Keep Yourself Alive

[MK Kilmarnock]

It was too late for his big break, his one moment to shake off Imraan's oppression just long enough to get his hands on that shotgun and force the fellow athlete... fellow student to leave. That moment had passed thanks to Ivan's hesitation, and he very well may have doomed himself. Maybe it would be fine if it was only himself he was condemning, as Ivan was sure he was going to die anyway (even if not quite like this). Tabi was dragged along with him, and perhaps Imraan was going to kill her too, citing guilt by association.

"I'm not gonna shoot her Ivan..."

That only offered so much relief. Words were nothing; Imraan could go back on that any time he wanted to. Once Ivan was dead, torn to bits by that nasty weapon in the taller boy's hands, Tabi would hardly have time to scream before she was next. All that out of the way, it still offered SOME relief. Imraan wasn't a psycho out to get everybody, it seemed. No, he was one of those glory-seekers out to kill all of the players, which Ivan was now labeled amongst thanks to his deeds. Hell... in his case, the situation was even worse than if the guy was just a raging nutjob, but now he was explicitly out for Ivan's blood. At least it would only be his own spilled.

"But you know what, you killed someone, you don't deserve that shotgun..."

This was it. Ivan's eyes, hidden behind those dark lenses, closed. He only hoped that he had more time to get to a camera, at least tell Louis goodbye, and to tell him to look away from the screen.

"I want you to pick it up, OK-- I want you to pick it up SLOWLY, and then I want you to toss it off the cliff there."

His eyes opened again. His body locked up, his mind equally faltered. Was he about to be given another chance? Another way out, if he was fast enough? With the way things were, Ivan would have to get the shotgun and level it before Imraan could get a shot off. The way the situation was, however, there was no standoff in the cards. In order to get Imraan to leave, Ivan would have to shoot first. This thought closed the doors even before Imraan locked them and threw away the key.

Ivan wouldn't even be trusted to do the deed... of course. He couldn't blame the guy for that, because he hadn't been there to see what happened. But... then, what exactly happened that was to be witnessed that he couldn't just know from listening to the announcements?

You killed somebody, Ivan. Stop justifying it... all the guy was armed with were a few scraps of paper. He's right... you're wrong. You don't deserve that gun, you certainly can't kill again, and your carelessness might cause the death of another girl. Oh, and it was a girl who depended on you. Good job.

"Y... You're right..." Ivan choked, lowering his head. Tabi was probably liable to throw the gun away any second... she was just as able to stand up in the face of this crisis as he was. His run on this island was over. Imraan wouldn't just let him go after this... after all, Ivan was still a murderer, and that was the end of the line. "I don't... I don't deserve... anything."

[ET.Requiem†]

Suppressing a gasp of horror, Kevin evaluated the situation as it unfolded. Imraan was going to shoot Ivan. Why else would he tell Tabi to go and throw the shotgun off of the cliff?

This would mark the end of one of the more deadly killers on this island, but there was no telling what the man would do next. Kevin focused on Imraan's face, which didn't betray any signs of his intent. What was his plan?

There was no way to tell. The giant was possibly going to go straight off the deep end after he killed Ivan. Honestly, this was a major turning point. With his brawn and firearm, he could possibly be a major threat in the future.

But he could also possibly go suicidal and off himself before that happened. What could Kevin do at this point other than watch and hope he didn't get their attention?

"Y... You're right... I don't... I don't deserve... anything."

Crap. Even Ivan had acknowledged the hopelessness of this situation. Of course, this just ticked Kevin off just enough that he did something stupid and possibly fatal. He backed up behind a tree, pulled out his shovel, and slammed his cover with it hard. The sound was loud, and couldn't be mistaken for a gunshot. Just the right thing needed to get Imraan to look instead of shoot.

Fuck, that wasn't part of the plan.

Oh, god. Was this going to get him killed? Most likely. He would've slapped himself hard if he wasn't busy ducking back down and trying to hide as best as he could.

