SOTF Mini

She couldn’t help but notice that Amy hadn’t, exactly, answered her question.

It wasn’t like she’d danced around it or intentionally tried to evade it or anything like that. It was more that she’d been laser focused on one thing and one thing only; what exactly had happened with Seo-yun? Which… really, it made sense. It hurt to even think it, and threatened to set her mind swirling again, but Seo-yun, her friend, Amy’s friend, was the biggest threat to their safety out here. She had killed people. Lots of people. She had done bad, horrible things, she’d said as much herself, and she probably wouldn’t stop until… until she was made to stop, one way or another. It was only natural for Amy to be worrying about what had happened after she’d left them alone with the number one killer.

Besides, it had been a bit of a silly question, hadn’t it? None of them were doing okay, even the ones who were trying to hide it. Amy wasn’t the most emotionally expressive person in the universe, but there was still a notable change in her posture and her gait from their time together at school, a strain in her voice, things she had noticed but chosen not to register the last time they’d met, in the face of her overwhelming veil of denial.

“It’s okay,” Bethan replied, smiling at Amy once more. “It was a real scary situation, I bet! Besides, I… I kinda messed up myself, once you’d left. There was, um… well, I guess you could say there was a bit of a mutiny. Right, captain?”

She glanced at Kaya, letting out a soft little chuckle, feeling herself relaxing a little more in the presence of her friends. She was beginning to surround herself with this act once again; as a costume, this time, not a cage.

“Oh, but! We’re all back together now, and everything’s okay, no harm done! Well, uh, I guess aside from this-”

She glanced down, and nodded at the bandages surrounding her stomach.

“-But it’s really not as bad as it looks, I just nicked myself a little, and, oh, I’m really glad to see you again, Amy! And that you’re still safe! You might not be a Buccaneer, but you’re still a trusted ally of the crew.”

She glanced back at Kaya once again, offering her smile to her now.

“Right, cap’n?”

Kaya shrugged at Amy.

"No worries. We got kinda lucky, honestly." Kaya slowly walked past Bethan to stand beside her, resting an affectionate hand on Bethan's right shoulder. "She was pretty badly hurt, and she, well, used to be friends with Bethan. I think she just wasn't up to picking a fight two-on-one, y'know?"

She smiled at Bethan. "Anyway yeah, we're all good now. Had to work some stuff out, but we're hangin' in there given the situation."

Adjusting the collar of her coat, Kaya nodded to Amy. "And yeah, you're cool with us as far as I'm concerned."

Amy didn’t know how to respond to any of this.

She wished she could just accept the friendly atmosphere, maybe group up, achieve safety in numbers, but this was SOTF-TV, and they were on the enemy team. If the numbers had come down differently, put her on their team instead, it might have worked out. It’s not like team ups with the antagonists never happened in the movies either, like when Bond and May Day worked together to survive Zorin betraying the latter. That was only because May Day would’ve died otherwise though; a team up here wouldn’t save any of their lives. It would just make it harder later, or make her more vulnerable.

The bandages on Bethan’s stomach looked uncomfortable. Amy’s own belly tensed in sympathy as she moved her free hand over it, gun still glued to the other, as she wondered how that happened. It obviously was more than just a nick. Seo’s handiwork? Someone else’s? She had no way of knowing for sure, but Bethan didn’t want to tell her, because she was still putting on this stupid pirate act. It was actually quite grating, after everything that had happened.

The two trusted her, regardless. She was an 'ally of the crew'. What a nice thought.

Amy continued to stand there, looking at them with her stoneface expression, saying nothing as she processed the situation. She had had allies before, with RJ and Luciano, but they had never worked out, and it was because of her own actions. After being alone for what felt like so long, and leaving people at the drop of a hat, she was having trouble keeping track of whether she wanted allies or not any more. Ultimately, she just wanted to stay alive.

It didn’t matter, anyway. Bethan and Kaya weren’t allies. They were Buccaneers, she was a Leviathan. They would have to die if she wanted to live. She didn’t like it, but that was the world they were living in now.

