Pirates Never Die! It’s The Stephanie Cahill Interview | SotF Season 41

[Wham Yubeesling]

It was time.

The girl put her watch down. Ran her hands through her hair one last time. Normally she wouldn’t care how her hair looked that much because she knew that this was a casual interview and she knew that she really didn’t have to look like a superstar but it felt right. It felt like a good idea to make sure it felt right. She’d seen the other interviews and the other people looked like they did preparations beforehand so she may as well do it as well, right? Right. Yeah. Whatever. It was time. No more time to look at her hair. She moved. Went through the door and down the hallway and entered her bedroom and sat down at her desk.

The invitation was there. It was time.

So she paused.

Took a breath.

Tried to ignore the tightness enveloping her throat right now.

Took another breath.

Pushed the button. Accepted the invitation.

---

“Hey, you ready?” he asked.

The girl nodded back.

“Yeah,” she replied, then paused for a moment. “I am.”

“Okay, cool,” he said, looking away. The guest was apparently okay. That was good. He hadn’t had a mental breakdown on air yet, but hey, still good to make sure. It was a nice streak to keep going, at the very least. He checked the stream. 287 watching right now. Nice. Not his highest number for a winner but it was a little better than the average. He checked his guest again. Still ready.

He checked his webcam. On.

He checked his mic. On.

Greenscreen. On.

Looked like everything was ready.

So he took a breath. Cleared his throat.

Started the stream.

---

The video started. A brown card featuring the logo for Hangouts on Air appeared as the music—instrumental, rockish, some electric guitars and a drum—began to play.

“Comin’ at you live from my apartment, it’s Ryan! Has! A Podcast!”

The card vanished. In its place sat a man who looked as if he was in his early twenties. He was white. Slightly pale. His hair was brown, short and spiky, locks going up and centering in the middle of his head. His eyes were brown. His mouth was in a smile. It was impossible to tell anything further, given the placement of the webcam. You could see his face, you could see a part of his shirt—a blue, checkered button-up—but nothing else. There was a microphone in front of his chest. There was a background behind him—blue, slightly generic, displaying the logo. There were headphones in his ears. A sort of aura clung to him, one of confidence. One of a man who’d done this before and couldn’t wait to do it again.

“I’m your host, as always, and tonight we’ve got a guest you’ve all been waiting for. She’s the newest winner of Survival of the Fittest, she’s the third straight winner we’ve been able to get on the show, and she’s here to answer your questions tonight! Give it up for Stephannniiieeee Caaaaahillllllllll!”

The camera view switched as Ryan began to exaggeratedly clap. The new view was that of a girl. She looked young, late teenage years, at the very most. Her hair was dyed, a pastel pink going from the top of her scalp to the middle of her neck. Her eyes were green, her skin a pale white. A spider bite had been pierced into the right of her bottom lip. Her aura was different from Ryan’s. It was more reserved. It was more careful. It was one of a girl who wasn’t quite experienced with this, one who felt they ran the risk of messing it all up. She smiled, as her name was said. Brought her hands up and waved them.

“Heeeeeyyyyyyyy,” she said.

“Hey! Glad to have you tonight,” Ryan said. He didn’t move much from the position he was sitting in. His head had tilted slightly, but otherwise, there hadn’t been a lot of change as the camera moved back to him.

“Honestly, it’s sorta my pleasure,” Stephanie said. “I think you were trying to tell me earlier that you found out I was subscribed to you?”

“Yeah, I found that out while I was setting things up. I wouldn’t have guessed you as a fan.”

“Hey, there was a pretty big reason why I accepted your offer.”

“You just don’t seem like the type, though,” Ryan said, laughing as he leaned in closer to the camera.

“Hey, I’m a nerd, what can I say?” Stephanie replied.

“I guess I’ll accept that explanation,” Ryan said. “Anyway, how have you been?”

Stephanie paused at this, for a slight moment. She brought her hand through the back of her hair as she answered.

“Fine, mostly,” she said. “Honestly I’ve been a little worried about this, but hey, other than that it’s been a pretty lazy day.”

Ryan chuckled, slightly. “Worried?”

