Think About Your Life

[MK Kilmarnock]

((Coleen Reagan continued from Where are all the doctors?))

Tears streamed down both cheeks while the announcements played over in Coleen's mind.

"Cameron Herrig took a pickaxe to the stomach courtesy of our newest challenger to take up the game, Alessio Rigano."
"Cameron Herrig took a pickaxe to the stomach."
"Cameron Herrig. Pickaxe. Stomach."
"Cameron Herrig."
"Cameron."

She gripped at intersections of chain link fence and left it to her fingers to carry the terrible weight in her stomach. One of her best friends, the one responsible for bringing her into the tightest-knit group she'd ever been a part of, was now dead. Somewhere on this island, not even getting the grave she deserved, was Cam's body. Coleen's head pushed against the fence as her body lowered against her will. Some of the chain links caught and pulled at her hair, but she could hardly care. The pain was a momentary distraction from the cloud in her brain.

Over the course of the night, Coleen had hoped that maybe the other band members were safe and, perhaps, she was the only one who had been taken. Climbing to the top of the pit wouldn't be easy, not when she'd have to rise up on the body of others, but Peyote Coyote was one of her reasons to live. It was the rope that tied her to the top of the cliff and prevented her from jumping off. With Cameron dead, so too did the band die. Coleen knew they'd never be able to go on without her, even if B.B., Brady and Vanessa all somehow miraculously survived.

"I didn't even get..." she choked, pulling away from the fence and parting with a few more strands of hair. Her fingers ran out of strength and she tumbled back onto her rear end, just two feet away from where her pack had been dropped upon hearing the dreaded toll.

"Cams..." Coleen's voice cracked as she squeaked it out, covering her eyes. Her cheek stung from the saltiness of her tears on the sensitive patch. Just like the fence with her hair, she practically welcomed the pain.

"to take up the game, Alessio Rigano."
"Alessio Rigano."

The shriek may have been born of sadness, frustration, rage or all of the above. All Coleen knew was she had never made a sound quite like that one before.

[Muninn†]

((Bernadette Thomas continued from There Are So May Offices, but Everybody Seems To Be A Patient.  Where Are the Doctors?))


Bernadette was quickly developing a hatred for mornings, and it sure had nothing to do with wanting to sleep in a little bit longer.  It was, however, related to the unpleasant "wakeup calls" that they had been receiving each morning.  Before, on the two other occasions that she'd heard that voice, she hadn't dwelt on the names that had been read off much.

She'd listened, sure.  Did the best she could to remember who had been listed and why.  She probably wouldn't be able to recall them all, but there were a few names in particular that had stuck in her mind.  But aside from that?  Hard to put much thought towards them when you're curled up on the floor in pain and trying not to be agitated.

Well, saying it was hard to think about wasn't quite right.  Rather, it had been had to set it aside.  But back then, she had managed, somehow.

Now, though?  She was recovered enough that she could take the "pleasure" of letting every single word register in her mind.  And quite frankly, she was pissed.

She wanted to find each and every person who was still around to heard their own name on the announcements.  She could have screamed her lungs out at every last one of them until she couldn't speak anymore.  She probably wouldn't be satisfied even then.

Bernadette caught herself tightly gripping the gun she had been given.  She tried her best to push those thoughts aside.  She didn't want to cross that line.  Besides, there was something that needed to be taken care of first.

Coleen had taken the announcement, um... well, saying that she was taking it hard would probably be quite the understatement.  Bernadette sat down next to her with her back resting against the fence, setting aside her pack and gun.  She took a few deep breaths to calm her own emotions before trying to speak.

"..."

Apparently it didn't matter whether or not she calmed herself, because she had no idea where to even start with comforting someone in this situation.  Anything she could think of sounded artificial or hollow.  Hell, if she'd just blurted out something about hunting down everybody responsible, at least it would have been sounded sincere.

In the end, all Bernadette could manage for Coleen was a hopefully-comforting hand on her shoulder.

[MethodicalSlacker]

[Arthur Bernstein continued from There Are So Many Offices...]

"Henry Spencer got to live a horror movie courtesy of Alessio Rigano who is making good strides in becoming a real life monster. Great work, I didn't expect to see your name again so soon."

