AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2020 7:42 pm
((continued from Morning, Day 8"))
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Garnet pressed her forehead to the floorboards and screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
Selfish, gutless, idiot, coward!
She got Amber killed. That was completely on her. If she hadn't helped Erika—if she had the slightest bit of a fucking spine!
She got Amber killed. She probably already got more than just Amber killed. Why hadn't she just walked away? Why, if she had so much fucking conviction and strength, had she not faced Erika down and told her to go fuck herself, get the pellet out of her leg on her own?
Simple. Garnet didn't. She didn't have any of that. The whole thing had been a lie, a cute little story she'd told herself to make like she had the slightest chance of making a difference. And like, fuck, maybe breaking those gears, stopping the killers in their tracks, maybe that would have meant something, if it'd been pulled off, but sure as shit wasn't Garnet who could.
She wouldn't even have needed to kill Erika. Just be willing to put her life on the line to duck out and say no. Do the right thing instead of the easy thing. Erika was her friend. Used to be her friend. Garnet didn't throw her away, and what happened? More death. She'd said a few words and hoped that they would sink in, as if she was a master of hearts and minds, and then kidded herself that she was absolved of all fucking responsibility.
Guess what, Garnet? You're not. You traded Amber's life for yours. Fuck, maybe Garnet wouldn't even have died, if she'd ducked out on Erika! Her chance of dying though, that was worth more than Amber and any future person that Erika was able to kill because she had two working legs instead of limping around with buckshot digging into her.
Garnet was garbage.
She punched the floor.
She punched the floor.
She punched the floor.
She punched the floor.
Falling back onto her haunches, Garnet let out a burbling sob, burying the heels of both hands into her eyes as her whole body shook. She'd ask herself why she even tried, but she hadn't tried, she'd just pretend that she had. The tears wouldn't stop flowing, burning down her cheeks. She screamed again. It wasn't enough. She screamed again. It wasn't enough. She—
Get
a
fucking
grip
Garnet snatched and gulped for air. Each breath shuddered and wheezed, yammering through the sobs. She wanted to throw herself into the wall. She wanted to throw herself through the window. She wanted—
Stop it you piece of shit.
Her questing hand found her glasses and put them on. Her other hand throbbed, bleeding. She stared at the rivulets down the back of her hand. Breathed. She'd fucked up. She'd fucked up beyond reckoning. No more kidding herself, no more lies. She was seeing clearly.
She knew where there was a gun.
((continued in WWSD))
AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Garnet pressed her forehead to the floorboards and screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
Selfish, gutless, idiot, coward!
She got Amber killed. That was completely on her. If she hadn't helped Erika—if she had the slightest bit of a fucking spine!
She got Amber killed. She probably already got more than just Amber killed. Why hadn't she just walked away? Why, if she had so much fucking conviction and strength, had she not faced Erika down and told her to go fuck herself, get the pellet out of her leg on her own?
Simple. Garnet didn't. She didn't have any of that. The whole thing had been a lie, a cute little story she'd told herself to make like she had the slightest chance of making a difference. And like, fuck, maybe breaking those gears, stopping the killers in their tracks, maybe that would have meant something, if it'd been pulled off, but sure as shit wasn't Garnet who could.
She wouldn't even have needed to kill Erika. Just be willing to put her life on the line to duck out and say no. Do the right thing instead of the easy thing. Erika was her friend. Used to be her friend. Garnet didn't throw her away, and what happened? More death. She'd said a few words and hoped that they would sink in, as if she was a master of hearts and minds, and then kidded herself that she was absolved of all fucking responsibility.
Guess what, Garnet? You're not. You traded Amber's life for yours. Fuck, maybe Garnet wouldn't even have died, if she'd ducked out on Erika! Her chance of dying though, that was worth more than Amber and any future person that Erika was able to kill because she had two working legs instead of limping around with buckshot digging into her.
Garnet was garbage.
She punched the floor.
She punched the floor.
She punched the floor.
She punched the floor.
Falling back onto her haunches, Garnet let out a burbling sob, burying the heels of both hands into her eyes as her whole body shook. She'd ask herself why she even tried, but she hadn't tried, she'd just pretend that she had. The tears wouldn't stop flowing, burning down her cheeks. She screamed again. It wasn't enough. She screamed again. It wasn't enough. She—
Get
a
fucking
grip
Garnet snatched and gulped for air. Each breath shuddered and wheezed, yammering through the sobs. She wanted to throw herself into the wall. She wanted to throw herself through the window. She wanted—
Stop it you piece of shit.
Her questing hand found her glasses and put them on. Her other hand throbbed, bleeding. She stared at the rivulets down the back of her hand. Breathed. She'd fucked up. She'd fucked up beyond reckoning. No more kidding herself, no more lies. She was seeing clearly.
She knew where there was a gun.
((continued in WWSD))