“Well yeah, it’s like, um…” Stephanie paused. Moved her head down onto her raised fist. “You know, it’s like, hey, you’re the guest of honour on your favourite podcast, you’re doing interviews which you’ve watched before and absolutely loved and you really, really don’t wanna lower the standard, y’know?” She giggled. “Like, hey, better look good, better talk snappy or something like that because the fans apparently really wanted me to come on here and I… don’t really wanna disappoint them, y’know?”

She paused, for a moment. Continued.

“Honestly I’m not even sure why everyone wanted me on here. Apparently my season sucked?”

“Hey, I liked it!” Ryan replied. “The ending was pretty slow, though. People complained about how long it took.”

“Really?” Stephanie asked. “I, um... haven’t watched my season so I… don’t really have a clue on how things were portrayed and all that.”

“Imagine six hours of just having to hear Amy rant on and on while you were unconscious.”

“Oof.” Stephanie reeled back in her chair slightly. “Honestly, good on them for dealing with it. I guess I was lucky enough to be, like, gassed out.”

“Ehhhhhhhhhhhh,” Ryan said, leaning in closer to the camera. “You’re the one who had to actually be with her. Don’t think anyone could have it worse than that.”

Stephanie giggled. Leaned back in to where she’d been before.

“Yeah, I guess,” she said. “It’s, um... weird, though?”

“In what way?” Ryan asked.

“I dunno, it’s like…” She paused. Brought her hand up to pull her hair. “Cognitive dissonance? Like, I can laugh now, I can go, like ‘wow, Amy went nuts’ but when I was there? When it was my… my life on the line?”

“It’s different, right?”

“Yeah, and it’s like…” She paused and started pulling her hair again. “It’s like this… connection thing. Like, sitting here right now when I think of Amy my mind goes, ‘man, what a crazy bitch,’ but back then, when I was in that chair in the movie theatre, I was scared, y’know? And like, even back then I wasn’t seeing her as like... this monster who killed Josh, I saw her as like… Amy. Like, the smart girl. First place in Legal Studies. Tutored Willie in Social Studies. Not really anybody I talked to but still someone I knew. Someone I respected.”

Silence, for a brief moment.

“And like, it’s not just with Amy. Like, with Gary. He used to be this… friendly guy, this nerdy guy that I gave a smile to whenever I passed him in the school library, but now whenever I go by that spot or look in the yearbook I can only see him as that guy who needed me to kill him. That guy that I shot just to prove that I could. And like, Izzy. Isabella. She used to be my friend but now whenever I see the picture of all of us at the go-kart place I still can’t feel anything other than anger. I still can’t forgive her for what she did to Alex.”

She paused again. Sighed.

“Alex was—still is the person I’ve been closest to, but now when I think of him I can’t feel anything other than… regret.”

She slumped, slightly. Looked away from the camera.

“Sorry,” she said.

“It’s…” Ryan said, “fine. If it helps… me, a bunch of the other winners I’ve talked to… we’ve been through it before. It gets better.”

“Clint, right?” Stephanie asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Clint,” Stephanie repeated, looking towards the camera again. “You felt it most with him.”

“Still not getting you.”

“Like, uh, the… thing I said. How… views change. You had that most with Clint, right?”

“Sorta,” Ryan said. “Clint was always… sorta always an ass, yeah, but now I can only think of that given what he did in the game. The fact that he killed people rather than, like, forcing me to do his homework or something.”

“So it was, like, more with Maria or something?”

“Hey, I thought I was the interviewer here.”

Stephanie giggled.

“The tables have turned,” she said. “I’m the new runner of this website.”

“Oh no!” Ryan exclaimed, chuckling. “However will I earn my living now?”

“Eh, you can have it back. I, um… wasn’t ever really good at speaking assessments.”

“Me neither.”

“That gives us another similarity,” Stephanie said.

“Us nerdy types do pretty good, huh?”

“I guess,” she said. “I saw that, um… analysis podcast by the way. What certain casting archetypes tend to do and how they rank against each other, and stuff.”

“Oh, hey!” Ryan said, sitting up slightly. “You got to see that?”

“Yeah. I, um… haven’t really been able to check much of your stuff out since I got home but I checked that out, at the very least.”

