There was a girl here. She was a little sad, and a little confused, but at least she was there.
Her prone figure laid on the old, wooden rowboat. Hair spilling, tears streaking, eyes hidden below her lids but pointed up at the sun with the rest of her face.
Leah didn’t know how long it had been, and she didn’t really care- she had no purpose, really, because she didn’t let herself have one besides one tied to a 10 dollar paperback book.
And then, like a spark, she sat up with the light sloshing and creaking noises besides her. Hands hugged the backpack.
“Uh…
I don't really... know what to do?”
A quiet, hoarse whisper. A revelation. A plea.
"Isn't it weird how we spend so much of our time preparing for when we get older? What do we do now?"
Closed now.
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MurderWeasel
- Posts: 3442
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:56 am
- Team Affiliation: Jewel's Leviathans
A few moments pass and then a voice emits from her collar, at a normal, almost conversational volume.
"It really depends on what you want to do."
A brief pause, as the water rocks the boat.
"You're a lot smarter than you think, you know. What you said earlier, about being too dead to care? It takes most people a long time to figure that out. Or maybe to accept it. A lot of the time, I felt like I was the only one who could see it.
"This is your life, Leah. Your decisions, your desires. Nothing else matters. Nobody outside can stop you, or reach you, or come after you. And nobody has any right to make your choices for you.
"Like I promised, I'll do whatever I can to help you achieve your goals. Even if you just feel like talking. So, Leah... I think the question is, what's something you want?"
"It really depends on what you want to do."
A brief pause, as the water rocks the boat.
"You're a lot smarter than you think, you know. What you said earlier, about being too dead to care? It takes most people a long time to figure that out. Or maybe to accept it. A lot of the time, I felt like I was the only one who could see it.
"This is your life, Leah. Your decisions, your desires. Nothing else matters. Nobody outside can stop you, or reach you, or come after you. And nobody has any right to make your choices for you.
"Like I promised, I'll do whatever I can to help you achieve your goals. Even if you just feel like talking. So, Leah... I think the question is, what's something you want?"
"I mean, I don't know what to do. That's the point, but, uh, I want a lot of things that I'll never get.
I just want to know how you managed to not let it all get to you. All the murder and trauma and the possibility of death looming over your head and whatnot. Wait, actually no, I'm pretty sure it got to you but you took it so well, at least on the outside. I mean, I guess maybe you just have a reduced capacity for empathy. I won't judge- well actually I will judge, because forming any sort of opinion is a form of judging and I have a lot of opinions. That I'll never get out. But I'll try. I mean... isn't it weird? It's like, there's so many thoughts within myself that people will never know. I have entire books in my head sometimes, that I'll never write because I'm not that good at writing and-
Anyways. Sorry. I know that theoretically it should be about me- it's my life, after all. I don't usually ask for help or work with other people and it's something that I regret a lot, but I don't regret enough to stop that habit. Although, given my circumstances, I feel both justified to want to have someone to talk to and to also literally never want to see another person ever again, both at the same time. So I guess I just want to know how to not care. Maybe how to be selfish, or to not be so scared, or if the way I'm interpreting my life and fate is... realistic. About me just being... I think I'm actively suicidal, or at least death-seeking, and I have no idea if that's.... a bad thing? Because I'm scared that if I get a will to live then it will be worse since statistically I will probably get the fate I wasn't aiming for, and then I would be even sadder. Like, I think of my happiness and sadness like points or weight on a scale? Probabilities. I don't know myself very well.
Sorry again. I want... I don't know. I guess I want to survive without all the emotional trauma but that's way too hard to achieve, and I want to know... well, um, I want to know more about you. But I don't want to make you say anything that you weren't comfortable writing down, and I guess I should finish this book first."
She paused to take a deep breath. And when she spoke again, it was a lot slower.
"And I guess I want my grandma to be the one to get any profit from, like, selling my hairpins or whatever the parents of us unfortunate kids do. I don't think I need you to arrange it, though."
Another pause.
"And this sounds really, really stupid and feel free to ignore this and ignore everything I have said in this conversation but I guess maybe you can... play your favorite song? It's so tantalizing to have you give me songs that I'll never hear. I'm sorry. That's a bit too much to ask of you in one go. But I'm not really that sorry. I apologize a lot. Or at least I think It's a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm only sorry because I want to pretend I'm a good person, and that I only say sorry because it's a way to seem more apologetic and nice. Like, It's so weird, every time a kid messes up they always tell them to apologize- but a lot of times they don't tell them to fix it and learn. So that's why people hand out fake sorrys like candies."