He paused.

"Jasper Bustamante was executed by Alvaro Vacanti. It's too late to say sorry Alvaro. He can't hear you over a bullet in his head."

He froze.

"No..." he whispered, dropping his tin of crackers on the floor. It landed with a metallic resonance that echoed through the room.

Coleen wasn't taking the announcement well either. Bernadette went over to comfort her.

He couldn't look at anyone. Instead, he looked down at the ground and held his head in his hands.

Acting as if he could feel anything.

He couldn't let them see that he wasn't crying.

[Primrosette]

((Brendan Harte continued from How Can I Take Off This Mask?))

Back at this place again, Brendan. Did you make the right choice?

Brendan had managed to make his way towards the cliff with Alba following closely behind him. They had made their way over there to rest and plan on what to do next. He thought that they could possibly head to the radio tower to see if Jonathan and Candice were both there and he wanted to know if they were both safe. He felt foolish for running out on them and he was going to owe the both of them an apology.

He felt like the cliff was beckoning him towards it. He strangely felt at peace when he could staring off into the distance. He felt like he would be in a different world. However, he knew that everything happening around him was a horrid reality and he knew that there was a slim chance that an escape plan would work. Even if he didn't voice it to the others. On the inside, he believed that everyone was going to die just for one person to go home. That person would be a victim as well. Everybody was a victim....

Brendan gritted his teeth and he gripped onto the grenade launcher a bit more tightly. He wondered if he could try to keep Alba safe. He didn't want anything bad happen to her. If he lost her.... He didn't know what he would do.

Brendan stopped walking and he squinted towards the figures that were a bit farther on the cliff in front of him and Alba. Who were those three people? He couldn't really see them clear-

He felt his heart skip a beat.

No way....

Bernadette. His best friend! She was there. That was great! He felt relieved and happy to see that she was alive. He had finally found another friend!

"Bern- Bernadette!! It's me, Brendan!" He yelled loudly with a small smile as he broke out into a run towards her and the two other people. "T-Thank god, you're safe! I was worried about you."

[Laurels]

((Alba Reyes continued from How Can I Take Off This Mask?))

Alba hurried after Brendan. If the vehicle depot was housing one of the repeat killers, getting away from there as soon as possible was likely their best course. It did mean they were possibly running away from Bryony, Candice, and Jonathan if those three were at the radio tower. Now she wasn't sure if she was hoping they weren't there. If they weren't, then she wouldn't feel so bad running the opposite direction. If they were...she would. That she knew for certain.

But she trudged on after Brendan. Maybe he knew something about the area they were heading towards. Thus, she tried to keep up with his pace. Soon, they were running faster. Brendan had recognized one of the people up ahead. Alba figured Bernadette was in the senior class with Brendan. If he was this happy to see her, then surely she was someone else they could have join their group.

"Brendan! Wait up!" Alba cried out running after him.

Alba noticed the other figures with Bernadette. Her eyes widened with joy. There was a reason they went this way after all. Not only did Brendan find his friend, but Alba found the other two kids from the gym where Bradley died. If they were here, surely Bryony was as well.

"Hey! Arthur! Sandra! How are you!" she shouted to the others. "How's it going?!?"

Alba had a big smile on her face as she ran closer to them. This had to be a sign of things changing for the better. Alba continued to look around the area. She didn't see Bryony, but maybe she was nearby.

[MK Kilmarnock]

A hand rested on her shoulder. Coleen tensed but made no further motions, no further noises. Arthur was nearby, maintaining his vigil. That was the most she expected from him.

She imagined the perfect scenario to be one where the three of them were allowed to stay in silence. If they had stayed alone, emotions had the potential to fester and boil, but it was the only way Coleen could ever understand how to deal with the building stress. With the voices of two more people calling out to them, her only response was to curl tighter into a ball. No response to the guy named 'Brendan' (Brendan Harte? That was the only Brendan she knew, so it was her best guess). No correcting the female voice who called out to a 'Sandra'.

She didn't want to talk. She didn't want to stand. She didn't want to look at them.

She just wanted to cry and be mad. And she was running out of tears.