Ryan chuckled. Smiled.

“Well, as much as I’d like to talk to you further about my stuff, you’ve just led me to my next question.”

“Your… next question?” Stephanie asked, a confused expression on her face.

“Well, I mean, I asked you how you were doing and that got a conversation out and now I’m asking my next question,” Ryan replied. “Seriously. This is what I do. I thought you were a fan, Stephanie.

“I am!” Stephanie said, pretending to pout. “I’m just more used to all the interviews where people are like, ‘ok this is your question, okay here is your next question,’ is all.”

“Yeah, that’s not how I do things. Still, we can make this like your previous interview patterns.”

“Just like how I’m returning to the patterns of my old life?” Stephanie asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Basically.”

“Well, uh…” Stephanie said, scratching her head slightly. “Well, uh, long story short it's been sorta weird? I, uh, dunno where to start on this.”

“Well, take us back to the beginning. What were you thinking the moment you stepped back through the door of your home?”

There was a brief pause as Stephanie formulated her answer, leaning in closer to the camera as she did so.

“It’s…” she said, scratching her head slightly, “weird. Honestly, at first it felt like I was going to another interview. I’d been, like, so used to sleeping in the arena or in a hotel room that when I came back it felt like…”

“Somewhere different?”

“Yeah! Like, someone else's house instead of mine. I got used to it in time, but, like...”

“Like…”

“I don’t know, I guess I, um…” She paused. “I guess I adjusted. I could go back to doing what I did before, like, reading, playing games, pretending that I was studying for my SATs.”

She paused. Laughed.

“Well I mean, I was planning on doing that last one until this college in Maine contacted me and said they wanted to give me a scholarship,” she said. “So, um, there went that plan.”

“Heyyy, wait, you got one?” Ryan asked, chuckling. “That’s not fair, I had to get into college the hard way!”

“I guess I just have more star power,” Stephanie said, before sighing. “But, like, I guess that’s good. It means I can just spend more time, like, playing games or something.”

“Does that help?”

“Yeah,” she said, looking away for a brief moment. “I guess it does. Like, it allows me to… pass time. Forget the world. Think of other things.”

She paused.

“It’s just, like, I want to try and put it behind me. I want to try to forget about it, so…”

“You’re distracting yourself?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah. I’m trying to, at the very least. I’m… yeah. Does that…?”

“Yeah, that’s good enough,” Ryan said. “I’ll just move along to the next question, if that’s okay with you.”

“Yeah,” Stephanie said, breathing out. “That’ll work. Mind if I go, like, get some water though?”

“That’s fine with me. We’ll have to pause the stream for a bit, though.”

“That works. Uh,” Stephanie said, standing up, “I’ll be right back?”

“Right. We’ll be right back, everyone!”

---

“Okay, so now that those are done, we can do what we’re pretty sure you’ve all been waiting for,” Ryan said. “Viewer questions!”

“Oh boy,” Stephanie replied. “This’ll be fun.”

“Hey, at least it’ll probably be better than the questions you’ve had to answer like, a million times before.”

“I mean, like,” Stephanie said, pausing, “at least those questions were… sensible? Structured? Safe?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m still not over your interview last season where one of the questions was about his virginity.”

“Hey, he didn't mind.”

“Well I would.”

“Alright, I’ll try not to go for any curve balls then. Let’s see…” Ryan moved the hand on his mouse, stared into the computer screen for a brief moment. “Okay, we’ve got a question from contributor EagleClaw, who asks…” Ryan said, leaning back into his default position, “did you regret leaving Alex when you saw what became of him? Looking back now, would you do the same thing?”

Stephanie's body seized. Froze up. She was sitting up straight, and for a moment she didn't even breathe.

“Bad question?” Ryan asked.

“No, it’s…” Stephanie paused, her body slumping down again. “Sorry, just didn’t expect a question like that first up.”

“Want me to do a different one?”

“No, it’s fine, it’s just…” She paused. Sighed. “Yeah. I… sorta regret losing it at him. Leaving him when I did. I dunno. I guess if I could have found him a moment earlier, helped him for a while longer…”

She paused. Looked away from the camera for a moment.

