If only the gunfire had arrived sooner.
Mandy's humming was not enough to drown out the voices, and it certainly wasn't enough to stop her from understanding the words. She took in their meaning as Seo-yun's tone changed, as she spoke and asserted that she'd never cared about anything, that she'd been faking the whole time. It was the sort of speech Mandy wouldn't have been surprised to hear directed at her friend, but coming from her? It felt wrong. She wanted to shout out a refutation, to give the same sort of vote of confidence that Seo-yun had offered her back when they were dealing with Kamille.
Because what she was saying was wrong, wasn't it? It had to be. Seo-yun could've killed Mandy over and over if she'd wanted to. Back at the start, she could've done the same thing she had to Leo. One quick smack to the back of the head with the skillet, and that would've been that. Or later, during any of the fights where Mandy was more or less unarmed and Seo-yun had the gun. When they were resting. It had to be something else. She was lying to give Lark a little victory to cling to as she died, or something like that. It was mercy, somehow. Right? It had to be. Seo-yun could shoot Mandy right now, otherwise, after Lark was dispatched.
Mandy's heart and breathing were going just a little faster at that thought, actually. But before she could worry too much about that, Lark broke and ran for it, and the shotgun roared, and the girl stumbled her way further down the hall trailing blood. Mandy waited for the second blast, either to finish Lark or turned in her direction, but neither manifested. Everything sputtered out with a whimper.
So Mandy had been right. Hadn't she?
Slowly, she made her way down the staircase, step by crimson step, until she was standing beside Seo-yun. The blood spatters could just be water in this lighting, or paint. She didn't want to see where Lark had ended up. She didn't want to think about those lonely lunchtimes, about people who had only pretended to like her and finding refuge from that with someone who truly didn't mind her presence.
"...are you okay?" she asked, raising her hand towards Seo-yun's shoulder.
...and so we destroyed everything
We burned like fevers under carriage hats, hid behind Venetian masks... (Private)
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MurderWeasel
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 491
- Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:41 am
The ringing in her ears grew ever louder. The acrid smell of sulfur and blood hung in the air like a malignant haze.
Seo-yun didn't say a word as she watched Lark drag herself along the floor. It served her right, after everything she had just done. Seo-yun had allowed her to live far longer than she should have, so it was only fair for her to die nice and slowly. Everything else started to fade away, her mind so fixated on the carnage. It didn't actually feel good watching Lark squirm, it just made the itch worse. Yet, she faced it head-on anyway, acknowledging the full depth of her own cruelty, unwilling to shake herself from it.
It was only when Lark disappeared from view that Seo-yun found the presence of mind to look away from the violence she had just committed. Still, she remained distant, trapped inside the recesses of her own mind. It took Mandy finally saying something to pull her back to the present moment.
"I-"
Right, she was in the ghost ship with Mandy. She had just shot Lark in the back and watched her bleed out. Before that, she had just told her that-
Wait.
She hadn't actually admitted that she was a lying snake in front of the whole world, right? That was just something she had imagined herself doing, right? Like one of those post-argument shower thoughts about what would really have put the other person down?
Except, no. That... had happened. She had really done that. She had-
Her blood ran cold as the full weight of what she had just done came crashing down upon her.
Oh no no no. Everyone was going to hate her. There was no way they would let her live something like that down. What, was she going to come out of here and have to do one of those insincere apology videos? Talk about she didn't really mean it when she meant every word? How could she have been so stupid? Just because she had decided to live for herself didn't mean that she had to go and let it all out like that. There was a difference between being honest and airing your dirty laundry for all the world to see. And for what? Because she was angry? Because Lark pinched a nerve?
If only she had decided to think for one fucking moment.
"I need," her voice broke, her breathing starting to pick up in pace, "I need to be alone right now. Just, let me..."
Seo-yun shoved past Mandy and threw herself into of the doors to the side rooms, slamming it shut behind her and pressing her back against it. She kept gasping for air, desperate for oxygen yet not actually lacking for it in the slightest. Her nails dug into the fabric around her collar, her fingers pulling at the dress, physically trying to rip it off of her body. This vile amalgam of nylon and polyester represented everything wrong with her. Gaudy, flashy, but with no soul, worn solely to please someone else. She heaved, the muscles in her arms clenched hard, and she heard the fabric begin to tear. Shortly thereafter, it came right off, and she threw it hard on the ground. Cheap piece of shit.