[Muninn†]

She heard a familiar-sounding voice calling out.  Rather, since it was calling her by name specifically, it wasn't going to be "familiar-sounding" but instead somebody who she knew personally.  Bernadette looked over to the boy that was now running towards her.

Oh, it's you.

Brendan was approaching while holding some kind of gun that looked like you'd have to have seven different permits before you could even express interest in buying one.  If you'd described the mental image to her a week earlier, Bernadette would've replied that it wasn't the sort of thing she could picture happening.  If you'd described it to her a day earlier, it would've been the sort of thing she was afraid could happen.

Picking herself up off the ground, Bernadette headed over to greet the new arrivals.  She felt slightly guilty over leaving Coleen on her own, but in the end she had been unable to be of any comfort to her didn't think that was likely to change anytime soon, so it wasn't as though there were going to be any big problems from that.  Honestly, she was more conflicted over leaving her bag and the gun on the ground next to Coleen.  Particularly the latter of those things, actually.

She may not have been able to come up with anything to say to Coleen, but she certainly had some words for Brendan.


"You look like you're doing well yourself, Brendan," she said once they were close enough that she didn't need to shout.  "Feels like it's been so long... I don't think I've even heard your name since yesterday morning."

Coleen was sitting by the fence.  Arthur was off by himself.  It was probably for the better that neither of them were close enough to get dragged into this.

"So, anything you'd care to explain?"

[MethodicalSlacker]

Arthur turned and glanced over at the new arrivals walking over toward them.

They sounded friendly, and looked friendly, and Bernadette was dealing with them pretty fine, so he figured he didn't have to worry about things too much.

Still, he reached down to his bag and pulled his paintball gun out, leaning it against the side of the rock he had decided to sit on. This way, he could defuse the situation without incurring too much of a penalty toward his reputation. Minimizing casualties while maximizing control; that was the way Arthur had decided to play this game. He kept tabs on things as the two approached.

The girl decided to run past Bernadette and toward Coleen and himself. He vaguely recognized her from before, and she seemed to recognize him, but he couldn't quite remember who she was. Her name was...Alba? That sounded like he'd heard it before, sometime around when he got his spear. Pulled it from a corpse. No big deal. Corpses often had good stuff lying on them in games.

"Speaking in terms of survival," Arthur said, "We're doing fine. Emotionally, though...not as fine." He looked toward Coleen, still crying. Maybe he should do something to cheer her up, or comfort her, right? He was responsible for keeping her safe (right?) but was he responsible for keeping her happy?

"Got a pretty good view, though," he continued, gesturing to the open sea, "Beautiful sunrise."

For a game with such an ugly premise, they've gone all out on getting a beautiful world together. Well designed, pretty looking, very cinematic.

Maybe it was viewing things from a video game perspective that was keeping Arthur from really feeling anything. If so, then he thought he was fine keeping up that way of thinking. It was keeping him calm, cool, and collected, at the moment when those around him needed it the most.

Plus, these thoughts had a way of bringing the color back into the world.

The color he lost on the beach.

[Primrosette]

Brendan's smile froze on his face. It felt like Bernadette had just punched him in the gut and the chest. It felt like she just took a jab at what he done. To Jerry. He got that what he did was the wrong thing. He knew that all too well. He didn't need to be reminded about what a horrible human being he was. He knew that deep inside of his thoughts. At the time, he had thought he was doing the right thing by saving someone. He knew that he should have done things differently. He could have tried to talk to Jerry and Michael and hoped that he could have defused the situation. But he had made his choice. He reacted and things just took a turn for the worse.

It's too late to change things now, Brendan.

His smile had faded now. He had been so happy to see that Bernadette was safe. But his moment of joy was disappearing from him. Now things were starting to make him feel uncomfortable and uneasy. He guessed that Bernadette wasn't thinking of him being her friend anymore. Maybe she saw him for who he was now.

....A murderer.

Brendan lowered the grenade launcher and he placed it down on the ground. He didn't want to hold it anymore. He had hated having it with him. He didn't even know how to use it. He never wanted to use it on anyone. He had Jerry's sharpened stick sticking out of his bag. He felt better with for some odd reason.