“I dunno. I can’t say I’d do anything different because doing that put me here and doing that left me alive at the very end, but…”

She paused again.

“I dunno. It’s too hard to say. I don’t think I would have any regrets now if I was able to tell him I didn’t blame him for anything, but… if I did that and then I was in this interview would I still feel the same way? Would I have some sort of new regret in that universe?”

One more pause.

“I dunno. It’s a hard question.”

“You answered pretty well!” Ryan said. “Pretty sure Eagle will be happy with that answer. Wanna move on?”

“Yeah, I think that’ll be for the best.”

“Right, lemme find an easier question this time…” Ryan said, looking closer at the screen again. “Okay, here’s something. Contributor Locust Nights asks: ‘How do you feel about pirates now?’”

Stephanie laughs. Lets her head slump down onto the desk, slightly. “Really?”

“That’s the question.”

“Well, uh. Sorta, I guess,” Stephanie said, trying to stop laughing. “Alex was always more into pirates than I was but, uh, I was still sorta into it as well. I’m planning on catching back up on One Piece soon.”

“Wait, that’s still going?”

“Yep,” Stephanie replied, smiling. “Apparently they finally got off Dressrosa, so that’s, um, enough cause for excitement I guess.”

“I’m guessing you can’t wait?”

“Eh, I can,” she said, chuckling slightly. “It’s just, uh, that I’m not planning on doing it straight away. Waiting until I, um, get more excited or something to do it. Next question?”

“You done with that one?”

“I, uh, guess so.”

“Right. We’ll move on… Okay, here’s a question from contributor Ms. Piggy: ‘Have you watched the season? If yes, are there any things your perspective changed on? Anything you wish you'd known? If no, do you ever plan to?’”

Stephanie sighed at that. Looked into the camera for a brief moment.

“I, um, haven’t, aside from the stuff on the highlight reels. I’m, uh, not sure if I’m ever gonna actually do it. Maybe I’ll check, see what… some people did during the game...”

She paused.

“Sorry, I’m, um… not really good at this, am I?”

“You’re doing great!” Ryan said. “Wanna do another question?”

“Yeah, sure,” she said. “Let’s, like, speed round this.”

“Alright, next question…” Ryan said, looking into the screen once again. “Contributor SlaughterShrew asks: ‘How did each of your kills differ for you?’”

A pause. Stephanie was silent, pulling on her hair for a second.

“Too personal?” Ryan asked.

“No, no, it’s fine, it’s just…” she replied, briefly trailing off. “It’s a thing of, like… choice? I dunno it’s, like…”

She paused.

“It’s like every time I did it I felt like I had less choice regarding it. Like, with Gary. Right then I had a choice, kill him or leave him alone, y’know? He wanted me to but, like, I could have said no. I could have told him to do it himself.”

Another pause.

“Honestly, if he didn’t see me as a friend, if he didn’t want someone he cared about in particular to do it, I wouldn’t have. I… would have just let him alone. Let someone like Stephen or Amy kill him.”

“So that one was your choice?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah. To be honest, Izzy—Isabella was too. I could have chosen not to do it but…”

“You wanted to?”

“Yeah. I did. It was… for revenge, basically.” She tried to smile, but it was strained. Forced. “I wanted to kill her. She… probably wanted to kill me too. Even though it was my choice, I still felt like I didn’t have one. Like... revenge. Self-defense. Me feeling as if I had to do it. Feeling as if I couldn’t just leave her alone. Like...”

She paused. Looked as if she was going to say something. Sighed.

“I think, um, Amy was pretty self-explanatory. She would have killed me if I didn’t do it first, so, um…”

“Clearly you’re just an awful person for killing Amy,” Ryan said. “Like, self defense? What is this, 2013?”

“I know, right?” Stephanie said, giggling. “I should have just, like, stayed in that chair and let Amy, like, Jefferson me or something.”

“You know what you’ve goddamn done, right?” Ryan squawked, his voice going up higher in pitch in an attempt to be feminine. “You jackasses are always the same, sitting around and doing nothing while people die on TV.”

“I mean, I was a fan of the show before I got put on?”

