a little ennui never hurt anyone

[almostinhuman]

Kyoichi was spending another afternoon alone, at home, studying. Not like he had much else to do. Other kids his age, especially other boys, most often didn't take kindly to his presence, much less actively invite him anywhere. They found him snobby and high-strung and annoying, and those were among the kinder things people had to say about him. Most of them thought he believed himself better than his peers.

He did, for the record. He also didn't, but mostly he did.

It wasn't a huge loss, really. More than a few of his classmates were delinquents of some variety, who got off on causing all kinds of trouble. That sort did tend to spare Kyoichi the worst of their misbehavior, but he was sure it was purely due to his father's rank and good standing within the prefectural government, making the consequences of harassing him outweigh any meager benefits. Much of the rest of the class were dim, dull people, with seemingly no greater aspirations than merely coasting through life. There were a few he held in high esteem - fellow class representative Yukie Utsumi perhaps most of all - but even then, he wouldn't refer to any of them as "friends". Perhaps "colleagues" was a better way to describe those kinds of relationships.

His father had chastised him for his standoffish behavior. His father chastised him for many things, so this wasn't such a surprise. Still, how Kyoichi was supposed to correct this while also maintaining the academic excellence his father demanded was beyond him; the schoolwork schedule he maintained left little room for anything else. It was the same with many of the things his father found wanting in him; his lack of extracurriculars, his pitiful athletic performance, that he hadn't found a girlfriend yet.

Well, there were a lot of reasons why that last one was a struggle.

It seemed a sensible enough strategy, being pulled in so many directions, to find the one direction he could handle and focus his efforts that way. He took pride in his performance in school, in being near the top of his class. His father did, too, which only encouraged his drive towards it. And in all honesty, he liked studying and schoolwork and academics for its own sake. Not merely in some tough-it-out learn-to-love-it way; he found it a meditative, centering experience. A balm against all the many, many anxieties that otherwise nagged at him.

Secretly, he'd occasionally considered a career in education. Other times he'd flirted with being a historian, or maybe pursuing something in mathematics. Someone who's entire job it is to learn, and to shape how others learn, directly or otherwise. But that wasn't really his choice. Pursuing a role in the government was more secure and better paying. Perhaps most importantly, it kept the family legacy of government work going, and thus kept his father happy.

Sometimes he wondered if he'd ever get to do anything but keep his father happy.