[GregTheAnti-Viking†]

Tabi's head darted back up when Imraan spoke. She dug her fingers out of her blouse and let them hang limp beside her. Her lip began to quiver and her knees were weakening once more. Her heart would not stop hammering against her chest now as the fear was taking hold.

This was it, Ivan was going to be killed. Imraan was going to make Ivan give up the gun and then he would kill him. She would be all alone again, the person who had kept her alive all this time would be killed and she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. She was just too powerless.

As soon as Imraan had given his orders, he had changed his mind. Tabitha supressed a squeak when Imraan called her out. The giant was demanding that she be the one to take the gun and toss it away and in doing so, Tabi would be the one tossing Ivan's life away.

The girl stood there, paralyzed once more. It had happened so many times before and it was happening again. When she first met Ivan, when Clio had threatened her, when Keith had come after them, when Nick tried to rob her of her bag, and now here. She couldn't move herself forward. She couldn't say anything.

The tears were starting to well in her eyes again as she looked back down to the grass. Perfect. Just Perfect. Ivan was on the brink and all she could do was cry about it! She was just so useless...

"Y... You're right...I don't... I don't deserve... anything."

Tabi blinked.

Ivan didn't deserve anything...

Tabi lifted her head and stared at Ivan. His head was drooped in utter defeat. Had he given up? Ivan had kept her alive for three days now and he was resigned to Imraan controling him?

Her hands were shaking again, but now they were curled up into fists. She finally turned her gaze back to Imraan and gulped heavily. Her face still was wet with tears but she felt something that was keeping her warm inside.

"I...I can't do it Imraan...I...I won't..."

Tabi still quivered as she took a step forwards. But with every step she took, the warmth inside of her grew.

"Ivan has been with me since almost the beginning. I was there when...when Keith died...It wasn't his fault! Ivan never meant to do what he did! Ivan was trying to scare Keith away! He never meant to...he never meant to kill Keith!"

Tabi was now in between Ivan and Imraan. Her gaze at first was fixated on the large shotgun that was now pointing at her. Her breath began to slow as she stared at the barrel. She could be killed any moment now...and then Ivan would still die. She felt a pang of fear starting rise back into her head.

But how many times had Ivan stared down a gun and saved her own life?

Tabi took in another deep breath and finally lifted her gaze up to the tanned GODSpeed member.

"You know how many times people have tried to kill me Imraan? How many p-people have tried to take my bags, and then shoot me a-afterwords? Ivan's been there. Ivan has protected me! In fact, he's saved my life so many times I've lost track! It's because of him that I'm still here!"

"I-I know...that you probably don't trust Ivan...but please...he's a good person! It was all an accident and... Ivan never meant to hurt anybody. So please. Please let us leave."

Her confidence was starting to faulter as Tabi could not read into Imraan's face. She had tried so hard to convince him. But now she couldn't tell if she had done enough. She could just be brushed aside...and Ivan...

There was a loud clang in the distance and Tabi's eyes darted to where the sound was. She didn't see anybody in the distance, but there was no way of knowing for sure. That clang restoked the fire inside Tabi and she found her hands reforming into the fists once more. Her gaze looked up to Imraan and she opened her mouth once more.

"Imraan, let us leave!"

[D/N]

Imraan had heard that time slows down in situations like these. That ten seconds can seem like ten minutes. In fiction that was what gave the hero time to think rationally about what was going on, decide on the best course of action, and execute it, all in a split second of real time. That was a load of bunk. In the time after the announcement had finished and he'd spoken, and first Ivan and then Tabitha had given their responses, maybe sixty seconds had passed, and they sure hadn't seemed like sixty minutes to Imraan. Maybe for some people they did, but not for him. If anything, time had sped up; sixty seconds felt like sixteen, or six. That was too little time to think, too little time to figure out what in the heck he was going to do no matter how the two students he was holding at gunpoint reacted to his demand.