“Whhhhaaaaaaaaattttttttttt?” Ryan said, still attempting to stick to his imitation. “You would fucking dare do that? You would fucking dare be like all the other fucking gore-mongers? God, you’re literally fucking worse than Satan, you little shit.”

“I mean...” Stephanie sayid, her hands clutching her stomach. “I would…”

She burst out laughing. Didn’t stop for a short while.

“Man, that’s,” she said, pausing between breaths. “That’s not even close to what Amy sounded like.”

“I try. I try,” Ryan said, dropping down into his normal voice.

“We should,” Stephanie said before bursting out into laughter, “um... probably move onto the next question.”

“Alright, I’ll, um…” Ryan said, staring blankly at Stephanie’s laughing fit. “I’ll find something while you die over there. Hang on a moment.”

There was a moment’s pause as Stephanie’s laughter slowly subsided. Ryan looked further into the screen and clicked his mouse a couple of times.

“Okay. Got one. Contributor forwardash asks: ‘That blunderbuss looked kind of difficult to handle. Can you talk about the weaponry a bit?’”

“So, like, um…” Stephanie said. “What it was like to hold? How heavy it was?”

“Yeah,” Ryan replied. “Something like that, I’m guessing. What each of your weapons like?”

“Well, um… Yeah. It was weird having them. Heavy. The, um… vest I had on me was super hard to wear at first. Made things like my bag just, like, weigh me down. Made it nearly impossible to walk around. I, um… got used to it, though. To be honest I forgot I was even wearing it near the end.”

“It came in handy!”

“Yeah. I got, um, super confused why I was alive, though. When she shot me.”

“Hey, it paid off.”

“Yeah, I guess I can’t complain about that,” Stephanie said, laughing nervously. “The, um, blunderbuss though…”

“It has a pretty fitting name!”

“Yeah, it was seriously a, uh… blunderbuss, if you know what I mean. Like, it worked when it hit, but, like...”

“That only ever happened once?”

“Yeah,” Stephanie said, giggling. “Felt like I was being, like, shoved in the chest whenever I pulled the trigger. Meant I kept firing wild.”

“So that was why you used the knife at the end?”

“Yeah. It wouldn’t have packed as much of a punch, but, like…”

She paused.

“I knew if I didn’t get a hit in she would have killed me. Getting that hit in was… probably the most important thing for me.”

“And, hey, you got two.”

“Yeah, I did.”

Slight pause.

“So, um… next question?” Stephanie asked.

“Alright. Next question, from contributor Backflip: ‘What advice would you give to future contestants?’”

A brief pause. Stephanie moved her hand through her hair.

“I’m not sure if there’s anything I can give, really. Like, every game is different. No way you can tell where you’re gonna be or what you’re gonna have or who you’re gonna be with. Even though I won I can’t say I was really a master of the game or anything like that. I just… honestly, sometimes I feel that I floundered my way through, y’know?”

“Yeah, I can get that.”

“Like, I’m not like you? You always felt like you knew what you were doing.”

“I mean, we’re different people,” Ryan replied. “We saw the game two different ways.”

“Yeah, I guess, um…” Stephanie said, pausing. “I guess the thing I’d say is, like... try to play the game how you play your real life. Know who you are. Know what you can do. Know what you need to do. You’re going to have to compromise yourself at some point, you’re probably going to have to do bad things, so, um…

“Know that you can do that. Know that you’re capable of doing it when you need to.”

She paused. Smiled almost sheepishly.

“Was that a good answer?” She asked.

“You keep asking that.”

“Hey, apparently people wanted me. I just wanna know whether I’m doing a good job or not.”

“Yeah. You are,” Ryan said, giving a smirk over the camera. “Don’t worry about it.”

---

“So as much as I—and I believe all those watching—have been enjoying this interview, sadly we’re running out of time.”

“Oh no!” Stephanie exclaimed, raising her eyebrows slightly.

“I mean, that’s probably for the best for you,” Ryan said. “Like, every other question has reignited some new and horrific trauma.”

“I mean, I was still having fun,” Stephanie said.

“Still. Probably better for your long term health,” Ryan replied. “It gets better, by the way.”

“It does?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said, sitting himself up in his chair. “Not… totally, but eventually you’ll be able to put things behind you. Dunno how long it’ll take, but… yeah. You’ll make it though.”