"B-Bernadette...."

He paused for a moment, trying to think of what to say to her. Would she be less upset if he just told her what happened on that day? Why he had killed Jerry? Or would she be more mad at him?

"....About Jerry. He and Michael were taunting and threatening to kill a girl. I'm not even sure who the girl was but.... But I had to do something!" His voice was suddenly a bit more louder than he thought and he cleared his throat nervously. "I was just trying to do the right thing.... I thought I was. I can't get over what I did to him. I can still see Jerry's face in my head. I should have done things a different way. I just.... reacted to take action."

[Muninn†]

Under normal circumstances, Bernadette couldn't see herself as the kind of person who would kill somebody.  Er, "normal circumstance" would be a rather odd phrase to use when talking about killing people.  That was the kind of thing that should by definition be abnormal.  To phrase it better, she had trouble imagining a situation in which she would see ending somebody's life as a solution to a problem.

It wasn't that she believed every conflict could be ended with the participants on good terms.  Bernadette had spent enough time butting heads against classmates who saw no problem in trampling on others.  Sometimes it was necessary to stand up against those people.

But killing them?  Permanently ending their life?  She couldn't see herself as having the right.  Hell, she would have trouble justifying even something more temporary, like beating someone up to get them to back off.  But then again...

"Normal" circumstances.


This was not a normal circumstance.

They'd been dumped on an island in the middle of who-knows-where.

A place beyond the reach of the order provided by society.

A dozen or so of her classmates had turned into murderers.

In light of that, maybe it wasn't so much of a stretch to consider a situation where there was no other way.

Maybe tomorrow, it would be Bernadette who saw no choice but to pull the trigger...


"Doing the right thing, is that it?"

Brendan wouldn't kill somebody without good cause, and he was the kind of person who would step in to protect somebody else.  That was what Bernadette wanted to believe.  It was an obvious conclusion.  Last week, she wouldn't have even questioned it.

Then again, last week she would have said "They'd never murder somebody" about just about all of her classmates.  That logic had been conclusively proven wrong over the past few days.

Because it was the obvious conclusion of normal circumstances.


"Well, if you say that you were just doing the right thing, I'm sure that must be the case."  She gestured at the ground between them.

Towards the gun that Brendan had set by his feet.

"After all, I'm sure that those bastards -- y'know, the ones who kidnapped us... I bet that they're real interested in rewarding the people who are doing the right thing."

[Primrosette]

Oh god no. The reward.... You didn't even want it, Brendan. Now she really thinks you're a terrible human being.

Brendan knew that he was feeling a bit panicky. He knew that Bernadette wasn't trying to provoke him on purpose. She was just trying to make a point. He hadn't even wanted the so-called reward in the first place. Jonathan had told him to get it and he just did as he was told. He had tried to get rid of it but no one else wanted it. Alba even gave the weapon back to him when he dropped it. Right now, he just wanted to kick it away from him. He was starting to hate himself for even getting it in the first place.

But what if someone else got their hands on it? Someone who was willing to kill with it? Be it a killer or a would-be killer?

Even he didn't want to take that risk. He felt like it would have been his fault if someone had been killed by the weapon if he hadn't had got it himself. Besides, it hadn't been used. And he was never going to. He didn't want to hurt anyone again.

"B-Bernadette, please, I...."

He took a step closer to her and he reached out a hand towards her. He didn't touch her. He wanted to try to get her to understand. But how?

He didn't really know what to say to her. But he had to try. Convince her that she could trust him. That he wasn't just some low-life murderer and that he was still her friend. That he could protect her if she wanted him to.

"....I didn't even want the weapon. Believe me, Bernadette. I had to get it because I couldn't let anyone else get their hands on it. I couldn't take that risk and Jonathan convinced me that it would be better if I had it on me." He took a step over his weapon so that he was closer to her and he stopped just in front of her. He had to look down at her as he was towering over her and he bit down on his lower lip a little. He just needed to not mess this up. "I won't even use that thing. I hate holding it but I don't have a choice. I don't want to hurt anyone else, Bernadette. You believe me, don't you?"

