the grind never stops

[almostinhuman]

People thought Kyoichi was smart, but he never really liked it when they said as much. They generally meant it as a compliment, or at worst as a mere descriptor, but he didn't really agree with it. The word "smart" implied something natural about it, like an inborn trait or a divine blessing. Like he just "was smart" and it was all second nature, like he just knew stuff and his grades were no real accomplishment for him.

It felt a little insulting. Truth is, he had to work incredibly hard to get where he was. He didn't merely study because he thought school was fun or satisfying; he needed to do it to keep it all in his head, to solidify that knowledge that others seemed to think he just magically "knew". And there were plenty of subjects that he wasn't really that well-versed in; he didn't understand electronics or computers very well, for example, and certainly not the the degree that Mimura seemed to have mastered them. He didn't have Utsumi's eye for literature or poetry. He understood the physical sciences well, but he wouldn't consider himself on Noda's level.

And in most respects, well, seemingly everyone was a little behind Kiriyama. Kyoichi was rarely far behind, but that took a great deal of time and effort, and yet Kiriyama made it all look effortless. It was hard not to be jealous, but the other boy's delinquency and the unpleasant company he kept at least leveled the playing field a bit. He wouldn't be surprised if the other boy landed in jail sooner or later, which would flush that impressive academic performance down the toilet. Wishful thinking, maybe, and spiteful besides, but he didn't think he was wrong.

Most of the people who expressed such surprise at Kyoichi's academic performance were probably just as capable as he was, if they ever put the effort in. Perhaps not the likes of Inada or Kuronaga or Nanahara, but the rest seemed like they could manage it. It wasn't a lack of intelligence that stopped so many of them from excelling, it was a lack of drive. It was little wonder he felt so superior to them; he was, at least in this regard. Not too many others, but this was probably the one that mattered most. How they did in school basically decided how the rest of their lives were going to go, after all.

He hoped it all panned out for him, in the end. Usually he was confident it would, but sometimes he worried or doubted at it. With how much he'd dedicated to his schoolwork, it'd suck for it to all lead nowhere. In those moments he could almost appreciate how others put more stock in their personal lives, in the here and now. It might not pay off as well, but at least it paid off immediately. He could see the appeal, though he couldn't bring himself to do the same.

And even if he could, well, it wasn't really his choice anyway.