“How long did it take for you?” Stephanie asked.

“Iunno. Couple years? Don’t really know the specifics, but I was probably quicker to adjust than some of the other winners, so I’m probably not a good metric. Besides, I’m supposed to be the one asking the questions.”

“Oh no. You caught me trying to take over your show again,” Stephanie said, laughing as she puts her hands up in the air. “But anyway, I’m guessing you’ve got some final questions?”

“Yeah. Two, in fact. First up: whatcha gonna do from here on out?”

There was a brief pause following that. Then:

“Sorry, um. That’s sort of a hard question, so…”

“Take your time!”

“Well, um… I guess I’ll just try to live my life? Maybe I’ll do some travel, but…”

A pause.

“Sorry, it’s just… I wanna go, like, travel the world. See the sights. I’ve always wanted to go see places like Spain and Rome and Italy and Greece and I guess now that I’ve got all the money from all the interviews and sponsorships I can?”

“I mean, there’s nothing stopping you.”

“There isn’t, it’s just, like. School. College and stuff. I wanna still be able to, like, have a job, do things, live a normal life, it's just…”

She paused. Breathed. Continued.

“I dunno. I was the one who lived when everyone else died, so I should do something with the life I got back, right? Like, follow my dreams. Travel the world. Have there be a point to me being the fittest. Make sure the others didn’t die for nothing.”

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Ryan replied. “It’s your life. You do what you want with it. People are gonna support you, so…”

“Really?”

“I would,” Ryan said. “Pretty sure some of the people watching would. Definitely sure some of the other people in the winners’ club would.”

Stephanie beamed. Didn’t respond for a bit.

“You don’t know how much that, um, means to me.”

“Hey, no sweat. You went through the same thing I did. Least I could do is give you what I was looking for back then.”

“I, um…”

Stephanie blushed, showing nearly all of her teeth as she grinned. For a moment, the video descended into silence.

“I know, I know,” Ryan said, breaking it. “I drive all the ladies speechless, let me tell you.”

Stephanie laughed. Brought her hand over her mouth.

“I’m serious. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. Wanna move on?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Stephanie said, the smile remaining on her face. “Last question, right?”

“Yeah,” Ryan replied. “Last question. Since we’re closing this out, and since Season Forty-Two is probably around the corner, it seems that you’re gonna be taking a step towards the backseat, right?”

“I mean, I guess,” Stephanie said. “Don’t the winners do, like, promotional stuff for the next season?”

“Yeah, they do. I’m just figuring that, like, if they wanna find you, if they wanna see you when you’re not doing ads, where can our followers find you?”

“So, like, social media stuff?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Stephanie said, pausing. “My twitter is, um… StephHill41. I’m verified, so look for the tick next to my name. I’ll post thoughts on stuff like school, the SAT, and maybe some stuff on the upcoming season? I dunno. Might also do some streams if I’m bored. I don’t have instagram, but on snapchat I’m the same name. I’ll probably be denying, like, every friend request on there from now on but if you wanna see my stories feel free to follow me, however you do that.”

“Would you be down for future interviews, by the way?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah. Totally.”

“Awesome,” he said. “That’s all we have time for now, though, folks. Let’s give a lovely exit to the wonderful Stephanie Cahill!”

Applause from Ryan filled the room as the camera cut to Stephanie, doing a bow in her seat.

“Just remember that if you wanna follow the show don’t forget to subscribe to us on YouTube, Itunes, or from our website, ryanhasawebsite.com. If you wanna support the show, there’s a Patreon link on our site and in the description of this video, or you can visit the store on our website and get some sweet, sweet loot and exclusive podcasts. If you wanna know what we on the show are up to, follow ryanbutler on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat. Of course, if you wanna see more, don’t forget to tune in to the next episode of Ryan! Has! A Podcast! Goodnight, everybody, and have a good one!”

Applause could be heard from Stephanie as the two videos faded out, to be replaced by a logo and the audio transitioning to a more jazzy rendition of the song heard before. The screen stayed like this for a minute before turning off, the video and audio cutting to a black, silent screen as the interview ended.