Ivan spoke first, admitting that he'd killed, seemingly not wanting to look at Imraan as he said it? Was he remorseful, or was he just trying to save himself? And did it matter either way? Imraan didn't know, because there was just no time to figure it out. Sure, he'd had plenty of time to think about what he'd do when he found a student like Ivan, a killer, on his way here. But he'd never arrived at a conclusion. What, did he think he'd trust in God that he'd know what to do? Yeah, right. God didn't decide for you whether you were going to pull the trigger or not. He might give you the gun, He might provide you with the situation, but now that Imraan was here, it was his choice alone whether to take that leap.

Then Tabitha spoke, refused to play along. Her strength, the fire in her defense of Ivan was more than surprising; it was unsettling. One side of Imraan wanted to believe her, wanted to just turn around a leave. But another side, a bitter, unnerving side, told him that she was just as bad as Ivan, just as guilty, and that he couldn't let either of them leave this cliff. Neither side could bow the other in the brief seconds they had to battle.

Then she made her final plea for him to leave, and Imraan realized with finality that he didn't know what to do. He was going to stand there, frozen, a monument of inaction exposed and recorded in time for all the world to see. His finger wavered, and then, then he didn't really know what happened.

There was a sudden noise from behind him, and his hands jerked and his finger just slipped.

He hadn't meant to shot them.

He hadn't mean to shoot Tabi, at least.

But there hadn't been time to think.

And then, in THAT split second after he'd pulled the triggers, time finally decided to slow down, and it seemed he had time to think.

God. GOD. I didn't mean it. Please let it miss them. Let me take it back.

[MK Kilmarnock]

Awaiting his death took all the time in the world. To simply wait to die was a regrettable thing, but Ivan would rather he die with dignity than run from Imraan. To run would just prove he was a monster trying to escape his punishment. Then again, no matter what he did, he was still a monster. Louis was always a fan of this 'show', and would constantly annoy his big brother with all the wild and crazy antics that James Brown, Branca Braunstein, and whoever else was doing on the island.

"You know that show's just a stupid fad, as terrible as the rest of reality TV. Nobody likes it but you."

"Yeeeeeeeah that's bullshit, Stum- I mean, Ivan... Everybody in my grade is watching it!"

"Proving, once again, your entire year is comprised of idiots. ... And mine, actually."

"Pfft, you need to get out more! Come on, bro, let's go! Put 'em up, put-... oh god, wait, not the noogie! No, NONONO NO I'm sorry! UNCLE! UNCLE!!!!"

Louis was probably watching, just like the rest of the city, the rest of the country. They all knew what he did, so who was to say that he wasn't a monster? That's why there was no home for him anymore, no victory waiting for him at the end of this hellish tunnel. He'd return to society, but they'd always look at him. They would always know what he did, and it wouldn't take long for Keith's parents or cousin or whoever to seek justice, whether through law or vigilantism.

The only home he had was the one he now sought to relive in his mind, waiting for his final moments. And so, Ivan kept his head low, waiting for Imraan to speak the death sentence until... words came from somebody else. They were strong, pleading, and carried with them more iron than any forged weapon on the island. Most surprisingly of all, they came from Tabi.

Ivan turned to look to her, the pain in his heart ousting that of his arm, or the pounding headache of stress following Imraan's arrival. She had been there when he did what he did, and had been in such shock and distress. All that time they had been companions of a sort, she could never really look at him, get close to him, trust him... and that was sensible, given who the girl was travelling with. If Ivan had wanted to kill her, he could have easily managed, moreso with his new weapon. He felt like a weapon, a sharp blade or a defective gun, and Tabi had to always tread carefully around him lest she risk injury to herself.

And now, she was defending him in the face of a man literally a foot taller than either of them, and carrying a weapon that could blast them both away before they could move more than three feet. Ivan felt like Tabi always owed him so much for what he had done for her; saving her from Clio, dragging her along and protecting her (committing a terrible act in the process), saving her from Nick... but she never owed him anything, not after the pain he caused her.

