((Alba Reyes continued from Think About Your Life))
Alba hurried up to the doors of the chapel and stopped to catch her breath. She and Brendan had just escaped the Danger Zone and had kept going until they were across the bridge. She bent over to catch her breath. Although she was in good shape, the immediate danger of the Danger Zone had added an element of fear that she was not quite used to.
After the incident with Bernadette, she and Brendan had fled and spent the day hiding in the dorms. Neither of them were up for talking, so Alba didn't press Brendan about the incident. She also knew he wasn't fit to go looking for people, so she decided to remain their for the day and keep a low profile in case anyone came by. Fortunately, they passed through the night without any disturbances, allowing Alba to get some sleep.
Of course, before they could even have breakfast, they were already bolting from the area and across the bridge. Alba hadn't been to the other side of the bridge yet, so it was quite interesting for her. She had steered clear of the asylum, deciding it would be better to go somewhere less creepy looking. The chapel had just been cleared, so it was unlikely anyone else was there.
Alba pushed open the doors to the chapel and went in. Alba's family was Catholic and went to church every Sunday. Alba couldn't remember if today was a Sunday or not, so she was hoping she was at least keeping the Sabbath holy. Either way, they could all use some Jesus here.
"I think we're alone," Alba said, stepping up to the pews.
She took a look around, her breathing filling the empty church.
El ángel exterminador
Private, Day 5
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Primrosette
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((Brendan Harte continued from Think About Your Life))
Brendan hadn't had the heart to talk to Alba at all the other day as he had needed time to grieve over Bernadette. He was glad that Alba had stayed with him through everything. He just wished that things could have been different. He wished that Jerry and Bernadette were still alive. But he couldn't turn back time and undo his mistakes. There were no second chances for him. He just had to deal with what he had done and try to move on. Even if it was hard for him to do so.
He and Alba were at the chapel and he felt strange being back there. He needed to take some breaths as they had run over to there from the danger zone. He was really thirsty and hungry as soon as they got there. He hadn't eaten at all yesterday. As he had wanted to punish himself and he felt that he had no right to eat anything. Then he thought about it this morning and he thought that it had been selfish of him as he didn't want Alba to worry about him or to be all on her own if he had died from being so foolish.
The announcements had made him want to cry again. But he had no tears left and it wasn't over Bernadette this time. His heart was shattered by the loss of Jennifer, Irene and Asha. He even felt sad over Darius. Darius might have been an asshole to Brendan but he hadn't deserved to die like that. Brendan wondered how Jonathan was feeling after losing a friend. Possibly broken. Jennifer had been harsh about his writing skills but even if it hurt a little; he had wanted to improve himself to her. He never even got a chance to find and talk to her. Irene had been taken away by Alvaro. She had been a fun person to talk to as well and Alvaro had.... had.... Did he kill Irene after he and Alba had left in a hurry to get away from him? He hoped not. The one that hurt the most was.... Asha. Asha who he met here and she had been with Jae and Dorothy. The one who had tried to be positive and tried to calm things down. She was dead.
It hurt so much to know that the four of them were now gone.
Alba was talking about them being the only ones in the chapel. He felt relieved about that. He didn't think that he could handle seeing other people just yet. He was too tired to go anywhere.
"Y....Yeah...."
His first word of the day was spoken in a low tone of voice.
Brendan hadn't had the heart to talk to Alba at all the other day as he had needed time to grieve over Bernadette. He was glad that Alba had stayed with him through everything. He just wished that things could have been different. He wished that Jerry and Bernadette were still alive. But he couldn't turn back time and undo his mistakes. There were no second chances for him. He just had to deal with what he had done and try to move on. Even if it was hard for him to do so.
He and Alba were at the chapel and he felt strange being back there. He needed to take some breaths as they had run over to there from the danger zone. He was really thirsty and hungry as soon as they got there. He hadn't eaten at all yesterday. As he had wanted to punish himself and he felt that he had no right to eat anything. Then he thought about it this morning and he thought that it had been selfish of him as he didn't want Alba to worry about him or to be all on her own if he had died from being so foolish.
The announcements had made him want to cry again. But he had no tears left and it wasn't over Bernadette this time. His heart was shattered by the loss of Jennifer, Irene and Asha. He even felt sad over Darius. Darius might have been an asshole to Brendan but he hadn't deserved to die like that. Brendan wondered how Jonathan was feeling after losing a friend. Possibly broken. Jennifer had been harsh about his writing skills but even if it hurt a little; he had wanted to improve himself to her. He never even got a chance to find and talk to her. Irene had been taken away by Alvaro. She had been a fun person to talk to as well and Alvaro had.... had.... Did he kill Irene after he and Alba had left in a hurry to get away from him? He hoped not. The one that hurt the most was.... Asha. Asha who he met here and she had been with Jae and Dorothy. The one who had tried to be positive and tried to calm things down. She was dead.