It didn’t matter how much seeing people actually smiling at her, offering her kindness and warmth made her want to fall to her knees and start crying. This was SOTF-TV.

“Thanks.”

Bethan wasn’t really sure what to do here.

She knew what she wanted to do, and that was to try and make Amy feel safe and welcome and, if only for a few short minutes, make her feel better about whatever tragedy it was that had befallen her. She had lost somebody important, no doubt, cause they had all lost friends and loved ones over the awful last few days. And it hurt, and it never stopped hurting, and Bethan was certain that it would continue to hurt for as long as she lived, and there was nothing she could do to stop it, and so she knew that trying to do the same for Amy would be a Sisyphean task.

But there was still… there were still reasons to smile, she thought. There were still people who cared about her, both here on the flotilla and at home, waiting for her. Even if they never saw each other again, or rather, especially because they might never see each other again, wasn’t it worth cherishing what could be their last meeting together? There was still hope. They didn’t have much, but they would always have that.

Even with Kaya’s encouraging hand on her shoulder, though, she couldn’t find a way to actually share that hope. Amy just seemed so, so lost, barely responding to anything they were saying, looking more like a ghost than a human right now; a sensation Bethan was all too painfully familiar with. She couldn’t imagine, though, what her friend must have gone through to be reacting like this; there were far too many possibilities that were all far too horrible to speculate on. And she also couldn’t imagine that attempting to pry further would do anything to raise Amy’s spirits right now.

Hmm. ‘Right now’ was the key term there. Maybe she did have an inkling of an idea after all.

“Hey, uh… I’m sorry, Amy.”

Her smile turned sympathetic, and she fiddled with the zipper on her hoody for a moment before continuing.

“I can tell you’re not, um, doing so great right now, so, uh… do you wanna… join our crew? Just for a bit, or rather, uh, for as long as you want, or need, y’know! We’d be really happy to have you on board, The Buccaneers would never turn down a sailor in need, and, well, we both trust you a bunch!”

She looked up at Kaya, smiling earnestly at her. She’d already thought it, but there were way too many potential reasons why Amy was looking so cast away to speculate on. Maybe words and a shoulder to cry on wouldn’t do the trick right now, but maybe in the future they would. Maybe they just needed to prove that this friendship - this trust - wouldn’t disappear any time soon.

Kaya turned to look over her shoulder while the other two spoke, her bag still set on the ground where she'd been sitting. Then, she looked back, looking past Amy and into the doorway the other girl stood in.

She frowned a little as Bethan offered Amy stay with them, turning her head a little away from Bethan. "If you want, you can just hang out with us for a bit. Here seems like a pretty good place to hang out for a bit, since you've got a good view of the entrances and all."

Kaya shrugged. "Up to you, really. If you wanna do your own thing, I getcha."

Yes. More than anything, she wanted to say Yes.

But this was SOTF-TV. They were Buccaneers, she was a Leviathan. They weren’t on the same team, and she couldn’t trust them. She wished it wasn’t the case, but that was the world they lived in now.

“No, thanks.” she replied, her lip quivering ever so slightly. She inhaled to steady herself.

In through the nose, down to fill out the lungs, then out through the mouth. Visualise the flow of air.

“Oh.”

Her smile faltered and her lip wobbled for a fraction of a second. She couldn’t help it; it had never been in her nature to hide how she was feeling or muffle her emotions. She wasn’t an actress. She wore her heart on her sleeve, and she wanted so very dearly to spend a little more time with Amy, to try and help her out the best she could, to make the most of what could be the very last time they ever saw each other again. She wanted, so badly, to make up for mistakes made. She wanted to do her very, very best.

But she had also known, and in fact almost expected, that this might have been the outcome, no matter what she did or said here. The whole ‘running off and trying to deal with everything by herself’ hadn’t worked out for her, but maybe it was exactly the medicine that Amy required right now. Or, hey, maybe it wouldn’t work out for her either, and they’d end up running into each other once again after all! She could always hope!

