Everyone else lost their shit. Emma was in shock, Danny giggled, and Jeremy...Jeremy was a goddamn hyena. He was louder than Haley, which they thought was a good thing. It masked their own immaturity.
Danny's comment to Jeremy snapped Haley back to reality. "Uh, yeah," they coughed. "Right. Gotta get this done." They picked up the condom wrapper they'd dropped and unwrapped it. Unlike the banana, this one held no surprises - it was just a ring with plastic inside. Under normal circumstances Haley would've snickered when presented with a condom, but this was benign compared to the...
God, they couldn't look at the thing with a straight face. Haley snorted as they took the condom and placed it at the tip, and began to roll it down.
Except it didn't move.
Haley furrowed their brow and kept pulling, but it refused to move. They fumbled with it for a couple seconds before looking at their group members with exasperation.
"Uh..."
Everything You've Always Wanted To Know
Mild content warning; Health class, 9th/10th grade. Open (really)
Suddenly, Jeremy started laughing like mad.
Maybe some people find... certain parts of male anatomy inserted inside bananas funny. Maybe? Well, of course they would. But not Emma. If the intent was to make them laugh, she wasn't. If anything, it was weird as all out. Though, Haley had laughed too. Danny, as well, but was that awkward laughing?
Okay, to be fair, it would be funny if it wasn't class time. That part made things bizarre. Where did Mrs. Barks get such a thing, anyways, and where did she get the idea? Was she... at a special store? No, she said that they came from Australia. Do Australians do this all the time in sex ed? Maybe they did. It was something she didn't want to pry into any further.
Anyways, it was Haley's turn, only she- they- had a hard time getting the condom on. Emma watched, her face still red. Nothing could make this less awkward.
"Uh, Haley. Maybe try the other side? I think there's a specific side you need to roll it down, right?" she said.
Oh god, this was probably the weirdest thing she'd ever done.
Maybe some people find... certain parts of male anatomy inserted inside bananas funny. Maybe? Well, of course they would. But not Emma. If the intent was to make them laugh, she wasn't. If anything, it was weird as all out. Though, Haley had laughed too. Danny, as well, but was that awkward laughing?
Okay, to be fair, it would be funny if it wasn't class time. That part made things bizarre. Where did Mrs. Barks get such a thing, anyways, and where did she get the idea? Was she... at a special store? No, she said that they came from Australia. Do Australians do this all the time in sex ed? Maybe they did. It was something she didn't want to pry into any further.
Anyways, it was Haley's turn, only she- they- had a hard time getting the condom on. Emma watched, her face still red. Nothing could make this less awkward.
"Uh, Haley. Maybe try the other side? I think there's a specific side you need to roll it down, right?" she said.
Oh god, this was probably the weirdest thing she'd ever done.
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Yugikun
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And meanwhile while everyone else was probably horrified Jeremy was still laughing his ass off because seriously. It was a dildo. For whatever reason Mrs Ramsey decided to give her class a hands on lesson on how to put on a condom and decided that hey, using these bananas that actually have dicks inside them was a good tool to help them learn. Why did they need to learn how to put on a condom now, anyway? Nobody here was even remotely near the age of consent (and he highly doubted that anyone on the table was going to get laid anytime soon), why couldn't this get delayed for a bit? It was kinda pointless where it was now and pushing it back a couple of years might make Health actually important. It'd be better than learning about sporting habits or whatever his sister said they did at that point.
But anyway, Jeremy kept laughing until Danny started hit him on the back. Sure, it was still funny; he doubted that he was going to be able to think about it when looking back without giggling for a bit, but the initial surprise had worn off, and Jeremy could actually focus on what was happening now. Haley apparently couldn't put a condom on. Emma had already explained that she was holding it the wrong way, but Jeremy decided to add a quick quip in there as well, just for good measure.
"Maybe you just can't do it. Maybe you're not the chosen one. Maybe the... pfft." He breathed out a little, chuckling. It was still funny. "...Banana dildo doesn't deem you worthy of using it."
But anyway, Jeremy kept laughing until Danny started hit him on the back. Sure, it was still funny; he doubted that he was going to be able to think about it when looking back without giggling for a bit, but the initial surprise had worn off, and Jeremy could actually focus on what was happening now. Haley apparently couldn't put a condom on. Emma had already explained that she was holding it the wrong way, but Jeremy decided to add a quick quip in there as well, just for good measure.
