Coulomb's Law

[Fenrir]

Raising an eyebrow, Akeno reached over and pulled the notebook towards her. She hadn’t been expecting Cory to actually ask her to read the full story; she’d kind of just expected a quick rundown of the plot, an explanation of the ending, and then to be asked for her opinion and any advice she could give. By handing over his notebook entirely Cory was both giving her more than she thought he would and also asking of her more than she thought he would.

Picking up the notebook with some care, still open to the page that Cory had just finished writing on, she began to flick back through it to find the start of the story. Surprisingly it didn’t take very long. Cory wasn’t lying when he said it was a short story, but it was still a lot shorter than she had anticipated; could you really tell a full narrative in only seven or eight pages?

This wouldn’t be too bad then. Akeno wasn’t much of a reader, at fact that made her a little anxious now, but she wasn’t about to turn away someone who was asking for a favour.

The next few minutes were spent in awkward silence as Akeno tried to read Cory’s story while ignoring the fact that the author himself was sitting across from her, waiting to hear what she thought of it. Even so she managed to finish it pretty quickly, but it took her another couple of minutes before she could think of what to say.

She was no expert, but it seemed pretty well written just on a technical level. The main character was introduced quickly, a famous detective called in to investigate an unsolvable crime who kind of felt like a recurring character; the crime was explained, including why the regular authorities thought it was impossible and why the detective was brought in, the crime scene was examined and the suspects were all introduced and interrogated, most of them having understandable motives for murder. Finally, in no time at all due to the low page count, the detective brought everyone into the lounge so that he could explain to everyone what he had deduced; the means, the motive and the murderer, who was promptly arrested and hauled into the back of a police car.

It was pretty much what she expected from a mystery, hitting all the notes she associated with the genre, and maybe that was the problem. It was exactly like what she had in mind when she thought of a mystery story; nothing less and, well, nothing more. The whole thing was just kind of bland in a way that she couldn’t put her finger on.

Granted she wasn’t much of a reader in the first place, so maybe she wasn’t the best judge when it came to what was engaging and what wasn’t, but she couldn’t help but feel like this was a pretty by the book, book.

The question was what advice did she have? And how could she express it without being too harsh?

“I’ve never understood why the killer sticks around until the end. A world famous detective shows up and starts investigating the murder they just committed and they don’t do anything? They don’t run or try to frame someone else; the killer just waits patiently for the mystery to be solved. That’s weird to me.” It was all very neat and tidy; less like a crime scene and more like a puzzle for the detective to figure out. In the end, the murderer was found and that was it; on to the next case. It all felt kind of inconsequential.

“I guess if they spent so much effort planning the crime they must think they’ll never be caught, but it seems kind of careless. I’d run if it was me. That or I’d fight; if I knew things were starting to unravel, I wouldn’t just wait around for it to all fall apart.” An ending where something like that happened, where the villain who was smart enough to plan an impossible murder was also smart enough to interfere with the investigation, or at least smart enough to make their escape before they were discovered, might help make things feel less generic. An ending where the crime was solved but the criminal got away, just one step too far ahead to be caught.

Would Cory want to write that kind of ending though? Akeno could make any kind of suggestion she wanted, say what she would want to see in a story, but in the end it was still his story and he had to be happy with the final product. Telling him to re-write the ending probably wouldn’t be very helpful. “I’m not sure what to say. It… seems fine to me, but I don’t really know what you were going for in the first place. I guess it feels a little generic? It’s a good mystery story, but it reads a lot like other mysteries I’ve heard of.”

That was her critique at least, but it wasn’t very good in terms of actually fixing his problem. What advice could she give to a writer who’d been doing this for five years though, when she’d barely picked up a non-school related book in the same time period?

“… I don’t know how helpful it’ll be but there’s a guideline I use for situations like this. ‘If you want to improve something, start from the foundations’.” Start from scratch. Clean slate it. Not the advice anyone ever wanted to hear but as far as Akeno was concerned, that was the only way to get real results. Anything else was just painting over the cracks. “If the ending doesn’t feel right to you, then I’d probably look at the beginning and middle first.”