She wouldn’t force things, though. She knew just how awful this situation was, how impossible it was to fully comprehend and deal with. Amy wanted space. So Bethan would give it to her. That was what a true Buccaneer would do.

“Oh, no, it’s okay!” Bethan hastily added, not wanting her words to end on such a disappointed sounding note. “It’s okay. I promise. I understand, I really do. Um…”

She glanced over at Kaya, following her line of vision towards the bag slumped against the wall a few feet away, before looking back at her partner.

“We should probably, um, head off somewhere, then, right? Or at least, buckle down the fort, and make sure everything’s shipshape and unboardable.”

She started to turn, before she paused, and looked back over her shoulder.

“I’m… I’ll… Bye, Amy. I’m really glad… really glad I got to see you again, and to see you safe.”

She didn’t say anything more. She didn’t want to go making promises, or even hypotheticals, that she knew neither of them would be guaranteed to keep.

Bethan turned, and started walking away.

Kaya nodded.

"Yeah, no hard feelings. Kind of a rough spot, and all. Good luck, though." She smiled weakly at Amy. Turning to Bethan, she nodded. "Yeah, we should head out too I think. Hang on, lemme grab my things."

Kaya turned back towards the wall she'd been resting at and walked over towards it, glancing briefly over her shoulder at Amy on the way.

As she crouched down to pick her bag up, there was a gunshot.

She had to do it. This was SOTF-TV. They were Buccaneers, she was a Leviathan.

She had to.

((Amy Barrows-Shaw continued in Did you ever see a scorpion with sunstroke sting itself to death? Well I have.))

The gunshot rattled her ears, and a sudden burst of pain lanced through her body, but for a moment, Bethan’s mind refused to put two and two together.

After all, there wasn’t anybody here who could have - who would have - shot her, was there? There weren’t many areas left that hadn’t been hit with the Danger Zone tag; the cruise ship was probably jam-packed with her classmates right now. The gunshot had probably just… just been from a fight going on nearby, someone aiming at somebody else entirely; even more reason for her and Kaya to get out of here as quick as they could. And the stab of pain, that was, that was just the slice in her stomach flaring up out of the blue, probably because of the rough bandaging job she’d done, she’d get Kaya to have a look at it when they had moved out.

But the pain didn’t stop. There was a fire crawling across her back, spreading over her body, making her pulse race and her breath catch in her throat and her legs feel like they were encased in cement. Her hand, or maybe someone else’s hand for how little it felt like it was attached to her body, instinctively flew to her back, pressing against the centre of the flames, coming away with blood coating her palm.

So, so maybe there was still someone else here who had snuck up on them and was hiding and had just waited for the opportune moment to take a shot, and so it was even more important that she yelled something, that she made sure Kaya and Amy were safe, that… that…

“Guh… a-ah…”

She knew. She knew what had happened. She knew there wasn’t any other plausible possibility, she knew the truth, she knew it all. She had just escaped from a pit of denial, she wasn’t about to fling herself back into it. She knew that Amy had shot her. There wasn’t anything else that could have happened.

She just didn’t know why.

“Kuh… Kaya?”

Bethan managed a single step forwards, before her legs gave way underneath her, and she crumpled to her knees.

Kaya whipped around.

She fumbled at the edge of her coat as she watched Amy run away.

The gun didn't appear until after Amy was gone and Bethan fell to her knees. It dropped to the ground.

Kaya's eyes were wide, her face draining of color and warmth as she ran back the short few steps to Bethan.

Kaya stopped and glanced over her shoulder at her bag. She looked down at the blood running down Bethan's back like a river. She staggered, dropping to one knee in front of her.

Kaya reached out slowly and silently and gently put a hand to Bethan's cheek.

"I..." she didn't continue. Her eyes glossed over.

And Bethan knew, too, what was going to happen now.

