Lili almost started to speak again, but Raina's harsh words cut her off. Cut through her, too, like a hot knife through butter, snapping her back to reality. It was stupid, to think that Kizi's dream held any more water after what had happened. Just a fad, the whole pacifism thing, that she had happened to fall prey to. For all the difference and not fitting in she could muster, she managed to waste another two days in Spiderland futzing around with other people's ideas.
The cross necklace was cold against her chest.
A reminder.
Kizi's dying wishes still rang in her ears, as idealistic and impractical as they were. Lili had wanted Al gone from the moment he walked in and revealed himself to be Kizi's shooter. Why, now, was she suddenly feeling so vehemently opposed to letting him go? He was so easily swayed, like someone else who didn't know what he should be doing here. She related to him, in a way.
So, instead of rising up to defend him or turning on him, she looked down at her hands, and began to twiddle her thumbs.
She made no sounds.
Minus Something
[Shoot First, Ask Questions Later]
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MethodicalSlacker
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That hurt.
Raina, his friend, wanted him to go away. It was Raina who told him that. Perhaps she did not like him as he thought she would.
Alessio stood up. At first he thought Raina walked to him, but then it turned out that she just walked past him to go to his weapons to block him off them. Makes sense.
He walked to the door, unarmed. He listened to the announcement. Yeah, their plan was silly. People still keep killing. Serena killed. Jeremy was dead. And Al's face was covered in tears.
What could he do now?
Raina, his friend, wanted him to go away. It was Raina who told him that. Perhaps she did not like him as he thought she would.
Alessio stood up. At first he thought Raina walked to him, but then it turned out that she just walked past him to go to his weapons to block him off them. Makes sense.
He walked to the door, unarmed. He listened to the announcement. Yeah, their plan was silly. People still keep killing. Serena killed. Jeremy was dead. And Al's face was covered in tears.
What could he do now?
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VoltTurtle
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Penelope held in a scream as they read out Ben's name on the announcements.
Ben was dead. Jeremy killed him. Now Jeremy was dead too. Just like her other friends before them, they were gone, never to come back. How many more of her friends would die at each other's hands, before they could stop all of this from happening?
And now Raina was forcing Al to leave, and he was about to comply. Al had killed multiple people, and she wasn't sure if she could trust him, but did he deserve to be pushed away from the friends he'd known before all of this? He wasn't even fighting, he was leaving without even trying to touch the weapons they had. He was blatantly upset, like he had wanted to stay. As much as she wanted to take the chance to mourn those that had been lost, she couldn't just stand aside and wallow in her emotions as things fell apart around her yet again.
Who would she be if she didn't give everyone a second chance?
"No!" She shouted, clearing out the tears that were starting to build in her eyes. "Al is not leaving."
Ben didn't join up with her so she could just sit around and do nothing because it was easier that way. He joined her because he had a goal that he believed in, a goal that she had been shirking because of her emotions. Just like Penelope, Ben had wanted true peace for the island and a chance at redemption for them all, before the end of their lives. And if they could convince Al to put down his arms, then perhaps the killers all weren't truly a lost cause. Maybe all they needed was someone to talk some sense into them, and they would realize what Astrid failed to; that even if they killed enough to leave this place, they would still be dead, just on the inside, rather than the outside.
Maybe the goal that they believed in wasn't so lofty after all.
She clenched her hand into a fist, a sense of hope and triumph finally returning to her voice. "I'm sick of watching people die. I can't just sit around anymore and do nothing when if I just did something, I could stop all of this."
"Ben died because I didn't stop him when he wanted to leave out on his own. I knew that if he left the group he would be so much more vulnerable, not only to others, but to himself. But I didn't say anything because I was too caught up in being sad and angry about all of the gloom and doom around here. No more."
She took a moment to breathe, to calm herself a little. "Al is staying because just from seeing him for only a few moments here, I can tell that he legitimately wants to be better. He wanted an alternative to just killing more people to leave, and our group here gave it to him. To shun him now, when he's trying to turn over a new leaf, would go against everything that our group stands for."
"If we can change Al, then there's a chance we can change anyone. Even if there were apparently some serial killers among us all along, like that Isabel girl, most of us seem to want some way out. Some alternative." She paused, her tone turning somber. "We're just kids. Stupid kids in way over our heads. And if given another set of rules than the ones given to us by the fucking maniacs that put us here... maybe they can change."
"I... I know that we can't convince everyone. God knows I tried so hard to convince Astrid to not hurt anyone and she just wouldn't listen. But if there's no way we can convince some to change their mind..." She paused, the words she wanted to speak making her sick to her stomach. "...Now we have an easy way of disposing of them."
She took a deep breath, almost unable to believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. But that was the reality of things; if they couldn't convince someone not to be violent, then they had no choice but to defend themselves and the other peaceful island denizens that were still out there, waiting to be found.
"We are doing this. We are going to make this happen. We've lost so much already, and we aren't just going to insult the legacy of those that have been left behind by not giving Al another chance."
Ben was dead. Jeremy killed him. Now Jeremy was dead too. Just like her other friends before them, they were gone, never to come back. How many more of her friends would die at each other's hands, before they could stop all of this from happening?
And now Raina was forcing Al to leave, and he was about to comply. Al had killed multiple people, and she wasn't sure if she could trust him, but did he deserve to be pushed away from the friends he'd known before all of this? He wasn't even fighting, he was leaving without even trying to touch the weapons they had. He was blatantly upset, like he had wanted to stay. As much as she wanted to take the chance to mourn those that had been lost, she couldn't just stand aside and wallow in her emotions as things fell apart around her yet again.
Who would she be if she didn't give everyone a second chance?
"No!" She shouted, clearing out the tears that were starting to build in her eyes. "Al is not leaving."
