Scout tented her fingers as she avoided thinking about Henry Spencer. She discovered this was harder than she anticipated. The more she told herself to stop thinking about Henry Spencer, the more she inevitably thought about him. It is what it is; he was dead. Besides, he saw you as just a friend. Like with Noah, all the good guys were gay or spoken for.
She sat back in her seat. Heard it creak with age. It made her shoulders tremble slightly, because over the sound of the rain outside she didn't even notice the creaking. Tch. She pressed two fingers to her neck and rolled her head, kneading the 'creak' or knot or whatever. Sore spot.
She heard the door to one of the rooms open. Scout glanced out of the corner of her eye, waited for the boy to join her. She felt like shit, and her attitude was going to amount to the same.
"Yeah," she said, coughing into her sleeve. Scout looked at Noah, at the bag and 'Sawlaska'. Dumb name, but it was one she wasn't going to forget any time soon. "I'm... okay. One of my friends just died."
Scout's voice skidded to a halt. She blinked, winced. Scout remembered that she had not heard Clarice's name on the announcement, which afforded her some peace of mind. But admitting that her 'friend' just died, it filled her with a sense of guilt. Humiliation. Why was that? There was nothing she could have done to save him...
. . .
"Where you heading?" Scout asked suddenly. She motioned to Noah's bag and 'Sawlaska'. "It's early. Plus, the weather's shit."
The List of Adrian Messenger.
Open.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," Noah said when Scout told him a friend of hers died yesterday.
Noah made his way down the stairs and over towards Scout. No one he was particularly close to has died since the first day, but every recognizable name hurt. Every day, even the most minor name he recognized had family and friends who would miss them.
"I was gonna step out for a bit," Noah said. "I still want to check out the dorms and the shoreline again in case the others came back to those places. Yeah, the weather is shit, but if you think about it, it's not like we're gonna get a shower or clean water any other way."
Noah adjusted the bag around his shoulder.
"What about you? Are you going to stay here today?"
Noah made his way down the stairs and over towards Scout. No one he was particularly close to has died since the first day, but every recognizable name hurt. Every day, even the most minor name he recognized had family and friends who would miss them.
"I was gonna step out for a bit," Noah said. "I still want to check out the dorms and the shoreline again in case the others came back to those places. Yeah, the weather is shit, but if you think about it, it's not like we're gonna get a shower or clean water any other way."
Noah adjusted the bag around his shoulder.
"What about you? Are you going to stay here today?"
"Thanks."
Scout smiled again. It came a lot more easily than the first one from the other night.
Noah was going out. She should have expected this. Noah wasn't like Scout; no way was an extrovert like him going to stay cooped up in the cabin. Noah's logic was poor but she could not come up with a way to refute it. They really were not going to find a working shower on this island.
He also asked what Scout was planning to do. She had to sit on that one.
"I don't know," Scout said. "I might leave. Need to keep myself moving. Don't want to get complacent, y'know?"
The buzz of the rain from outside made Scout's head numb slightly.
"I'm planning to kill people." There was a pregnant pause. "Not just anyone. Just, whoever might be considered a threat."
She swallowed, glanced out the nearby window. Of course there was nothing to see out the window. Oh. Right. The fog. Christ. Scout was losing it. Rubbing at her eyes, Scout continued.
"I just... figured you should know. In case I come with you."
Scout smiled again. It came a lot more easily than the first one from the other night.
Noah was going out. She should have expected this. Noah wasn't like Scout; no way was an extrovert like him going to stay cooped up in the cabin. Noah's logic was poor but she could not come up with a way to refute it. They really were not going to find a working shower on this island.
He also asked what Scout was planning to do. She had to sit on that one.
"I don't know," Scout said. "I might leave. Need to keep myself moving. Don't want to get complacent, y'know?"
The buzz of the rain from outside made Scout's head numb slightly.
"I'm planning to kill people." There was a pregnant pause. "Not just anyone. Just, whoever might be considered a threat."
She swallowed, glanced out the nearby window. Of course there was nothing to see out the window. Oh. Right. The fog. Christ. Scout was losing it. Rubbing at her eyes, Scout continued.
"I just... figured you should know. In case I come with you."
