was talking in the library. Truthfully Raina was surprised that there were two other people in the library. It wasn't a hotbed of activity, given how disheveled the place looked. If it was possible for a room to look like it had just rushed through the door for an important meeting that room was the Aurora High Library. Regardless, Raina was interested to see who it was that still hung back in the library, her assumption being it was other seniors who had been getting in some last-minute cramming for the test. So she stood up, swung her bag over her arm then slowly walked around the stacks until she caught sight of the other two final occupants of the library.
As it turned out it was two other seniors, Maria and Meilin. M&M. A very original joke.
Anyway, Raina approached them, giving a small wave to get their attention as she drew closer.
"Hey guys," She began, with a nod toward the textbook. "Getting some last-minute studying in?"
Raina had been reclining in a darkened corner of the library, earbuds in and enjoying the inherent suspense of her darkened surroundings. Sat there, arms resting on the chair luxuriating in the darkness, like a vampire awaiting the approach of one of their thralls. The reality was that the light that had been above her had flickered and then gone out, as lights so often did and she hadn't been bothered enough by it to move.
She wanted to conserve energy for the test you see. That was after all what the internet had advised, many an article had preached the benefit of rest and relaxation the night before and morning of any test, and Raina had been confident enough in Future Raina's ability to deliver a result that she had embraced the idea. The calculus of an early night was often changed when you had insomnia and Raina eagerly accepted the prebuilt excuse. Her sleep, while taking a little longer to arrive, had eventually burst through the door and knocked her out at 11:27 pm. Which, was not great but not terrible, she certainly didn't feel like she'd been pushed down a hill when she'd awoken, which was a bonus.
But as Raina removed her earbuds she realized that someone had invaded her sanctum and was talking in the library. Truthfully Raina was surprised that there were two other people in the library. It wasn't a hotbed of activity, given how disheveled the place looked. If it was possible for a room to look like it had just rushed through the door for an important meeting that room was the Aurora High Library. Regardless, Raina was interested to see who it was that still hung back in the library, her assumption being it was other seniors who had been getting in some last-minute cramming for the test. So she stood up, swung her bag over her arm then slowly walked around the stacks until she caught sight of the other two final occupants of the library.
As it turned out it was two other seniors, Maria and Meilin. M&M. A very original joke.
Anyway, Raina approached them, giving a small wave to get their attention as she drew closer.
"Hey guys," She began, with a nod toward the textbook. "Getting some last-minute studying in?"
Ren allowed themself a nervous laugh, one that wasn't too loud. Meilin had been kind enough to show discretion--no sense in letting that go to waste.
"It's as you'd expect," they shrugged.
There were dark circles under their eyes; it was quite remarkable how little it took to derail a night. One employee at the restaurant had called out, and then another, and another--and before you know it, your mother is coming to you with her hand on your shoulder and an apology on her tongue, because she has no choice but to go to the restaurant and join your dad in the kitchen, and leave the twins to you.
Ren, choiceless like their mother, had done a good job of it. They had put their pen down on their wide-ruled notebook paper, and taken the ritualistic deep breath, and set themself to making dinner for Mateo and Pedro, helping them with their homework, giving them the 30 minutes of screentime that had been necessary to bribe them into finishing their homework (Ren took a shower while the twins watched, and hoped they didn't burn the house down in the meantime), giving them the 10 additional minutes of screentime that they needed to finish the video they were watching (which was a fucking lie, but it wasn't worth the argument and honestly the twins had done their homework with a minimum of fuss), brushing their teeth (they were really getting to be too old for that), and--finally--tucking them each into bed.
Suffice to say that Ren had slept little and studied less. Setting their alarm to go off an hour early should have helped the latter problem. It hadn't. Well, who cares, right?
Ren tried a smile again, a wan little thing.
"Didn't quite finish studying, but that is what it is, no?"
Movement, and a voice, and Ren turned and saw Raina. Being discreet hadn't paid off2; now they would have to squirm again.
"Should've and would've, but tiredness got better of me. Would've slept through the bell had Meilin not been passing through," they said, inclining their head in Meilin's direction again.
They stretched nonchalantly, raising their arms over their head before throwing them down and back and rolling their shoulders.
"Ah, but it's the second semester of senior year! Already sent my college apps, caught senioritis, et cetera. In theory, grades barely matter from this point afterwards, so I'm supposed to be allowing myself the luxury to slack off on tests anyways."
2Not that Ren was any less grateful to Meilin for the attempt, mind.
"It's as you'd expect," they shrugged.
There were dark circles under their eyes; it was quite remarkable how little it took to derail a night. One employee at the restaurant had called out, and then another, and another--and before you know it, your mother is coming to you with her hand on your shoulder and an apology on her tongue, because she has no choice but to go to the restaurant and join your dad in the kitchen, and leave the twins to you.
