The Noah and Pina Show Episode 41: Baby Names!

[Laurels]

((Noah Whitley continued from Screamer, Screamer, He's a Dreamer))

"Hey, everyone!"

"Hey, bitches!"

"I'm Noah-"

"And I'm Pina!"

"And welcome to a new episode of 'The Noah and Pina Show'"

"We have money now!"

"Yes we do, Pina. We can afford to be on camera at the same time now."

"Yaaaaaaaaaay!"

Noah had finally gotten enough money to buy a green screen. This week's video was his attempt to do a video with him and Pina on screen at the same time. This had involved learning two scripts and training himself to talk after the right pauses in time. This had been a long and arduous process that had taken a few days to get right, but it looks like he finally managed it. It took him a long time to be able to edit the Pina parts onto video of him talking, but for a low budget YouTube series, Noah thought it looked decent enough to buy that there could be two people on screen.

"So anyways, we're on screen together because we have a huge announcement to share," Noah said.

"My probation period is finally over!" Pina shouted, raising her arms in the air.

"No, not that."

"My test results were negative?"

"No."

"Do you mean the thing with the cat and the cans of hairspray-"

"Especially not that."

"Then what?"

Noah shook his head. "Pina, did you forget?"

Noah looked at the camera.

"We're having a baby!!!"

"YAAAAAAAAAAY!" Pina shouted, starting to dance in her seat.

"Yep, we finally decided to take the plunge and start a family. So we're gonna-"

Noah looked over at Pina who was still dancing in her seat.

"Stop that."

"Sorry."

"Anyways, Pina and I decided we were finally ready for kids, so we're going to have a baby. Don't worry, Pina's not the one carrying it."

Pina shook her head. "Nope."

"We want this kid to come out okay, and Pina's womb basically fell out of her years ago."

"Also, we tried to conceive naturally, and Noah couldn't get it up."

"D-don't tell them that," Noah grunted to Pina.

"What?" Pina asked. Pina stroked her hands over her chest. "You could have had all of this."

"Pina, if there were any chance I would fuck you, you'd have to do something about your third nipple first in order to give me at least a semi."

"Hey, Khloe has just as much right to exist as Kim and Kourtney," Pina said, fondling her breasts.

Noah turned back to the camera and smiled. "Anyways, we've found a surrogate, the in vitro worked, and we're looking at expanding our family this November."

"Just in time for Turkey Day!" Pina replied.

"Indeed," Noah said. "Which reminds me, Pina, we're not deep frying the turkey this year. My mom won't let you in our kitchen after last year."

"Awwww."

"So now that we've got a little one on the way, we're going to discuss possible names," Noah said. "Pina and I each came up with three names for boys and three names for girls. We're going to talk about them and we hope you viewers at home can give your opinions."

"Uh-huh."

"So let's get started. We're going to start with boys. We're just going to go back and forth sharing names. I'll be starting so this doesn't take too long."

"You sure like to get things done fast," Pina told Noah. "Your last boyfriend told me in detail."

Noah glared at Pina, while she merely stuck out her tongue at him.

"Anywho. My first choice for our possible son's name is ERIC."

The word "Eric" appeared on the screen below Noah and Pina in big blue letters. Noah edited the video so girl names would appear in pink letters as well.

"Eric?"

"Yeah, Eric."

"Why that?"

"Because Prince Eric was my favorite Disney prince."

"Ahhhhhhh. You saw how good his hands were on a flute and that made you realize some things, didn't it, Noah?"

Noah smacked Pina on the back of her head. This was something that required a ton of editing on Noah's part and a lot of precise miming. Noah intentionally went for the back of the head because he figured it would be easier to cover up the fact that the two people on screen weren't really sitting next to each other.

"No because he had a castle by the sea, and I could use a vacation home compared to this hovel," Noah said.

Pina rubbed the back of her head. "Okay, so my first boy name is RUSTY."

"Rusty?" Noah asked, completely surprised.

"What? It was my dog's name."

"Rusty Bucket?"

"And he was a good dog."

Noah rolled his eyes. "Also, we're using my name, not yours."

"Why?"

"Because I'm the one who paid for everything. Your last paycheck went towards Oreos and Popov."

"And you had most of those Oreos," Pina said, putting her hands on her hips.

"We're losing track. Anyways, my next boy name is CHANNING."

"Because of Magic Mike?"

"Especially because of that."

"Yeah, I'm cool with that. I don't think there's much else to say about that one."

"So what's you're next boy name, Pina?"

"TUCKER!"