Noah smiled as Scout gave her plans for the day. She was likely to move along. Part of Noah felt sad, knowing this was possibly the last time he'd see his junior. She had been kind and hospitable when she didn't have to, and he would appreciate that for the rest of his time on the island. He'd have to pray for her safety along with his prayers for finding his friends and for rescue.
I'm planning to kill people.
Noah kept a smile on his face, but his mouth fell open slightly. He certainly wasn't expecting to hear that.
Not just anyone. Just, whoever might be considered a threat. I just... figured you should know. In case I come with you.
Noah closed his mouth and nodded. Four days into this mess, and moral alignments were probably shifting moment by moment. Everyone probably had someone they wanted to kill now. Even Noah had to admit he would probably kill Nancy if he ran into her again. He didn't want to say that out loud or even think that, but he knew there was that possibility.
"Well, as long as they really are threats," Noah said. "Just be careful with who you deem a threat. You know, just so you're not dealing with that Nietzsche he-who-fights-monsters b.s."
Noah adjusted his bag and walked towards the door to the cabin. He opened the door, taking in the sight of the morning rain. He turned back to Scout one last time.
"If you do come along, you're welcome to. If not, then I wish you the best of luck."
Noah stepped out the door, closing it with his free hand. Before he did, he paused, then opened it and peered back in. He wasn't going to let this be so maudlin if this was the last time he was to see Scout.
"Oh, and one more thing," he said to Scout. "Just something to leave for you to remember me by."
He smiled.
"How is a banana like a penis?"
Pause.
"They're both better peeled back."
Noah chuckled, then stepped outside and made his way to the forest. He wasn't sure why he told her that joke, but he figured it would be something to help her get in the right mood after losing a friend and declaring her intent to fight back. After all, it was something he needed to get back into the right mood as well. His friends were missing and dangerous people were roaming the island. He needed to be in a good mood.
((Noah Whitley continued in Act II, Scene I))
I'm planning to kill people.
Noah kept a smile on his face, but his mouth fell open slightly. He certainly wasn't expecting to hear that.
Not just anyone. Just, whoever might be considered a threat. I just... figured you should know. In case I come with you.
Noah closed his mouth and nodded. Four days into this mess, and moral alignments were probably shifting moment by moment. Everyone probably had someone they wanted to kill now. Even Noah had to admit he would probably kill Nancy if he ran into her again. He didn't want to say that out loud or even think that, but he knew there was that possibility.
"Well, as long as they really are threats," Noah said. "Just be careful with who you deem a threat. You know, just so you're not dealing with that Nietzsche he-who-fights-monsters b.s."
Noah adjusted his bag and walked towards the door to the cabin. He opened the door, taking in the sight of the morning rain. He turned back to Scout one last time.
"If you do come along, you're welcome to. If not, then I wish you the best of luck."
Noah stepped out the door, closing it with his free hand. Before he did, he paused, then opened it and peered back in. He wasn't going to let this be so maudlin if this was the last time he was to see Scout.
"Oh, and one more thing," he said to Scout. "Just something to leave for you to remember me by."
He smiled.
"How is a banana like a penis?"
Pause.
"They're both better peeled back."
Noah chuckled, then stepped outside and made his way to the forest. He wasn't sure why he told her that joke, but he figured it would be something to help her get in the right mood after losing a friend and declaring her intent to fight back. After all, it was something he needed to get back into the right mood as well. His friends were missing and dangerous people were roaming the island. He needed to be in a good mood.
((Noah Whitley continued in Act II, Scene I))
((Asuka and Nate continued from Judas))
Asuka had always imagined that getting two quiet kids together was a good idea. Nobody trying to talk over you, and you can bond over being awkward and shy. Or at least bond in comfortable silence. Or something. The comfortable silence thing is only supposed to really work when you actually know the other person, but you had to dangle some straws for Asuka to clutch at.
Yeah. Neither of them could hold a conversation. It sucked.
They'd winded up wandering around the island, Asuka trying to come up with something to look for. It'd been quiet. They probably should've been quiet anyways, seeing as they were essentially helpless, but Asuka wouldn't have minded finding out a little more about Nate. That was the whole point of staying around, the only reason she'd bothered to do anything other than hide in a corner, think whatever pretentious things she felt like thinking, and wait for death. She'd gotten up and about to tell her story, to help other people tell their stories. To make sure that at least one of these stories was better than the narrative they'd been handed. She hadn't done her part very well. Anxious depressives don't make very good protagonists. But if she didn't try to interact with somebody all she'd be doing is walking around and looking at all the nice scenery. Not that the scenery was bad. But she could imagine better ones anyways. If she was going to venture out into the real world, it'd better be godfuckingdamn beautiful.
