The Funny Thing Is, I Keep On Returning Over and Over

[Pippi]

((Bryony Adams continued from Is it bright on Planet Cool?))

Bryony stared down at the tiny metal Spartan helmet in the palm of her hand. It glared up at her, and she frowned a tiny little frown in return.

How long had she been standing in the gift shop of the museum, now? Probably a lot longer than was totally necessary. Probably more than fifteen minutes, which was way too much time to spend searching through tacky pencil sharpeners and overpriced candy for some diamond in the rough. She could have been ordering a sandwich in the museum cafe instead. She could have been even more productive and gotten round to finishing any one of the dozen of sketches she'd started that afternoon, which were currently lying dormant in the messenger bag slung across her shoulder.

Instead, she was gazing at a collection of little metal statues, seemingly blissfully unaware of anyone else in the gift shop.

Bryony wound a few strands of hair from her right pigtail around her index finger, briefly looking outside, before her gaze was drawn back to the figures. She felt... weird. Something was off about her, but she couldn't put her finger on it. She'd somehow wound up at the museum after school had finished, like she often did. She'd brought paper and sketching pencils with her, but for whatever reason, nothing she attempted to draw felt right. It all felt so dull and lifeless, and she'd ended up abandoning every single one. Bryony didn't have the heart to throw any of them away, even though she knew she would never get around to finishing them off. She didn't even feel like looking round the rest of the museum, even though it was normally one of her favourite methods of relaxing. Really, she should just have started walking home ages ago.

The statues were so very well made, though.

Bryony carefully set down the Spartan helmet, and replaced it with a shining silver statue of a man on horseback, sabre in his outstretched hand and plumed cap on his head. There was nothing else special about it, no hidden pencil sharpener in the base or anything like that, but Bryony liked it all the same. She rummaged around in the pocket of her hoody for her purse. She had just about enough money to buy two of these little statues. That would be nice. She knew exactly where she would put the little horseman on her desk, so the light flooding through her window would cast its shadow against the wall.

She didn't really need two, though, did she? She could always give the other one to someone as a gift, maybe the Spartan helmet or something. Who exactly would be happiest to receive something like this, though?

Bryony shook her head slightly. She was just wasting time here. She just needed to choose her two favourite statues, pay for them, and go home. Today had been a weird day, and she was in some kind of funk. A good meal and a good sleep would, hopefully, be the cure.

And yet still Bryony stared down at the art in her hands.

Deep down inside, or perhaps less deep than she wanted to admit, Bryony knew that home was the last place she wanted to be right now.

[Espi]

((Alice Baker continued from Not Quite the Zeitgeist))

The art museum was a lovely little place. Alice had been lucky enough to have some of her works displayed in the café, despite being a junior, so she was a little biased. That said, she did like the works of art, and sometimes looking at the paintings or sculptures inspired her own sketches.

Today, though, Alice was lacking her sketchbook. She wasn't even in the museum wing. She was at the gift shop, browsing the gifts and knickknacks. Alice was not a spender. She'd go out for dinner or lunch if she had some cash and was feeling up to it, but usually she liked to save money. Ideally, in the future she'd be able to save up for travel and such, maybe see Paris or London or other famous locales. But she didn't spend frivolously. So why the gift store?

Alice's mom's birthday was coming up, and Alice needed a gift for her. Mom was hard to shop for; she liked pottery and decorations and practical things, but not electronics or things she had already or things she saw no purpose for. Alice had agonized at various shops of late, and eventually opted to visit then museum gift shop. Surely they had some handmade china or something!

Alas, Alice had not found anything of the sort, but she'd made the trip so at this point she was willing to buy anything if it meant having something to present. The card was already written and decorated, but without a gift, Alice would look cheap. So she kept at it, right up until she spotted her friend Bryony, seemingly in a mini crisis of her own.

"Oh, hi Bryony." Bryony was a similarly shy soul to Alice, and they got along well when drawing, even though they rarely spoke during their hangouts. Today, though, Bryony looked rather distraught. Alice knew she'd been feeling a little down lately, but wasn't sure why. She should check in. "What's up?"