The back of her head hit the door as her legs buckled, slowly sliding down its length, until she came to sit at its base, in nothing but her underwear and boots.
She had thought she didn't care what they thought of her, that she wanted to be free of them. Yet, she clearly didn't know what she actually wanted, because she did still care. She still wanted their love, and she certainly didn't want them to hate her. What was she going to do now that she had opened that can of worms? She had shown the world that she was just as ugly on the inside as Virginia had made her on the outside. What hope was there for her future now? There was no going back from here.
The tears started to flow again. She made no attempt to hide them, or the pathetic gasps and whimpers escaping her throat.
Seo-yun didn't say a word as she watched Lark drag herself along the floor. It served her right, after everything she had just done. Seo-yun had allowed her to live far longer than she should have, so it was only fair for her to die nice and slowly. Everything else started to fade away, her mind so fixated on the carnage. It didn't actually feel good watching Lark squirm, it just made the itch worse. Yet, she faced it head-on anyway, acknowledging the full depth of her own cruelty, unwilling to shake herself from it.
It was only when Lark disappeared from view that Seo-yun found the presence of mind to look away from the violence she had just committed. Still, she remained distant, trapped inside the recesses of her own mind. It took Mandy finally saying something to pull her back to the present moment.
"I-"
Right, she was in the ghost ship with Mandy. She had just shot Lark in the back and watched her bleed out. Before that, she had just told her that-
Wait.
She hadn't actually admitted that she was a lying snake in front of the whole world, right? That was just something she had imagined herself doing, right? Like one of those post-argument shower thoughts about what would really have put the other person down?
Except, no. That... had happened. She had really done that. She had-
Her blood ran cold as the full weight of what she had just done came crashing down upon her.
Oh no no no. Everyone was going to hate her. There was no way they would let her live something like that down. What, was she going to come out of here and have to do one of those insincere apology videos? Talk about she didn't really mean it when she meant every word? How could she have been so stupid? Just because she had decided to live for herself didn't mean that she had to go and let it all out like that. There was a difference between being honest and airing your dirty laundry for all the world to see. And for what? Because she was angry? Because Lark pinched a nerve?
If only she had decided to think for one fucking moment.
"I need," her voice broke, her breathing starting to pick up in pace, "I need to be alone right now. Just, let me..."
Seo-yun shoved past Mandy and threw herself into of the doors to the side rooms, slamming it shut behind her and pressing her back against it. She kept gasping for air, desperate for oxygen yet not actually lacking for it in the slightest. Her nails dug into the fabric around her collar, her fingers pulling at the dress, physically trying to rip it off of her body. This vile amalgam of nylon and polyester represented everything wrong with her. Gaudy, flashy, but with no soul, worn solely to please someone else. She heaved, the muscles in her arms clenched hard, and she heard the fabric begin to tear. Shortly thereafter, it came right off, and she threw it hard on the ground. Cheap piece of shit.
The back of her head hit the door as her legs buckled, slowly sliding down its length, until she came to sit at its base, in nothing but her underwear and boots.
She had thought she didn't care what they thought of her, that she wanted to be free of them. Yet, she clearly didn't know what she actually wanted, because she did still care. She still wanted their love, and she certainly didn't want them to hate her. What was she going to do now that she had opened that can of worms? She had shown the world that she was just as ugly on the inside as Virginia had made her on the outside. What hope was there for her future now? There was no going back from here.
The tears started to flow again. She made no attempt to hide them, or the pathetic gasps and whimpers escaping her throat.
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MurderWeasel
- Posts: 3442
- Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:56 am
- Team Affiliation: Jewel's Leviathans
Mandy stood around in the corridor for what felt like a long time. She looked back and forth between the door Seo-yun had disappeared into and the one Lark had vanished through. She didn't move towards either. Of the two girls, the former had requested space, and what could Mandy do but honor that? And the latter might still be in the process of passing, and that would be dangerous to interrupt and very uncomfortable besides.
So Mandy simply stood at the cusp of two different colors of light; the red of the stairwell gave way to a sickly, spectral green as the corridor wormed further into the ship. There were portholes here with fake rusty veneers, and little gouges in the hull that the wind could pass through, tickling her bare arms and producing a low, faint whistle. She wondered if that had been carefully built to work like it was. She wondered if she was going crazy and imagining it.