Truth be told, she'd been looking for people. That's what she'd decided on after the first ten minutes or so of walking. Find someone, anyone she'd met before. Be all like "Oh brave new world, with what people in it!" Except it wouldn't be ironic, cuz Asuka knew. This was a brave new world, and it was crawling with murderers and suicidals and heroes and all of it was fucking wonderful. Asuka was sure it must've been wonderful.
A shame wonderful things terrified her, then. That's why she'd turned down Penelope's offer. Because even here she was doomed to walk the path of
Ennui, again. Why couldn't she escape it, even when she'd centered her whole existence around fighting it? Around making wonderful flighty romantic fantasies? You know why, but there are other culprits.
Blame the depression, blame the anxiety. Blame the fucking system. She'd blame herself, but she already does, and look at where that got her.
And in the end, she couldn't find anyone. They'd ended up falling asleep a couple hundred feet away from some cabin. The map said it was a hunting cabin. It looked cute. She wasn't willing to sleep in it, though, because self-preservation was apparently a bigger priority to her than comfort. When you've been wearing the same clothes for three days, without a bath, you either become miserable or you forget your body exists.
Asuka was tired enough that she only made cursory efforts to make herself hidden, but then she couldn't fucking fall asleep. Nate probably thought she was a dumbass by now, for suggesting they sleep after not finding anything. You know what? She doesn't fucking care.
Oh, she could tell him that he'd found himself or something. Maybe he'd think she was deep or something. Hopefully not. Asuka was pretty sure she looked about as useless as Nate looked to her, right now. She doesn't like being judgmental, and she reeeally doesn't like it when she finds out that she was right while being judgmental. Not that it stops her from, y'know. Doing it.
Ohgawdthatsoundedeuphemistic--
If someone went and killed her in the middle of the night, that would've been one hell of a last thought. This one was okay though. And so was this one. And so was--
She's being pretentious again.
--
The announcements woke her up. Some of the names registered as repeats, but she didn't have anything to write stuff down on. Not that she was gonna run away if she saw a killer or anything-- actually, she probably would, but let's pretend for a second that Asuka isn't a fucking coward and somehow overcomes her aversion to existing in the real world-- but she would need to change her approach depending on who it was.
The list of names stopped. Danger zones, natch. Asuka waited for the pang of what happened to come, the realization that-- 8? 9? fuck, she couldn't even remember how many had died-- ways of perceiving the world, 8 or 9 whole universes of thoughts and personalities and memories were deleted and irretrievable, but it wouldn't come, and she couldn't entirely blame it on the grogginess affecting her ability to process her thoughts and emotions. No. She'd gotten desensitized.
Well. How many times does she repeat this narrative to herself?
FUCKING CHANGE THAT, YOU DUMBASS BITCH.
Yeah, yelling at yourself doesn't seem to do anything.
She walked over to Nate. Shook him awak-- he was already awake, eyes wide. A hunting-we-would-go?
She probably should've asked Nate if he was okay after hearing the announcements, if his friends had been on there. Dumb of her not to think of it, when he'd been freaking out about that earlier. She couldn't even remember their names. But it was too late to say anything helpful now. Fuck her.
Asuka hat-- strongly disliked hunters.
Asuka had always imagined that getting two quiet kids together was a good idea. Nobody trying to talk over you, and you can bond over being awkward and shy. Or at least bond in comfortable silence. Or something. The comfortable silence thing is only supposed to really work when you actually know the other person, but you had to dangle some straws for Asuka to clutch at.
Yeah. Neither of them could hold a conversation. It sucked.
They'd winded up wandering around the island, Asuka trying to come up with something to look for. It'd been quiet. They probably should've been quiet anyways, seeing as they were essentially helpless, but Asuka wouldn't have minded finding out a little more about Nate. That was the whole point of staying around, the only reason she'd bothered to do anything other than hide in a corner, think whatever pretentious things she felt like thinking, and wait for death. She'd gotten up and about to tell her story, to help other people tell their stories. To make sure that at least one of these stories was better than the narrative they'd been handed. She hadn't done her part very well. Anxious depressives don't make very good protagonists. But if she didn't try to interact with somebody all she'd be doing is walking around and looking at all the nice scenery. Not that the scenery was bad. But she could imagine better ones anyways. If she was going to venture out into the real world, it'd better be godfuckingdamn beautiful.