[Pippi]

For a good few seconds, Alice's words made it as far as Bryony's ears, but no further. She understood that there was someone next to her talking, that that someone was her friend Alice, and that Alice was asking what was up, but her brain absolutely refused to process those facts. It had thrown up a brick wall, preventing anything new from coming in and letting Bryony stew in her own uncertainty.

For those few seconds, Bryony continued to stare down at the little cavalier. It remained silent and still, forever frozen in time. It told her nothing. Yet she continued to look down, her gaze piercing through the statue in her hand to the display in front of her, as if she expected the answers she was looking for to be obvious the more she looked.

Eventually, Alice's words managed to seep their way into Bryony's mind and the actual point of them became clear. She started, turning to face Alice, eyes wide and free hand covering her mouth.

"Oh gosh, um, hi Alice." Bryony said, gently setting the statue down amongst its comrades. The gentle metal thud it made seemed louder than her own words. "I'm sorry, I completely zoned out there. I, um, can't have got enough sleep last night, I think..."

The words were as much to reassure Alice as they were to convince herself. There had to be some logical, simple reason as to why she was feeling so out of it, and sleep deprivation was definitely up there. She had been staying up late recently, after all, trying to catch up on old episodes of TV shows and There Will Be Brawl.

"But, I'm... um, well, y'know... the usual." Bryony lamely concluded, giving Alice an uncertain smile. After a couple of seconds, she looked back at the table of metal statues.

"I've, um, been looking at those for... uh... a while now. They're rather nice, aren't they? I kinda wanna buy a couple but, um... I don't want to spend money unless it's totally necessary..."

Bryony's gaze had stuck on the Spartan helmet again.

[Espi]

Bryony seemed distracted. Well, maybe that was an understatement. It took a while for her to register Alice's presence, which seemed odd. The poor thing must be worse off than she'd thought.

"It's okay." Alice said reassuringly. She offered a smile, and tilted her head to get a better look at the little statuette. It was a nice little hoplite-type helmet, rendered in metal. It was pretty neat, actually, Alice could see in her mind the helmet laying on a destroyed battlefield. Very symbolic, actually. Ooh, inspiration!

Wait. Shit, Alice got so wrapped up in the little trinket she forgot about Bryony. Mentally berating herself, Alice added, "It's a neat statue. If you want it, it's a nice little thing. How much is it?" She reached over and picked up the statue, checking the price tag. It wasn't that much, surprisingly. "Yeah, I say go for it."

She smiled again. Hopefully she could get to the bottom of why Bryony was so distressed, but for now, she was willing to make small talk and help her feel better for now.

[Pippi]

Alice's presence was helping. Only a little bit, but a little bit was more than enough right now. When she started speaking again, Bryony heard her loud and clear, without zoning out this time. Alice served as a distraction, a focal point, a reminder that she had someone to turn to.

No. No, that wasn't right. That was all too clinical, too distant, no matter how true it might be. She was treating Alice like an object, rather than a human being. Rather than a friend. That was it. A friend. That was all she needed to say, and that was all she needed. Bryony looked at Alice again, trying her best to maintain her smile.

"Um... are you sure? I mean, I really don't need it, but... I guess it really isn't that much, and..."

Bryony went silent for another moment, looking back again the the statues. She felt as though they were looking up at her, unblinking and silent. Judging her, somehow. Then she reached down and picked up the helmet and the cavalier. Sometimes it was best to stop thinking about things and to just do them.

"Oh, what the hell. It's not like I'm saving up for anything in particular right now. Um... thanks, Alice."

A smile, an actual, genuine, thankful smile crossed Bryony's face, as she held the cavalier out between thumb and forefinger.

"I've never, um, been able to draw horses very well. They're a lot more, uh, fiddly than you'd expect, I guess. I could probably use this as, um, reference, or something... but I'll probably just end up looking at it when I'm bored..."

[Espi]

Luckily it seemed Alice's presence was helping Bryony feel better, even if it was a transient, brief respite from whatever plagued her. The question now was, should she press the issue, inquire deeper into Bryony's troubles in the hope of forever putting them to rest, or leave it be and simply try to provide support without invading the other girl's life?

Alice smiled. "You're welcome. Horses can be tough, I don't do animals a lot so whenever I try it ends up looking malformed." She chuckled softly, but her smile vanished after a moment as she came to a decision.