I just want to know how you managed to not let it all get to you. All the murder and trauma and the possibility of death looming over your head and whatnot. Wait, actually no, I'm pretty sure it got to you but you took it so well, at least on the outside. I mean, I guess maybe you just have a reduced capacity for empathy. I won't judge- well actually I will judge, because forming any sort of opinion is a form of judging and I have a lot of opinions. That I'll never get out. But I'll try. I mean... isn't it weird? It's like, there's so many thoughts within myself that people will never know. I have entire books in my head sometimes, that I'll never write because I'm not that good at writing and-
Anyways. Sorry. I know that theoretically it should be about me- it's my life, after all. I don't usually ask for help or work with other people and it's something that I regret a lot, but I don't regret enough to stop that habit. Although, given my circumstances, I feel both justified to want to have someone to talk to and to also literally never want to see another person ever again, both at the same time. So I guess I just want to know how to not care. Maybe how to be selfish, or to not be so scared, or if the way I'm interpreting my life and fate is... realistic. About me just being... I think I'm actively suicidal, or at least death-seeking, and I have no idea if that's.... a bad thing? Because I'm scared that if I get a will to live then it will be worse since statistically I will probably get the fate I wasn't aiming for, and then I would be even sadder. Like, I think of my happiness and sadness like points or weight on a scale? Probabilities. I don't know myself very well.
Sorry again. I want... I don't know. I guess I want to survive without all the emotional trauma but that's way too hard to achieve, and I want to know... well, um, I want to know more about you. But I don't want to make you say anything that you weren't comfortable writing down, and I guess I should finish this book first."
She paused to take a deep breath. And when she spoke again, it was a lot slower.
"And I guess I want my grandma to be the one to get any profit from, like, selling my hairpins or whatever the parents of us unfortunate kids do. I don't think I need you to arrange it, though."
Another pause.
"And this sounds really, really stupid and feel free to ignore this and ignore everything I have said in this conversation but I guess maybe you can... play your favorite song? It's so tantalizing to have you give me songs that I'll never hear. I'm sorry. That's a bit too much to ask of you in one go. But I'm not really that sorry. I apologize a lot. Or at least I think It's a lot. Sometimes I feel like I'm only sorry because I want to pretend I'm a good person, and that I only say sorry because it's a way to seem more apologetic and nice. Like, It's so weird, every time a kid messes up they always tell them to apologize- but a lot of times they don't tell them to fix it and learn. So that's why people hand out fake sorrys like candies."
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MurderWeasel
- Posts: 3442
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:56 am
- Team Affiliation: Jewel's Leviathans
The response comes once it's clear that Leah has reached a stopping point, and this time, the voice is a little quieter.
"I'll see what I can do about the music. No promises, but if it helps any, you've probably heard the Cure and just didn't know it. Friday I'm In Love?"
A faint giggle.
"You probably won't believe me, but I think we're actually a lot alike. I think I know exactly where you're coming from. And I don't have empathy problems, for the record, but don't worry. I'm not offended. I get why you might think it.
"The secret to being selfish is this: when you die, it doesn't matter that you were selfish. You're dead. It's everybody else's problem. And if you don't die, well, it sounds pretty scary to have to face it all, but it's not as bad as you think.
"When it comes to trying, though, I don't know what to tell you. You're right. Trying is one of the most painful things in the world. Things probably won't work out, and it will make the trip there a lot harder. But maybe it's worth it anyways. That's something you have to decide."
The voice grows quieter and quieter, and is silent entirely for a couple of seconds before returning.
"...I know you may not want to go out of order, but you should look at the title page again. I wrote something there."
"I'll see what I can do about the music. No promises, but if it helps any, you've probably heard the Cure and just didn't know it. Friday I'm In Love?"
A faint giggle.
"You probably won't believe me, but I think we're actually a lot alike. I think I know exactly where you're coming from. And I don't have empathy problems, for the record, but don't worry. I'm not offended. I get why you might think it.
"The secret to being selfish is this: when you die, it doesn't matter that you were selfish. You're dead. It's everybody else's problem. And if you don't die, well, it sounds pretty scary to have to face it all, but it's not as bad as you think.
"When it comes to trying, though, I don't know what to tell you. You're right. Trying is one of the most painful things in the world. Things probably won't work out, and it will make the trip there a lot harder. But maybe it's worth it anyways. That's something you have to decide."
The voice grows quieter and quieter, and is silent entirely for a couple of seconds before returning.
"...I know you may not want to go out of order, but you should look at the title page again. I wrote something there."
"Friday I'm in love... I don't remember it exactly, but, um, thanks?"
Leah uncurled herself a little bit.
"When I die, nothing's gonna matter. I... I'll keep that in mind. I... I mean, I think people already started. I think the people that want to live more than me already started, so... I mean, I guess I'll just... wait it out instead of aiming for anything. Divide my rations, stay away from other people, and hope nobody comes for me. That way, if I do die, I can't say I didn't try but I can't say I tried too hard, either? I'm not sure. I think I might just mindlessly wander around, and probably die without having done anything substantial, or something lame like that."
She looked at her darts. Still sharp as a knife.
"But not all it. And I don't think being a dreamer is... worth it enough. I'm sorry. I think you probably wanted this book to fall into the hands of someone more willing to play around. I guess it's because I don't really watch this show that much, or maybe because I like stories with villains that are less 'scared little girl with a gun' and more... fantastical, but I can't really fathom dividing people into heroes and villains, like this. In the end, there aren't really that many heroes and villains- just a bunch of people trying to survive and one or two people lucky enough to pull that off. I don't think you're a villain. These kids would have died anyways- I mean, at least they died with a cause of making sure at least one more person survived. In utilitarian thoughts, that technically makes you more of a hero. If I die, I want to die to someone who gets ten kills and makes it out."