Ren, choiceless like their mother, had done a good job of it. They had put their pen down on their wide-ruled notebook paper, and taken the ritualistic deep breath, and set themself to making dinner for Mateo and Pedro, helping them with their homework, giving them the 30 minutes of screentime that had been necessary to bribe them into finishing their homework (Ren took a shower while the twins watched, and hoped they didn't burn the house down in the meantime), giving them the 10 additional minutes of screentime that they needed to finish the video they were watching (which was a fucking lie, but it wasn't worth the argument and honestly the twins had done their homework with a minimum of fuss), brushing their teeth (they were really getting to be too old for that), and--finally--tucking them each into bed.
Suffice to say that Ren had slept little and studied less. Setting their alarm to go off an hour early should have helped the latter problem. It hadn't. Well, who cares, right?
Ren tried a smile again, a wan little thing.
"Didn't quite finish studying, but that is what it is, no?"
Movement, and a voice, and Ren turned and saw Raina. Being discreet hadn't paid off2; now they would have to squirm again.
"Should've and would've, but tiredness got better of me. Would've slept through the bell had Meilin not been passing through," they said, inclining their head in Meilin's direction again.
They stretched nonchalantly, raising their arms over their head before throwing them down and back and rolling their shoulders.
"Ah, but it's the second semester of senior year! Already sent my college apps, caught senioritis, et cetera. In theory, grades barely matter from this point afterwards, so I'm supposed to be allowing myself the luxury to slack off on tests anyways."
2Not that Ren was any less grateful to Meilin for the attempt, mind.
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BlizzardeyeWonder
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 5:01 pm
Meilin gave a light huff, not too loud for the library, and not too heavy to be forced. It felt like she was still exhaling the hyperventilation after exercise. Nothing like a little bit of rigorous sports practice bright and early on a winter morning, and bright and early (relatively) in the year... right?
Right?
(A phantom prickling at the base of her palms answered.)
She nodded towards Reina, giving her a smile in greeting too, but turned slightly back to Maria. "I mean, sure. But you still got to graduate first, right?"
That sounded dire. She didn't mean to sound dire. Her grin widened in carefully softened fashion. "But... if you sleep on studying for just one test, who's going to tell the college apps folks, the cops? I didn't even study this morning actually, my wrists were just no-o-ot up to it."
Still, there was an anxious quiver in her voice. She took a deep breath. She'd be fine. Even if she flunked this test, the year before was better, and the year after would be better still. She'd be fine.
Right?
(A phantom prickling at the base of her palms answered.)
She nodded towards Reina, giving her a smile in greeting too, but turned slightly back to Maria. "I mean, sure. But you still got to graduate first, right?"
That sounded dire. She didn't mean to sound dire. Her grin widened in carefully softened fashion. "But... if you sleep on studying for just one test, who's going to tell the college apps folks, the cops? I didn't even study this morning actually, my wrists were just no-o-ot up to it."
Still, there was an anxious quiver in her voice. She took a deep breath. She'd be fine. Even if she flunked this test, the year before was better, and the year after would be better still. She'd be fine.
"That's the theory," Raina agreed with Ren, although she didn't truly buy it, despite Ren punctuating their point with a nonchalant stretch and shoulder roll. Raina quirked an eyebrow but didn't comment any further on the attempt to appear unbothered, she didn't want to be overly disruptive to Ren right before an exam. Meilin also made a good point, being that graduating from high school was still a requirement to attend college. So you could relax, some, but never outright slack off like they always had people doing in the movies, if you were going purely off movies studying didn't appear to be a requirement at all to getting through high school, all you needed to do was make sure you got with your crush by prom and you'd graduate top of the class. Sadly, in the real world, there was still a minimum standard that needed to be maintained.
"Also true," She offered to Meilin,
In Raina's case that standard was the high GPA that she herself had. The curse of being put into a gifted class back in middle school rearing its ugly head and making anything less than a 3.7 to 4.0 a personal failing that reflected upon her whole character for the whole world to see. The inner turmoil that got to play out when her GPA dropped below her own high standards was never visible to those outside of her head, but there were signs that seeped through her skin and stuck to her like a damp layer of sweat and desperation. Late nights, irritability, a general grumpy and argumentative attitude towards any conversation happening around her.
But she managed to keep it tamped down, mostly.
"Tell me about it," Raina said, even though Meilin had just told her, "I don't study the night or morning before, want to keep my brain relaxed."
"Also true," She offered to Meilin,
In Raina's case that standard was the high GPA that she herself had. The curse of being put into a gifted class back in middle school rearing its ugly head and making anything less than a 3.7 to 4.0 a personal failing that reflected upon her whole character for the whole world to see. The inner turmoil that got to play out when her GPA dropped below her own high standards was never visible to those outside of her head, but there were signs that seeped through her skin and stuck to her like a damp layer of sweat and desperation. Late nights, irritability, a general grumpy and argumentative attitude towards any conversation happening around her.
But she managed to keep it tamped down, mostly.
"Tell me about it," Raina said, even though Meilin had just told her, "I don't study the night or morning before, want to keep my brain relaxed."
