Study Date...Just Kidding!

[Frozen Smoke]

He grinned. He knew she was just being polite, but that told him he hadn't done anything wrong. He also felt warmed by that simple confirmation. It was nothing extraordinary, but to him, any thing nice that passed between her cherry blossom lips was as sweet as... Something really sweet...

Strawberries? Yeah, strawberries.

He wanted to say something ballet related. He wished that he'd payed the slightest bit of attention to the little notes tacked on the community board. Black Swan? That sounded emo-ish, not ballet-y. Swan sounded ballet-y though. It'd have to do.

"Lead on, my Swan" he said, taking his hand off her shoulder reluctantly. He was happy. This was still going well.

[peregrineink*]

As Zach moved his hand from her shoulder, Mae could feel tiny sparks of something igniting from the trail his fingertips left. What was it? She had never felt that sort of thing with anyone she had ever been with. Awkward fumblings with the popular boys had always left her feeling queasy, sort of nervous, but this...it made her feel nervous in a completely different way. Sort of...fluttery, excited.

"Let me walk you out," she heard herself say. Did she sound breathless? She couldn't tell. She had never been breathless before.

Elegantly poised as though she were on the stage, she removed herself from each reach of him, gesturing delicately for him to go ahead to the parlor door.

There was a pang somewhere in her stomach. Regret? No, of course not. That would be silly. Mae had so many other things to think and worry about besides this strange tingly feeling she had gotten when Zach touched her. Had he ever done it before? She couldn't remember, it hadn't seemed so important then. In fact, had anyone touched her so casually before? She tried to remember, she tried to think back to all of her friends, so many that she had, all of them kept carefully within arms reach. And this boy, had placed a hand so casually there, as though she wasn't something to be snatched or taken or used like any of the other boys...

She was overthinking this. Of course she was.

[Frozen Smoke]

Zach walked out, his long strides feeling cumbersome in comparison to the beautiful fluid grace of Mae. He still felt that tingle of excitement in his body, his mouth still dry and his lips still wanted to be pressed against hers.

It's just the hormones. He told himself. Just let them fade and everything will be back to normal. Don't get over your head in this stuff, or else you could end up hurting yourself, or her.

She sounded just a little breathless as she talked, her cute voice distorted as she exhaled too much. He didn't know why. Was she tired? Math can be tiring. That must be it. He still drew a little comfort from it. It reminded him that she was just as human as he, no matter how divine she looked in that elegant dress.

He considered going in for a hug, just to be friendly.

And feel her skin against his. Savour it. Remember it.

No. He wasn't going to treat her like some chew toy to be poked and prodded for fun. Her regal demeanour reminded him that she was a lady. A fine princess. She should be treated as such. And if it was her wish to be chaste and unrevealing and teasing and all the things that made her so much better than the average girl, then that was her decision. And he should respect that, as a gentelmen.

Well, maybe Gentleman was pushing it. He was more of a Squire. A Bard. The village idiot.

He satisfied his hormonal urges that he was sure were just urges and not him crushing on his best friend, by taking her form in one last time. The beautiful sillouhete that she cut against the window light. He held back a sigh, though he was sure that his every emotion was clear to see. All the longing and hidden desire, and just plain lust.

He hoped she didn't notice.

Well, he hoped she didn't react badly.

If she were to take him in her arms and kiss him deeply that would be A-okay. But if she slapped him or stopped talking to him then that'd suck.

"Thank you for your hospitality" he said, his tone formal and rather unfitting for him. He might as well try and fit her families expectations of grandeur. It made him sound like a complete dick though.

Or so he thought. He actually sounded very well meaning and sophisticated. Perhaps a little overly educated, but not like the pompous asshole he thought he sounded like.

"Take care of yourself" he finished before leaving the parlour, his true emotions bleeding through as his voice cracked a little.

[peregrineink*]

Mae had upset him, but she didn't know why. When they are started getting closer she had googled Aspergers to see how to act around him, and everything she was doing was pretty much tailored to not upset him. It was only nice! She attempted to smile a little bit, but it didn't seem to fit well on her face.

"I will," she said, nodding her head slightly. He was being so polite, thanking her for her hospitality, calling her a swan. Mae? A swan? She always felt like such an ugly duckling, but here he was, being so nice.

"Thank you for coming though! It means a lot to me, I never would have understood what I was doing if it weren't for you."

She resisted the urge to go over to him, kiss him on the cheek. It seemed innocent enough but she didn't want to upset him. Mae didn't think that he would like it so much, also, could she trust herself?

"I can walk to you to the front door, if you'd like!"

[Frozen Smoke]

She smiled, it looked a little out of place. It was something he couldn't put his finger on. She mustve been nervous. Not about him, of course, but likely to do with wherever she was going.

Maybe she had a date. Goddamn it. He hoped he would treat her like the delicate flower she was.

He nodded in response to her question, he nodded. His smile returned and he stopped shaking. He felt a little braver.

Braver? More courageous.

As they reached the door, which felt like a portal he never wanted to cross. A portal to the real, unhappy world were he was unimportant and useless. He felt so much better near Mae. He knew it was stupid, but he almost thought that she secretly liked him. Maybe he should ask her out? Take her to some fancy French restraunt.