Ben didn't join up with her so she could just sit around and do nothing because it was easier that way. He joined her because he had a goal that he believed in, a goal that she had been shirking because of her emotions. Just like Penelope, Ben had wanted true peace for the island and a chance at redemption for them all, before the end of their lives. And if they could convince Al to put down his arms, then perhaps the killers all weren't truly a lost cause. Maybe all they needed was someone to talk some sense into them, and they would realize what Astrid failed to; that even if they killed enough to leave this place, they would still be dead, just on the inside, rather than the outside.
Maybe the goal that they believed in wasn't so lofty after all.
She clenched her hand into a fist, a sense of hope and triumph finally returning to her voice. "I'm sick of watching people die. I can't just sit around anymore and do nothing when if I just did something, I could stop all of this."
"Ben died because I didn't stop him when he wanted to leave out on his own. I knew that if he left the group he would be so much more vulnerable, not only to others, but to himself. But I didn't say anything because I was too caught up in being sad and angry about all of the gloom and doom around here. No more."
She took a moment to breathe, to calm herself a little. "Al is staying because just from seeing him for only a few moments here, I can tell that he legitimately wants to be better. He wanted an alternative to just killing more people to leave, and our group here gave it to him. To shun him now, when he's trying to turn over a new leaf, would go against everything that our group stands for."
"If we can change Al, then there's a chance we can change anyone. Even if there were apparently some serial killers among us all along, like that Isabel girl, most of us seem to want some way out. Some alternative." She paused, her tone turning somber. "We're just kids. Stupid kids in way over our heads. And if given another set of rules than the ones given to us by the fucking maniacs that put us here... maybe they can change."
"I... I know that we can't convince everyone. God knows I tried so hard to convince Astrid to not hurt anyone and she just wouldn't listen. But if there's no way we can convince some to change their mind..." She paused, the words she wanted to speak making her sick to her stomach. "...Now we have an easy way of disposing of them."
She took a deep breath, almost unable to believe the words that had just come out of her mouth. But that was the reality of things; if they couldn't convince someone not to be violent, then they had no choice but to defend themselves and the other peaceful island denizens that were still out there, waiting to be found.
"We are doing this. We are going to make this happen. We've lost so much already, and we aren't just going to insult the legacy of those that have been left behind by not giving Al another chance."
"Penny, don't."
Raina's words went ignored, which irritated her more than it should have. Actually, no. It irritated her exactly as much as it should have, maybe even less, considering what Penelope was trying to filibuster on about.
Oh, it was a speech all right. Sincere and impassioned, the kind of speech that deserved rousing music in the background. In one of those shows where the bad guys got to redeem themselves, it would be the turning point, the former villain's first inkling of what it was to have trust and friendship and all that jazz. In Raina's favorite anime, this would be the part where Al's heart grew three sizes that day, and he pledged to lay down his arms forever so that he could prove himself.
Al didn't move or offer any words in his own defense.
"No, Penny, that's not how we're doing things." She didn't want to be harsh. She didn't want to hurt her best friend any more than Penelope was already hurting, but this was the point that Raina absolutely couldn't afford to compromise on. She had gone along with this charade long enough, and it was time to put her foot down now that it was actively putting all of them in danger. Penelope could talk all she wanted about changing Al as though he was some character whose settings she could change or whose lines she could rewrite, but Raina wasn't having it.
"Here's what I stand for: getting as many people out of this place as possible. In case you haven't noticed, if we keep hanging around and trying to place peacemaker, there aren't going to be any people left to rescue! And you know what else isn't going to keep people alive? Inviting somebody who's killed four - no, five people into our group. You really think he's just going to stop now, because you want to sit around with him and make friendship bracelets? Well, Kiziah did too, and look how that worked out for her!" Raina's voice cracked, her own words driving home the fact that Kizi was dead, and that her murderer was standing right there in the room with them, no words of repentance forthcoming.
She whipped around to look at Al, her voice rising as she continued to speak. She was blinking back tears now. "What about it, Al!? You let all the murder out yet? Just took five people for you to finally start feeling bad!?"
She stopped to take in a shaky breath, blinking rapidly to try and keep any tears from spilling over. She couldn't afford to lose her composure any more. "Too little, too late, buddy. You had your chance, and it was at number zero." Raina drew herself up as tall as she could, only pausing to quickly swipe her sleeve across her eyes. She didn't want to look away from Al for too long just in case he got any ideas, though he was still just standing there and not meeting her gaze.
"Now leave, or I'll make you." She didn't know what she would do if forced to make good on that threat. She had a sinking feeling that she might only be moments away from finding out.
Raina's words went ignored, which irritated her more than it should have. Actually, no. It irritated her exactly as much as it should have, maybe even less, considering what Penelope was trying to filibuster on about.
Oh, it was a speech all right. Sincere and impassioned, the kind of speech that deserved rousing music in the background. In one of those shows where the bad guys got to redeem themselves, it would be the turning point, the former villain's first inkling of what it was to have trust and friendship and all that jazz. In Raina's favorite anime, this would be the part where Al's heart grew three sizes that day, and he pledged to lay down his arms forever so that he could prove himself.
Al didn't move or offer any words in his own defense.
"No, Penny, that's not how we're doing things." She didn't want to be harsh. She didn't want to hurt her best friend any more than Penelope was already hurting, but this was the point that Raina absolutely couldn't afford to compromise on. She had gone along with this charade long enough, and it was time to put her foot down now that it was actively putting all of them in danger. Penelope could talk all she wanted about changing Al as though he was some character whose settings she could change or whose lines she could rewrite, but Raina wasn't having it.
"Here's what I stand for: getting as many people out of this place as possible. In case you haven't noticed, if we keep hanging around and trying to place peacemaker, there aren't going to be any people left to rescue! And you know what else isn't going to keep people alive? Inviting somebody who's killed four - no, five people into our group. You really think he's just going to stop now, because you want to sit around with him and make friendship bracelets? Well, Kiziah did too, and look how that worked out for her!" Raina's voice cracked, her own words driving home the fact that Kizi was dead, and that her murderer was standing right there in the room with them, no words of repentance forthcoming.