It hurt so much to know that the four of them were now gone.
Alba was talking about them being the only ones in the chapel. He felt relieved about that. He didn't think that he could handle seeing other people just yet. He was too tired to go anywhere.
"Y....Yeah...."
His first word of the day was spoken in a low tone of voice.
Alba slowly walked through the chapel. It was small, so there weren't too many places to go, but she took her time to observe the main hall. She looked at the stained glass window depicting the sun rising over some hills. Alba wouldn't have minded a depiction of Jesus or the Virgin Mary, but maybe there was some reason they couldn't depict any saints or notable religious figures. Either way, the window was at least a nice, colorful image to look at. Compared to what else she saw on the island, it was a treat.
Alba continued to move through, avoiding the plants on the floor and made her way to the podium. She traced her free hand along the podium. She wondered what kind of sermons were delivered here. Hopefully less frightening or worrying ones.
Alba looked over to Brendan. He had finally said something, even if it was brief. She couldn't imagine what he was going through right now. It was one thing to kill someone to save someone else, but to kill a friend was so horrible that it almost seemed unreal to Alba.
"Well, at least we can take a break now," Alba said.
Alba walked to the nearest pew and sat down. She propped the rifle next to her and opened her bag up, taking out some of the bread. She tore a piece off with her teeth and began to chew. As she did, she stared forward at the podium.
"Hey, Brendan," she said after swallowing. "Do you believe in the afterlife?"
Alba continued to move through, avoiding the plants on the floor and made her way to the podium. She traced her free hand along the podium. She wondered what kind of sermons were delivered here. Hopefully less frightening or worrying ones.
Alba looked over to Brendan. He had finally said something, even if it was brief. She couldn't imagine what he was going through right now. It was one thing to kill someone to save someone else, but to kill a friend was so horrible that it almost seemed unreal to Alba.
"Well, at least we can take a break now," Alba said.
Alba walked to the nearest pew and sat down. She propped the rifle next to her and opened her bag up, taking out some of the bread. She tore a piece off with her teeth and began to chew. As she did, she stared forward at the podium.
"Hey, Brendan," she said after swallowing. "Do you believe in the afterlife?"
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Primrosette
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Brendan didn't know how to respond to that. An afterlife.... He wasn't sure. He needed to think about it. It was a question that he hadn't suspected that Alba would ask. Maybe it was because they were in the chapel and Alba wanted to make conversation about it. It was better than the two of them just sitting there in silence. He didn't want to be down in front of Alba. He wanted to keep his spirit up. He didn't want to become an empty shell of a person.
"....I never really thought about it before. So I.... I'm not sure if I can answer that question, Alba...." He moved foward to sit down on a pew that was across from Alba and he had to turn his head to look at her. He noticed that she was looking at the podium and he shifted a little to get more comfortable. "....Do you believe in the afterlife...?"
He wondered if his weapon was still on the cliffs. Possibly not. It didn't matter. He still had the grenades and Jerry's weapon. He didn't care. It wasn't important to him. All he cared about now was....
Alba.
"....I never really thought about it before. So I.... I'm not sure if I can answer that question, Alba...." He moved foward to sit down on a pew that was across from Alba and he had to turn his head to look at her. He noticed that she was looking at the podium and he shifted a little to get more comfortable. "....Do you believe in the afterlife...?"
He wondered if his weapon was still on the cliffs. Possibly not. It didn't matter. He still had the grenades and Jerry's weapon. He didn't care. It wasn't important to him. All he cared about now was....
Alba.
"Well...yeah. Of course I do," Alba said, leaning her head back a bit.
"I mean, I figure there has to be something after all of this. I don't know why there wouldn't be."
Alba breathed quietly, then closed her eyes. She took a moment to appreciate the silence.
"Bren, I just want you to know that I think you're a good person. I know others won't think that, and I know others may pass judgement on you without hearing you out, but I know you're not a bad person."
"So, if there is one, I think God will forgive you. He probably knows you wouldn't have killed if you weren't forced to be here."
Alba turned to Brendan and smiled.
"I just thought you should know what I think."
"I mean, I figure there has to be something after all of this. I don't know why there wouldn't be."