Truth be told, she'd been looking for people. That's what she'd decided on after the first ten minutes or so of walking. Find someone, anyone she'd met before. Be all like "Oh brave new world, with what people in it!" Except it wouldn't be ironic, cuz Asuka knew. This was a brave new world, and it was crawling with murderers and suicidals and heroes and all of it was fucking wonderful. Asuka was sure it must've been wonderful.
A shame wonderful things terrified her, then. That's why she'd turned down Penelope's offer. Because even here she was doomed to walk the path of
Ennui, again. Why couldn't she escape it, even when she'd centered her whole existence around fighting it? Around making wonderful flighty romantic fantasies? You know why, but there are other culprits.
Blame the depression, blame the anxiety. Blame the fucking system. She'd blame herself, but she already does, and look at where that got her.
And in the end, she couldn't find anyone. They'd ended up falling asleep a couple hundred feet away from some cabin. The map said it was a hunting cabin. It looked cute. She wasn't willing to sleep in it, though, because self-preservation was apparently a bigger priority to her than comfort. When you've been wearing the same clothes for three days, without a bath, you either become miserable or you forget your body exists.
Asuka was tired enough that she only made cursory efforts to make herself hidden, but then she couldn't fucking fall asleep. Nate probably thought she was a dumbass by now, for suggesting they sleep after not finding anything. You know what? She doesn't fucking care.
Oh, she could tell him that he'd found himself or something. Maybe he'd think she was deep or something. Hopefully not. Asuka was pretty sure she looked about as useless as Nate looked to her, right now. She doesn't like being judgmental, and she reeeally doesn't like it when she finds out that she was right while being judgmental. Not that it stops her from, y'know. Doing it.
Ohgawdthatsoundedeuphemistic--
If someone went and killed her in the middle of the night, that would've been one hell of a last thought. This one was okay though. And so was this one. And so was--
She's being pretentious again.
--
The announcements woke her up. Some of the names registered as repeats, but she didn't have anything to write stuff down on. Not that she was gonna run away if she saw a killer or anything-- actually, she probably would, but let's pretend for a second that Asuka isn't a fucking coward and somehow overcomes her aversion to existing in the real world-- but she would need to change her approach depending on who it was.
The list of names stopped. Danger zones, natch. Asuka waited for the pang of what happened to come, the realization that-- 8? 9? fuck, she couldn't even remember how many had died-- ways of perceiving the world, 8 or 9 whole universes of thoughts and personalities and memories were deleted and irretrievable, but it wouldn't come, and she couldn't entirely blame it on the grogginess affecting her ability to process her thoughts and emotions. No. She'd gotten desensitized.
Well. How many times does she repeat this narrative to herself?
FUCKING CHANGE THAT, YOU DUMBASS BITCH.
Yeah, yelling at yourself doesn't seem to do anything.
She walked over to Nate. Shook him awak-- he was already awake, eyes wide. A hunting-we-would-go?
She probably should've asked Nate if he was okay after hearing the announcements, if his friends had been on there. Dumb of her not to think of it, when he'd been freaking out about that earlier. She couldn't even remember their names. But it was too late to say anything helpful now. Fuck her.
Asuka hat-- strongly disliked hunters.
Yesterday hadn't gotten any better since they'd left the asylum. Nate was glad to have company that wasn't trying to kill or rob him (so far), and he was relieved when they didn't run into Alvaro, but he'd been on edge the whole time, unable to form a coherent conversation with Asuka. She probably thought he was really boring.
At the end of the day, nightfall had been a relief. At least he wasn't expected to be chatty in his sleep.
He'd been dreading the announcements for a while when they blurted into life. He knew what it meant: confirmation that gotten his friends killed. There was the stream of unfamiliar names as he listened for Ben or Matt's name, but he hadn't expected Henry's. A wave of guilt instantly washed over him, but he had to hold it back a moment longer and keep his ears sharp, as the announcement continued on indifferently.