"Bryony,  I know you've been kind of worried about something lately. What's up?"

There, she did it. She pressed the hot button. Maybe she could help her friend now. Hopefully Bryony didn't suffer in the process.

[Pippi]

Bryony nodded and made a few generic noises of agreement as Alice commented on the difficulty of drawing horses and other animals. She still managed to keep the smile on her face, and it became less and less of an effort to keep it there. It was good to know that she wasn't the only one who had trouble drawing animals, and that she could share this problem with one of her friends. She wondered if Alice hated drawing bikes as well. For such a common object, they were a lot trickier to draw accurately than one would think.

Bryony began to look around the gift shop for the counter. It couldn't be too far away, the gift shop wasn't exactly large, after all. Maybe now, once she'd bought her two little statues, she could face leaving here. Or, if not, she'd be put back into the mood for art, and wander round the museum proper a little more.

Then Alice asked that question, and Bryony felt her heart drop and her blood turn cold. The two figurines in her hands threatened to fall through her loosened grip and crash against the floor below. Quickly, faster than was truly natural, she turned to look at Alice, trying to act like nothing was wrong and failing miserably.

"I... I don't..."

'I don't know what you're talking about'? Was that what she was going to finish that sentence off with? Who was she trying to fool? Bryony had never been good at hiding her emotions. There had been a huge chance that somebody would notice how down she had been feeling recently, and lo and behold, somebody had. Honestly, the biggest surprise was that her parents hadn't noticed something was up. God, wouldn't that be a difficult thing to explain.

Bryony was silent for a moment, biting her lip, staring down at the floor. She needed to tell Alice. Alice was her friend. She knew something was up anyway. They could trust each other, couldn't they? Sharing problems with friends applied to everything, from artistic woes to... this. Alice would understand, surely.

And yet...

"It's... it's nothing, um, nothing really. Nothing important, at least." Bryony mumbled. "Just, um, my brain being stupid. It'll blow over in a couple of days. Don't, um... don't worry about it."

It was never easy to transfer things from paper to practice.

[Espi]

Well that didn't work out how Alice had hoped it would. Bryony hadn't freaked out like she'd feared, but neither had she opened up, leaving Alice just as in the dark as before. It was apparent from Bryony's reaction that she was hiding something, but Alice didn't know what.

Pressing the issue might make Bryony snap at her, and Alice desperately wanted to avoid that. But leaving it be scared her; people always talked about this kind of thing. If it was a worst case scenario, Bryony might really need to talk to someone, and Alice was in a position to help.

So she pressed on.

"Bree..." She said quietly. She hadn't called Bryony Bree for a while, but now seemed a good time. After all, Alice was her friend, and she really did care. If Bryony needed someone, Alice was hopefully fit for the job.

"It's okay if you don't want to talk, I get it. But I want to make sure you're alright. I'm worried, you know? You're so on edge, and I want to help." Alice smiled gently. "So please, what's been upsetting you?"

[Pippi]

Bree. God. Alice had called her Bree. How often was she called Bree, nowadays? Pretty much nobody outside of her family referred to her as Bree anymore, and even then, that was only when she was feeling particularly shitty. Now, Alice had used it, and if Bryony had had any doubts that her friend was willing, and able, to help her, they had been swiftly dispelled.

Bryony looked up, changing targets from the floor to Alice. She wanted to cry, but she wasn't going to. Not here, not now, not amongst other people. She knew Alice wouldn't laugh at her, or make fun of her, or tell her that her problems weren't worth worrying about. But that wouldn't stop Bryony herself from feeling that way. She just couldn't help feel that, for whatever reason, she was getting emotionally carried away, that this was all just her making a big fuss over nothing.

A moment passed. Then Bryony spoke up.

"Um... can you, uh... hold on a second, Alice?"

Bryony turned, and walked towards the gift shop counter, figurines clutched in her hand. Even if it was just her being silly, even if it was just her making a big fuss over nothing, she was feeling that way for a reason. Hadn't she learnt that keeping everything bottled up inside never ended well?

Bryony paid for the little statues, fumbling in her purse for the change, but managing to muster a smile and a 'thank you' for the girl behind the counter, before she walked back over to Alice, statues safe in their little white paper bag.

"Could we, um... could we go someplace else? Like the café or something?"