Leah flashed a shy little smile to the camera.
"But maybe all I said was just fake and I'm just lying to myself so that I don't feel like a bad person who is willing to kill other people to survive. Or maybe I'm just doubting everything I say. Maybe I'm just announcing my intentions so that i will at least try to stick to it instead of going off and doing something I'd hate myself more for. Maybies and maybies and maybies."
Leah uncurled herself a little bit.
"When I die, nothing's gonna matter. I... I'll keep that in mind. I... I mean, I think people already started. I think the people that want to live more than me already started, so... I mean, I guess I'll just... wait it out instead of aiming for anything. Divide my rations, stay away from other people, and hope nobody comes for me. That way, if I do die, I can't say I didn't try but I can't say I tried too hard, either? I'm not sure. I think I might just mindlessly wander around, and probably die without having done anything substantial, or something lame like that."
She flipped the pages in a way that one may call dutiful.Jewel wrote:"Now it's your turn. Good luck. Remember: you can do it. Read pages 125-131. – JE"
"Well, I guess I missed most of that that opportunity."Jewel wrote:Playing does not make you that much more likely to survive...Sometimes, being a villain is just a thing you fall into due to opportunity.
She looked at her darts. Still sharp as a knife.
"But not all it. And I don't think being a dreamer is... worth it enough. I'm sorry. I think you probably wanted this book to fall into the hands of someone more willing to play around. I guess it's because I don't really watch this show that much, or maybe because I like stories with villains that are less 'scared little girl with a gun' and more... fantastical, but I can't really fathom dividing people into heroes and villains, like this. In the end, there aren't really that many heroes and villains- just a bunch of people trying to survive and one or two people lucky enough to pull that off. I don't think you're a villain. These kids would have died anyways- I mean, at least they died with a cause of making sure at least one more person survived. In utilitarian thoughts, that technically makes you more of a hero. If I die, I want to die to someone who gets ten kills and makes it out."
Leah flashed a shy little smile to the camera.
"But maybe all I said was just fake and I'm just lying to myself so that I don't feel like a bad person who is willing to kill other people to survive. Or maybe I'm just doubting everything I say. Maybe I'm just announcing my intentions so that i will at least try to stick to it instead of going off and doing something I'd hate myself more for. Maybies and maybies and maybies."
Mateo tottered across the jetties, his head still feeling groggy from the knock, though it was now much better than before. Compared to his usual nonchalant and calm posture, he seemed to be much paler, possibly from the agony from the back of his head.
Though somewhere deep down in him, he hoped that the injury would be the last of his misfortunes. An injury is a definite no-no in a game of SOTF, and now he felt as if his odds of surviving were much smaller compared to the 80 other students in this game.
He took a deep breath as he took another heavy step, trying his best to keep both of his feet on the ground, literally and figuratively.
As he proceeded to stumble across the jetties, he saw a couple of small, wooden dinghies sailing amongst the floating jetties. Mateo headed towards one of the empty rowboats without any further hesitation. He only needed a place to rest, and this seemed like the perfect spot.
Just as he was stepping towards the targetted rowboat, he noticed a figure seating on one of the other rowboats nearby. She seemed unarmed, though he was not too confident on his deductions. If anything, this could be a trap.
However, this is the first person he met since the game started. Should he at least approach her and try to make amends?
He turned his gaze towards the megaphone on his left hand. He did not think his 'weapon' would help much. Worst-case scenario, she had some sort of weapon with her and he would have to defend himself with this megaphone, which honestly was kinda sad even by thinking about it.
The sun beamed down across the whole map, clearly revealing the girl's face. She seemed as she was dismal and was in distress. Mateo recognized the girl, he saw her often in school, though he never got a chance to know her better. Knowing that the said person was someone she knew, he carefully yet steadily approached her, not wanting to frighten the dejected girl.
"Hey," He called her in a clear, gentle tone once he was in a much closer distance to the boat, hoping that she noticed him, "You're that girl from the gardening club, right?"
Though somewhere deep down in him, he hoped that the injury would be the last of his misfortunes. An injury is a definite no-no in a game of SOTF, and now he felt as if his odds of surviving were much smaller compared to the 80 other students in this game.
He took a deep breath as he took another heavy step, trying his best to keep both of his feet on the ground, literally and figuratively.
As he proceeded to stumble across the jetties, he saw a couple of small, wooden dinghies sailing amongst the floating jetties. Mateo headed towards one of the empty rowboats without any further hesitation. He only needed a place to rest, and this seemed like the perfect spot.
Just as he was stepping towards the targetted rowboat, he noticed a figure seating on one of the other rowboats nearby. She seemed unarmed, though he was not too confident on his deductions. If anything, this could be a trap.
However, this is the first person he met since the game started. Should he at least approach her and try to make amends?