"Tucker?"

"After Tanya Tucker, my favorite country artist."

"Now I'm really glad we're using my name."

"Why? What's wrong with Tucker Bucket?"

Noah paused, struggling to speak. "Di...did you just not hear how that sounds?"

Pina started to mouth the name, whispering it to herself. Noah just shook his head.

"We're moving on. My last boy name is Dorian."

"Why that one?" Pina asked.

"Well, I love Paris is Burning, and Dorian Corey was my favorite queen in that movie."

"Wasn't he the one who kept a dead body in a trunk in his closet?"

"Yes."

"Do you want our son to keep bodies in his closet?"

"If he has good reason to."

Pina shrugged. "Fair enough. Anyways, my last boy name is JACKSON."

"Jackson?" Noah said surprised. "Wow, Pina. That's actually quite a normal and decent sounding name. Why that name?"

"Well, it's because my family is a distant relative to Confederate-"

"Aaaaaand now we're moving on to girl names!" Noah shouted, moving his arms in front of Pina.

"Okay fine," Pina said.

"My first girl name is Kellie with an 'ie'."

"Kelliewithanaiee?" Pina asked.

Noah was silent. "...Yes."

"Why that?"

"Sentimental reasons," Noah said.

"Oh that's boring," Pina said.

"Well what's your first name for our daughter?"

"LAMBERT"

"What? Why the hell would you chose the name 'Lambert' for a girl?"

"Because Miranda Lambert's the only musician who has earned my respect. I mean, she left Blake Shelton's ass before she got in too deep."

"Did you get too deep into Blake Shelton?" Noah asked Pina.

"You know I did."

Noah let out a slight moan of disgust.

"Okay, my next girl name is MARINA after Marina Diamandis."

"Oh, I've met her once," Pina said.

"You have? Where was I?"

"It was when I had to go to South Wales for a charity concert event and to cover it for TMZ as a guest reporter. It wasn't a very good experience."

"Meeting Marina, going to the South Wales, or working for TMZ?"

"Yes."

Noah paused, then spoke. "I won't get into that. So what's your next girl name?"

"Oh, my next name is COLADA."

"Colada?!?"

"Yeah, cause I'm Pina, so she's Colada."

Noah facepalmed. "Pina, I swear, it's like you're setting our children to be humiliated in school."

"That's fine. I got humiliated in school a lot, and it made me the woman that I am."

Noah grimaced at the comment. "Well, that's an unpleasant thought. Anyways, for my last girl name, I chose IVY.

"And why that name?"

"Because my Poison Ivy lip sync video is my most watched video on my channel."

"So why not name her 'Uma'?"

"Because 'Ivy' is sexier."

"You want our daughter to be sexy? Just like her mommy?"

Pina tried to make a sexy pose, but came off looking really awkward. Noah leaned back away from Pina.

"No, but if she's pretty, than having a name like 'Ivy' will be good for her."

"Alright then."

"Okay, Pina," Noah said. "You've got the last name. This is the big one. So, what's the third name you thought of for our future daughter?"

"Oh, this is the one I'm most proud of," Pina said, excited.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I thought I'd come up with an original name so that if she does become a star like me, she can go by her first name and be really notable."

"Okay. So what's the name?"

"SHITEENA."

Noah's mouth slightly hung open. "...Shiteena."

"Yeah. Shiteena Bucket," Pina proudly declared.

Noah tried to speak, raising his hands slightly, but eventually gave up and buried his face in his hands.

"God, please help our child," he said.

"I don't know if God can help us," Pina said, "but my momma said she would."

"Pina," Noah said, looking up at her, "the last time your mom tried to help someone, she caused 'The Great Meth Massacre of Corncob, Tennessee'."

"And it did help," Pina said.

"How so?" Noah asked.

"It helped clean out the town's gene pool."

Pina gave a big smile to Noah, but he just buried his face in his hands again.

"Please subscribe to our channel," Noah said to the viewers. "Tell us your favorite of the names and offer us your best suggestions."

"I'm leaning towards Rusty and Shiteena, myself," Pina said.

Noah groaned. The bumper image for more videos and channel subscriptions came up while some unlicensed pop music played over it.

As he watched the video, Noah chuckled to himself. The video had turned out better than her thought. Having a green screen will open a lot of potentials for future videos, and already he wanted to think about the next video.

"I guess I will have to work my child with Pina in soon," Noah said to himself as he began to upload the video. "Oh well. I guess I have time to think about it."

((Noah Whitley continued in V6)