She whipped around to look at Al, her voice rising as she continued to speak. She was blinking back tears now. "What about it, Al!? You let all the murder out yet? Just took five people for you to finally start feeling bad!?"
She stopped to take in a shaky breath, blinking rapidly to try and keep any tears from spilling over. She couldn't afford to lose her composure any more. "Too little, too late, buddy. You had your chance, and it was at number zero." Raina drew herself up as tall as she could, only pausing to quickly swipe her sleeve across her eyes. She didn't want to look away from Al for too long just in case he got any ideas, though he was still just standing there and not meeting her gaze.
"Now leave, or I'll make you." She didn't know what she would do if forced to make good on that threat. She had a sinking feeling that she might only be moments away from finding out.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
That was getting trickier. Johnny - just acting on a hunch and on gut alone - would have stood by Raina. He was, granted, already standing by her in a physical sense. But he meant the matters of principles. Yes, quite hard to believe for some people. Some people back home, who'd be seein' nothing but a shaggy old rat bred from trailer trash. Some people still watching, judging him for the monstrous act of not taking action.
No, but Johnny had to take the moral high ground here. And it was Raina who was standing far in the sky right now.
"Al and I already had a bit of a run-in. And by that, I'm meaning he sat a trap for me." He raised his hand, the one to make the point. "It's why my hand's been a bitch the last days. Al had been holing up in the gym, put up a weight above the door frame and when I entered... well, you know."
He shook his head. Purposefully, he avoided looking at Al, or even the general direction of the boy. Instead he scurried even closer to Raina.
"Gonna be honest. Not trusting the guy who sets goddamn traps. That's ... an advanced form of fucked-up-in-the-head."
No, but Johnny had to take the moral high ground here. And it was Raina who was standing far in the sky right now.
"Al and I already had a bit of a run-in. And by that, I'm meaning he sat a trap for me." He raised his hand, the one to make the point. "It's why my hand's been a bitch the last days. Al had been holing up in the gym, put up a weight above the door frame and when I entered... well, you know."
He shook his head. Purposefully, he avoided looking at Al, or even the general direction of the boy. Instead he scurried even closer to Raina.
"Gonna be honest. Not trusting the guy who sets goddamn traps. That's ... an advanced form of fucked-up-in-the-head."
Gervais Frans Lambotte 
Blue Jeans and Bloody Tears Martini-Henry Rifle MkIV Pattern
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Blue Jeans and Bloody Tears Martini-Henry Rifle MkIV Pattern||Selection|Clicks|Lonely|
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MethodicalSlacker
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Impassioned speeches from both sides. Penelope was clearly the one closest aligned with Kizi's dream, but her comments about having the tools to get rid of people who didn't agree sent shivers down Lili's spine. Meanwhile, Raina was threatening Al with everything that she had, and Johnny was just adding fuel to the flames.
Nobody has it right here. Not a single one of these idiots has any clue what they're fucking with, do they?
Annoyed, Lili felt her contempt for everyone involved grow until it was boiling up and out of her throat in the shape of words.
"If you guys are gonna force Al out of here, then, I'm sorry, but I'm going with him," she said, exasperated, "The last words out of Kizi's mouth, what she spent her dying breaths on...they weren't for this. No threatening to kill people that don't agree with this whole shebang, and no kicking people out, no matter what they've done. How could you people been on board with this, and then turn against it all like a light switch? Flicked on, then flicked off, is that how it is, y'know? This was just a fad to begin with, for you guys, wasn't it?"
She picked herself up off the table and walked over to her bags in the corner of the room. If she decided to take Kizi's with her, then that would make three bags total, uncomfortable all around. Kizi wouldn't want these people perverting her supplies for their needs, would she? No, it was best that Lili took them. She picked the bags up and put them on top of the table, all lined up and ready to go.
Nobody has it right here. Not a single one of these idiots has any clue what they're fucking with, do they?
Annoyed, Lili felt her contempt for everyone involved grow until it was boiling up and out of her throat in the shape of words.
"If you guys are gonna force Al out of here, then, I'm sorry, but I'm going with him," she said, exasperated, "The last words out of Kizi's mouth, what she spent her dying breaths on...they weren't for this. No threatening to kill people that don't agree with this whole shebang, and no kicking people out, no matter what they've done. How could you people been on board with this, and then turn against it all like a light switch? Flicked on, then flicked off, is that how it is, y'know? This was just a fad to begin with, for you guys, wasn't it?"
She picked herself up off the table and walked over to her bags in the corner of the room. If she decided to take Kizi's with her, then that would make three bags total, uncomfortable all around. Kizi wouldn't want these people perverting her supplies for their needs, would she? No, it was best that Lili took them. She picked the bags up and put them on top of the table, all lined up and ready to go.
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VoltTurtle
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- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Penelope sighed in frustration at both Raina and Lili, not sure what to say.
Lili confirmed Kiziah had died, presumably at Al's hands. She held in the despair that was building up inside of her. This was her moment, she needed to stay calm and use her words.
"Okay... first," she began confidently, taking control of the conversation in the room, "I think you really misunderstood what I meant, Lili. Obviously I don't want to hurt anyone, but there are no doubt going to be people who don't want to listen to us, no matter what we say or do. And if we manage to gather up everyone that will listen, the people who won't listen will come knocking."
She took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself, keep her emotions in check. "As much as I hate to say it, we would either have to defend ourselves, or let them murder each and every one of us." She paused, passionate emotion returning to her voice. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt, but how dare you suggest I want to turn my back on what we're doing here? I've had this idea from day one, I've been wanting to get a peaceful group together this entire time. That's why we had... Ben... and... that's... that's why Raina's here. If it wasn't for me, you guys wouldn't have even had the confidence to do anything."