Enough time passed that Mandy's breathing and pulse normalized and even felt kind of slow. She examined the splatters of blood, the sticky droplet trail, and it didn't have as much emotional pull anymore. She studied the doors, and she listened in case Sarah would come back with a mob of other students out for blood, and when none of that happened after a while she got bored and went to retrieve the stuff from their little base of operations.
It felt sort of strange holding the revolver again. Mandy didn't really even know if she could use it. But she'd have to eventually, right? After all, what had this taught her if not that Seo-yun was right, that there was no room to hesitate or reconsider?
She looked back and forth between the doors again, this time from the other side of the passage, the weight of her belongings and some of Seo-yun's pressing down on her shoulders and arms. There was no sign of movement from either side. Lark was probably dead by now, right?
Mandy would've pulled at the legs of her pants again if her hands weren't full. She hoped Seo-yun hadn't come out and left while she was dealing with the things. She hoped her friend hadn't done something worse.
Where was the line between respecting somebody's wishes and being negligent?
Mandy crossed the hallway and stood before the door Seo-yun had passed through. She raised her fist, lowered it to tuck the gun awkwardly into her pants, raised it again, and still dithered. Was this the right choice?
Thirty seconds later, Mandy knocked softly.
"Seo-yun?" she called. "Are you feeling any better?"
So Mandy simply stood at the cusp of two different colors of light; the red of the stairwell gave way to a sickly, spectral green as the corridor wormed further into the ship. There were portholes here with fake rusty veneers, and little gouges in the hull that the wind could pass through, tickling her bare arms and producing a low, faint whistle. She wondered if that had been carefully built to work like it was. She wondered if she was going crazy and imagining it.
Enough time passed that Mandy's breathing and pulse normalized and even felt kind of slow. She examined the splatters of blood, the sticky droplet trail, and it didn't have as much emotional pull anymore. She studied the doors, and she listened in case Sarah would come back with a mob of other students out for blood, and when none of that happened after a while she got bored and went to retrieve the stuff from their little base of operations.
It felt sort of strange holding the revolver again. Mandy didn't really even know if she could use it. But she'd have to eventually, right? After all, what had this taught her if not that Seo-yun was right, that there was no room to hesitate or reconsider?
She looked back and forth between the doors again, this time from the other side of the passage, the weight of her belongings and some of Seo-yun's pressing down on her shoulders and arms. There was no sign of movement from either side. Lark was probably dead by now, right?
Mandy would've pulled at the legs of her pants again if her hands weren't full. She hoped Seo-yun hadn't come out and left while she was dealing with the things. She hoped her friend hadn't done something worse.
Where was the line between respecting somebody's wishes and being negligent?
Mandy crossed the hallway and stood before the door Seo-yun had passed through. She raised her fist, lowered it to tuck the gun awkwardly into her pants, raised it again, and still dithered. Was this the right choice?
Thirty seconds later, Mandy knocked softly.
"Seo-yun?" she called. "Are you feeling any better?"
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VoltTurtle
- Posts: 491
- Joined: Wed Sep 19, 2018 5:41 am
Seo-yun briefly froze up when the knock came and threw her out of her stupor, only to relax when she heard Mandy's voice.
Mandy was still here, even after what had just happened. Despite the fact that she knew that Seo-yun was a liar and a snake, she was still concerned about her. Why hadn't she just given up and left? She had every opportunity to do so, and it was the smart thing to do. How could she be this stupid? Was she going out of her way to somehow fail Seo-yun's already diminished expectations of her intelligence? Or was there something besides that?
Seo-yun almost wanted to interrogate her on why she still remained, why she was so concerned, why she would ever go out of her way to be nice to someone for seemingly no gain. What did she get out of continuing this charade long past the point of no return? What could possibly motivate her to maintain this beyond all sense?
Except Seo-yun didn't ask. Instead, she stood up.
"I'll be out in a moment, Mandy."
Best not to take what little she had left for granted. Maybe Seo-yun could ask later in a quieter moment if she really wanted to understand. For now, she needed to get dressed, get back in the clothes that she had picked out rather than the clothes the producers had. It took her a little while to get changed back into her usual outfit, but once she was done, she turned to face the door back to the outside world, placing her fingers on the handle.