[Espi]

Luckily, it seemed Alice had managed to coax Bryony into opening up. Now hopefully Bryony's problem was something that could be fixed, or at least, something Alice could be supportive of. Not that she didn't have faith in her friend, of course, but there was always the chance Bree was in trouble.

As Bryony paid for the statuette, Alice waited for her to return before replying, "No problem." She smiled reassuringly before moving towards the café.

Now, Alice was pretty confident she wasn't showing it too much, but inside, Alice was starting to feel worried. What if Bryony's issue was silly? Or she was doing something wrong and Alice would be better off not knowing? Or what if-

No, stop it. Bree was a good person, whatever the problem was, it wasn't her. Alice just had to do what made sense and, if nothing else, be there for her friend when it mattered.

Sitting down at a small table in a metal chair, Alice watched Bree, trying to read her face. The worry was clear as day, but Alice didn't know what she was worried about. Not yet, at least.

[Pippi]

Alice was happy for them to continue their conversation in the cafe, and that at least was a small weight off of Bryony's mind. She could only hope that the cafe wasn't too full. Or, actually, no, if it was empty then the staff would be able to hear every word of their conversation. Now she hoped the cafe was packed, but then the people next to their table would be able to hear them, if they were inclined to eavesdrop...

Bryony's mind was filled with conflict as she slowly made her way to the cafe alongside Alice. She needed to get this off of her chest. She had to. The longer it stayed there, the more doubt crept into her mind. And the more doubt that was in her mind, the stupider her worries seemed and the worse she felt and the less inclined she was to say anything.

Luckily, the cafe was neither completely empty nor totally full. There were a few patrons scattered around, filling the air with light chatter. Bryony slowly sat down opposite Alice, putting the bag with her statues in on the table in front of her. For a good while, she couldn't even look at her friend, staring out of the window at the world outside. Once or twice, she turned, opened her mouth, then closed it again without saying a word. Eventually, Bryony managed to find her voice.

"I... I..."

It was barely a whisper. She sounded like she hadn't had a drink for days. Bryony looked down, swallowed, then tried again.

"I... I don't want to go home..."

[Espi]

Alice nodded cautiously. Bryony was clearly distraught, and she didn't want to assume or misunderstand her friend's intentions. Still, her thoughts started racing, most of them rather outlandish. Bryony's family, last Alice had heard, were perfectly unremarkable, and Alice wasn't entirely sure what might cause her to avoid them. Perhaps she'd perpetrated some kind of offense and couldn't bear to face them?

That seemed improbable. Bryony was hardly the type to get involved in something irresponsible or unsavory. Maybe some kind of falling out had happened? More plausible, but hard to picture. Alice couldn't see her friend fighting with someone. This unconfrontational nature was something she had in common with Bryony. Even thinking of arguing with someone made Alice feel sick.

Still. Bryony was willing to open up to her, and Alice needed to help.

Slowly, Alice said, "I see. Do you feel safe there? Because if you're scared, you can come stay at my place if you need to." She didn't want to be inquisitorial, so letting Bryony explain the situation at her own pace seemed logical.

[Pippi]

Oh god. She hadn't explained her situation clearly in the slightest, and now Alice was jumping to conclusions. Well, of course she was! Who wouldn't think that Bryony had a problem with her family as a whole with such a vague and cryptic statement? Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

Now Bryony was acutely aware of everyone else in the café and of how loud her breathing was. She was sure people were staring at her, staring at the panicking girl in the middle of the café. Oh god, she was panicking, wasn't she? She was panicking over something small and stupid and making her friend worry in the process for no reason.

Bryony covered her mouth with one hand, and placed her other hand on her elbow. She closed her eyes and forced herself to take deep, slow, shaky breaths. She had to calm down. She wasn't helping anybody with this, not Alice, not herself. She wasn't worrying about nothing. Her worries were valid. She'd never told anybody this before. Of course it wouldn't be easy. It was a deeply personal thing, and until recently, she hadn't even been told most people vaguely personal facts about herself.

Deep breaths. In, out.

Stay calm.

Bryony opened her eyes again. No-one was looking at her aside from Alice. She took one, last, deep breath before speaking again.

"N-No... sorry Alice, um, it's not like that... really..."