"Maybe you just can't do it. Maybe you're not the chosen one. Maybe the... pfft." He breathed out a little, chuckling. It was still funny. "...Banana dildo doesn't deem you worthy of using it."
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ViolentMedic
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Well, at least Jeremy wasn't completely dying of laughter anymore. It had started attracting looks. Danny stopped patting Jeremy on the back and covered his mouth casually with one hand as he watched Haley try and fail to put the condom on.
Everyone else had advice or quips or whatever. Danny didn't really have anything. He had the feeling that he probably should have some sort of advice. He was the one with a reputation for being a flirt here. But he didn't know jack shit.
"Um. Yeah. What Emma said?"
He didn't really react to Jeremy's joke. He didn't find it that funny and this situation was too awkward for him to find real levity in. Looking at the dildo--it was a damn dildo, there was no getting around that--and watching the process of rolling a condom on it was weirdly uncomfortable, even if it was just putting rubber on plastic. Danny stared at the table instead.
Everyone else had advice or quips or whatever. Danny didn't really have anything. He had the feeling that he probably should have some sort of advice. He was the one with a reputation for being a flirt here. But he didn't know jack shit.
"Um. Yeah. What Emma said?"
He didn't really react to Jeremy's joke. He didn't find it that funny and this situation was too awkward for him to find real levity in. Looking at the dildo--it was a damn dildo, there was no getting around that--and watching the process of rolling a condom on it was weirdly uncomfortable, even if it was just putting rubber on plastic. Danny stared at the table instead.
Haley got two responses. The first was dear, sweet cousin Emma pointing out that they could be putting it on upside down. Then there was Jeremy, who said the banana dildo didn't deem them worthy enough to put on a condom.
And for the sake of humor, Haley responded to the latter.
They looked him in the eye and snorted. "Really? I doubt this" thing has any agency." They retorted, shaking it around a little. "If dildos could choose who used them, a lot more people would be having a lot less fun." The one thing that irked Haley was that Jeremy was calling it a dildo. Yes, it was a penis in a banana, but was it meant to go up the ass? They were most likely just a fun tool for hands-on sex ed, but when Haley thought about it, they could be covert sex toys. Haley shot a glance at Mrs. Barks.
Oof. They didn't want to imagine her shopping for dildos.
They wordlessly heeded Emma's advice, and flipped the condom over. "Aha!" They exclaimed as it rolled down as smooth as butter. They waggled the condom'd banana at Jeremy. "Guess I was the chosen one after all!"
And for the sake of humor, Haley responded to the latter.
They looked him in the eye and snorted. "Really? I doubt this" thing has any agency." They retorted, shaking it around a little. "If dildos could choose who used them, a lot more people would be having a lot less fun." The one thing that irked Haley was that Jeremy was calling it a dildo. Yes, it was a penis in a banana, but was it meant to go up the ass? They were most likely just a fun tool for hands-on sex ed, but when Haley thought about it, they could be covert sex toys. Haley shot a glance at Mrs. Barks.
Oof. They didn't want to imagine her shopping for dildos.
They wordlessly heeded Emma's advice, and flipped the condom over. "Aha!" They exclaimed as it rolled down as smooth as butter. They waggled the condom'd banana at Jeremy. "Guess I was the chosen one after all!"
Emma tried to be careful about laughing.
Laughing was generally pretty good, don't get her wrong. It's just that if she wanted to not make people scared for her life, she had to be careful about when and how hard she did it. That said, sometimes things slip through. Like now.
Emma rose her hand to her mouth, trying to suppress the giggle that wanted so desperately to come out. Even with that, though, a smile was only just barely covered.
Okay, it had gone from weird, to weirder, to... actually pretty funny. The banana choosing who is worthy and who isn't? Comedy.
Haley got it, though, and responded with a comment of their own about "being worthy".
"Maybe I could go next?" Emma asked. "Perhaps I'm just as..."
Don't laugh.
"Worthy."
She still smiled.
