Jasper drummed his fingers across the wheel of his car. It was now or never.
-
Right after Jasper got a new phone, he put in a passcode so no-one could repeat an incident like what happened in July.
And on Monday afternoon, he downloaded Grindr.
Following that, he took a picture of himself in the mirror of his bathroom, and uploaded it as his profile picture.
Jasper had heard a lot of shit about Grindr. The good and the bad.
Con - it's STD central.
Pro - among the bullshit and the sex addicts were some genuine guys who were going through the same shit Jasper was.
Con - most of the photos were fake.
Pro - no cascades of cockshots.
Con - you didn't know if the guy you wanted to meet was really the guy you spoke to.
Pro - that's how life works. No-one is really who they say they are until you meet them face to face.
And for the first few nights, Jasper had gotten nothing but solicitation messages. While it sure soothed his fragile ego, it wasn't really what he was looking for. He'd check his phone after school, and there was a few guys who weren't into that sort of thing, just like he'd hoped. But some hadn't bothered to put up pictures, and that was why he deleted their messages. If Jasper was going to put forth the effort and go and put his handsome mug up for them to see, they were going to return the favour. No bullshit for Jasper.
The rest just weren't up to his standards. One would think that considering Jasper's situation of not being friends or really even knowing anyone in his situation or at the very least empathetic to his situation, he'd drop those standards and make do with what he had. Then of course one would realise who they were talking about and shut the hell up.
But eventually, he found someone. It was Saturday night, 10pm, and he was retiring early from a party. He'd already been drinking, and had no way of getting home if he didn't leave when he could. His phone buzzed in the ashtray, and Jasper slipped a hand away from the wheel to check who it was. A message from "Jarred". Funny thing was, he didn't know a Jarred. Then saw the top line of the notification, and saw it was from Grindr.
Hey there
Jasper had danced this dance before. He cut to the chase and messaged back one-handed:
say ur not loking 4 sx
He pulled over into an empty parking space on 12th Avenue. Just as he pulled the parking brake into place just in case, his phone buzzed again.
not at all
A wry smile creeped upon his face. Looking good so far. Jasper checked his profile again real quick. This guy had messaged him on Thursday, but Jasper deleted most of the messages that day. Chances are he hadn't seen it yet. Either way, the guy looked fine. 22 years old, short-haired, dirty blonde, kind of good-looking, was neither a stick figure nor a blob. Wasn't a shirtless pic or anything like that, it was just a guy smiling at the camera. Prospects were looking better.
ur profile ses you came out recently?
yea
same
cool
ever been with a guy before?
Jasper paused momentarily.
"..."
yea
before you came out?
yeah
only just came out to the family a week ago. dad's having a fit, but mum's fine. u?
they're both fine. no ones asked me bout them before
ah same
Before he could ask his own question, a new message popped up.
you been on a date before?
Once again Jasper paused. He was doubtful of how this was going to fit in with his earlier lie, but it was for naught.
nope
can't see why, you seem like a nice guy
Code: Select all
:)thanks
you doing anything tomorrow?
That took him by surprise. Guy was forward, Jasper gave him that.
no
wanna grab a drink or something?
-
And now, thanks to an ill-decided response, he was waiting in his car outside Cafe Vida for a guy he met on Grindr. Not something he thought might happen in his lifetime, but there you go. He'd often wondered what he'd name his kid if he ever met a girl named Jenna or Justine or Julie or something beginning with a J. His father was Jordan, his grandfather was Jaffe, and there was an underlying urge to continue the unconscious tradition. At the very least, he'd be making his grandfather spritz less in his grave if he at least kept something traditional alive.
But then he began to think while he waited. That was where he always stumbled. He who hesitates is lost, an old saying Bianca taught him when they went hiking a few years ago. Jump the crack or crumble. Take the chance or lose it to time. Now or never. It was safe to say that Jasper was the never type in a chance like this. He'd been regretting getting Grindr for his phone simply because it was a reminder of something he wasn't initially proud of.
Then of course there was the fact he wasn't sure if Jarred even knew what Jasper was like. Hell, Jasper didn't even know what Jarred was like. There weren't many people who could deal with a guy like him, simply because he told it like it was, held nothing back. A girl he met at school from Boston told him he was a guy after her own heart because of that very fact. Either way, Jasper was having doubts now about meeting a guy he met online for real. It didn't seem right to him.
So he finally stopped hesitating and pulled away from the curb.
-
On Sunday evening he was finishing up an essay for English. A Russian novel he had yet to read, and relied on Wikipedia to finish for him. Second paragraph was up and he didn't know what to talk about. It was almost a blessing when his phone buzzed and cut across the desk like a buzz saw.
couldn't make it?
He bit his lip.
sorry. dunno what it was, it just didn't feel right
What a pathetic response. If he could have taken it back he would have.
nah, it's fine. meet guys like you all the time
really?
yeah totes. you still wanna be friends though? you're a great guy to chat to
Once again, Jasper hesitated. It would really have been a simple yes or no response, but he had to draw it out in his mind into something more. So rather than responding with something half-hearted and insincere, he chose not to reply. He silenced his phone, and put it in the desk draw.
-
On Monday morning he handed in a half-assed essay for English.
And on Monday afternoon, he deleted Grindr.