Penelope paused for breath, only to swallow nervously at what was next. She didn't want to say what she was about to say, she wanted to keep holding it back, but now was the time to let it all out. "And... Raina... I'm sorry to say this but... whatever you're dreaming up to try and escape, it's not going to work."
"As evil as the terrorists are, they have the brains and the brawn. They have years and years of experience doing this. This isn't an anime or a video game where the good guys win against impossible odds. This is reality, where the bad guys win when they have the advantage. We have no chance of getting out of here alive and... if you do something, trying to prove me wrong, they will just detonate the bomb they have wrapped around your neck. You'll be gone and I'll..." Tears began to well up in Penelope's eyes, her voice wavering as she spoke. "A-And I'll have watched you die. I'll be... I'll be all alone."
"I... I don't want to l-lose any of you guys. But we... we can't just turn away anybody with kills to their name just because... just because we're afraid of what they might do. If... if Kizi trusted Al enough that she wanted him to stick around, then... then I want him to stick around too."
"A-and if this... i-if this is how this group dies, then I might... I might as well just grab one of those guns and just... and just kill myself right here, right now. I don't... I don't want to see any more of you guys die, a-at least not without it being together, on our terms."
"I-If this group dies here, because we can't decide what we want, then there's no hope... there's no hope left for any of us."
Lili confirmed Kiziah had died, presumably at Al's hands. She held in the despair that was building up inside of her. This was her moment, she needed to stay calm and use her words.
"Okay... first," she began confidently, taking control of the conversation in the room, "I think you really misunderstood what I meant, Lili. Obviously I don't want to hurt anyone, but there are no doubt going to be people who don't want to listen to us, no matter what we say or do. And if we manage to gather up everyone that will listen, the people who won't listen will come knocking."
She took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself, keep her emotions in check. "As much as I hate to say it, we would either have to defend ourselves, or let them murder each and every one of us." She paused, passionate emotion returning to her voice. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt, but how dare you suggest I want to turn my back on what we're doing here? I've had this idea from day one, I've been wanting to get a peaceful group together this entire time. That's why we had... Ben... and... that's... that's why Raina's here. If it wasn't for me, you guys wouldn't have even had the confidence to do anything."
Penelope paused for breath, only to swallow nervously at what was next. She didn't want to say what she was about to say, she wanted to keep holding it back, but now was the time to let it all out. "And... Raina... I'm sorry to say this but... whatever you're dreaming up to try and escape, it's not going to work."
"As evil as the terrorists are, they have the brains and the brawn. They have years and years of experience doing this. This isn't an anime or a video game where the good guys win against impossible odds. This is reality, where the bad guys win when they have the advantage. We have no chance of getting out of here alive and... if you do something, trying to prove me wrong, they will just detonate the bomb they have wrapped around your neck. You'll be gone and I'll..." Tears began to well up in Penelope's eyes, her voice wavering as she spoke. "A-And I'll have watched you die. I'll be... I'll be all alone."
"I... I don't want to l-lose any of you guys. But we... we can't just turn away anybody with kills to their name just because... just because we're afraid of what they might do. If... if Kizi trusted Al enough that she wanted him to stick around, then... then I want him to stick around too."
"A-and if this... i-if this is how this group dies, then I might... I might as well just grab one of those guns and just... and just kill myself right here, right now. I don't... I don't want to see any more of you guys die, a-at least not without it being together, on our terms."
"I-If this group dies here, because we can't decide what we want, then there's no hope... there's no hope left for any of us."
Al was not moved by the speech of Penelope, he was not super happy that Lili wanted to stay with him. It was weird how much he could emotionally ignore Penelope and Lili, who were supporting him. Because the important thing to him were the words of Raina and Johnny.
Raina was hurting him more. Johnny told them the story. Alessio was exposed. He was directionless. Because of listening to Kizi he was hurt. He became vulnerable, became emotional instead of rational and Raina abused that to hurt him. She put her finger in his wounds. He found allies who wanted him to get lost.
Alessio walked through the door and closed the door as loud as he could. He had nothing with him. No bag, no gun, no allies. No friends. He wanted to return, but he knew he could not see Raina again.
((Alessio continued in This Nearly Was Mine))
Raina was hurting him more. Johnny told them the story. Alessio was exposed. He was directionless. Because of listening to Kizi he was hurt. He became vulnerable, became emotional instead of rational and Raina abused that to hurt him. She put her finger in his wounds. He found allies who wanted him to get lost.
Alessio walked through the door and closed the door as loud as he could. He had nothing with him. No bag, no gun, no allies. No friends. He wanted to return, but he knew he could not see Raina again.
((Alessio continued in This Nearly Was Mine))
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Al left, and that was good. Of course it was. No more murderers in their midst, and now he had been disarmed too.
But Raina was still choked with shock and anger and grief so strong that she could hardly breathe. She remembered Jasper. She remembered his face just before she had turned and bolted, before the gunshots sounded behind her. She remembered Kiziah, and how she had been so vibrant and alive just a day earlier.
She was sure that Penelope had to remember them too, and everyone else they had lost. Ben. Couldn't Penelope remember Ben's face? Was she so set on her principles that she could so easily write him off?
Raina wanted to ask, but she was shaking and her throat was tight. She took a few steps towards the cafeteria's table, with its confused mess of inscriptions, and sat down heavily.
"If you want to leave, then... go on, I guess. Do whatever you want," she said to Lili, her voice sounding faint. "Better you with those weapons than him." It would have been nice to have the weapons. Strategic. But Raina didn't really want them. She didn't want to lay her hands on the gun that had killed Kiziah and who knew how many others.
She wanted to slap Penelope silly for even thinking to suggest that they could keep Alessio around for what he had done.