Alba breathed quietly, then closed her eyes. She took a moment to appreciate the silence.
"Bren, I just want you to know that I think you're a good person. I know others won't think that, and I know others may pass judgement on you without hearing you out, but I know you're not a bad person."
"So, if there is one, I think God will forgive you. He probably knows you wouldn't have killed if you weren't forced to be here."
Alba turned to Brendan and smiled.
"I just thought you should know what I think."
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Primrosette
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Brendan listened quietly as Alba was speaking and he hadn't wanted to interrupt her. He wanted to know what she had been thinking. And now he knew how she felt. It felt good to hear her say those words. However he knew that he shouldn't be forgiven by anyone. Not by God. Not by Jerry's or Bernadette's families. Not by his friends who possibly hated his guts right now. Not even by Alba if she has.
He glanced over at the podium as Alba smiled at him and he couldn't look her in the eyes. He felt ashamed. He was never going to live down what he had done. He wanted to tell her.
"Even.... Even if God can forgive me or you can forgive me...." He leaned forward with his arms between his legs; they were trembling a little and he didn't want Alba to see. "I can't ever forgive myself for my actions. It doesn't matter if you think I am a good person or not. I still killed two people and I hate myself for it. I can't blame anyone but myself...."
He let out a small laugh, feeling bitter.
"S-Sorry, Alba. I know that you are trying to make me feel better. I appreciate it, really. I think you're really amazing. You're handling this so much better than I am. I'm glad that you stayed with me."
He was still staring at the podium but he had a small smile on his face and then he stared back at Alba. She had to understand. Right?
"Alba, can I ask you something?"
He glanced over at the podium as Alba smiled at him and he couldn't look her in the eyes. He felt ashamed. He was never going to live down what he had done. He wanted to tell her.
"Even.... Even if God can forgive me or you can forgive me...." He leaned forward with his arms between his legs; they were trembling a little and he didn't want Alba to see. "I can't ever forgive myself for my actions. It doesn't matter if you think I am a good person or not. I still killed two people and I hate myself for it. I can't blame anyone but myself...."
He let out a small laugh, feeling bitter.
"S-Sorry, Alba. I know that you are trying to make me feel better. I appreciate it, really. I think you're really amazing. You're handling this so much better than I am. I'm glad that you stayed with me."
He was still staring at the podium but he had a small smile on his face and then he stared back at Alba. She had to understand. Right?
"Alba, can I ask you something?"
Alba's smile started to fade as Brendan gave his response. He wasn't comforted by the notion of her or God forgiving him, since he was certain he couldn't forgive himself. Alba couldn't believe he could feel such a way. Maybe it was weighing much more heavily on him than she thought, and simple encouragement and sweet words wouldn't help. There had to be something more to do.
Alba let out a small laugh when Brendan said she was amazing for handling this so well. She wasn't entirely sure how well she was handling it all, but she was at least making an effort to do so, and clearly it was being received. Brendan then asked her something.
"Yeah, sure. What is it?"
Alba let out a small laugh when Brendan said she was amazing for handling this so well. She wasn't entirely sure how well she was handling it all, but she was at least making an effort to do so, and clearly it was being received. Brendan then asked her something.
"Yeah, sure. What is it?"
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Brendan opened up his bag and he got out a loaf of bread. He was starving. He took a bite out of it hungrily and he was just a bit happier to start filling his empty stomach. He licked his lips slightly. He then took a deep breath and thought about the question that he wanted to ask Alba. He needed to know.
He got out one of his water bottle and unscrewed the lid. "Do you think that someone will come to rescue us?" He asked and then he took a sip of his water. That was a little better. His throat had been a bit sore. "....I want to believe that someone will to help us but.... What do you think, Alba?"
That wasn't what he wanted to ask her at all. He could save that question for later. He wanted her honest opinion.
He got out one of his water bottle and unscrewed the lid. "Do you think that someone will come to rescue us?" He asked and then he took a sip of his water. That was a little better. His throat had been a bit sore. "....I want to believe that someone will to help us but.... What do you think, Alba?"
That wasn't what he wanted to ask her at all. He could save that question for later. He wanted her honest opinion.
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"Well, yeah I think so," Alba said before popping another bit of bread into her mouth.
She quickly swallowed the bread.
"I mean, sure, they weren't able to rescue anyone the last time this happened, but this is 2015. There have to be satellites and cameras and other ways to track us down. We're probably a top priority for the CIA or Pentagon or whatever part of the government deals with this sort of thing. I know it's taken a bit for them to find us, but maybe they're close by and just haven't found the right island yet."
