twenty-first century romance

[Fenris]

>> Axel Fontaine continued from Studied The Practical Tactics Of Pickups...

??? < > man you could at least woo me first
> buy me dinner or some shit
bro u know I'm poor <
I make gucci ramen tho <
shit is the bomb.com.co.uk < > 3 min in the microwave doesn't count as making jsyk
i guess one could say the same thing about strumming the same 4 chords over and over again? ? < > WOW
> fucking savage
> how will I ever recover
I mean apparently my dick has healing properties so ?? < > okay literally just for that I'm not coming over
ok u can come under me instead I really don't have much of a preference < > awrowoijte3t
> you are actually the fucking worst
???? < > anyway I actually can't come over
> band practice tonight
tru gotta admire ur commitment to ur art tbh <
your guitar doesn't have to be the only instrument you play with tonight tho < > starting to prefer the ? emoji
> you wanna come over? we're probs just gonna fuck around mostly anyway
yeh sounds good to me ? < > you know its not gonna be just us right
> like you have to be reasonably good
I am a ~thespian~ bro <
I can be anything you want me to be ? < > there is something really fucking funny about you saying bro tbh
u wot m8 I'm a #masc4masc ill fite ye < > wow you've got me I'm so turned on right now be right over
easy peasy lemon squeezy < > you
> you didn't think I was serious did you
I know all about act 2 plot twists u could never fool me bro < > swear to god
> you're lucky you're hot
being hot is just one of my undeniable talents < > and so humble too
> how could anyone resist
i mean you're doing a fineee job atm <
what's your secret boo? < > uh prior commitments mostly
> like you know I'm fucking with you right
> if I could I'd be there in a second
uhm ur clearly not fucking with me 'cause if u were you'd be on mah dick atm bro < > and yet you keep giving me so many good reasons not to
k no ? for u boo xo < > is this what we've come to
> are you gonna try to make me beg for it
I mean, that's what you usually do when you're under me < > god fucking dammit
> walked right into that one
what can I say? <
it's a gift < > disrespectful
> you free tomorrow?
nah, I've gotta prepare to pash Beatrice for our Hello, Dolly! rehearsal < > the fuck does pash mean
I must educate u in NZ slang more, my little pavlova < > okay I forgive you for making up words cause your accent's so cute
> pavlova though? what
you're sweet and I like putting you in my mouth <
therefore you = pavlova < > alsfjgkjeigjf
> that's cute I hate it
sure u do < > andy's gonna kill me if I miss practice
> you sure you can't fit me in tomorrow
I wish I could say yes :/ <
and besides it'll be you that's fitting me in, wouldn't it? ? < > fuck me I walked into that one too
> and yes I know exactly what you're about to say
"fuck me" yah that's exactly-- <
oh damn ur getting better < > low bar to clear tbh
> fuck it I'll deal w/ andy hel will uh maybe back me up we'll see
> either way
> you need more time or can I come straight over
> insert obvious joke about no straightness being involved here
no straightness?? I thought we were just two bros :/ <
but yeh I'm good to go now if you are <
want me to get anything ready for you? <
oh and can you maybe bring some lube with you? < > okay 1. yes everything about this is super fucking hetero that goes without saying
> 2. pretty sure you mean ramen but when you say it like that suddenly my curiosity's piqued
> (but yeah make me some ramen I missed dinner)
> and 3. now you've got me wondering who you ran out of it on
1. yeh <
2. I didn't mean ramen I literally meant anything but lmao yah I can make u a lil something <
3. it is a long list boo -- tbh I ran nearly a whole bottle out on you once so you can't judge < > like fair
> not judging just like
> curious I guess
aww pav <
it's okay it'll be all about you and me tonight <
I'll make sure it'll be a night to remember ? < > the least hetero thing you've said all day
> anyway it doesn't matter
> will bring lube
> also uh
> been working on a song for a few days
> you mind if I bring my guitar
> you'd make a good test audience if you can keep your hands to yourself for like five minutes
aww yeah for sure! That sounds nice. <
I have my ukulele too if u wanna hang a jam maybe idk < > sounds like a plan
> though like
> our plans have a way of falling through once we're alone so
> not making any promises
that is alg homie <
do u want peanut butter in ur ramen < > what the fuck kind of question is that
i will take that as a no < > yknow
> I'm not even going to ask
> literally getting in the car
> see you soon
see u soon boo <

[Fenris]

> hey babe
> sorry about yesterday
> hope andy wasn't too pissed
its cool! <
youve trained his expectations p well at this point tbh <
it meant more beer for us so ? < > fair honestly
> no offense you know I love y'all but
> had things to do last night
okay but did you do things or did things do you ive got money riding on this < > fuck what side did you put money on
hopefully the winning one ? <
and if not its ur fault <
im way better at this when i know who youre seeing <
u really fucked me on this one tiger i think andy smelled my weakness hes like a <
wasp do wasps smell they have a thing with fear right idk??? < > okay jesus
> 1. stop betting on things you're both fucking broke
> 2. I'm deciding in advance whether I should be personally offended by which side y'all fell on
> 3. babe I'm pretty sure you're thinking of horses
3. no horses are the ones who wont walk over grates because they cant smell the bottom thats different <
2. listen i wasnt allowed to bet on both choices had to be made <
soothe your fragile masculinity with the assurance that ur probably great at both <
1. whatever daddy < > um
> that's a new one
wait is it <
lbr i dont think about what ive said am saying or am gonna say at all like 99% of the time so im trusting you on this one <
daddy ? < > your brain is a strange and terrifying place tbh
uh-oh <
that was a mistake <
ive caught the scent of ur fear <
like the apex horse i am < > I
> am not sure I like what you're implying
i dunno what you could mean by that <
daddy < > ANYWAY
? <
im so never letting this go but proceed~ < > you're the worst big fucking shock
> okay uh if andy bet on this I will probably die but
theres a joke appropriating your phrasing about horse dick here but i'll b good < > wait what
what rhymes with shock dearest < > okay brb while I remove every word you could possibly make a dick joke about out of my vocab
you know im staring at my screen <
trying ot make a joke about how for my moneys sake <
im hoping youre better at inserting dick than removing it <
but its just not coming together <
(unlike you) <
and i apologize < > you don't apologize and you know it
> wait fuck you bet on me fucking someone
fuck <
did u see tristan <
u saw tristan didnt you <
i played the odds and i lost im committing sudoku < > always knew you'd go out playing on number grids
> rest in fucking peace
> yeah it was tristan who else
1. fuck i wish i had the coordination to draw sudoku grid on my stomach itd make a great picture to send you in like 3 hours <
2. "who else" should i just pick a letter and go from there or < > okay clarifying:
> who else would I let fuck me
what are you unsatisfied with your options <
are you looking for applications <
ill tell you the same thing i told starbucks what i lack in experience i make up for in enthusiasm < > hel with the jokes
> listen do you want details or not
more like D-tails amirite <
because D <
and ur tail <
anyway hit me ? < > tristan is like
> kind of perfect have I ever mentioned that
once or twice <
sorry sorry karas calling just a bit < > oh yeah np
> hey babe? you there?
> hel?

>> Axel Fontaine continued in you can go your own way