"Your plan isn't going to work either," she said finally, looking at the wall and not at Penny. "Not like that. I'm not martyring myself for someone like that, and I thought you were smart enough that you wouldn't either." Maybe Penelope had been once, but she was blinded by her own morals and her dream of sticking it to the terrorists now. They were so similar.
So why did it feel like they were drifting further and further apart?
But Raina was still choked with shock and anger and grief so strong that she could hardly breathe. She remembered Jasper. She remembered his face just before she had turned and bolted, before the gunshots sounded behind her. She remembered Kiziah, and how she had been so vibrant and alive just a day earlier.
She was sure that Penelope had to remember them too, and everyone else they had lost. Ben. Couldn't Penelope remember Ben's face? Was she so set on her principles that she could so easily write him off?
Raina wanted to ask, but she was shaking and her throat was tight. She took a few steps towards the cafeteria's table, with its confused mess of inscriptions, and sat down heavily.
"If you want to leave, then... go on, I guess. Do whatever you want," she said to Lili, her voice sounding faint. "Better you with those weapons than him." It would have been nice to have the weapons. Strategic. But Raina didn't really want them. She didn't want to lay her hands on the gun that had killed Kiziah and who knew how many others.
She wanted to slap Penelope silly for even thinking to suggest that they could keep Alessio around for what he had done.
"Your plan isn't going to work either," she said finally, looking at the wall and not at Penny. "Not like that. I'm not martyring myself for someone like that, and I thought you were smart enough that you wouldn't either." Maybe Penelope had been once, but she was blinded by her own morals and her dream of sticking it to the terrorists now. They were so similar.
So why did it feel like they were drifting further and further apart?
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
Uh-Oh.
Well, Al went his way and that was good. Good for something, hopefully. Someday, in the near future, if not now 'cause now was beginning to look more and more terrible by the second. Johnny contemplated, for a brief moment, why it'd to be him that suffered like this. Why he'd be caught in this room with Penny and Raina and Lili and why he had nothing to offer.
He had stopped soon enough. In it's own and weirdest way, hearing Raina's word was encouraging.
Encouraging as it could be, in it's own messed up way in this messed up situation.
"Let's...
...
...
...nevermind."
Well, Al went his way and that was good. Good for something, hopefully. Someday, in the near future, if not now 'cause now was beginning to look more and more terrible by the second. Johnny contemplated, for a brief moment, why it'd to be him that suffered like this. Why he'd be caught in this room with Penny and Raina and Lili and why he had nothing to offer.
He had stopped soon enough. In it's own and weirdest way, hearing Raina's word was encouraging.
Encouraging as it could be, in it's own messed up way in this messed up situation.
"Let's...
...
...
...nevermind."
Gervais Frans Lambotte Blue Jeans and Bloody Tears Martini-Henry Rifle MkIV Pattern
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MethodicalSlacker
- Posts: 1231
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- Location: Here And There Along The Echo
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Penelope's self destructive words only did more to reinforce Lili's decision to take the guns. She cautiously looked them over, checking that the safeties (or at least that what she thought were the safeties) were on, and put them into the bags. Then, she slung them over her shoulders. She knew she wouldn't be able to go far with these things, as they felt even heavier than the corpses she'd been carrying around these past few days. At most, she'd be able to make it to the bridge, where she could unload some of her gear into the water. That way she'd take some of the guns out of circulation - one last step toward peace - and she'd be able to pay some respects to Su again. Maybe she'd jump off, while she was at it.
It didn't sound like they'd stop her if she tried to leave, so she made her way over to the doorway, unable to look at the three standing there. Penelope, a shivering and crying mess. Raina and her blue hair, unsubtle, unkind, unyielding. Johnny, silent, sulking by himself.
Kizi was gone.
Ben was gone.
She had a feeling that one of these other three would drop before she did. It was just a hunch, her gut feeling, and was probably going to wind up incorrect. Lili pictured the other three in Kizi's position, shuddering, blood pouring out of them, and her lip quivered. At that precise moment, she walked through the door and out into the hallway.
Nothing can stop me now, 'cause I don't care, anymore.
Nothing can stop me now, 'cause I just don't care.
Lili wondered why that song popped into her head as she walked down the corridor. She barely even liked Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral was a halfway decent album, but most of their stuff after that just got too self indulgent for her to listen to. Lili hit the pause button on her mental jukebox and scrolled through a list of tracks, trying to find some fitting soundtrack for her trek through the asylum.
Nothing seemed to fit. No music could capture what she was - no, what she wasn't - feeling.
She settled on silence, and walked on.
[Lili Williams continued in The Making of a Soul.]
It didn't sound like they'd stop her if she tried to leave, so she made her way over to the doorway, unable to look at the three standing there. Penelope, a shivering and crying mess. Raina and her blue hair, unsubtle, unkind, unyielding. Johnny, silent, sulking by himself.
Kizi was gone.
Ben was gone.
She had a feeling that one of these other three would drop before she did. It was just a hunch, her gut feeling, and was probably going to wind up incorrect. Lili pictured the other three in Kizi's position, shuddering, blood pouring out of them, and her lip quivered. At that precise moment, she walked through the door and out into the hallway.
Nothing can stop me now, 'cause I don't care, anymore.
Nothing can stop me now, 'cause I just don't care.
Lili wondered why that song popped into her head as she walked down the corridor. She barely even liked Nine Inch Nails. The Downward Spiral was a halfway decent album, but most of their stuff after that just got too self indulgent for her to listen to. Lili hit the pause button on her mental jukebox and scrolled through a list of tracks, trying to find some fitting soundtrack for her trek through the asylum.
Nothing seemed to fit. No music could capture what she was - no, what she wasn't - feeling.
She settled on silence, and walked on.
[Lili Williams continued in The Making of a Soul.]
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 801
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
In an instant, everything that Penelope was working towards was gone.