Laughing was generally pretty good, don't get her wrong. It's just that if she wanted to not make people scared for her life, she had to be careful about when and how hard she did it. That said, sometimes things slip through. Like now.
Emma rose her hand to her mouth, trying to suppress the giggle that wanted so desperately to come out. Even with that, though, a smile was only just barely covered.
Okay, it had gone from weird, to weirder, to... actually pretty funny. The banana choosing who is worthy and who isn't? Comedy.
Haley got it, though, and responded with a comment of their own about "being worthy".
"Maybe I could go next?" Emma asked. "Perhaps I'm just as..."
Don't laugh.
"Worthy."
She still smiled.
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Yugikun
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"Nah, the common dildos'll accept anybody if it means that they get some play. The special dildos are a lot more picky about who's ass they get jammed up in." Okay, so Haley was willing to play ball with him. That was cool. Even after the initial surprise of the dildo had worn off he still had something to entertain him. Sure, there was the activity right in front of him, but it wasn't like that was going to keep his attention for the whole lesson. It wasn't even relevant to him, and it wasn't like he needed to know how to put on a condom right now. Wouldn't they have instructions on the back of the package anyway? Why did they have to have a class on this in that case? What was the actual point of this?
But anyway, Haley heeded to Emma's advice and turned the condom around, managing to stretch it out over the dildo. She then proceeded to bounce Jeremy's joke back. Jeremy smirked, slightly. Two could play at that game.
"Oh my god, you really are the chosen one!" He covered his mouth in fake shock. "Please forgive me for my sins, my liege!" He said, as he started grovelling onto the table. Not like a big, grand grovel, mind you. He had already probably attracted the attention of the class by laughing too hard, he wasn't going to look any more weirder.
Emma then asked the table if she could go next. She seemed to consider herself just as worthy, but Jeremy highly doubted that she was. He raised his nose, snorted, slightly. It was kinda weird doing that to Emma, considering that she was part of Student Council and especially considering that she was probably going to end up being more successful than the three other people on this table combined. Still, he could see her smiling, so it was clear that she wouldn't mind this.
"Well, I highly doubt that anyone else could be chosen to wield the banana dildo, unless it's like something where only people of a specific clan can hold them, or something."
But anyway, Haley heeded to Emma's advice and turned the condom around, managing to stretch it out over the dildo. She then proceeded to bounce Jeremy's joke back. Jeremy smirked, slightly. Two could play at that game.
"Oh my god, you really are the chosen one!" He covered his mouth in fake shock. "Please forgive me for my sins, my liege!" He said, as he started grovelling onto the table. Not like a big, grand grovel, mind you. He had already probably attracted the attention of the class by laughing too hard, he wasn't going to look any more weirder.
Emma then asked the table if she could go next. She seemed to consider herself just as worthy, but Jeremy highly doubted that she was. He raised his nose, snorted, slightly. It was kinda weird doing that to Emma, considering that she was part of Student Council and especially considering that she was probably going to end up being more successful than the three other people on this table combined. Still, he could see her smiling, so it was clear that she wouldn't mind this.
"Well, I highly doubt that anyone else could be chosen to wield the banana dildo, unless it's like something where only people of a specific clan can hold them, or something."
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ViolentMedic
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While they continued debating over whether the dildo had agency or not, Danny had silently pulled his notebook towards him and started drawing. Or trying to. Trying to distract himself from the situation.
Inanimate objects choosing who was worthy to wield them was pretty cool, though, so he started drawing a little crowned dude holding something that definitely wasn't a dildo. Like a trident or some shit.
He glanced up at Haley, still holding the... thing... and silently amended the drawing from a dude to a... whatever Haley was. No gender. He could go ambiguous. Ambiguous trident ruler. And if Emma tried it next and was also worthy, then maybe it was a clan system like Jeremy said. Or maybe—
"Or you'd have to fight for the throne," Danny said outloud, still not fully focused on the actual situation as he started doodling a girl with a crown to match the not-gender person with a crown. (Would Haley be a king or queen or was there a third word?)
He was more comfortable now, focusing on drawings based on the situation at hand and just ignoring the condom and the dildo and everything. Nothing even mildly sexual about two cousins fighting for the right to rule, while a guy named Jeremy grovelled in the background.