Alba brushed some hair back.
"That's what I think at least. And you?"
She quickly swallowed the bread.
"I mean, sure, they weren't able to rescue anyone the last time this happened, but this is 2015. There have to be satellites and cameras and other ways to track us down. We're probably a top priority for the CIA or Pentagon or whatever part of the government deals with this sort of thing. I know it's taken a bit for them to find us, but maybe they're close by and just haven't found the right island yet."
Alba brushed some hair back.
"That's what I think at least. And you?"
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Brendan actually felt proud that Alba had that much faith in her. He also felt a slight hint of jealousy as he knew that he couldn't think the same way as she did. There were a lot of 'What ifs?' going through his mind and he couldn't just throw them away just like that. He wasn't sure if there was a chance that they would be saved. Besides he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back home. He wouldn't be able to face his family. How could he?
He was nibbled a piece of his bread and then he started to speak again. "I'm not feeling too confident about a rescue coming for us. What if they won't take any of the murderers, like me, home?" He paused for a few moments as he thought of something and he wondered what Alba would think. "I'm feeling somewhat fifty-fifty about a rescue. Maybe I could have thought more differently if I hadn't killed anyone."
He then stared at Alba with a more serious expression.
"....If a rescue doesn't come.... I want to protect you and make sure that you will get home safely, Alba."
He was nibbled a piece of his bread and then he started to speak again. "I'm not feeling too confident about a rescue coming for us. What if they won't take any of the murderers, like me, home?" He paused for a few moments as he thought of something and he wondered what Alba would think. "I'm feeling somewhat fifty-fifty about a rescue. Maybe I could have thought more differently if I hadn't killed anyone."
He then stared at Alba with a more serious expression.
"....If a rescue doesn't come.... I want to protect you and make sure that you will get home safely, Alba."
"Oh," Alba said to Brendan following his declaration of protection. "That's so kind of you."
Alba cleared her throat a bit.
"I'll do the same for you. I'll make sure you can get home as well."
"Oh, and as for if they'd take you or not, maybe they could be reasoned with. I mean, leaving murderers behind to die would basically mean the rescuers would be murderers too."
Alba shifted herself down the pew closer to Brendan and smiled.
"I think they'd want to look as good to the world as possible."
Alba cleared her throat a bit.
"I'll do the same for you. I'll make sure you can get home as well."
"Oh, and as for if they'd take you or not, maybe they could be reasoned with. I mean, leaving murderers behind to die would basically mean the rescuers would be murderers too."
Alba shifted herself down the pew closer to Brendan and smiled.
"I think they'd want to look as good to the world as possible."
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Brendan smiled more and then he started to laugh a bit as Alba said that she would protect him as well. It was actually making him feel a bit better. Alba was the one person that was deeply important to him right now. He did still care about the others that he wanted to find. But right now, just having one person with him, made him want to live again. For her.
"Thank.... Thank you, Alba. You are just like....like a-a...." He rubbed his chin and then he was slowly brightened up in his mood. He wasn't feeling as low as he was before. "....You're like a strong heroine in a book. Sorry, that might sound silly. But... Yeah."
He laughed again, feeling awkward.
"I hope we can reason with the rescuers if they do come for us. I want to make things right. I have to." He nodded a little and he noticed that Alba had move. Closer.
You should have kissed her at the dance instead of Maxim, you idiot.
"Thank.... Thank you, Alba. You are just like....like a-a...." He rubbed his chin and then he was slowly brightened up in his mood. He wasn't feeling as low as he was before. "....You're like a strong heroine in a book. Sorry, that might sound silly. But... Yeah."
He laughed again, feeling awkward.
"I hope we can reason with the rescuers if they do come for us. I want to make things right. I have to." He nodded a little and he noticed that Alba had move. Closer.
You should have kissed her at the dance instead of Maxim, you idiot.
Alba smirked a bit when Brendan called her a strong heroine out of a book. It was flattering, no doubt, but it was hard to believe she could have a book about her. She hadn't done a lot of heroics so far, and she wasn't sure she was cool enough to be one. Still, it was a nice compliment, so she'd take it.
"Yeah, I'm sure we can reason. I think I can be pretty persuasive," Alba said.
"And if not, well..."
Alba shrugged.
"I'm sure I can persuade them. I know I can."
Alba smiled and put a hand on Brendan's shoulder.
"But you know, if I'm going to be the heroine of a book, I need to actually save you at some point. If I keep waving Bradley's gun around and saying 'I'll protect you!' without doing anything, I'll look super dishonest."