She didn't move or speak when Al and Lili left–there was nothing else that could be said. If all of the words she had already spoken could not change Raina's mind and could not convince Al and Lili to stay, then nothing she could possibly say would.
Ben and Kizi had joined the ranks of the dead. Al and Lili had left, presumably permanently. Penelope and Raina had both admitted to not believing in the other's plans, and Johnny was as clueless as he had ever been. In just a few minutes, the pacifist group had broken up, and now outside of government intervention, there wasn't a shred of hope left for the lot of them. The terrorists had done it; they'd broken them. They'd put the class in this situation, and her classmates had decided that eating each other alive would be better than just accepting what had happened.
There was no hope left for any of them, and yet she couldn't even kill herself because Lili took the guns with her.
Penelope sunk to her knees and covered her face, hiding her tear streaked cheeks. Stinging water began to build up in her eyes yet again, despite her desire to stop crying and start doing things. Her actions had done nothing to stop what was coming, her willpower pointless and ignored.
She had no idea why she had even bothered to try. Deep down, ever since her confrontation with Astrid, she'd known that her plan would fail in the end. If her friends could be pushed to murdering one another for the sake of self-preservation, convincing them not to continue living–even if their continued life would be awful–was objectively impossible.
In spite of her words no longer holding any meaning, words nonetheless poured out of her mouth as she lay crouched and crying in the abandoned mess hall. "I... I knew that this would all fail in the end, Raina, but not like this. I didn't... I didn't think that our group would fall apart, just that we wouldn't be able to convince everyone. But apparently... apparently we couldn't even convince ourselves."
She continued to cry, weak sobs escaping her lips every few seconds. She sat, ashes still clinging to her lower body, mascara still staining the skin on her face, clothing dirty and lightly torn in places. How could she have ever believed that an abject mess like herself could accomplish anything? Nothing she had done in her short life prepared her for the situation she found herself in. She just wanted to be back home again, see her sisters and parents one last time.
Her sobbing slowed to a halt as her sadness turned into numbness. Everything they had been doing turned out to be utterly pointless, their entire lives reduced to nothing but statistics to be gawked at in a history textbook decades from now. Where she had simply accepted the pointlessness before, she now felt herself wanting to embrace. Their lives and struggles were nothing in the grand scheme of things; why even bother to care? She would just hurt herself and make her short life even more of an unbearable experience.
She spoke again, her hands coming off of her face. "This... this is all some kind of sick joke. We go about our lives trying to do our best to be happy and then suddenly we have all of that violently ripped away from us, never to come back." She frowned. "And then... and then when we try to affirm ourselves, our rationality, our meaning, it crumbles in the face of what we are. A bunch of animals who can't handle the futility of their own existence."
"I can't even handle it myself. I'm so afraid... so afraid of dying. But I thought that maybe... maybe if I managed to do all of this, my sense of triumph would over come any of that animalistic fear that I still felt, but I was wrong. I'm still afraid, and Astrid was right. The only thing left to do in a situation like this is fall back on those base instincts. Everyone out for themselves and all that nonsense."
She inhaled and stood up, keeping her gaze aimed at the floor. Gears were turning in her head as she plotted a new course for herself. "...But I don't want to do that. All I've ever wanted since I got here is to fuck shit up, in my own way. And... if I can't convince everyone to put down their weapons and join together, then I guess I'll have to just rely on myself, and those that I know I can trust."
She looked back up at Raina and Johnny, her eyes tired but focused. "If we can't escape, and we can't get everyone to give up, then... maybe we could just mess them up in another way. They... they said that if you were the last one left and you didn't kill, you wouldn't be able to go home. But if someone like that managed to make it to the end, then that would show them the same thing that I wanted to show them. That you can't corrupt everybody. You can break us, you can beat us down, but you can't make all of us turn on one another. We would show them that their goals are just as pointless as everyone else's."
She rubbed the back of her neck, stiff from the hunching over she had done. "I know that whoever would take up that burden would have to deal with everyone else dying only to die not too long after. It... it isn't something that I think anyone could handle, but... I'm willing to bear that burden, if it comes to it. As much as I'd rather die right here and get everything over with, I don't know if anyone else would want to do it."
"So... are you guys willing to try to walk this path with me?" She asked, her voice timid and tinged with fear of disapproval. "You guys are all I have left, and I would hate to lose you too..."
She didn't move or speak when Al and Lili left–there was nothing else that could be said. If all of the words she had already spoken could not change Raina's mind and could not convince Al and Lili to stay, then nothing she could possibly say would.
Ben and Kizi had joined the ranks of the dead. Al and Lili had left, presumably permanently. Penelope and Raina had both admitted to not believing in the other's plans, and Johnny was as clueless as he had ever been. In just a few minutes, the pacifist group had broken up, and now outside of government intervention, there wasn't a shred of hope left for the lot of them. The terrorists had done it; they'd broken them. They'd put the class in this situation, and her classmates had decided that eating each other alive would be better than just accepting what had happened.
There was no hope left for any of them, and yet she couldn't even kill herself because Lili took the guns with her.
Penelope sunk to her knees and covered her face, hiding her tear streaked cheeks. Stinging water began to build up in her eyes yet again, despite her desire to stop crying and start doing things. Her actions had done nothing to stop what was coming, her willpower pointless and ignored.
She had no idea why she had even bothered to try. Deep down, ever since her confrontation with Astrid, she'd known that her plan would fail in the end. If her friends could be pushed to murdering one another for the sake of self-preservation, convincing them not to continue living–even if their continued life would be awful–was objectively impossible.
In spite of her words no longer holding any meaning, words nonetheless poured out of her mouth as she lay crouched and crying in the abandoned mess hall. "I... I knew that this would all fail in the end, Raina, but not like this. I didn't... I didn't think that our group would fall apart, just that we wouldn't be able to convince everyone. But apparently... apparently we couldn't even convince ourselves."