There was what felt like a torturous pause after Oskar Pearce's name, before the topic casually changed to the danger zone of the day. That was it; no more names. Nate half expected the announcer to cut himself off, go "Haha, just kidding, Nate. Matt and Ben are dead, thanks to you", but that never happened, and finally the loudspeakers died out again.
His friends were still alive.
He wanted to smile, as a massive weight lifted off his shoulders. In reality though, he didn't know how to feel: his friends were still alive, but others were still dead, including the guy he'd cursed the name of. He was supposed to feel relieved, he thought, but wouldn't that make him selfish? It meant he wasn't a killer, but that didn't mean he'd done the right thing by abandoning the others.
In the end, he'd just kept it to himself, trying to resolve his never-ending inner dialogue. Despite his friends being alive, he still felt like he needed someone to tell him it wasn't his fault. Never the less, he also didn't want to bother Asuka, any more than he no doubt already had.
The two headed off towards the cabin. A rumbling in Nate's belly gnawed away at him, a reminder that there was still just a single day pack between them thanks to the late Henry Spencer. It was time to go scavenging, and the hunting lodge looked promising.
At the end of the day, nightfall had been a relief. At least he wasn't expected to be chatty in his sleep.
He'd been dreading the announcements for a while when they blurted into life. He knew what it meant: confirmation that gotten his friends killed. There was the stream of unfamiliar names as he listened for Ben or Matt's name, but he hadn't expected Henry's. A wave of guilt instantly washed over him, but he had to hold it back a moment longer and keep his ears sharp, as the announcement continued on indifferently.
There was what felt like a torturous pause after Oskar Pearce's name, before the topic casually changed to the danger zone of the day. That was it; no more names. Nate half expected the announcer to cut himself off, go "Haha, just kidding, Nate. Matt and Ben are dead, thanks to you", but that never happened, and finally the loudspeakers died out again.
His friends were still alive.
He wanted to smile, as a massive weight lifted off his shoulders. In reality though, he didn't know how to feel: his friends were still alive, but others were still dead, including the guy he'd cursed the name of. He was supposed to feel relieved, he thought, but wouldn't that make him selfish? It meant he wasn't a killer, but that didn't mean he'd done the right thing by abandoning the others.
In the end, he'd just kept it to himself, trying to resolve his never-ending inner dialogue. Despite his friends being alive, he still felt like he needed someone to tell him it wasn't his fault. Never the less, he also didn't want to bother Asuka, any more than he no doubt already had.
The two headed off towards the cabin. A rumbling in Nate's belly gnawed away at him, a reminder that there was still just a single day pack between them thanks to the late Henry Spencer. It was time to go scavenging, and the hunting lodge looked promising.
Nietzsche huh?
The comment stayed with Scout. Lingered in the pit of her belly long after Noah left. She knew very little of Nietzsche - you stare into the darkness and the darkness stares back? - but the comment made her drop her guard, well, drop it enough the joke to hit her like a ton of bricks. Scout did not 'get' the joke right away. It took her a moment before she started cackling like a damn witch. Christ. Why did she feel guilty for laughing? There were no damn rules on this island. On Killswitch Island. Whatever. She laughed, and screw anyone else who thought less of her for it.
She was about to follow Noah. About to. Then she changed her mind. Noah had his own group of friends. Scout did not want to become clingy, a distraction, a nuisance. That was the last thing she wanted. She hoped he would not get himself killed, hope. Scout did not believe in luck, only good odds.
Scout waited for the rain to dissipate before making any moves. She only had the one change of clothes, so she had to be careful. She did not want to die from hypothermia or something, as silly as the notion was. She needed to stay alive. Not do anything stupid.
There was no plans to stay in the cabin for another day. She only saw two people during her one and a half days in the lodge, and while the idea of just hanging out in there and waiting things out occurred to her, she knew that was the coward's way out. Besides, Clarice was out there somewhere. Clarice was still alive. Scout wasn't going to hide. No way in hell.
The windows were still fogged, and quite frankly what was the point in clearing them? So with her dufflebag slung over her shoulder, Scout walked to the front door, shoved the chair away from the door and threw it open. It swung gracelessly, slamming against the outside wall with a loud thunk. Under normal circumstances, such a move would be considered, in her words, 'stupid', but she genuinely thought she was alone.
She was wrong. There were two figures, about a dozen paces from the cabin. They were making their way over.
Scout sneered to herself. At least the rain died down. Small wonders.