Man, this could totally be a thing.
Inanimate objects choosing who was worthy to wield them was pretty cool, though, so he started drawing a little crowned dude holding something that definitely wasn't a dildo. Like a trident or some shit.
He glanced up at Haley, still holding the... thing... and silently amended the drawing from a dude to a... whatever Haley was. No gender. He could go ambiguous. Ambiguous trident ruler. And if Emma tried it next and was also worthy, then maybe it was a clan system like Jeremy said. Or maybe—
"Or you'd have to fight for the throne," Danny said outloud, still not fully focused on the actual situation as he started doodling a girl with a crown to match the not-gender person with a crown. (Would Haley be a king or queen or was there a third word?)
He was more comfortable now, focusing on drawings based on the situation at hand and just ignoring the condom and the dildo and everything. Nothing even mildly sexual about two cousins fighting for the right to rule, while a guy named Jeremy grovelled in the background.
Man, this could totally be a thing.
The little joke was shaping up to being a full-blown fairy tale. Jeremy and Danny were chipping in to create lore surrounding the banana dildo, and how there could only be one Chosen One at a time. This particular detail was being disputed over, especially since Emma was challenging them for the title.
There were two schools of thought here. Jeremy thought that only those of a specific clan could wield the banana dildo, and Danny threw out something about fighting for the throne. Now on top of being the chosen one, Haley was a reigning monarch. That last detail alone was enough for them to favor Danny's idea canon, but Jeremy's was a lot nicer to Emma.
So why not both?
"Boys, boys" they tutted, waving the banana dildo like a king's scepter. "You're presuming that I want to keep the throne." They put their hand to their forehead and sighed. "I've been ruling for, what, a couple minutes? It's tiring," Haley turned to Emma and smiled. "Obviously I'd give up the throne to the next in line," They said, stretching their hand out. "But yes, only those of House Luz can wield the banana." Grandpa must've done something amazing if all his descendants were Chosen Ones of the great banana dildo. Danny and Jeremy were stuck being the peasants of the Banana Dildo Kingdom.
"Unless..."
Something clicked. Haley flashed a devilish grin, stifling laughter as they waggled the banana dildo. "You were knighted."
There were two schools of thought here. Jeremy thought that only those of a specific clan could wield the banana dildo, and Danny threw out something about fighting for the throne. Now on top of being the chosen one, Haley was a reigning monarch. That last detail alone was enough for them to favor Danny's idea canon, but Jeremy's was a lot nicer to Emma.
So why not both?
"Boys, boys" they tutted, waving the banana dildo like a king's scepter. "You're presuming that I want to keep the throne." They put their hand to their forehead and sighed. "I've been ruling for, what, a couple minutes? It's tiring," Haley turned to Emma and smiled. "Obviously I'd give up the throne to the next in line," They said, stretching their hand out. "But yes, only those of House Luz can wield the banana." Grandpa must've done something amazing if all his descendants were Chosen Ones of the great banana dildo. Danny and Jeremy were stuck being the peasants of the Banana Dildo Kingdom.
"Unless..."
Something clicked. Haley flashed a devilish grin, stifling laughter as they waggled the banana dildo. "You were knighted."
Only people of a certain clan can wield the banana dildo. That was something spoken just now. But apparently it worked that way. Or? As Danny suggested upon looking up from something he was doodling, Emma could fight Haley for the right to wield the banana.
Gosh, Grandpa Gregory must be so proud of them right now.
"Sir Jeremy and Sir Daniel, Knights of the Royal Banana" Emma said, trying to sound majestic. "That has a good ring to it."
She was still smiling. Again, it was becoming increasingly more difficult not to laugh.
"But first, it is important to see if I really am worthy. Hand me the banana" she continued her queenly voice, reaching out her hand. "I shall prove myself as a member of the Luz clan."
This was probably the weirdest thing she'd ever done in class. Ever. Scratch earlier, now it got weird.
Gosh, Grandpa Gregory must be so proud of them right now.
"Sir Jeremy and Sir Daniel, Knights of the Royal Banana" Emma said, trying to sound majestic. "That has a good ring to it."
She was still smiling. Again, it was becoming increasingly more difficult not to laugh.