He turned his gaze towards the megaphone on his left hand. He did not think his 'weapon' would help much. Worst-case scenario, she had some sort of weapon with her and he would have to defend himself with this megaphone, which honestly was kinda sad even by thinking about it.
The sun beamed down across the whole map, clearly revealing the girl's face. She seemed as she was dismal and was in distress. Mateo recognized the girl, he saw her often in school, though he never got a chance to know her better. Knowing that the said person was someone she knew, he carefully yet steadily approached her, not wanting to frighten the dejected girl.
"Hey," He called her in a clear, gentle tone once he was in a much closer distance to the boat, hoping that she noticed him, "You're that girl from the gardening club, right?"
The voice drew her out of her mind-
And then-
The dart, sharp metal gleaming in the sun drawn from her backpack.
Her hands wrapped around it, clenching. Her body tensed.
"I- Yeah."
She took a deep breath. Not everyone was her enemy, yet. She loosened her body, un-tensed it.
"Sorry. That was- that was on instinct. I, um, I think it's alright to be a little trigger happy, right?"
Remember: Nothing you do will matter to you when you're dead. She could do anything, and it wouldn't matter. She could make new friends, make new enemies, make new versions of herself.
"Anyways... what are you doing here? I, um, I hope you aren't going to do something super bad right now. I'm just, like, I was just talking. To my mentor, I mean, um, but if you want to talk to me that's fine too I guess."
She could kill him right now.
They weren't on the same team.
She could kill him right now.
She didn't want to. She didn't want to think about killing.
She could kill him right now.
She wouldn't.
And then-
The dart, sharp metal gleaming in the sun drawn from her backpack.
Her hands wrapped around it, clenching. Her body tensed.
"I- Yeah."
She took a deep breath. Not everyone was her enemy, yet. She loosened her body, un-tensed it.
"Sorry. That was- that was on instinct. I, um, I think it's alright to be a little trigger happy, right?"
Remember: Nothing you do will matter to you when you're dead. She could do anything, and it wouldn't matter. She could make new friends, make new enemies, make new versions of herself.
"Anyways... what are you doing here? I, um, I hope you aren't going to do something super bad right now. I'm just, like, I was just talking. To my mentor, I mean, um, but if you want to talk to me that's fine too I guess."
She could kill him right now.
They weren't on the same team.
She could kill him right now.
She didn't want to. She didn't want to think about killing.
She could kill him right now.
She wouldn't.
To be honest, Mateo was not expecting her to be armed with a weapon.
The moment she drew out a sharp-looking dart from her backpack, Mateo's eyebrows raised in shock, taking a small step back from the girl. Though she then quickly held down her weapon, probably realizing that he did not approach her with any ill intentions. He gave out a small sigh in relief, after all, it would be terrible if he died right after trying to communicate with the first person he met in the game.
"Hehe, it's fine. Gotta keep yourself alert, right?" Mateo replied with a relaxing grin, trying his best to not show any signs of panic from what happened just now. It was then he noticed the bandana wrapped around her arm. A black one, so she's not from the same team as him, eh?
Whatever, he just needed someone to chat with, anyway. It had been a while since he left the shop boat to roam around the map and frankly, without any allies with him, he got bored pretty easily.
Plus, she did apologize. She was probably just being wary of possible threats. She wouldn't harm him, right?
"Nah, I'm not here to kill you," Mateo lightly answered Leah's question, giving a slight chuckle as he raised his hand slightly to reveal his megaphone, "I mean, I can't really do anything with this, right?"
"Anyways, I was just walking around, finding a place to rest. The boat I was in was pretty unstable and is making me really uncomfortable so I noped out of there."
Wait, she mentioned something about talking with her mentor, right?
"Ahh, did I came at the wrong time? I mean, I was just checking you out. You seemed pretty uhm... distressed. Is... everything okay?"
The moment she drew out a sharp-looking dart from her backpack, Mateo's eyebrows raised in shock, taking a small step back from the girl. Though she then quickly held down her weapon, probably realizing that he did not approach her with any ill intentions. He gave out a small sigh in relief, after all, it would be terrible if he died right after trying to communicate with the first person he met in the game.
"Hehe, it's fine. Gotta keep yourself alert, right?" Mateo replied with a relaxing grin, trying his best to not show any signs of panic from what happened just now. It was then he noticed the bandana wrapped around her arm. A black one, so she's not from the same team as him, eh?
Whatever, he just needed someone to chat with, anyway. It had been a while since he left the shop boat to roam around the map and frankly, without any allies with him, he got bored pretty easily.
Plus, she did apologize. She was probably just being wary of possible threats. She wouldn't harm him, right?
"Nah, I'm not here to kill you," Mateo lightly answered Leah's question, giving a slight chuckle as he raised his hand slightly to reveal his megaphone, "I mean, I can't really do anything with this, right?"
"Anyways, I was just walking around, finding a place to rest. The boat I was in was pretty unstable and is making me really uncomfortable so I noped out of there."
Wait, she mentioned something about talking with her mentor, right?