No. If she said no, as he knew she would, he would be devastated. He wanted to keep that little spark of hope alive. It was one of the few precious lights in his otherwise dark life.

He needed closure though. Just some way to know how she felt about him, even if just as a friend.

He wrapped an arm around her, trying to draw her into a quick hug. He looked up at her with innocence shining in his eyes, and a cute smile on his face.

[peregrineink*]

Without thinking about it, she allowed him to draw her into a hug. Absentmindedly, she wrapped her arms around his waist, burrowing her face briefly into his neck. For a fraction of a second, she allowed herself to pretend, if only for a second, that anything she was feeling would be allowed to be considered.

Plus, his smile was adorable. He wasn't shaking anymore, maybe he was happy now that he was leaving? It was entirely possible, and she knew that she was hugging him a fraction of a second too long. She didn't want him to get upset or feel strange, so after a moment she detached herself from him and took a step back. Her face looked as though she had just casually hugged a friend, but on the inside she felt as though she had swallowed the ocean. All waves and pitching and crashing feelings.


She could hear her phone receive a text from the parlor, and it felt as though reality had smacked her in the face. What was she doing!?

[Frozen Smoke]

He felt amazing. She was so close to him, the warmth radiating from her enticing him in. He hugged her gently, acutely aware that one wrong move and this could end in disaster. Their relationship seemed so fragile that a light breeze could seperate them.

Wait, not relationship, friendship. Because they were just friends, and he could be content with that.

Then she buried her face into his neck and that illusion was shattered. He wanted more. He wanted her in every sense of the word. And, for a split second, it felt like he could have her. He stroked her beautiful, soft hair tenatively, trying to judge how far she was comfortable with.

Then, just when it seemed like she really wanted him, she pulled away. An angel slipping from his grasp. He looked at her face for a sign. But she seemed so casual, so light hearted. Maybe he'd just imagined her pressing that little closer into him.

He looked at her with a wistful longing expression in his eyes.

"I'll see you soon" He said, turning to walk away.

(( The Awkwardness Continues In Fate Bash & Background Chatter ))

[peregrineink*]

"Good bye," she whispered quietly as she raised her hand, fingers curled in a wave good-bye. She watched him as she walked, and bile rose in the back of her throat as she did. Maybe in college, if they both went to the same college, she would be able to do something about how she felt. Maybe.

But high school was long, and what if she lost him before then? Who cared about high school if she couldn't persue her happiness? She closed the door and turned, resting her back against it as though the barrier of the door could protect her from all of this. Looking up, there was her mother.

The lemonade obviously forgotten, Mae could tell that she had been in the barn, the straw sticking to her shoes, the dirt rubbed on her forehead. She looked at Mae with a hint of disapproval.

"That was a quick study session," she said. "Are you sure understood everything?"

Math came easily to Mae, it seemed to flow through her as though were some conduit for mathematical knowledge, but she knew that if she didn't at least put up a nice front for studying, her mother would think that she wasn't trying hard enough.

"I did, Mom, Zach really knows what he's doing." I wish I did. Her mother pursed her lips as though doubting her daughter's story.

"I see." She knew what her mother thought of Zach, he was a strange boy who would probably end up being some ward of the government, she scoffed at his love for SOTF-TV, thinking that Mae should focus more on the finer, more old-fashioned things in life. They held more meaning. This is why ballet was acceptable, although she knew in her mother's heart of hearts, that she should have stuck with horseback riding. Her mother always seemed to be waiting for Zach to snap, go in some sort of home, Mae was always glad that her mother disappeared whenever he came over.


"I'm going to the mall in a little bit," Mae continued. Her mother looked even more disappointed. Mae hated it.

"Well, you do work very hard," she said as though it were some kind of concession. "Will you be going to rehearsal right after?" Mae nodded, and her mother sighed.

"Well, don't tax yourself too hard at the mall, this is a big part for you and a good opportunity to get yourself seen." Mae nodded, unaware that her hands had started to shake.

"I'm going to get ready, okay?"

Mae didn't wait for her mother to respond as she bounded up the stairs, she didn't feel her eyes burning until she closed her bedroom door behind her. Sinking to her knees, she covered her face with her hands and let the tears come. She cried shuddering, chest wracking sobs, trying her best to keep quiet she didn't want her mother or Anna the maid to hear. She gave herself exactly 45 seconds to this, before she stood up and walked over to her vanity mirror. Her make up was smudged, her mascara smudged on her face. Gently, she wiped it away, fixing her make up.

She lined her eyes with coal black eyeliner, used concealer to cover the red her nose had turned from the crying. Using her pinky, she expertly appplied more lipgloss. There was a knock at her door.

"Is everything okay, honey?" She could hear her mother sound a little worried, and Mae looked into the eyes of her reflection. Her lips tugged at the corners in an attempt to smile. There was no evidence of whatever tears she might have shed.

"I'm perfect," she said to her reflection. "Everything is perfect."


(Mae St. Clair continued in Fate Bash)