Sweat More In Practice...

[Deamon]

Arizona could hear Luca calling after her but ignored it. She didn't want to be on the court anymore. She hated feeling the way she did. She hated that it was the default way she felt on the court. It always a comparison, she was always being compared to her own teammates and everyone else in the country. There were expectations. Everyone excelled, it was what they did. So she needed to excel. Needed to be the best. But she couldn't, no matter what she tried. Her parents had been pros in Rugby while Indiana had gotten a scholarship. She played basketball. She had chosen basketball. She needed to be better.

A hand gripped her shoulder and Arizona spun around to push Luca away out of instinct. She didn't want to be seen how she was.

"Don't." Her hands came up and fell as she spoke. "Don't fucking grab me."

It was then that her brain caught up with her body and realized what she had done. She had pushed Luca. It hadn't been hard but it had happened. It stopped her.

"I..." She ran her hands over her face and through her hair. What could she say? How could she explain it?

"Sorry."

[Frozen Smoke]

There was an uncharacteristic flash of frustration mixing with concern on her face as she quickly pulled her hand away from Arizona's shoulder like it was red hot. Arizona was obviously upset, and here she was both literally and figuratively pushing her away. It hadn't been enough to set her off balance, but she did take half a step back, giving her her space back as she let her hand drop to the side as she looked back at her. They were supposed to be friends, and this was how she reacted to her trying to help.

She caught Arizona's eyes though, and there was something there she hadn't seen before. Was Arizona scared? Had she crossed a boundary by touching her like that? She looked away.

She probably had. That wasn't cool.

Luca nodded almost imperceptibly as she listened, silently accepting her apology as whatever other emotion that had passed across Arizona's face turned into embarrassment, feeling sullen herself as she tried to get her own words straight.

"Just... It's fine. I'm sorry I grabbed you." she apologised herself, looking up and making eye contact for a few moments, before looking away again.

[Deamon]

They were near the bleachers. Arizona stepped back and sat down, rubbing her eyes with her hands.

She had to tell Luca. She deserved as much. They were friends, good friends.

A long, haggard sigh escaped from between her lips. Her throat hurt. A result of the yelling she assumed.

"Don't." She looked at Luca and looked away quickly. "Please don't tell anyone."

Again she began chewing at her lip as she thought.

She sighed again. It was still shaky. She laughed a little, more from embarrassment. Her fingers picked at the edge of her shorts.

Her eyes looked out at the floor of the court. She took in all the details of the wood grain. Her mind wandered and she thought about how many people had played on it. How many people like them? She counted the spirals.

Eventually, she decided to stop putting it off.

"I can't keep up with Sam."

[Frozen Smoke]

Was Arizona crying?

The disbelief that filled Luca at that was as strong and confusing as the surprise at the realisation. Arizona wiped her eyes dry with the backs of her hands, and whilst she didn't sniffle like Luca normally did when she cried, she might as well have.

It seemed so antithetical to everything Arizona had been - No, was - as a person. Arizona had always seemed like the kind of person who'd make fun of you for crying than someone who would find herself in tears after a practice. It wasn't that she felt less of Arizona for it, it just twisted her gut to see someone who seemed impossibly driven and composed falling apart at the seams. She cried a lot more than Arizona, probably, so that meant that what was getting at Arizona really upset her. It was serious. Really serious.

She nodded and mimed along to an unspoken saying as she crossed her heart and make the motion of prayer as she was asked for her silence. She didn't want Arizona to think she was going to spread around her personal troubles just to get a few brownie points with the wrong people. That wasn't her bag, nor her right. She just wanted to help, and to do that, Arizona had to tell her what was wrong. So she waited quietly and patiently as the other girl stalled, looking around at the court as she paused, giving Luca a hundred lifetimes to guess what might be wrong.

Were her parents being bad to her? Had she broken up with someone? Was she in trouble? Was she worried about the future?

There were a lot of things to worry about. Luca tried her best to keep positive about them, but most of the time the easiest way to do that was to not think about them, and Arizona was dragging them up from the bottom of the ocean of her thoughts. She felt sympathy for Arizona as she imagined her going through each possibility, each one wrenching her heart more and more as she studied her. She could feel her heart speeding up, and she looked away, not wanting Arizona to see just how nervous she was now. She didn't want her to feel like she was imposing.