"But first, it is important to see if I really am worthy. Hand me the banana" she continued her queenly voice, reaching out her hand. "I shall prove myself as a member of the Luz clan."
This was probably the weirdest thing she'd ever done in class. Ever. Scratch earlier, now it got weird.
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Yugikun
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Danny voiced out an idea in that only the strongest could wield the almighty banana dildo and oh my god are they actually going to create lore based off of the thing okay it was official this was the best health class ever. He wasn't as fond as Danny's idea as he was his own; the banana dildo was a sign of royalty, it wasn't like the Elder Wand where any mudblood could hold it so long as they took out the previous owner. No, the Banana dildo could only be wielded by those of the Luz clan, which included Emma, Haley, and their million cousins. Wait, how many Luz's did he actually know? There was Emma, Haley... that baseball dude who literally every girl ogled? He didn't know. Maybe worth asking Emma later. He needed to know who was worthy of this great pleasure and who wasn't.
Well, actually, anyone could now wield the banana so long as they were knighted and... oh my god Haley became more and more amazing every time she opened her mouth. This was it. He had to be knighted. This was what his life had led up to. He leaned forward, onto the desk, allowing Haley to place the banana on his shoulder if she wanted to. Emma spoke, saying that she needed to be tested for worthiness first, but Jeremy couldn't have that, so he decided to voice out his own opinion.
"Emma, no! This is important! I need to be knighted right now as validation of my poor, lonely life."
And then Jeremy just got an idea for another joke and okay, he needed to voice it out now before anyone else got the idea.
"Just one thing though, if I get knighted, do I get it on the shoulder or up the butt?"
Well, actually, anyone could now wield the banana so long as they were knighted and... oh my god Haley became more and more amazing every time she opened her mouth. This was it. He had to be knighted. This was what his life had led up to. He leaned forward, onto the desk, allowing Haley to place the banana on his shoulder if she wanted to. Emma spoke, saying that she needed to be tested for worthiness first, but Jeremy couldn't have that, so he decided to voice out his own opinion.
"Emma, no! This is important! I need to be knighted right now as validation of my poor, lonely life."
And then Jeremy just got an idea for another joke and okay, he needed to voice it out now before anyone else got the idea.
"Just one thing though, if I get knighted, do I get it on the shoulder or up the butt?"
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ViolentMedic
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Knighted, huh? Danny could roll with that in a normal context. Fighting dragons and shit. Rescuing princesses. That's totally what knights did. He could rock the shit out of being a knight, and was already scrawling in little knights near the royalty in his drawing.
He just had to block out any mention of the word 'dildo.' Maybe also any mention of the word 'banana.' Unless that was one of their main exports for trades with other kingdoms. And even then, they'd just be bananas. Regular, wholesome bananas that didn't have dicks inside them.
He stayed fairly quiet, just listening as he drew and as Emma demanded the banana to prove she was worthy and Jeremy also demanded to get knighted right now and--
Jesus Christ. Jeremy, why?
"Shoulder!" Danny blurted out, before coughing and trying to act more casual about it. "Uh... shoulder. Not... I mean, people are... sharing that, so..." He paused, and then realised basically saying 'people are sharing that dildo' was not going to make it any better. He covered his face partially with one hand and closed the book he'd been drawing in. Suddenly he really didn't want to draw knights.
He just had to block out any mention of the word 'dildo.' Maybe also any mention of the word 'banana.' Unless that was one of their main exports for trades with other kingdoms. And even then, they'd just be bananas. Regular, wholesome bananas that didn't have dicks inside them.
He stayed fairly quiet, just listening as he drew and as Emma demanded the banana to prove she was worthy and Jeremy also demanded to get knighted right now and--
Jesus Christ. Jeremy, why?
"Shoulder!" Danny blurted out, before coughing and trying to act more casual about it. "Uh... shoulder. Not... I mean, people are... sharing that, so..." He paused, and then realised basically saying 'people are sharing that dildo' was not going to make it any better. He covered his face partially with one hand and closed the book he'd been drawing in. Suddenly he really didn't want to draw knights.
Emma was right: Sir Jeremy and Sir Daniel did have a nice ring to it. The prospective knights (squires?) seemed to think so as well, and they were eager to be knighted.