Brendan realized that he was starting to sound desperate. But he didn't care. He just didn't want to lose his best friend because of what he did.

She will abandon you, Brendan....

[Laurels]

Alba was pleased to hear Arthur and Sandra were doing okay. Granted, Sandra looked upset, but they were at least still alive. Alba was about to ask about Bryony when Bernadette began to speak to Brendan. That's when Alba felt the atmosphere shift.

Bernadette sounded really angry and upset about Brendan killing. Even him trying to explain that it was to save that girl didn't seem to help. Alba turned towards them and tried to speak.

"Um, Bernadette," Alba said. "Please don't be too hard. He did it to save that girl. Um...Raina, right? Yeah, I think it was Raina."

Alba kept the rifle by her side and smiled.

"Let's not worry about this and just focus on how we're going to make it out of here."

She prayed that would work. She tried to pray as quickly as her mind would allow her to each second.

[MK Kilmarnock]

"Can't tell..." Coleen said in a half-whisper, pulling her eyes up from the safe zone created by her knees when she pulled them up to her chest. A sunrise? Nothing she hadn't seen before. "Got my back pressed to it."

Bernadette and Brendan... that talk wasn't going very pleasantly. Alba's attempts to play it down and act as a peacekeeper were, by Coleen's assessment, less than adequate. In a different mood, she wondered, she may have considered it 'laughable', but that was back when she remembered how to laugh. Right now, her heart felt like she'd never laugh again for the rest of her life.

The uncomfortable thoughts returned of just how short a time that might actually be.

Her gaze shifted down to the bag and gun left right by her. They were Bernadette's, discarded when Bern had left her 'let's comfort Coleen' post in order to deal with Brendan. Why she had left such a dangerous-looking weapon behind when talking to a supposed killer was beyond her. Maybe Bernadette trusted Brendan. As if anybody could trust anybody anymore, not with friends killing each other. Four days ago, such things would've been unthinkable. Never in a hundred years could any of them take the life of another.

She cursed herself for being unable to find the joy in just how stupid that was, and she cursed herself for being unable to remember exactly what type of gun the assault-rifle-looking weapon was that lay before her.

[Muninn†]

Brendan was practically on top of her. Bernadette's first instinct was to push him back, but Brendan had her massively outclassed in terms of size. Trying to open up some space between them through force was straight-up futility. Still, it wasn't the first time she'd confronted some guy who thought he could scare someone into backing down. She would not be intimidated.

"Get away from me. Now."

She couldn't put up with this shit right now. She had one ally who had pretty much shut down completely after hearing the morning announcement. The other one really didn't seem like he was all right, either. Bernadette's own body had spent the past few days strongly objecting to the idea that she might actually do anything.

It couldn't have just stopped at "You've been kidnapped by terrorists and thrown on an island where a bunch of your classmates have gone crazy and want to kill you." No, that would have just been too easy. And now, she had to put up with this?

"If you've found some people who're willing to put up with you, then go with them or whatever. They can be the ones to play conscience for you to ensure you behave. 'Cause right now? I can only handle so much at once, and I'm not going to be able to babysit you all the time to make sure you still care that murder is wrong."

[Primrosette]

See, see, see? There you go, Brendan. Abandoning you.... Bernadette doesn't like you anymore. She hates you. Hates your guts. And you deserve it. You know that. Right?

......

Brendan could feel that his hands were shaking. This wasn't what he thought would happen. Yes, he knew that she would be upset. But he never thought that she would try to push him away. This was wrong. He wasn't going to leave. He was starting to feel upset himself. She was talking to him like he was a child. He didn't appreciate that one bit.

Make her pay, Brendan. Just a little. Just to scare her.

Now he was thinking like a child. But he didn't care. He hated getting into fights. He hated that Bernadette never knew about his feelings for her. But that didn't matter at the moment. All he could want to do was.... was....

.....

Just do it, Brendan. She will be fine. You won't hurt her....

"S-Shut up!" He snapped at her out of a blinded rage. He felt like something had finally snapped inside of him. Everything was just too much for him to handle. He didn't even hold back. He was feeling too mad to think about what he was about to do.

Then he give Bernadette a hard shove with his hands that were no longer shaking.