The comment stayed with Scout. Lingered in the pit of her belly long after Noah left. She knew very little of Nietzsche - you stare into the darkness and the darkness stares back? - but the comment made her drop her guard, well, drop it enough the joke to hit her like a ton of bricks. Scout did not 'get' the joke right away. It took her a moment before she started cackling like a damn witch. Christ. Why did she feel guilty for laughing? There were no damn rules on this island. On Killswitch Island. Whatever. She laughed, and screw anyone else who thought less of her for it.
She was about to follow Noah. About to. Then she changed her mind. Noah had his own group of friends. Scout did not want to become clingy, a distraction, a nuisance. That was the last thing she wanted. She hoped he would not get himself killed, hope. Scout did not believe in luck, only good odds.
Scout waited for the rain to dissipate before making any moves. She only had the one change of clothes, so she had to be careful. She did not want to die from hypothermia or something, as silly as the notion was. She needed to stay alive. Not do anything stupid.
There was no plans to stay in the cabin for another day. She only saw two people during her one and a half days in the lodge, and while the idea of just hanging out in there and waiting things out occurred to her, she knew that was the coward's way out. Besides, Clarice was out there somewhere. Clarice was still alive. Scout wasn't going to hide. No way in hell.
The windows were still fogged, and quite frankly what was the point in clearing them? So with her dufflebag slung over her shoulder, Scout walked to the front door, shoved the chair away from the door and threw it open. It swung gracelessly, slamming against the outside wall with a loud thunk. Under normal circumstances, such a move would be considered, in her words, 'stupid', but she genuinely thought she was alone.
She was wrong. There were two figures, about a dozen paces from the cabin. They were making their way over.
Scout sneered to herself. At least the rain died down. Small wonders.
Asuka was tired of meeting people she barely knew.
Not that she didn't know who Scout was-- all the loners and outcasts and the like were at least peripherally aware of each other. She'd entertained the prospect of becoming friends, once. Scout was rude, abrasive, acted like she didn't need friends when she couldn't make them. Asuka had been there. She was still there, at the time. It would've worked.
She didn't, though. No wonder nobody made friends with her either.
Her hands raised automatically, dropping her excuse of a weapon. Good. Movies had ingrained in her the smart, instinctual responses that her body naturally lacked. And this was the smart thing to do, right? Small though she was, Scout could easily take on both her and Nate if it came down to a fight. Best not to antagonize her.
Asuka was faintly displeased with herself for feeling pleased with herself. You're better than this, goddammit. You're better than feeling proud of yourself for being smart about playing a game that you don't want to play.
So force a smile to your lips, but don't enjoy it. Keep doing what you're doing, because now there's stuff going on around you and you have to pay attention but you can't quite get the half-formed thoughts out of your head.
A strong gust of wind blew her hair across her face. What was she doing again?
She shivered. The world was so loud and weird and distracting. Her mind blanked. Her body responded.
"Uh...hi. You okay? I mean, obviously none of us are exactly okay, but..."
Good thing it knows what it's doing.
It still doesn't know how to respond naturally, though. Comes with the territory of having a body that understands her. Good body. Nice body.
Her arms went to her sides, clutching herself as if she were cold. Which she was. Not exactly body language that said 'LET'S BE FRIENDS AND HAVE INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS ABOUT DEEP AND PRETENTIOUS STUFF,' even if that's what Asuka wanted.
Accurate reflection of Asuka, that body.
Not that she didn't know who Scout was-- all the loners and outcasts and the like were at least peripherally aware of each other. She'd entertained the prospect of becoming friends, once. Scout was rude, abrasive, acted like she didn't need friends when she couldn't make them. Asuka had been there. She was still there, at the time. It would've worked.
She didn't, though. No wonder nobody made friends with her either.
Her hands raised automatically, dropping her excuse of a weapon. Good. Movies had ingrained in her the smart, instinctual responses that her body naturally lacked. And this was the smart thing to do, right? Small though she was, Scout could easily take on both her and Nate if it came down to a fight. Best not to antagonize her.
Asuka was faintly displeased with herself for feeling pleased with herself. You're better than this, goddammit. You're better than feeling proud of yourself for being smart about playing a game that you don't want to play.
So force a smile to your lips, but don't enjoy it. Keep doing what you're doing, because now there's stuff going on around you and you have to pay attention but you can't quite get the half-formed thoughts out of your head.