A little too eager.
Now there was a little dilemma: Emma wanted to test her worthiness and take the throne, while Jeremy wanted to be knighted. God forbid he had to wait until Emma put the condom on before becoming a Knight of the Royal Banana. If this was a real kingdom, things might've gotten violent. But this was a health class, and the worst injury was hurt feelings. Either way, it was up to the reigning monarch to solve the problem.
Haley held up a hand to their cousin. "Hold up, princess," they said. "If the squire wants to be knighted, he shall." The last action of Sovereign Haley would be tapping a plastic dick-banana on a young squire's shoulders.
Or shoving it up his ass.
When asked which one would happen, Haley's faux-regal facade was broken by a stifled chuckle. Danny's reaction to the question made them laugh even harder. They doubled over, hand over their mouth and giggling like mad. It took them a moment to regain their composure. "S-sorry, Jeremy, I don't think I can do that..." They cleared their throat and stood back up again, still smiling. "Besides, we're still in class, and nobody else wants to see that."
Instead, they took the banana and tapped it on both shoulders. "Congratulations, Sir Jeremy," They said, tossing the banana to Emma. "You're now next in line for the throne after Princess Emma over there."
A little too eager.
Now there was a little dilemma: Emma wanted to test her worthiness and take the throne, while Jeremy wanted to be knighted. God forbid he had to wait until Emma put the condom on before becoming a Knight of the Royal Banana. If this was a real kingdom, things might've gotten violent. But this was a health class, and the worst injury was hurt feelings. Either way, it was up to the reigning monarch to solve the problem.
Haley held up a hand to their cousin. "Hold up, princess," they said. "If the squire wants to be knighted, he shall." The last action of Sovereign Haley would be tapping a plastic dick-banana on a young squire's shoulders.
Or shoving it up his ass.
When asked which one would happen, Haley's faux-regal facade was broken by a stifled chuckle. Danny's reaction to the question made them laugh even harder. They doubled over, hand over their mouth and giggling like mad. It took them a moment to regain their composure. "S-sorry, Jeremy, I don't think I can do that..." They cleared their throat and stood back up again, still smiling. "Besides, we're still in class, and nobody else wants to see that."
Instead, they took the banana and tapped it on both shoulders. "Congratulations, Sir Jeremy," They said, tossing the banana to Emma. "You're now next in line for the throne after Princess Emma over there."
Oops. It looked like Jeremy liked the idea of being a knight enough that they needed to delay the ritual of worthiness. And Haley agreed with him. Okay, so that meant that they had to knight Sir Jeremy and Sir Daniel, then, before they can do the proper ceremony.
Though... ew? Emma didn't need to have the mental image of someone shoving the banana into... certain parts of Jeremy's body. Danny, for the most part, seemed to agree, if his shout of "shoulder" and hiding into his hand meant anything. Haley, however, laughed.
Anyways, Jeremy was knighted now. Oh, and on the shoulder too. Not the other suggestion. They were in class, anyways, and was that even hygienic? Or appropriate? Gah, why did her brain keep going to that? No bananas going inside people.
Suddenly the banana went flying in her direction, and she grabbed it in the most majestic and graceful way possible, like any true royalty. That is to say, the banana just barely grazed her fingers and then fell into her lap.
Emma placed the banana on the table, gently pulling the condom already on by the tip.
"Let's see how worthy I am," she said as she reached for a fresh condom packet.
Though it kind of didn't diminish the fact that she was putting a condom on what could only be described as a banana penis, at least she can keep this going. Well, as long as there weren't any more comments about where it could go. Though...
"Hey, uh, Danny? Are you okay?"
Maybe she didn't need to ask, but she felt she needed to. He looked pretty embarrassed.
Though... ew? Emma didn't need to have the mental image of someone shoving the banana into... certain parts of Jeremy's body. Danny, for the most part, seemed to agree, if his shout of "shoulder" and hiding into his hand meant anything. Haley, however, laughed.
Anyways, Jeremy was knighted now. Oh, and on the shoulder too. Not the other suggestion. They were in class, anyways, and was that even hygienic? Or appropriate? Gah, why did her brain keep going to that? No bananas going inside people.