"Ahh, did I came at the wrong time? I mean, I was just checking you out. You seemed pretty uhm... distressed. Is... everything okay?"
"Yeah..."
Should she talk about Olivia? Would that depict her as vulnerable? Did she want to look vulnerable?
He showed a megaphone and said that he couldn't do anything with it. That was... uncreative. He was uncreative.
"I mean, you could do a lot with it. It looks like it's metal, but even if it isn't that's a nice chunk of solid material. A good bludgeon. And, um, I'm pretty sure that you could use the noise to distract someone or use it to threaten to reveal their location. Like, if someone's attacking you, you can just pull it out and scream in it and it'll probably mess eardrums real bad and distract them so that you can throw them overboard, or you can use it to call your teammates for help or to let people know you're at somewhere so that they stay away, or something like that. You don't even need a weapon if you get lucky, I think. Just... knock someone down, and stomp on them until they die of internal injuries, or strangle someone, or something like that. I think there are also scissors in the first aid kit, and even though I don't think they're very dangerous you can do some damage with them, or maybe you can use the, uh, things containing alcohol in the kit and the lighter to-
I mean, don't be so pessimistic!"
She delivered the last sentence with a lot more (fake) cheer than she expected from herself. Which was no cheer, because she was at the verge of another mental breakdown. If she cared about her survival, she shouldn't be giving him tips. She shouldn't be talking to him at all. But she wanted to.
"I'm distressed, thanks for noticing, um, like that wasn't sarcasm I was being genuine. I, um, I'm sorry that we have to be in this situation. Are you OK too? Do you have any plans or allies?"
If he tried to attack her, she had more weapons, but they were small and he probably could overpower her and-
No he said that he wasn't trying anything but what if he was lying? What if he has another weapons somehow, there were people that kill in the first hours and you don't need a weapon to kill someone, what if what if what if-
He could kill her right now.
"You're, uh... You're not in the same weapon- team I mean team, shoot, got it mixed up, you're not on my team."
Did she want to live? Would she attack back? Would he attack back?
Should she talk about Olivia? Would that depict her as vulnerable? Did she want to look vulnerable?
He showed a megaphone and said that he couldn't do anything with it. That was... uncreative. He was uncreative.
"I mean, you could do a lot with it. It looks like it's metal, but even if it isn't that's a nice chunk of solid material. A good bludgeon. And, um, I'm pretty sure that you could use the noise to distract someone or use it to threaten to reveal their location. Like, if someone's attacking you, you can just pull it out and scream in it and it'll probably mess eardrums real bad and distract them so that you can throw them overboard, or you can use it to call your teammates for help or to let people know you're at somewhere so that they stay away, or something like that. You don't even need a weapon if you get lucky, I think. Just... knock someone down, and stomp on them until they die of internal injuries, or strangle someone, or something like that. I think there are also scissors in the first aid kit, and even though I don't think they're very dangerous you can do some damage with them, or maybe you can use the, uh, things containing alcohol in the kit and the lighter to-
I mean, don't be so pessimistic!"
She delivered the last sentence with a lot more (fake) cheer than she expected from herself. Which was no cheer, because she was at the verge of another mental breakdown. If she cared about her survival, she shouldn't be giving him tips. She shouldn't be talking to him at all. But she wanted to.
"I'm distressed, thanks for noticing, um, like that wasn't sarcasm I was being genuine. I, um, I'm sorry that we have to be in this situation. Are you OK too? Do you have any plans or allies?"
If he tried to attack her, she had more weapons, but they were small and he probably could overpower her and-
No he said that he wasn't trying anything but what if he was lying? What if he has another weapons somehow, there were people that kill in the first hours and you don't need a weapon to kill someone, what if what if what if-
He could kill her right now.
"You're, uh... You're not in the same weapon- team I mean team, shoot, got it mixed up, you're not on my team."
Did she want to live? Would she attack back? Would he attack back?
As far as he was slightly concerned about how Leah knew so many ways of murdering someone with a megaphone, she had a really good point. Maybe he did underestimate his chances of surviving. Sure, a megaphone would not be as useful in combat as much as...let's say a pistol or a knife, but eh, it's better than nothing, right?
Perhaps what happened in the shop boat really got into him.
"Heh, guess you're right," Mateo replied in agreement with a weak grin, his body now standing in a more relaxed position while rubbing the back of his neck. "Though I'm not really planning on killing anyone right now, so... I guess you can relax about it."
Sure, that didn't sound anywhere near convincing and was definitely not going to fool anyone. But in a way, he was not lying. To be honest, he still had no clear strategy on how to survive at least Day 1, left alone surviving through the entire game. But even if he knew what he was doing the whole time, he doubted that killing would be a part of the list.
If anything, he did not want to be put himself at risk facing other students with better weapons.
Is he okay? Well that was actually a pretty good question. He got injured right after he woke up, got really seasick in his spawning point, and had been strolling around the whole map trying to find a safe place to rest. Currently, it was a mixture of feelings for him, mostly distress and pain.
"Nah, I'm good. Just...a slight bump to the head just now, that's all."