A strong gust of wind blew her hair across her face. What was she doing again?
She shivered. The world was so loud and weird and distracting. Her mind blanked. Her body responded.
"Uh...hi. You okay? I mean, obviously none of us are exactly okay, but..."
Good thing it knows what it's doing.
It still doesn't know how to respond naturally, though. Comes with the territory of having a body that understands her. Good body. Nice body.
Her arms went to her sides, clutching herself as if she were cold. Which she was. Not exactly body language that said 'LET'S BE FRIENDS AND HAVE INTERESTING CONVERSATIONS ABOUT DEEP AND PRETENTIOUS STUFF,' even if that's what Asuka wanted.
Accurate reflection of Asuka, that body.
Nate felt a growing sense of dread in his gut, one that had just been quietly simmering for the past few hours, as they approached the cabin. He looked at Asuka, who he'd continued to no doubt be a burden to this whole time, who he no doubt wasn't going to help at all by the time the day was over.
He thought back to his friends, who he was so glad to find out weren't dead, but no doubt didn't think highly of him for leaving them to their fates. Should he find them? Apologise?
As they approached the cabin, Scout appeared and Asuka took the lead. Nate didn't know Scout very well at all, but at this point, did it matter? Did he need to weigh down yet another stranger with his uselessness, unable to carry his own supplies or keep his head down in a dangerous situation? Did he want to risk Scout turning out like Alvaro and making him run for his life yet again?
Ultimately, he decided that it was time to leave. He started to say something, but thought better of it, and took off in another direction without any real thought or intent.
((Nate Turner continued in A Light in the Dark))
He thought back to his friends, who he was so glad to find out weren't dead, but no doubt didn't think highly of him for leaving them to their fates. Should he find them? Apologise?
As they approached the cabin, Scout appeared and Asuka took the lead. Nate didn't know Scout very well at all, but at this point, did it matter? Did he need to weigh down yet another stranger with his uselessness, unable to carry his own supplies or keep his head down in a dangerous situation? Did he want to risk Scout turning out like Alvaro and making him run for his life yet again?
Ultimately, he decided that it was time to leave. He started to say something, but thought better of it, and took off in another direction without any real thought or intent.
((Nate Turner continued in A Light in the Dark))
Scout squinted. The clouds were thick enough to blot out the sun but it was bright too. It reminded Scout of the rare times where she just holed herself in her room, curtains drawn, staring at the computer screen for hours on end. She always thought it was the computer playing tricks on her eyes.
She did not know who the girl was. Scout had seen her before, recognized her in the hallways, but she could not put a name to the face. Scout saw her drop her weapon, thought nothing of it. There was no way in hell a string bean of a girl was going to kill anyone with a table leg. Maybe if there were nails sticking out of one end. Whatever. Scout classified the girl as a non-threat the second Scout noticed she was shaking like a twig.
The girl smiled at her. It was a sheepy little smile, a forced one for sure. It made Scout wince in that 'please don't make this awkward' sort of way. She asked Scout whether she was okay or not. Then she prefaced the question with 'well it's obvious that you aren't okay'. Then why was she even asking? Scout got the gist of what she was getting at.
"I'm fine," Scout said.
She said nothing else. There they stood, two girls staring at each other with the wind rolling past.
The silence could be defined as awkward. Nothing Scout hasn't dealt with before, and she was certain she could say the same for the quivering girl standing a few paces away from her.
Scout blinked. She leaned, shifted her weight onto her right foot, then to her left. Her eyes glanced past the girl, off into the distance. After a long moment, her gaze returned to the awkward senior.
"... Your friend bailed. You should run after him."
Then she shouldered her bag, turned and walked off.
(Scout Pfeiffer continued in Mystic River.)
She did not know who the girl was. Scout had seen her before, recognized her in the hallways, but she could not put a name to the face. Scout saw her drop her weapon, thought nothing of it. There was no way in hell a string bean of a girl was going to kill anyone with a table leg. Maybe if there were nails sticking out of one end. Whatever. Scout classified the girl as a non-threat the second Scout noticed she was shaking like a twig.
The girl smiled at her. It was a sheepy little smile, a forced one for sure. It made Scout wince in that 'please don't make this awkward' sort of way. She asked Scout whether she was okay or not. Then she prefaced the question with 'well it's obvious that you aren't okay'. Then why was she even asking? Scout got the gist of what she was getting at.