But she gave everything anyway.

He forced back the tears; now was not the time for crying, not yet, though his voice was completely choked up. Or it was, before the loud blast of gunfire evacuated all of Ivan's thought processes, and instinct took over. Before his next rational thought, he lept to Tabi with his injured arm forward and and pushed her to the ground, collapsing downward next to her. Was she dead? Was he dead? There was no time to wonder about that, since he had dove within arm's reach of their last shot at salvation.

Screaming in pain as well as fear, with a healthy dose of unmitigated fury, Ivan grasped the Pancor Jackhammer with his right hand, sat up and swung it to face Imraan, clasping the weapon with his other, dirt-caked hand. He hadn't been shot, at least... for some reason, the weapon seemed to be fired high, missing them, but he prayed Tabi had not been hurt. Right now, the immediate concern was to level his own weapon at Imraan.

"I've changed my mind! I'm not dying yet, so get out of here!"

[GregTheAnti-Viking†]

Tabi did not get much time for a response. Imraan's hands slipped and then it was all a blur.

Tabi had heard the shotgun blast. Her hands immediately rushed to her chest. She padded herself, but was finding nothing. She looked back up at Imraan. He had just shot at her! Imraan was playing the game there was no doubt about it now. She and Ivan had to get away from him or else they wouldn't make it out alive.

Before she could step back, Tabi heard a loud scream and found herself lying face first in the ground. It was her turn to scream now. She was going to die. She squeezed her eyes shut and wimpered. She was so brave back then, she stood up to Imraan and protected Ivan, but she just failed and now she went back to crying. Tabi wouldn't look, it was better if she didn't.

Ivan said something, but Tabi could not hear him. She turned her head over to look at him. She felt a stinging pain in her lips tasting the blood that was trickling into her mouth. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Ivan holding his massive weapon and pointing it out at...something...or someone...

She let out a wimper and stared up at him.

Please don't kill him...

"Ivan..."

[ET.Requiem†]

Oh, god. What did I just do?

When Kevin slammed his shovel against the tree, Imraan fired on reflex. This was not a good thing. He didn't intend for this to happen at all. He clutched his aching face, silently cursing as the seconds ticked by. Did he just murder Ivan and Tabi by proxy? Fuck, this was horrible. There was no way that he could go back now that this happened.

"I've changed my mind! I'm not dying yet, so get out of here!"

His eyes widened. They weren't dead? Holy crap, they weren't dead! He looked up from the cover of the bushes, then dropped back down as silently as he could. It was a standoff now, but it seemed that the two were still alive and unharmed. The relief he felt was tempered by shame. Killing wasn't something he could do. He didn't have the guts, even though he said he would do anything to survive.

When he competed, he was a violent man. There was no doubt about that. But even then, he wouldn't be able to so far that he would murder. Kevin was in a quandary. He was going to die on this island at this rate.

[D/N]

How Imraan even managed to hang on to the shotgun after it discharged in his hands, he'd never know. But it didn't matter. His nerves were shot. He couldn't fire it again.

And don't try to tell yourself that it "discharged in your hands", man. You pulled the trigger.

He had. But he hadn't meant it. Not yet, at least.

Imraan saw Ivan dive to the ground and took a step forward, not knowing what to say, not knowing if he'd hit Tabitha or not. The shotgun wavered, then pointed down to the cliffside ground as Imraan raised his right hand towards the couple, in some kind of a sign of truce.

"No... no man, I..."

Then Ivan moved, grabbing his own gun and leveling it at Imraan.

"I've changed my mind! I'm not dying yet, so get out of here!"

Just like that, the tables were turned. Imraan froze, hand still held upward, trying to think of what to say. But before he could, a low groan came from Ivan's feet.

"Ivan..."

Tabitha. She was fine, at least.