There was no going back from here. She couldn't put the genie back in the bottle. The world might know who she really was, but maybe there was a sense of freedom in that. If she didn't have anything to hide, then she didn't have to worry about maintaining appearances. She could be who she wanted, do what she wanted, and she wouldn't have to let anyone else get in the way. Whatever it is that it was that she wanted.
Seo-yun took a deep breath and threw the door open, before giving Mandy a nod. Without a word, she began making her way out of the ghost ship. She had grown tired of this place, as she had many others before. Now was the time for moving on and moving forward. She had to keep her chin up, at least until this was all over. She had five kills to go until she was free, and had the rest of her life ahead of her. That was all that mattered, now.
((And she wouldn't let anything get in her way.))
Mandy was still here, even after what had just happened. Despite the fact that she knew that Seo-yun was a liar and a snake, she was still concerned about her. Why hadn't she just given up and left? She had every opportunity to do so, and it was the smart thing to do. How could she be this stupid? Was she going out of her way to somehow fail Seo-yun's already diminished expectations of her intelligence? Or was there something besides that?
Seo-yun almost wanted to interrogate her on why she still remained, why she was so concerned, why she would ever go out of her way to be nice to someone for seemingly no gain. What did she get out of continuing this charade long past the point of no return? What could possibly motivate her to maintain this beyond all sense?
Except Seo-yun didn't ask. Instead, she stood up.
"I'll be out in a moment, Mandy."
Best not to take what little she had left for granted. Maybe Seo-yun could ask later in a quieter moment if she really wanted to understand. For now, she needed to get dressed, get back in the clothes that she had picked out rather than the clothes the producers had. It took her a little while to get changed back into her usual outfit, but once she was done, she turned to face the door back to the outside world, placing her fingers on the handle.
There was no going back from here. She couldn't put the genie back in the bottle. The world might know who she really was, but maybe there was a sense of freedom in that. If she didn't have anything to hide, then she didn't have to worry about maintaining appearances. She could be who she wanted, do what she wanted, and she wouldn't have to let anyone else get in the way. Whatever it is that it was that she wanted.
Seo-yun took a deep breath and threw the door open, before giving Mandy a nod. Without a word, she began making her way out of the ghost ship. She had grown tired of this place, as she had many others before. Now was the time for moving on and moving forward. She had to keep her chin up, at least until this was all over. She had five kills to go until she was free, and had the rest of her life ahead of her. That was all that mattered, now.
((And she wouldn't let anything get in her way.))
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MurderWeasel
- Posts: 3442
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- Team Affiliation: Jewel's Leviathans
That wasn't an answer.
Mandy didn't say anything when Seo-yun reappeared. She kept as neutral an expression as she could, which probably wasn't very, but it didn't matter anyways because her friend sure seemed preoccupied. Was it hard to say why, or easy? Mandy couldn't say. She didn't quite understand what was happening, how the situation had evolved.
It felt like she'd been watching a video on her phone, and it had paused to buffer, and then all of a sudden it had snapped ahead and now she was lacking vital context. All she could do was review the evidence available and try to piece together the equation, identify the unknown variable.
Seo-yun had changed, not purely in some hypothetical metaphorical way but literally she'd put on different clothes, the showy and elegant costume now abandoned. She looked like she could be back at school, except for the loss of her ear.
She'd killed Lark, but Lark was the fifth person she'd killed, and as much as it was a singularly guilt-inspiring and horrible thing for Mandy—a thing way way less fun to think about even than what was wrong with Seo-yun—for the other girl it didn't seem like it'd have that much more impact than the others. Seo-yun had tried to kill Amy and Mary, both of whom must have meant more to her than Lark had seemed to. She hadn't succeeded, but was Lark somehow more important than Virginia or whoever? Probably not.
Then there was the content of the conversation with the now-dead girl. It was troubling for Mandy too, but also it wasn't quite true, right? Because here they were, walking out of the ship together, and Mandy hadn't been gunned down or discarded or even yelled at.