"I'm fine," Scout said.
She said nothing else. There they stood, two girls staring at each other with the wind rolling past.
The silence could be defined as awkward. Nothing Scout hasn't dealt with before, and she was certain she could say the same for the quivering girl standing a few paces away from her.
Scout blinked. She leaned, shifted her weight onto her right foot, then to her left. Her eyes glanced past the girl, off into the distance. After a long moment, her gaze returned to the awkward senior.
"... Your friend bailed. You should run after him."
Then she shouldered her bag, turned and walked off.
(Scout Pfeiffer continued in Mystic River.)
Yeah, she really should run after Nate. Like, she'd given him quite a lot of her food, after all. Surely that meant she was emotionally invested enough in his survival to follow him around, make sure he was alright. Protecting her investments, and all that. She almost smiled at the thought, but her face was quite blank now.
She only had a couple seconds to decide whether she wanted to try to catch up to Nate or to follow Scout. Damn you, Nate. Why couldn't you have made this easier? You know-- well, you don't know, but you would've known if only you put some effort to getting to know Asuka-- that she's shit at making decisions like this on the spot. Indecisive as fuck, et cetera. This particular piece of introspection really wasn't helping right now.
She shook her head. Well. Let us assume that our enemies are competent and that only one of us is indeed making it off of the island. Not her, of course, but that's beside the point. Well, not exactly-- she already knew what her gut wanted her to do, and every thought that helped her let herself off the hook for it was gonna help-- and she even knows she's doing this, how fucking wonderful! It's a good thing she can come up with a bunch of philosophical bullshit to justify that, too. But in any case-- Nate was gonna die anyways. A couple of days on or off his life didn't really make much of a difference, so long as the rest of it was good and meaningful-- and if he didn't wanna hang around her anymore, she wasn't one to stop him, wasn't gonna make him miserable just so she could...think of herself as helping and protecting him? No. Him running off was gonna make a real dent in her self-esteem, though. Right now it registered only as something of a hollow pang.
Not that she gave zero fucks about how long the kid lasted. But-- and let's be totally, 100% honest with ourselves here--
Her feet were already making her move in the direction Scout had gone.
If she were honest with herself, she'd already gotten as much mileage out of talking to him as she was going to get, gotten to know him as much as she was able. And she had more meaningful things to do with the rest of her life than making small talk with someone she basically knew she could barely talk to. To prolong something that was meant to die.
Not that Asuka believed in fate. Or even wanted to.
She was a determinist and a fatalist, though. Go figure.
((Asuka continued in Mystic River))
She only had a couple seconds to decide whether she wanted to try to catch up to Nate or to follow Scout. Damn you, Nate. Why couldn't you have made this easier? You know-- well, you don't know, but you would've known if only you put some effort to getting to know Asuka-- that she's shit at making decisions like this on the spot. Indecisive as fuck, et cetera. This particular piece of introspection really wasn't helping right now.
She shook her head. Well. Let us assume that our enemies are competent and that only one of us is indeed making it off of the island. Not her, of course, but that's beside the point. Well, not exactly-- she already knew what her gut wanted her to do, and every thought that helped her let herself off the hook for it was gonna help-- and she even knows she's doing this, how fucking wonderful! It's a good thing she can come up with a bunch of philosophical bullshit to justify that, too. But in any case-- Nate was gonna die anyways. A couple of days on or off his life didn't really make much of a difference, so long as the rest of it was good and meaningful-- and if he didn't wanna hang around her anymore, she wasn't one to stop him, wasn't gonna make him miserable just so she could...think of herself as helping and protecting him? No. Him running off was gonna make a real dent in her self-esteem, though. Right now it registered only as something of a hollow pang.
Not that she gave zero fucks about how long the kid lasted. But-- and let's be totally, 100% honest with ourselves here--
Her feet were already making her move in the direction Scout had gone.
If she were honest with herself, she'd already gotten as much mileage out of talking to him as she was going to get, gotten to know him as much as she was able. And she had more meaningful things to do with the rest of her life than making small talk with someone she basically knew she could barely talk to. To prolong something that was meant to die.
Not that Asuka believed in fate. Or even wanted to.
She was a determinist and a fatalist, though. Go figure.
((Asuka continued in Mystic River))