Alone

[Polybius]

((Alyssa Tibbett continued from In Dreams You Will Lose Your Heartaches...))

She was lost, and she was alone.

How long had it been since she'd left the ship? Minutes? hours? days? She'd blindly run as far as she could before becoming exhausted and curling up within herself again. It didn't matter where she went. She couldn't escape it.

She was alone. Completely, utterly alone. She didn't know where Verity had gone, nor why Verity ran away from her. She could guess. Alyssa was a burden, and nobody could afford a burden in this game. Back home, Alyssa had survived only from the sacrifice of others. Her family gave money and a roof on her head, her friends gave emotional support. Back home, there was always someone willing to give of part of themselves for Alyssa's wellbeing. She wasn't sure why- 'love' was the standard answer, but Alyssa could never truly believe it. On Survival of the Fittest no one could afford to burden themselves. Their lives were on the line. Everyone had to put themselves first, and Alyssa didn't blame them. Supporting Alyssa would have hurt Verity's chances to live, so leaving was the right choice for her.

No one would help Alyssa, so she would die. It was as simple as that. She wished she could be okay with it. But even when Alyssa didn't want to live, she was terrified of death. Alyssa feared death was an eternal stillness, where's she'd be left with only her thoughts without end. It was the worst thing she could imagine. She'd almost died back in the ballroom, and every time she recalled the instant that bullet whizzed in front of her, she started shaking again.

Even living in Survival of the Fittest was better than that. At least there was always something that could distract her. That proved itself when a voice came out of the darkness and began to speak. Alyssa knew what this was- the announcements. She didn't want to her it, but what choice did she have?

The very first name took her aback. She sat, confused, as she tried to put it together. It couldn't be right, Verity had been with her in those early hours. But the announcements never lied, Alyssa new that much. Unless... it happened before they'd met. But she'd never said a thing. Alyssa screamed. She pulled at her hair and kicked her feet in the air. Even though she knew nobody would come to comfort her.

She couldn't be herself here. The rules were different. She couldn't rely on others and she couldn't trust others. She couldn't let herself die.

((Alyssa Tibbett continued elsewhere))