She knew from the pain that had soaked her lower back, from the numbness in her legs that was spreading to her arms, from how each breath suddenly felt like it was using up all the energy in her body. She knew from the look in Kaya’s eyes, from the hand on her cheek that she could just about feel, from her lack of movement when she looked back at her bags.

But she had to ask. She had to ask anyway. Just to make sure, just to see if there was any lingering hope left.

She needed to hear it, straight from Kaya’s lips.

“Kaya… Kaya, I… It hurts, it, I don’t… don’t wanna…”

She bit the inside of her lip hard enough to draw blood, copper mixing with saltwater. She couldn’t remember when she’d started crying. She could barely even feel the tears as they slid down her face. She swayed and collapsed forwards, into Kaya’s arms, hands weakly grabbing at her coat.

“Kaya, I’m… I’m not gonna make it… am I?”

She lifted her head, looking into Kaya’s eyes once again.

“Please… tell me, and… and tell the truth…”

Kaya opened her mouth.

She breathed in and out.

She closed her mouth.

She held Bethan tightly to her.

She put her hands on Bethan's.

She closed her eyes.

She breathed in.

She breathed out.

She breathed in.

She breathed out.

Salt water dripped onto her coat, an inch from Bethan's fingers.

She opened her eyes.

She looked into Bethan's eyes.

She breathed in.

She breathed out.

She opened her mouth.

She breathed in.

She breathed out.

She closed her mouth.



...



Finally, she shook her head.

And there, finally, awfully, was the confirmation.

The last vestiges of strength left Bethan’s body, and her head fell forwards, resting against Kaya’s shoulder. Her eyes closed. Her slow breath, and her still body, both belied the terror that gripped what remained of her consciousness.

She was slowing. She was stopping. She was becoming everything she was terrified of being. She knew that this could always have happened, that it was always the most likely outcome, Seo-Yun had told her and Kaya had told her and she had told herself, she knew. It had taken her all this time, but she knew. She knew, and it didn’t matter for a moment.

You could make your peace with the truth all you wanted. It didn’t prevent it from being terrifying.

She wanted to be brave. She wanted, so badly, to be a Buccaneer, right to the end. She opened her mouth. She tried her hardest, even though she could barely hear her own voice, even though each word felt like it was made of mist, vanishing into the air.

“One… one final voyage… right Captain?”

It didn’t sound like a Buccaneer. It didn’t sound like Bethan either. She had the words, but not the soul. The shell of herself, but not the person. She had done all she could. There wasn’t anything more she could do but let it all be over.

So she did just that. And a few minutes later, all that remained of Bethan Gayle drifted away, lost on the ocean breeze.

"S..."

Kya swallowed. She smiled.

"Safe travels, First Mate."

Time passed.

Kaya wept for a while, cradling Bethan's body, her head bowed, eyes squeezed shut, sniffling and sobbing and gasping.

Eventually, she gently set the now cooling form of Bethan's body down. Slowly, shakily, she rose to her feet. She opened her coat and produced her rifle, then knelt to set it on the ground.

She turned around and walked over to her bag, and slowly picked it up. She slung it over her shoulder and turned around once more. She stopped.

"I'm sorry," she said aloud, gazing out to the sea.

Some time passed. She did some more things. Took care of some business.

Kaya left.

Gun in hand.

((Kaya Robinson continued in Stars and Suns))

It was silent for a while.

Bethan's body had been moved from where she died. Far from the corpses on the deck, she had been carefully placed, hands folded on her chest, underneath a small, solid bench at the top floor, out of the sun and the wind and the rain.

She looked almost normal from the front. Under her wound was a wad of now-bloody shirts, leaving the wood around her pristine.

The cutlass was gone, as was the Zip 22. The last of Bethan's water had been taken as well, and what was left of her bag had been set atop the bench.

At the head of bench that concealed her body, standing upright with its bladed tip lodged in the ground like a pillar, was Bethan's pike.

A piece of cloth was tied at the top of the pole, tied at one end by a tight knot.

There, blowing gently in that ocean breeze like a flag, was Bethan's Buccaneer bandana.