Look Around, Look Around
Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:13 pm
((Cass: from Hot Problems))
Cass had felt a creeping emptiness, a fog obscuring the world around them, an absence of sadness or any other emotion to fill their head. Staring blankly at the homework in front of them, idly going through the motions of clicking through their social media while their 'I'll start working in ten minutes" turned to thirty minutes turned to hours, all the while feeling useless and guilty for wasting their time but feeling too numb to do anything about it.
After an eternity, when it finally became too much to bear, Cass forced themself up. Forced themself to grab their sketchbook; relying on pure inertia to keep moving. Forced themself to leave their room and get out of the house, forced a "Going for a walk, be back soon" at their parents; unable to bear the thought of hearing worried voices or feeling concerned gazes crawling across their skin.
The walk was a blur of motion and memory, disassociating from the present and relying on the well-carved path they had trod so many times in the past. The park always brought comfort to Cass whenever they were numb or panicking or otherwise an anxious wreck, the perfect blend of isolation and population. The park benches were scattered randomly about, making it easy to find a secluded place; while at the same time being a popular enough destination that there was almost always someone around to serve as a reminder that Cass existed, that they weren't alone in the world.
Cass began to sketch their surroundings, losing themself in the pure mechanical motions of art. There was no need to worry about a story or design, it was enough to just translate the beauty around them to paper. Slowly, feeling began to flow back into Cass's body, and the void inside them was replaced with a reassuring calm. They closed their eyes. Inhaled. Exhaled. Repeated until they could feel their heart beating, confirming that they were still here, that they had survived another day.
Creation was one hell of a drug. Cass would return to their neglected work with a new vigor once they returned, but for now they would stay in the park and sketch a while, reflecting on how lucky they were to be alive right then.
Cass had felt a creeping emptiness, a fog obscuring the world around them, an absence of sadness or any other emotion to fill their head. Staring blankly at the homework in front of them, idly going through the motions of clicking through their social media while their 'I'll start working in ten minutes" turned to thirty minutes turned to hours, all the while feeling useless and guilty for wasting their time but feeling too numb to do anything about it.
After an eternity, when it finally became too much to bear, Cass forced themself up. Forced themself to grab their sketchbook; relying on pure inertia to keep moving. Forced themself to leave their room and get out of the house, forced a "Going for a walk, be back soon" at their parents; unable to bear the thought of hearing worried voices or feeling concerned gazes crawling across their skin.
The walk was a blur of motion and memory, disassociating from the present and relying on the well-carved path they had trod so many times in the past. The park always brought comfort to Cass whenever they were numb or panicking or otherwise an anxious wreck, the perfect blend of isolation and population. The park benches were scattered randomly about, making it easy to find a secluded place; while at the same time being a popular enough destination that there was almost always someone around to serve as a reminder that Cass existed, that they weren't alone in the world.
Cass began to sketch their surroundings, losing themself in the pure mechanical motions of art. There was no need to worry about a story or design, it was enough to just translate the beauty around them to paper. Slowly, feeling began to flow back into Cass's body, and the void inside them was replaced with a reassuring calm. They closed their eyes. Inhaled. Exhaled. Repeated until they could feel their heart beating, confirming that they were still here, that they had survived another day.
Creation was one hell of a drug. Cass would return to their neglected work with a new vigor once they returned, but for now they would stay in the park and sketch a while, reflecting on how lucky they were to be alive right then.