He lied. The first person to show concern towards him and he decided to act like everything was okay. Why did he do it? He was not sure of himself. Maybe it was to prevent anyone from further worrying about his situation. Maybe it's just his instinct and he had to cover before anyone took advantage of his issues.
Sometimes, Mateo was pretty disappointed towards himself. He knew he did not have to fake everything up, but yet he did.
"For allies, uhm...yea, don't have one. You're literally the first person I met since I woke up."
Mateo took a short glance at Leah, wondering what was she thinking right now? Was she regretting her decision of not ending him on the spot? Did she trust him about him not planning to murder anyone in this game? Or was she still afraid of him?
Oh yea, they were not from the same team. She should be aware of him.
"Ahh, yes. I noticed."
"How about this? I suggest we call a truce for now. Honestly, I'm not feeling like killing anyone today. If anything, I just want to find someone to chill for the rest of the day."
Perhaps what happened in the shop boat really got into him.
"Heh, guess you're right," Mateo replied in agreement with a weak grin, his body now standing in a more relaxed position while rubbing the back of his neck. "Though I'm not really planning on killing anyone right now, so... I guess you can relax about it."
Sure, that didn't sound anywhere near convincing and was definitely not going to fool anyone. But in a way, he was not lying. To be honest, he still had no clear strategy on how to survive at least Day 1, left alone surviving through the entire game. But even if he knew what he was doing the whole time, he doubted that killing would be a part of the list.
If anything, he did not want to be put himself at risk facing other students with better weapons.
Is he okay? Well that was actually a pretty good question. He got injured right after he woke up, got really seasick in his spawning point, and had been strolling around the whole map trying to find a safe place to rest. Currently, it was a mixture of feelings for him, mostly distress and pain.
"Nah, I'm good. Just...a slight bump to the head just now, that's all."
He lied. The first person to show concern towards him and he decided to act like everything was okay. Why did he do it? He was not sure of himself. Maybe it was to prevent anyone from further worrying about his situation. Maybe it's just his instinct and he had to cover before anyone took advantage of his issues.
Sometimes, Mateo was pretty disappointed towards himself. He knew he did not have to fake everything up, but yet he did.
"For allies, uhm...yea, don't have one. You're literally the first person I met since I woke up."
Mateo took a short glance at Leah, wondering what was she thinking right now? Was she regretting her decision of not ending him on the spot? Did she trust him about him not planning to murder anyone in this game? Or was she still afraid of him?
Oh yea, they were not from the same team. She should be aware of him.
"Ahh, yes. I noticed."
"How about this? I suggest we call a truce for now. Honestly, I'm not feeling like killing anyone today. If anything, I just want to find someone to chill for the rest of the day."
Of course he noticed. Of course they weren't on the same team. She should have never opened her stupid mouth. There were a lot of things that she could say like 'I don't trust you' or 'put your fucking hands up and give me your supplies' or 'if you don't wanna die I don't think you should just chill' but she settled for a question instead.
"Sure. Truce it is, I guess, and, um... this is a dumb question, but where did you hit your head, if you said that I'm the first person you met? Like, I think you said there's somewhere that doesn't have good footing that you were at before...?"
She tried to engage in eye contact like how her dad said people usually do when they talk to each other, but it got a little awkward for her and she casted her glance away, hugging her backpack. And then, awkward silence.
...
She didn't want to be like this.
...
She wanted to be able to say more, to do more, to exist more.
...
They could kill each other right now.
"Sure. Truce it is, I guess, and, um... this is a dumb question, but where did you hit your head, if you said that I'm the first person you met? Like, I think you said there's somewhere that doesn't have good footing that you were at before...?"
She tried to engage in eye contact like how her dad said people usually do when they talk to each other, but it got a little awkward for her and she casted her glance away, hugging her backpack. And then, awkward silence.
...
She didn't want to be like this.
...
She wanted to be able to say more, to do more, to exist more.
...
They could kill each other right now.
"Somewhere in the shop boat. A vacuum flask dropped onto my head when I woke up." Mateo answered calmly, though deep down he was trying his best not to burst out laughing from the accident. "I know, what a way to start, right?"
And then he hesitated. Should he reveal the wound to her? It would be a risky move to do so. She might stab him when he was not looking.
He decided not to.
The conversation paused in awkward silence. He took the time to glance over his surrounding. It seemed like there was no one around, which was somewhat reasonable given how large the map is.
A perfect atmosphere to murder someone and get away with it.
No one would notice if he betrayed Leah's trust. At least not the other participants.
...
"By the way, did you met anyone else just now? Or were you here the whole time?"
And then he hesitated. Should he reveal the wound to her? It would be a risky move to do so. She might stab him when he was not looking.
He decided not to.
The conversation paused in awkward silence. He took the time to glance over his surrounding. It seemed like there was no one around, which was somewhat reasonable given how large the map is.
A perfect atmosphere to murder someone and get away with it.
No one would notice if he betrayed Leah's trust. At least not the other participants.
...
"By the way, did you met anyone else just now? Or were you here the whole time?"
"Oh. That sucks. Must be a realll rude awakening."