Meilin's words, and Raina's too, were reassurance-shaped, and for that purpose they more or less worked. Ren still felt woefully under-prepared, yes, but perhaps no longer quite so embarrassed.
"Glad I'm in good company, then!" Ren bounced slightly on the balls of their feet, still smiling, and failed to avoid thinking about the fact that their own lack of studying had not been intentional. "Though I can't help but suspect that I'm talking to the two people in our who can get away with slacking off a smidge on a calc test."
That felt correct, according to the part of their brain that paid attention to their classmates. Meilin and Raina were good students, competitive students, and both of them liked astronomy well enough for Ren to remember that about them. Ren had, in fact, considered asking both of them about that interest before, and they were considering it now, too. But now wasn't the time; Ren discarded the thought. There was a test to take, and--they glanced at the clock--only four minutes left before the bell. Their heart quickened, and they felt a faint nausea; even though they had decided that there was no point in rushing off and trying to cram an hour's worth of studying into a few minutes, they couldn't help wanting to try.
"Anyways," they continued, voice smooth, bending over to pick up their Ti-84 Graphing Calculator, "you know what people say: there's theory, and and then there's practice, right? Only you should probably neither do as I say nor as I do. As I have done, I mean."
They placed the calculator in their bag alongside the book, and began pulling the bag's zipper shut. There was a tremor in their hands; only slight, but it was enough for the zipper to snag, and then the tremors intensified enough to jerk the pull tab from their hand.
Ren furrowed their brows.
"Mmm."
They reached for the pull tab again.
"Glad I'm in good company, then!" Ren bounced slightly on the balls of their feet, still smiling, and failed to avoid thinking about the fact that their own lack of studying had not been intentional. "Though I can't help but suspect that I'm talking to the two people in our who can get away with slacking off a smidge on a calc test."
That felt correct, according to the part of their brain that paid attention to their classmates. Meilin and Raina were good students, competitive students, and both of them liked astronomy well enough for Ren to remember that about them. Ren had, in fact, considered asking both of them about that interest before, and they were considering it now, too. But now wasn't the time; Ren discarded the thought. There was a test to take, and--they glanced at the clock--only four minutes left before the bell. Their heart quickened, and they felt a faint nausea; even though they had decided that there was no point in rushing off and trying to cram an hour's worth of studying into a few minutes, they couldn't help wanting to try.
"Anyways," they continued, voice smooth, bending over to pick up their Ti-84 Graphing Calculator, "you know what people say: there's theory, and and then there's practice, right? Only you should probably neither do as I say nor as I do. As I have done, I mean."
They placed the calculator in their bag alongside the book, and began pulling the bag's zipper shut. There was a tremor in their hands; only slight, but it was enough for the zipper to snag, and then the tremors intensified enough to jerk the pull tab from their hand.
Ren furrowed their brows.
"Mmm."
They reached for the pull tab again.
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BlizzardeyeWonder
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 5:01 pm
Valid, valid, and valid! Meilin nodded at Raina, muttering as much: "Valid." With so much confusion as to how best to study, and really the creeping realization that the pedagogy that USA had built decades of schooling off of might be entirely bunk, who could call any of these people wrong for what they chose to do? Senior year, what a magical time to realize that. To have the space to realize that, however narrow it was.
"I mean, aren't you also part of that club?" she said to Maria. She was entirely genuine -- obviously, one can't know the exact grades of every other student in class, but Meilin was always under the impression that Maria was one of the high-performing ones. A couple of thoughtful lines of English-class literature analysis rattled around in Meilin's brain. No doubt some were from Maria's mouth.
Of course, one can't succeed at everything, at least not all the time. Maybe, in classic deal-with-the-devil fashion, she had to shirk some work in the math department in order to focus on the classes she actually liked. Or the classes she needed for the universities she really wanted to go to. (But shouldn't those be one and the same anyway? ...Meilin certainly hoped that would be the case here.)
"I'm sure you'll be fine, no matter what happens," Meilin reassured her. Following her lead, she took a step back and reached for her bag, leaning against the other armchair. "In the next..."
Her eyes darted to the clock.
"Uh... three minutes?"
"I mean, aren't you also part of that club?" she said to Maria. She was entirely genuine -- obviously, one can't know the exact grades of every other student in class, but Meilin was always under the impression that Maria was one of the high-performing ones. A couple of thoughtful lines of English-class literature analysis rattled around in Meilin's brain. No doubt some were from Maria's mouth.
Of course, one can't succeed at everything, at least not all the time. Maybe, in classic deal-with-the-devil fashion, she had to shirk some work in the math department in order to focus on the classes she actually liked. Or the classes she needed for the universities she really wanted to go to. (But shouldn't those be one and the same anyway? ...Meilin certainly hoped that would be the case here.)
"I'm sure you'll be fine, no matter what happens," Meilin reassured her. Following her lead, she took a step back and reached for her bag, leaning against the other armchair. "In the next..."
Her eyes darted to the clock.
"Uh... three minutes?"