"Alright," he said. "I'm going." His words were without conviction. Whatever he'd come her to do, he'd failed at. He'd failed again. And now what? Would Ivan go off and kill again? Probably. Even if what Tabitha had said was true, that wouldn't stop from Ivan killing someone else if he thought he needed to. And there wasn't anything he could do about that. He'd had his chance.

He began backing off. "Ivan..." he started, then stopped, looking into Ivan's eyes. He couldn't judge the kid's intentions. He just couldn't. But he had to say something. Anything to make him feel like less a failure here. Anything to give him some hope.

"Don't let me hear you on those announcements again." he finally said. He continued to stare levelly at the shorter student, hoping that his words would at least have some weight.

"I'll come back. I promise that."

(Imraan Al-Hariq continued in Shaker)

[MK Kilmarnock]

A steady arm held the weapon the best it could, only supported by a shot of faith and the adrenaline running through it. Imraan may have left, but the words that he spoke had left their mark with Ivan. For this moment, at least, this morning, death had been avoided. Unfortunately, though, the tall boy's decree had struck harder than any bullet ever could. His arm trembled as it ran out of the last of its burst of energy, until it finally fell to his side.

"Don't let me hear you on those announcements again. I'll come back. I promise that."

His crime had still not been cleared from his conscience. Others also knew of his deeds... it had been a few days and there were plenty of other killings, but it was now clear that the terrible spilling of blood committed on the mountain that day was not forgotten in the minds of others. Ivan was now branded, and those who knew and loved Keith, or maybe just felt truly vigilant, would not let him rest. He had not been forgiven.

But somebody had forgiven him. Maybe she had not absolved him of his sins, but Tabi's words washed over Imraan's and kept them from eating away at his mind. He was branded all the same, but her faith in him was so strong... not to mention surprising. She meant what she said. There was no time to doubt it, not that Ivan would. She stuck her neck out like that, faced off against a man who was a head taller than the both of them, and could have blown them away. Ivan looked at his own killing tool, the instrument that bluffed them both to safety, thanks to Tabi's stalwart defense.

He hadn't even taken the safety off.

Shaking his head in disbelief, Ivan took a ragged breath and looked to Tabi.

"... We have a long day ahead. What do you say... about getting out of here?"

((Ivan Kuznetsov, continued in Meet Again))

[ET.Requiem†]

Kevin sighed in relief. That was a close one. The guilt of nearly getting Ivan and Tabi was pushed to the back burner as he decided what to do next. There was nothing for him here. It would be in his best interests to get out of here as soon as he could.

I can only hope that those two don't go all Bonnie and Clyde on everybody.

It was unlikely, although he didn't put it past them. The game had a funny way of drivijng people batshit insane, as the murder of Lily proved to him.

He closed his eyes briefly. Kevin was pretty sure he was screwed. He was just a dog without any teeth if he couldn't kill. And he wasn't cunning enough to trick people into killing each other. He really had no idea how much time he had left and how he should spend it.

Somehow. I'll get through this somehow.

With a groan, he picked up his shovel and left.

((Kevin Harding continued in But I Might Die Tonight))

[GregTheAnti-Viking†]

Tabi lay motionless as she listened to Imraan. Her chest rising up and down as she did so. Her eyes stared up at the giant, lips pursed tightly as he paused.

He was letting them live. He was letting Ivan live.

It wasn't until the GODspeed member had left her vision that she moved. A rush of breath bloomed out of her mouth and she closed her eyes. They were alive. The weight of those three words almost caused her to laugh. She had done it. She had saved Ivan's life. In fact, she had saved both of their lives! It was almost too much for her to accept.

But here they were now...

"... We have a long day ahead. What do you say... about getting out of here?"

Tabi opened her eyes and stared up at Ivan. He did not look well, but then again, she probably didn't look well at all herself. She flashed him a small smile and nodded.

"Sure thing Ivan"

Tabi got onto her feet and whiped the blood on her lips. She grabbed her bag and followed Ivan, the smile still on her face.

((Tabitha "Tabi" Gweneth continued in Meet Again))