You're Gonna Go Far, Kid.

[Macha*]

((M01, David Burn, debut.))

Dave had woken up about an hour ago. There really wasn't a better way of describing it, really. He just... woke up, grabbed his bags, found his pipe wrench- soon to be his new best friend- and left.

Where'd he even woken up? Didn't matter then, and to be honest, it didn't matter now. He'd found himself here, wherever here was, in a hurry anyway, and it didn't look like Dave was gonna settle down for a while.

Honestly, though, Dave was kinda nervous. He was fairly sure it hadn't sunk in yet, but the fact it would eventually was becoming all too certain. He’d taken to cracking his knuckles as he walked. One at a time, he’d press the palm of his hand up against his finger and just push down. Click. Click. Click. …Click. It was a shitty way of dealing with his nervousness, sure, but it gave him something to do with his hands, and it was better than biting his nails or any shit like that.

Taken him years to get off of doing that.

The pipe wrench- his new best friend- had been hastily shoved down his jeans, mostly out of a lack of anywhere better to put it. He kinda figured he could pull it out whenever he wanted that way, in case he got in some pipe wrench vs. sword fight. Yeah, that'd be some cool shit right there.

Give those cameras a good show.

Speaking of which, Dave figured he might as well figure out just where the fuck they were filming this shit from. He wasn't really in the mood for like, destroying them or anything, but he figured it'd be cool to just like, figure out, y'know? He looked around, focusing in on something that looked suspicious. And there it was, staring right back at him. The camera lens. Soon to be his new worst enemy.

"Shit, really? You've got these things everywhere?" Dave sighed. "Guys, I'm about as photogenic as a fucken' corpse, so just blur out my face and shit, k?"

“…Actually, never mind.” “For the benefit of those of you watching at home, my name’s Dave Burn. I enjoy long walks on the beach, pro-wrestling…” He pulled the Pipe wrench out of his pants. “And this is my new best friend. No joke. Realtalk.”

"So, how about I get this beast of a pipe wrench right here," He knocked it on his hand a couple times for emphasis. "And I go get every single person in sight, clock them around the head with this thing, and smash their brains out?"

"Yeah, that's what you douchebags sitting there at home watching our asses get slaughtered by our own fucking friends would want, isn't it?" Dave shook his head. "But I’m afraid that's not me."

"What I am, see, What I am is completely different." He slid the pipe wrench back into his jeans. "See, I figure that, well... I figure that I, probably the biggest badass here, could probably put how much of a badass I am to good use."

"So I figure, if I just act like the complete and utter badass I am, take down anyone who's gonna kill those innocent bystanders, I just might save a couple lives in the process." Dave blew a kiss to the camera and started to walk away. "So au revoir, dickweeds."

Sounded like a plan to him.

((David Burn, continued in Try Not to Fumble.))