Most of the pieces of the puzzle seemed to be there, but turning them around and around did little to help with the assembly. Mandy had some trouble putting herself in Seo-yun's shoes, because the girl always seemed to be so together and controlled, and Mandy was basically never those things. Sometimes when she was mad or hurt or whatever, it felt like it kind of just happened, and then she had to deal with it until it changed again. As much as she liked the subject, she knew that she was not personally math. But Seo-yun could've been. It was a big part of why Mandy admired her.
The green light turned to red again, as Mandy shuffled along in Seo-yun's wake, once more climbing the staircase that had spelled the death of another friend (one who was probably, like, art class, or maybe theater). The night was cool and it felt like an escape to be out of the ghost ship's carnival caverns, no matter how much Mandy had been taken by them at the start.
She wanted to ask where they were going hunting next. She wanted to apologize to Seo-yun and say, whoops, you were right, we should've just shot Lark right away. She wanted to ask if it was time to change the bandages.
But Seo-yun didn't seem like she wanted to talk, and for once Mandy didn't push it. Just something about the atmosphere told her it wouldn't help.
Instead, she hummed quietly to herself, nothing notes at first but then a favorite scene of hers came to mind and she got on the tune and the words started to shift, and it felt almost perfect in its own strange way.
Oh how it hurts me to see you, Seo-yun, feeling so down in the dumps
Everyone here wants to be you, Seo-yun, you're not like those other chumps...
((Mandy Gross continued in If I ever acquire wisdom, I suppose I'll be wise enough to know what to do with it))
Mandy didn't say anything when Seo-yun reappeared. She kept as neutral an expression as she could, which probably wasn't very, but it didn't matter anyways because her friend sure seemed preoccupied. Was it hard to say why, or easy? Mandy couldn't say. She didn't quite understand what was happening, how the situation had evolved.
It felt like she'd been watching a video on her phone, and it had paused to buffer, and then all of a sudden it had snapped ahead and now she was lacking vital context. All she could do was review the evidence available and try to piece together the equation, identify the unknown variable.
Seo-yun had changed, not purely in some hypothetical metaphorical way but literally she'd put on different clothes, the showy and elegant costume now abandoned. She looked like she could be back at school, except for the loss of her ear.
She'd killed Lark, but Lark was the fifth person she'd killed, and as much as it was a singularly guilt-inspiring and horrible thing for Mandy—a thing way way less fun to think about even than what was wrong with Seo-yun—for the other girl it didn't seem like it'd have that much more impact than the others. Seo-yun had tried to kill Amy and Mary, both of whom must have meant more to her than Lark had seemed to. She hadn't succeeded, but was Lark somehow more important than Virginia or whoever? Probably not.
Then there was the content of the conversation with the now-dead girl. It was troubling for Mandy too, but also it wasn't quite true, right? Because here they were, walking out of the ship together, and Mandy hadn't been gunned down or discarded or even yelled at.
Most of the pieces of the puzzle seemed to be there, but turning them around and around did little to help with the assembly. Mandy had some trouble putting herself in Seo-yun's shoes, because the girl always seemed to be so together and controlled, and Mandy was basically never those things. Sometimes when she was mad or hurt or whatever, it felt like it kind of just happened, and then she had to deal with it until it changed again. As much as she liked the subject, she knew that she was not personally math. But Seo-yun could've been. It was a big part of why Mandy admired her.
The green light turned to red again, as Mandy shuffled along in Seo-yun's wake, once more climbing the staircase that had spelled the death of another friend (one who was probably, like, art class, or maybe theater). The night was cool and it felt like an escape to be out of the ghost ship's carnival caverns, no matter how much Mandy had been taken by them at the start.
She wanted to ask where they were going hunting next. She wanted to apologize to Seo-yun and say, whoops, you were right, we should've just shot Lark right away. She wanted to ask if it was time to change the bandages.
But Seo-yun didn't seem like she wanted to talk, and for once Mandy didn't push it. Just something about the atmosphere told her it wouldn't help.
Instead, she hummed quietly to herself, nothing notes at first but then a favorite scene of hers came to mind and she got on the tune and the words started to shift, and it felt almost perfect in its own strange way.
Oh how it hurts me to see you, Seo-yun, feeling so down in the dumps
Everyone here wants to be you, Seo-yun, you're not like those other chumps...
((Mandy Gross continued in If I ever acquire wisdom, I suppose I'll be wise enough to know what to do with it))