Bryony let out a deep sigh, turning to look outside with her arms folded. She felt very small, even smaller than usual. She hadn't even noticed that there were tears in her eyes and that her glasses had slipped down her nose until now. She pushed them back up before speaking again.

"It's nothing to do with my parents, um, if that's what you're worried about. It's... it's my sister. Everything she says to me, everything she does, it's just so, um... she says it's just teasing, but... b-but..."

[Espi]

Luckily, it seemed Bryony's parents weren't the issue, but her sister was. Alice vaguely recalled hearing Bethany's name come up before, at school if nowhere else. She didn't seem like a particularly problematic student, but if she was upsetting Bryony so much...

Ugh. Bullying was just...ugh. Especially among family members. Alice got picked on a lot by Molly when she was younger, and it was so difficult to speak out to her parents. Appeasing Molly was a source for so many of her decisions even now, it was kind of scary. Alice wondered sometimes how things might've been different if she were the oldest sibling.

That was not the point, though. The point was helping her friend. "Bryony, it's okay. You know Molly, my big sister? She did a lot of the same stuff, I think. It's hard to deal with, I know."

Alice paused for a moment. There had to be something specific here, some particular event that led to this fear, right? It could just be mounting dread, but she suspected otherwise. "What has she said to you?" She asked quietly, leaning towards Bryony a little.

[Pippi]

((I'M SORRY THIS IS SO DELAYED I AM THE WORST))

Bryony folded her arms, gripping hold of herself tightly, each hand clutching their opposite upper-arm. As much as she appreciated Alice being there, as much as she appreciated the help, she couldn't quite find it in herself to look at her friend. She still didn't feel like she could say this to someone other than herself.

What had Bethany said to her?

Well.

---

It was a lazy afternoon. Bryony had managed to snag the TV in the living room before either Beth or Jake could get there. The Amazing Race was airing, and whilst Bryony was happy to watch it on her laptop, it was nicer on a larger screen, in better quality than the... dubious sites she was forced to use. Currently, the show was focusing on one of Bryony's favourite teams, a bisexual couple. They were currently talking about, via confession camera, when they discovered they were bi, and how it had affected them. Every word they said resonated with Bryony.

"Ugh. Gross."

Bryony jumped in her seat, turning to look towards the doorway. She hadn't heard Bethany enter the room over the sound of the TV. Before Bryony could reply, her sister carried on.

"Like, do they have to parade it around everywhere? Like, jeez, we get it. They should just pick one and shut up about it."

Something about her sister's words hit Bryony hard. Slowly, she found what she wanted to say, dreading the worst.

"Pick... pick one what?"

"Those gay people who call themselves 'bisexual'. They need to pick whether they like guys or girls. They're just doing it for attention."

"No they're not. It's an actual thing."

Bryony instantly realised she'd said that far too quickly. The anger that had clouded her senses was fading quickly, and Bryony was returning to her normal self. For her part, Bethany looked thoroughly unimpressed.

"Yeah?"

"Y-yeah. They... they, um, are..."

Bethany sniffed derisively. The two sisters looked directly at one another. Bryony was too terrified to look anywhere else. She couldn't read Bethany's face at all. Did she suspect something? There was no way she could know, not from one innocuous statement, surely? Bryony waited with baited breath for her to continue.

"Why do you care so much, anyway?" she finally said.

"I... um... have friends that are... uh..."

Bethany interrupted Bryony with a harsh laugh.

"Whatever. Well, at least they'll actually get a boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever."

---

The memory played in Bryony's head as clearly as if it was happening before her eyes. It was trying to break free of the confines of her mind, trying to make itself known to the outside world.

Bryony wouldn't let it. She couldn't tell anyone. Not yet. Not ever, if she had to. Not until she felt totally safe that no-one would judge her and hate her for things outside of her control.

Bryony still had something to tell Alice though. Bethany hadn't finished there.

"She, um... she told me 'chances of you getting a boyfriend are non-existent.'" Bryony mumbled. "She told me nobody would ever care about me if I spent so much time indoors. That I was embarrassing to be around."

Bryony looked up, straight at Alice, tears in her eyes.

"That's... that's everything I've been trying to avoid... that's what I'm most scared of, and I... and..."