Suddenly the banana went flying in her direction, and she grabbed it in the most majestic and graceful way possible, like any true royalty. That is to say, the banana just barely grazed her fingers and then fell into her lap.
Emma placed the banana on the table, gently pulling the condom already on by the tip.
"Let's see how worthy I am," she said as she reached for a fresh condom packet.
Though it kind of didn't diminish the fact that she was putting a condom on what could only be described as a banana penis, at least she can keep this going. Well, as long as there weren't any more comments about where it could go. Though...
"Hey, uh, Danny? Are you okay?"
Maybe she didn't need to ask, but she felt she needed to. He looked pretty embarrassed.
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Yugikun
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"Oh. Okay then. I was hoping that I'd finally be able to get some play, but I'm okay with getting like, a shoulderjob or something?"
That was directed to everyone who objected to him getting knighted up the butt. Jerks. He would have used his go-to insult word on them but considering what it was he doubted that they'd appreciate it that much. He was also questioning his own use of the word "shoulderjob;" considering that he knew that adding "job" to the end of a word normally meant to have the word interact with a penis. So if a dildo got put on his shoulder would that mean that he was interacting with the penis that the penis was interacting with him? He didn't know. Didn't really want to know either. This whole thing in his head was just launching itself towards weird territory and while he was okay about talking weird to people this wasn't really something he'd say out loud. Better to just pay attention to what was going on around him and forget what he just thought. Good plan? Good plan.
Probably not the best plan though, considering that the sex ed class was still going on. He got Haley to chuckle a bit, which was nice. That ice queen demeanor of hers was starting to melt, just a little bit, and Jeremy started to smile slightly. Now the game truly begun, or something. He bowed his head as he allowed the banana dildo to caress his shoulder, it's touch willing him to start grovelling onto the table again.
"Thank you, my leige! I now feel a sense of completeness in my soul that only comes from getting knighted with a dildo! I will forever be indebted to you for this!"
Okay, that was enough. It was probably funny enough as it is, no real need to drag it out. Instead, he chose to relax himself back in his chair, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.
A couple moments later, the opportunity came. Haley threw the dildo and it fell straight into Emma's lap. He could make something out of that. It was probably going to be off-colour and exactly the type of joke Emma would hate, but hey, the opportunity was striking, and maybe it'd make Haley laugh.
"Wow, Emma, I know you wanted that dildo but you really don't have to put it down there right now! Wait until nobody else is around, geez."
He giggled, relaxing back into his seat. Now it was time to see how everyone else reacted.
That was directed to everyone who objected to him getting knighted up the butt. Jerks. He would have used his go-to insult word on them but considering what it was he doubted that they'd appreciate it that much. He was also questioning his own use of the word "shoulderjob;" considering that he knew that adding "job" to the end of a word normally meant to have the word interact with a penis. So if a dildo got put on his shoulder would that mean that he was interacting with the penis that the penis was interacting with him? He didn't know. Didn't really want to know either. This whole thing in his head was just launching itself towards weird territory and while he was okay about talking weird to people this wasn't really something he'd say out loud. Better to just pay attention to what was going on around him and forget what he just thought. Good plan? Good plan.
Probably not the best plan though, considering that the sex ed class was still going on. He got Haley to chuckle a bit, which was nice. That ice queen demeanor of hers was starting to melt, just a little bit, and Jeremy started to smile slightly. Now the game truly begun, or something. He bowed his head as he allowed the banana dildo to caress his shoulder, it's touch willing him to start grovelling onto the table again.
"Thank you, my leige! I now feel a sense of completeness in my soul that only comes from getting knighted with a dildo! I will forever be indebted to you for this!"
Okay, that was enough. It was probably funny enough as it is, no real need to drag it out. Instead, he chose to relax himself back in his chair, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike.
A couple moments later, the opportunity came. Haley threw the dildo and it fell straight into Emma's lap. He could make something out of that. It was probably going to be off-colour and exactly the type of joke Emma would hate, but hey, the opportunity was striking, and maybe it'd make Haley laugh.
"Wow, Emma, I know you wanted that dildo but you really don't have to put it down there right now! Wait until nobody else is around, geez."
He giggled, relaxing back into his seat. Now it was time to see how everyone else reacted.