[Dogs231]

The room was quiet as the girl flipped through the pages of his story. Cory braced himself for the worst. He was sure that, in only a moment, the harsh words would begin and that his work would be verbally shredded.

But then, even as she had finished reading the book, the silence continued to hang in the air. For a few minutes, neither of them spoke before Akeno broke through and began her critique.

She raised a valid point - why did the criminal stick around? He was sure that he had thought that through fully. He concluded that by attempting to fight or flee the area, they would only incriminate themselves further. But he kept silent. Looking back, he wasn't sure he was happy with that answer. Maybe they had only stuck around because that was what the story called for. Or perhaps he could have elaborated further on why they had let it happen.

Then came the next point. The story was generic. To this point, Cory had no response. He knew he played his writing safe, and as much as he hated to admit it, it seemed his work was the worse for it. He hadn't broken the mold. The spark of creativity he had started writing with had gone out, and he would need to find a way to restore it.

And then, her final words of advice. To start from the foundations, to look at the very roots of the story. It was something you never wanted to hear, and while parts of him knew it was true, it still hurt to think about.

She was right, but Cory wasn't sure what to do, even if he knew that all of her points were right. He had been writing the same way for so long that he was no longer sure he could do it any differently. His heart sank as he came to his conclusions, a slight frown forming across his face.

"Yeah."

He paused briefly before taking in a breath and sighing heavily.

"I guess you're right. Maybe that's what I need to do."

His frown faded away, although he remained disheartened. He considered his next words for a few moments before speaking again.

"Thank you. For being honest and telling me. I appreciate it."

[Fenrir]

It was probably a bitter pill to swallow, hearing someone point out the flaws in his story, but Cory seemed to be handling it well enough. She respected the fact that he was accepting the criticism so easily, instead of trying to argue against it or getting defensive; even if she thought her advice should be taken with a massive grain of salt. The fact he himself had doubts about it, enough to ask a stranger for a review, probably meant he had braced himself for it already.

Still, that didn’t stop Akeno from feeling awkward in the aftermath. What did you say to someone after something like this? If it was her she’d probably want some time to think, to start fixing the problem or at least start putting together a plan; she found that once she had an idea in mind of how to do better next time that it was easier deal with the frustration of a loss. At the same time, she wouldn’t turn away the company of others and a chance to distract herself if it was available; it just wasn’t the first thing she sought out.

“No problem.” She settled for the standard response, as she slid the notebook across the table until it was closer to Cory than to herself. What worked for her wouldn’t necessarily work here though. She didn’t know enough about Cory to guess how he would react.

It was as she was looking around the room for ideas that she remembered where they were and why she had come here in the first place. Putting a smile on her face and injecting some levity into her tone, she spoke up

“Hey, maybe now you can help me with something?” Akeno waved a hand around vaguely, gesturing to encompass the shelves of books around them. “Can you tell me which of these books would be good for a report?”

[Dogs231]

The notebook slid along the table, turning as it moved across the polished wood. Cory caught it on the spine as it moved towards him, closing it up and placing it next to him.

Cory noticed that she'd begun looking around the room before she suddenly started smiling. She wanted his help with something. He had asked a great deal of her, and in his mind, it was only fair that he help in return.

"Sure, I'd be happy to help."

She wanted his help choosing a book to make a report on. Cory's mind flipped through the books he had read recently as he began to speak. There was no shortage of stories to choose from, considering they were in a library. However, he'd need a bit more to work with before deciding something for her.

"That really depends on what exactly you're looking for. What kind of genre interests you? Do you want it to be dark or light in tone? There's a lot to choose from."

[Fenrir]

What kind of book did she want? That was the question, wasn’t it? It brought her back to her original conundrum, which was that she found it hard to finish any kind of book unless she forced herself to do so. She didn’t know what kind of book would work for her because she’d never found one that did, not since she was a kid anyway.