She continued to cry, weak sobs escaping her lips every few seconds. She sat, ashes still clinging to her lower body, mascara still staining the skin on her face, clothing dirty and lightly torn in places. How could she have ever believed that an abject mess like herself could accomplish anything? Nothing she had done in her short life prepared her for the situation she found herself in. She just wanted to be back home again, see her sisters and parents one last time.
Her sobbing slowed to a halt as her sadness turned into numbness. Everything they had been doing turned out to be utterly pointless, their entire lives reduced to nothing but statistics to be gawked at in a history textbook decades from now. Where she had simply accepted the pointlessness before, she now felt herself wanting to embrace. Their lives and struggles were nothing in the grand scheme of things; why even bother to care? She would just hurt herself and make her short life even more of an unbearable experience.
She spoke again, her hands coming off of her face. "This... this is all some kind of sick joke. We go about our lives trying to do our best to be happy and then suddenly we have all of that violently ripped away from us, never to come back." She frowned. "And then... and then when we try to affirm ourselves, our rationality, our meaning, it crumbles in the face of what we are. A bunch of animals who can't handle the futility of their own existence."
"I can't even handle it myself. I'm so afraid... so afraid of dying. But I thought that maybe... maybe if I managed to do all of this, my sense of triumph would over come any of that animalistic fear that I still felt, but I was wrong. I'm still afraid, and Astrid was right. The only thing left to do in a situation like this is fall back on those base instincts. Everyone out for themselves and all that nonsense."
She inhaled and stood up, keeping her gaze aimed at the floor. Gears were turning in her head as she plotted a new course for herself. "...But I don't want to do that. All I've ever wanted since I got here is to fuck shit up, in my own way. And... if I can't convince everyone to put down their weapons and join together, then I guess I'll have to just rely on myself, and those that I know I can trust."
She looked back up at Raina and Johnny, her eyes tired but focused. "If we can't escape, and we can't get everyone to give up, then... maybe we could just mess them up in another way. They... they said that if you were the last one left and you didn't kill, you wouldn't be able to go home. But if someone like that managed to make it to the end, then that would show them the same thing that I wanted to show them. That you can't corrupt everybody. You can break us, you can beat us down, but you can't make all of us turn on one another. We would show them that their goals are just as pointless as everyone else's."
She rubbed the back of her neck, stiff from the hunching over she had done. "I know that whoever would take up that burden would have to deal with everyone else dying only to die not too long after. It... it isn't something that I think anyone could handle, but... I'm willing to bear that burden, if it comes to it. As much as I'd rather die right here and get everything over with, I don't know if anyone else would want to do it."
"So... are you guys willing to try to walk this path with me?" She asked, her voice timid and tinged with fear of disapproval. "You guys are all I have left, and I would hate to lose you too..."
It was sobering, Raina supposed, to realize that as close as they were, as similar as they were, she and Penelope would never believe in the same things. There was a drama plotline, she supposed. A little character arc nicely set up for the two of them, and at the end they would either reconcile or go their separate ways. Or, if this turned out to be the prequel or origin story, they might become enemies. Or maybe one of them would be the tragic fallen friend whose sacrifice kept the other motivated long down the line.
Maybe they were just side characters and nobody would remember them when they were gone.
Raina sighed deeply, and it wasn't as steady as she wanted it to be. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve again (and wiped her nose, for good measure) and stared at her feet. Penelope had big words, maybe too big for who and what she really was: a scared kid whose reality could never live up to her expectations and ideals. It all boiled down to the same thing in the end: everyone would die, they would make their point one way or the other, and in a few more years this would happen again. It wasn't like the government could get its shit together, after all, and that vigilante group that had made such a splash all those years ago hadn't shown their faces either.
Raina still hadn't mentioned her backup plan. She still had the kindling in her bag. It was still so simple it was almost laughable. There was still a chance. There was another library right next door.
She wondered if anyone in charge of this sick excuse for a social experiment had bothered to read Lord of the Flies back when they were her age.
"If it gets to that, sure," she said finally. She couldn't force any conviction into her voice. "If we're the last ones standing, nobody kills. We end it our own way."
Once again, she could say she would go along. She still didn't think it would get to that point, not before she at least made her attempt, but she could say it. Anything to get Penelope to stop crying and preaching and go back to her old self for a while.
Maybe they were just side characters and nobody would remember them when they were gone.
Raina sighed deeply, and it wasn't as steady as she wanted it to be. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve again (and wiped her nose, for good measure) and stared at her feet. Penelope had big words, maybe too big for who and what she really was: a scared kid whose reality could never live up to her expectations and ideals. It all boiled down to the same thing in the end: everyone would die, they would make their point one way or the other, and in a few more years this would happen again. It wasn't like the government could get its shit together, after all, and that vigilante group that had made such a splash all those years ago hadn't shown their faces either.
Raina still hadn't mentioned her backup plan. She still had the kindling in her bag. It was still so simple it was almost laughable. There was still a chance. There was another library right next door.
She wondered if anyone in charge of this sick excuse for a social experiment had bothered to read Lord of the Flies back when they were her age.
"If it gets to that, sure," she said finally. She couldn't force any conviction into her voice. "If we're the last ones standing, nobody kills. We end it our own way."
Once again, she could say she would go along. She still didn't think it would get to that point, not before she at least made her attempt, but she could say it. Anything to get Penelope to stop crying and preaching and go back to her old self for a while.
"Art enriches the community, Steve, no less than a pulsing fire hose, or a fireman beating down a blazing door. So what if we're drawing a nude man? So what if all we ever draw is a nude man, or the same nude man over and over in all sorts of provocative positions? Context, not content! Process, not subject! Don't be so gauche, Steve, it's beneath you."
And so Lili was gone. With Al together - more or less in some sense of the word - and it was just so simple. He'd have enjoyed to form some sort of opinion on that, but man, was he bad doing that.