"Yeah, I'm sure we can reason. I think I can be pretty persuasive," Alba said.
"And if not, well..."
Alba shrugged.
"I'm sure I can persuade them. I know I can."
Alba smiled and put a hand on Brendan's shoulder.
"But you know, if I'm going to be the heroine of a book, I need to actually save you at some point. If I keep waving Bradley's gun around and saying 'I'll protect you!' without doing anything, I'll look super dishonest."
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If Alba could not convince them to take him home with her, well.... The only other option would be for him to stay on the island and take his chances. Heck, he could even die trying to survive this horrid mess. If that scenario happened at all. But he doubted it. He wasn't going to tell Alba that as he didn't want her mood to turn negative. He wanted her to still be positive. Even if it was only for a bit longer.
He felt her touch his shoulder and he couldn't breath for a few moments. He felt a bit comforted by it. Even it was a small gesture. He was feeling more warm inside and somewhat more calmer than he was yesterday. Yesterday had been a complete disaster and he had to deal with it. He was just glad to have a friend by his side to keep him company. Otherwise, if he had been on his own.... He would have lost his mind more and then he might have done something more stupid and cowardly.
He smiled sadly and he shook his head, biting his lip a little. "If we do get attacked by anyone, I don't want you to kill anyone. Not even for me, Alba." He said quietly as he turned his body more towards her and his eyes focused more clearly on her face. "I don't ever want you to feel what I feel after what I did to Jerry and Bernadette. It changes you so much. I feel like a part of me is missing and it has been replaced by something else that I don't want."
He put his hand up to touch Alba's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. Trying to make her understand was really hard for him to do.
"Promise me, Alba. Please don't do anything that you will regret."
He felt her touch his shoulder and he couldn't breath for a few moments. He felt a bit comforted by it. Even it was a small gesture. He was feeling more warm inside and somewhat more calmer than he was yesterday. Yesterday had been a complete disaster and he had to deal with it. He was just glad to have a friend by his side to keep him company. Otherwise, if he had been on his own.... He would have lost his mind more and then he might have done something more stupid and cowardly.
He smiled sadly and he shook his head, biting his lip a little. "If we do get attacked by anyone, I don't want you to kill anyone. Not even for me, Alba." He said quietly as he turned his body more towards her and his eyes focused more clearly on her face. "I don't ever want you to feel what I feel after what I did to Jerry and Bernadette. It changes you so much. I feel like a part of me is missing and it has been replaced by something else that I don't want."
He put his hand up to touch Alba's hand on his shoulder, squeezing it gently. Trying to make her understand was really hard for him to do.
"Promise me, Alba. Please don't do anything that you will regret."
Alba's smiled lowered as Brendan told Alba not to kill anyone, not even to protect him. She was surprised to hear something like that. Yes, it was wrong to kill, and yes there would be times where it could possibly be justified. But to completely refuse to do it sounded hard in a situation like this.
"I don't understand," Alba said. "So, if we're both attacked, and someone like- I don't know, Kimiko- was about to kill you, you wouldn't want me to stop them?"
Alba lowered her hand from Brendan's shoulder.
"I mean, yes, I would want to find a way to stop them without killing them, but what if it became clear that there was no other choice? I don't want to kill anyone, but what if it was someone really bad? What if it was to save you? Or Bryony? Or anyone else here? What if it is to stop a dangerous person from killing anyone else?"
Alba felt her jaw start to shake. Everything was starting to pour out of her.
"And, what if you did die because I refused to kill your killer? How could I live with myself knowing that?"
Alba looked Brendan directly in the eyes. She could feel her eyes start to water.
"Sorry, but Brendan, are you asking me to let you die?"
"I don't understand," Alba said. "So, if we're both attacked, and someone like- I don't know, Kimiko- was about to kill you, you wouldn't want me to stop them?"
Alba lowered her hand from Brendan's shoulder.
"I mean, yes, I would want to find a way to stop them without killing them, but what if it became clear that there was no other choice? I don't want to kill anyone, but what if it was someone really bad? What if it was to save you? Or Bryony? Or anyone else here? What if it is to stop a dangerous person from killing anyone else?"
Alba felt her jaw start to shake. Everything was starting to pour out of her.
"And, what if you did die because I refused to kill your killer? How could I live with myself knowing that?"
Alba looked Brendan directly in the eyes. She could feel her eyes start to water.
"Sorry, but Brendan, are you asking me to let you die?"