“I was thinking of a mystery, but it doesn’t have to be that. Something light I guess?”

That was still a pretty vague set of requirements, but she didn’t know what else to say. If Cory didn’t have any ideas then she would just grab the first book she found with an interesting cover which didn’t look too thick.

“I’m not much of a reader so I was looking for something easy to get through. Books don’t really hold my interest for long so, something short? Or at least something that will keep me hooked until the end.”

[Dogs231]

Cory listened as the girl talked, thinking about what kind of book would suit her requirements.

Her first request was that it be a mystery, preferably. He knew quite a lot about those - it was his favorite genre, and his family had more than enough in their collection for him to know a variety of things to recommend.

Her second was that it on the lighter side. This request posed a slightly more significant challenge for him. While he enjoyed lighter books, he often gravitated towards the heavier side of literature.

Her third criteria were that it be something relatively short. That was an easier criterion. There were more than enough books in this library that wouldn't prove much of a challenge to finish.

The problem was combining these categories. Finding a light, short mystery book. The three weren't necessarily the most conducive to each other, though he was sure it had been done. Most of the mystery novels he had read were murder mysteries, with complex and intricate plots. Death wasn't exactly the lightest topic in the world, to say the least.

He stood up, walking over to one of the nearby shelves. He scanned across it, his eyes moving up and down as he read the spines of the books. Finally, he found what he was looking for - Murder on the Orient Express, by Agatha Christie.

He tilted the somewhat-worn copy of the book downwards before pulling it from the shelf. He inspected it for a moment - it was a newer version of the book. At home, he had a far older edition of the story from the original United States publisher, Dodd, Mead & Co. The one he owned was a much plainer-looking book, with a dark slate grey hardcover and yellow letting on the side, compared to the artwork that adorned the one he held in his hands now. It depicted the black silhouette of a train over a bright red background, billowing pale golden smoke that tangled itself around the black capital letters of the title.

The book probably didn't meet the criteria perfectly, but Cory had found it interesting to read and hoped that she would feel the same way. He stepped away from the shelves, walked back towards the table, and placed the book down, pushing it carefully across the laminated wood.

"How about this one? I've read it myself - I enjoyed it a lot. Maybe you will too."

[Fenrir]

Akeno watched curiously as Cory moved along the shelves of books. He’d given her request some thought and now it seemed to have something in particular he was looking for, or maybe he was just reading titles at random until he found one that worked; hard to tell.

Still, if her goal was to distract Cory from his story then it looked like she’d succeeded.

He came back shortly with a fancy looking book with a basic but distinctive cover design; she recognised the shape of a steam train before he handed it over and had a feeling she knew what book he had chosen before he had a chance to tell her the title.

“Oh, yeah; I’ve heard of this one.” She hadn’t read it though, of course, which was what she needed. Murder on the Orient Express was a classic… maybe. It was well known enough that she’d heard of it, which she couldn’t say about many other murder mysteries, but that didn’t necessarily mean it was good or that she’d enjoy it.

But Cory had picked it out for her, so she was going to read it. She picked it up and held it for a moment, feeling its weight and trying to judge how long it would take her to read it. Either it was a classic for a reason or it was an overrated bore; whatever the case, it should give her plenty to write about for her report.

“Thanks. I’ll give it a shot.”

[Dogs231]

She'd heard of the book before. That wasn't too much of a surprise. After all, it was a classic, among the most famous books of Christie's bibliography. It had enough adaptations to make it a ubiquitous part of the genre.

She held it, shifting it around in her hand for a moment as she looked at it. For a moment, Cory was worried that she had disapproved of his choice of the book. However, she soon turned her eyes to him and spoke again.

She thanked him and said that she would try it. That was good to hear. It was a good book, and he hoped that she would enjoy reading it.

"It's no problem. Good luck with the report."