The actual answer hit her in the chest, and she couldn't contain her reaction, face falling a little, before twisting in sympathy pain.

She faced Arizona again, trying to put a little friendlier look on her face, a sombre smile.

"I get it." she said simply, not knowing how else to express what she was feeling in that moment. She knew exactly what she was feeling. She'd been through it. She was at where that feeling lead, if it was true. Sidelined. A piece who you rewarded with play time, instead of played to win. She thought about it in different terms, or tried to, but Arizona was the kind of person who needed to lead the charge. She was even more the star than she'd been. Luca had had to imagine anyone other than her parents calling her name as she played, Arizona knew what it was like for real, and she wasn't sure what she was going to do if she didn't have that any more.

Arizona was worried about failing.

Luca wanted to say more, wanted to tell her how she coped with that.

But she didn't. She didn't know how to deal with the fear herself. She just accepted it.

[Deamon]

It felt good at that moment. It felt good to get the feeling out. She rarely did it. There was still more to it. There was more she could have said but she knew that vocalising it would hurt Luca. She wasn't proud of those thoughts but they were there. It was a result of her own attitude.

She nodded as Luca offered some sympathy. It didn't stop her feeling stupid. She was going to be glad when they were all gone. A dark part of her always wished to meet Sam on the court at college, to beat her there. It was so pathetic. Arizona knew that envy and jealously offered nothing, but sometimes she couldn't help it. She'd spent her entire school career being compared to others on the team. She wasn't stupid either, she knew when someone was better. There were others who weren't better than her overall but were better at certain things. You hear about those things, you heard the rumors about college scout reports. She had a good idea of how she was being evaluated.

And what was she doing about it?

Working fucking hard and not getting anywhere.

Then crying about it.

Some fucking strong will there.

But then, there was Luca. It made Arizona feel selfish. If she thought about it there could only be one person who had made Luca feel the same.

"Hey, Luca. I'm sorry for like...this," Arizona gestured to herself with her hands. "and for the rest of it."

[Frozen Smoke]

Luca nodded a little, looking down and to the side a little as she tried to think of something to say in response to that, feeling a pang of guilt as the apology came to her. Arizona hadn't done anything wrong, Luca had just turned the conversation around on herself, because she was being selfish.

She breathed steadily, suddenly conscious of the fact that she was in control of her breathing as the two of them sat in a moment of awkward silence, as she tried to figure out what she could say to Arizona that would help her see things in a better light. She finally found it, and she made eye contact with her teamate again, a small smile starting to warm up her features from where they'd been frozen in sombre introspection.

"Nothing to apologise for, 'Zona." she started, before following on to her thoughts. "If anything... I should be thanking you, you know?" she paused for a moment, letting that sink in before she continued. "Because I wasn't a starter, I tried other things, I found out what else I was good at. Practising, drills, writing about the game, all that shit." her smile broadened as she paused again. "And, that's the winners mentality, right? If you don't succeed one way, you find another way to. Even if Sam is better than you in something, I'm sure you'll find what you're better than her at...

Just gonna take time."

[Deamon]

Arizona couldn't help but smile at how earnestly after school special Luca's speech had been.

"Yeah."

She was right though. There would be something. There had to be.

Arizona decided that she could dwell on that later. Right now she just needed to lighten her spirits.

There was one surefire way to do that.

"So," She said, standing up and wiping her eyes a final time. "Wanna do a one v one? Won't count scores or anything. Just play for fun."

It would be nice to enjoy herself for once.

((Arizona Butler continued elsewhere...))

[Frozen Smoke]

Arizona probably just wanted to play some ball and forget that this whole thing had happened, given how much she had been apologising to her, and how much she'd wanted her to keep it a secret. Luca was down for that. After all, now she knew she had someone to talk to about it if she needed to, and that was a better place to be in than just bottling it all up. It was a shame Arizona wasn't really the chat at the coffee shop sort, but they spent enough time practising together that she could vent if she needed to.

"Sure thing" she said, as she slowly got up, and looked around for where the ball had gotten to. She'd heard it bounce of at least two walls...

((Luca Thomas continued in Defence in Depth))