It became worse when Penny broke down. Seeing the girl so low and cry... again, of course, but intensively anyway, was more and more unnerving. She'd started talking, rambling almost about high and lofty concepts which Johnny had trouble understanding. 'Cause he was tired, 'cause he was hurting, and 'cause he had trouble actually listening to Penny. He had wished, though, that she would just stop. Somehow stop, but he didn't know how to.
Penny then asked them a final favor of sorts - asked them to not kill if it came down to it, in the sense that they would be the last one standing. Not making him laugh, but still laughable, Johnny thought. He got lucky so far but it was a snowball's chance in hell for him to make it even close to that spot.
Raina agreed to it. Not a hint of conviction in her voice, which was telling. At least Johnny thought he could tell. Seemed a bit obvious given the tone she picked, a bit too much and Johnny already was unsure how to read her. He, however briefly, considered that Raina was simply annoyed to shits. Probably by Penny's antics, but he still hoped it wasn't him.
"I guess."
It became worse when Penny broke down. Seeing the girl so low and cry... again, of course, but intensively anyway, was more and more unnerving. She'd started talking, rambling almost about high and lofty concepts which Johnny had trouble understanding. 'Cause he was tired, 'cause he was hurting, and 'cause he had trouble actually listening to Penny. He had wished, though, that she would just stop. Somehow stop, but he didn't know how to.
Penny then asked them a final favor of sorts - asked them to not kill if it came down to it, in the sense that they would be the last one standing. Not making him laugh, but still laughable, Johnny thought. He got lucky so far but it was a snowball's chance in hell for him to make it even close to that spot.
Raina agreed to it. Not a hint of conviction in her voice, which was telling. At least Johnny thought he could tell. Seemed a bit obvious given the tone she picked, a bit too much and Johnny already was unsure how to read her. He, however briefly, considered that Raina was simply annoyed to shits. Probably by Penny's antics, but he still hoped it wasn't him.
"I guess."
Gervais Frans Lambotte Blue Jeans and Bloody Tears Martini-Henry Rifle MkIV Pattern
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 801
- Joined: Fri Aug 10, 2018 4:10 pm
- Location: Dreamland
Penelope smiled and nodded her head, more than happy with the fact that her friends were still supporting her–even if they seemed to be hesitant to do so.
She walked forward and wrapped her arms around Raina, hugging her as tightly as she could manage. "Thanks," she muttered, into Raina's ear, "that means a lot to me..."
She held the hug for a long time, trembling slightly as she tried to contain all of the conflicting emotions she had felt in this room over the last half hour. She hugged Raina even tighter, trying to express just how much she appreciated her friend, how she appreciated her in ways that could not be expressed in mere words alone.
As the hug was held, Raina eventually whispered into Penelope's ear that she was hugging her a bit too tightly. She relaxed the hug, only to nuzzle her head against her best friend's shoulder.
Times of crisis nearly always brings out the worst in people, but it also brings out the best in those who shine the brightest. You always look for the helpers, you always find people who are helping. They were the helpers, they were doing what's right in a world so inherently wrong.
For the second time ever on the island, Penelope felt truly good about herself.
She eventually let go of Raina, only to take her hand in Penelope's own. "Let's just... stay here for a while. I think we should all get a chance to cool down after all of that. Maybe we can move somewhere else later."
She sat down at one of the cafeteria's tables, the only one sitting untouched in the room, taking care to face away from the pool of Kizi's blood that lay festering on the ground nearby. She motioned for Raina and Johnny to join her, and she did what she had not done since before the trip; she decided to meditate.
She took a moment to focus her thoughts, she took a moment to relax, she took a moment to clear her head. Good would always win, in the end. Even if their little group of pacifists would wind up dying in the here and now, the terrorists that had murdered them wouldn't be able to do so forever. Their deaths may be just as pointless as any other, but she could take solace in the fact that no matter what, the tragedy would eventually stop.
She breathed in, and breathed out. Even with all of the broken dreams around her, even in her time of great distress, she could still find peace with those that she trusted.
((Penelope Fitzgerald continued elsewhere...))
She walked forward and wrapped her arms around Raina, hugging her as tightly as she could manage. "Thanks," she muttered, into Raina's ear, "that means a lot to me..."
She held the hug for a long time, trembling slightly as she tried to contain all of the conflicting emotions she had felt in this room over the last half hour. She hugged Raina even tighter, trying to express just how much she appreciated her friend, how she appreciated her in ways that could not be expressed in mere words alone.
As the hug was held, Raina eventually whispered into Penelope's ear that she was hugging her a bit too tightly. She relaxed the hug, only to nuzzle her head against her best friend's shoulder.
Times of crisis nearly always brings out the worst in people, but it also brings out the best in those who shine the brightest. You always look for the helpers, you always find people who are helping. They were the helpers, they were doing what's right in a world so inherently wrong.
For the second time ever on the island, Penelope felt truly good about herself.
She eventually let go of Raina, only to take her hand in Penelope's own. "Let's just... stay here for a while. I think we should all get a chance to cool down after all of that. Maybe we can move somewhere else later."
She sat down at one of the cafeteria's tables, the only one sitting untouched in the room, taking care to face away from the pool of Kizi's blood that lay festering on the ground nearby. She motioned for Raina and Johnny to join her, and she did what she had not done since before the trip; she decided to meditate.
She took a moment to focus her thoughts, she took a moment to relax, she took a moment to clear her head. Good would always win, in the end. Even if their little group of pacifists would wind up dying in the here and now, the terrorists that had murdered them wouldn't be able to do so forever. Their deaths may be just as pointless as any other, but she could take solace in the fact that no matter what, the tragedy would eventually stop.
She breathed in, and breathed out. Even with all of the broken dreams around her, even in her time of great distress, she could still find peace with those that she trusted.
((Penelope Fitzgerald continued elsewhere...))