The realll rolled around her tongue awkwardly.
She wondered if his accident would be used for, say, 'SOTF unintentionally funniest videos no deaths comp' or something like that. It didn't matter. It's going to be his legacy, not her's to worry. All his.
"I... I did meet a few people, yeah. Olivia and Lucia, um, their names sound fun together- but anyways yeah, Olivia stole my crossbow. Or, maybe sorta-robbed me?"
She took out a fistful of darts from her bag, and then stuffed them right back in.
"So now there's a freaking idiot with a crossbow and, like, one dart. I mean, I don't want to call her an idiot but she did escalate a confrontation with, like, five other people in a room? Hey, Olivia's friends watching this, I meant no offense. But, yeah, last I saw her she's dragging Lucia out and she has a big... butcher's knife with her. And I also met Anthony, who Olivia kicked in the balls, Hailey, and Beau."
She felt rude, calling Olivia names, or talking about Olivia and Anthony and Lucia more than the other people in that room. Was that normal? To feel guilt for rightful anger and a small handful of logical fallacies?
Aw, screw it, who cares. She was going to die anyways. Nothing matters. Be angry. Go crazy go stupid go wild fuck shit up, etc.
Thinking that felt weird too. Good. That means she's testing the waters to being her new self... Right?
Right.
One dart is still left in her palm. Gleaming under the sun. She didn't do anything with it. It was just a precaution. Just a precaution. Nothing more.
"Sooo... What are you gonna do here, then?" She hoped that question was vague enough to not be interrogative.
The realll rolled around her tongue awkwardly.
She wondered if his accident would be used for, say, 'SOTF unintentionally funniest videos no deaths comp' or something like that. It didn't matter. It's going to be his legacy, not her's to worry. All his.
"I... I did meet a few people, yeah. Olivia and Lucia, um, their names sound fun together- but anyways yeah, Olivia stole my crossbow. Or, maybe sorta-robbed me?"
She took out a fistful of darts from her bag, and then stuffed them right back in.
"So now there's a freaking idiot with a crossbow and, like, one dart. I mean, I don't want to call her an idiot but she did escalate a confrontation with, like, five other people in a room? Hey, Olivia's friends watching this, I meant no offense. But, yeah, last I saw her she's dragging Lucia out and she has a big... butcher's knife with her. And I also met Anthony, who Olivia kicked in the balls, Hailey, and Beau."
She felt rude, calling Olivia names, or talking about Olivia and Anthony and Lucia more than the other people in that room. Was that normal? To feel guilt for rightful anger and a small handful of logical fallacies?
Aw, screw it, who cares. She was going to die anyways. Nothing matters. Be angry. Go crazy go stupid go wild fuck shit up, etc.
Thinking that felt weird too. Good. That means she's testing the waters to being her new self... Right?
Right.
One dart is still left in her palm. Gleaming under the sun. She didn't do anything with it. It was just a precaution. Just a precaution. Nothing more.
"Sooo... What are you gonna do here, then?" She hoped that question was vague enough to not be interrogative.
Ohh, Olivia was here?
Mateo's eyes widened again, this time with interest. Needless to say, he was pretty stoked that someone he was familiar with had been around near his area. He wanted to know more about the details, where she was, and if she was still around...
Though after hearing the event that ensued, and that Leah and Olivia were on bad terms, he decided not to. He somewhat expected this to happen though, people stealing others' weapons while they weren't looking, especially cheeky ones like Olivia.
To be honest, it was pretty awkward to see Leah apologizing to her friends for shit-talking her, while one of them was just right in front of her, talking.
Should he admit to Leah that he knew Olivia? Yea, let's not.
Friends aside, he was surprised that he missed out on so many contestants in the same area. He was somewhat disappointed, to be honest. Who knows if one of them were in the same group as he was?
"Ahh, sorry to hear that happening to you." Mateo gave the sympathy Leah deserved. It must had been pretty rough for her to just lose a powerful weapon like a crossbow, and she did seem ed like she was pretty upset when he met her, probably still frustrated about the event. However, it's just a part of the show, and some part of him just wanted to tell her to get over it.
Sooo... What are you gonna do here, then?
Honestly, that was a really great question.
Mateo stood silent for a short while, realizing he did not had a clear plan on what to do in this current situation. He wanted to camp in an area and just wait until, like, half of the casts are dead. But this would be incredibly bad TV, right? However, engaging in a fight with a megaphone still seemed a bit...rash to him.
"Uh..." Mateo panicked a little, begging his brain to come up with some genius masterplan that would not make him look like some incompetent idiot in a killing game. "I...guess I would be just resting here un...til evening, probably...? I just need to find a place to check my bag and take a break."
Yea, that seemed good enough.
It sounded really simple but in a certain way. It made sense. He still had not checked out the contents in his backpack.
"So...what about you? You gonna stay here the whole day? Or do you have something in mind?"
Mateo's eyes widened again, this time with interest. Needless to say, he was pretty stoked that someone he was familiar with had been around near his area. He wanted to know more about the details, where she was, and if she was still around...
Though after hearing the event that ensued, and that Leah and Olivia were on bad terms, he decided not to. He somewhat expected this to happen though, people stealing others' weapons while they weren't looking, especially cheeky ones like Olivia.
To be honest, it was pretty awkward to see Leah apologizing to her friends for shit-talking her, while one of them was just right in front of her, talking.
Should he admit to Leah that he knew Olivia? Yea, let's not.
Friends aside, he was surprised that he missed out on so many contestants in the same area. He was somewhat disappointed, to be honest. Who knows if one of them were in the same group as he was?
"Ahh, sorry to hear that happening to you." Mateo gave the sympathy Leah deserved. It must had been pretty rough for her to just lose a powerful weapon like a crossbow, and she did seem ed like she was pretty upset when he met her, probably still frustrated about the event. However, it's just a part of the show, and some part of him just wanted to tell her to get over it.
Sooo... What are you gonna do here, then?
Honestly, that was a really great question.
Mateo stood silent for a short while, realizing he did not had a clear plan on what to do in this current situation. He wanted to camp in an area and just wait until, like, half of the casts are dead. But this would be incredibly bad TV, right? However, engaging in a fight with a megaphone still seemed a bit...rash to him.
"Uh..." Mateo panicked a little, begging his brain to come up with some genius masterplan that would not make him look like some incompetent idiot in a killing game. "I...guess I would be just resting here un...til evening, probably...? I just need to find a place to check my bag and take a break."
Yea, that seemed good enough.
It sounded really simple but in a certain way. It made sense. He still had not checked out the contents in his backpack.
"So...what about you? You gonna stay here the whole day? Or do you have something in mind?"
"If you want to rest, I don't think being on this boat is the best idea- It's a little small, right? But then again, all the obviously comfortable places would have people there..."
She tweedled the dart in her hands a little bit.
"Well, I-"
She didn't really have many plans, really, since she had too much and then her brain couldn't decide-
"I guess I'm just going to... try to wait it out. Don't think killing people can do anything but make it all worse."
That was a lie.
If she killed him, she can get away with it. Lie. She was smaller than him and most people didn't know her well. She could just lie. She had been lying for a long, long time.
Easier to get away with one kill than nine. And then one more and someone could get out. Simple mathematics. But Mateo wasn't a number, he was a person who wanted to live just as much, no, wanted to live more than her. He was both. They are all statistics, but she could make them so much more.
"I, um, I picked up a book along the way. I want to read it before I die. You haven't checked the bags yet? You should eat your tuna sandwich before it, um, rots and stinks everything up and spoils. Because that would really be bad."
Was he going to stay with her? She... She hasn't eaten a meal with another guy for a long, long time. Dad was never home. The last time they ate dinner together, he asked her about her grades between bites of steak and she told him that she was doing well, and she asked him about his work as she sipped diet Pepsi and he said that he was doing well. Leah loved him, but it was a little hard not to love him compared to mom, and it was this sort of obligation where she felt bad because if she didn't love him then she wouldn't want him to be home more, but she didn't love him that much because he wasn't home more. She wanted to talk to him again. She wished that she was home with him when the men in uniforms took her away, so that she could hug him, nice and tight, and try to make up for all the hugs that he never gave her. She wished she was home forever.
"Fuck..."
She wanted to know how well Mateo accepted this.
"I can't believe I took all these AP classes for nothing," She said, a little louder, voice hoarse and cracking, like rocks at the shore.
She tweedled the dart in her hands a little bit.
"Well, I-"
She didn't really have many plans, really, since she had too much and then her brain couldn't decide-
"I guess I'm just going to... try to wait it out. Don't think killing people can do anything but make it all worse."
That was a lie.
If she killed him, she can get away with it. Lie. She was smaller than him and most people didn't know her well. She could just lie. She had been lying for a long, long time.
Easier to get away with one kill than nine. And then one more and someone could get out. Simple mathematics. But Mateo wasn't a number, he was a person who wanted to live just as much, no, wanted to live more than her. He was both. They are all statistics, but she could make them so much more.
"I, um, I picked up a book along the way. I want to read it before I die. You haven't checked the bags yet? You should eat your tuna sandwich before it, um, rots and stinks everything up and spoils. Because that would really be bad."
Was he going to stay with her? She... She hasn't eaten a meal with another guy for a long, long time. Dad was never home. The last time they ate dinner together, he asked her about her grades between bites of steak and she told him that she was doing well, and she asked him about his work as she sipped diet Pepsi and he said that he was doing well. Leah loved him, but it was a little hard not to love him compared to mom, and it was this sort of obligation where she felt bad because if she didn't love him then she wouldn't want him to be home more, but she didn't love him that much because he wasn't home more. She wanted to talk to him again. She wished that she was home with him when the men in uniforms took her away, so that she could hug him, nice and tight, and try to make up for all the hugs that he never gave her. She wished she was home forever.
"Fuck..."
She wanted to know how well Mateo accepted this.
"I can't believe I took all these AP classes for nothing," She said, a little louder, voice hoarse and cracking, like rocks at the shore.