Last Days

[Espi]

Things took a turn for the worrisome.

Keith said something snide, and Ty snapped at him. Alice didn't like it. She felt a knot in her throat, and swallowed hard as she hugged her stomach. She didn't want this to turn violent, of course; her own personal safety aside, she didn't want to see this group turn against each other when things had just started to go well.

She stepped back from the group, and found herself backed against the wall.

"Guy...guys..." Alice tried to speak up, but found herself choking on anxiety.

Ty might or might not be dying, and all Alice could think was that anyone in here with a weapon could spell disaster.

[Grim Wolf]

The newest pair on the scene weren't happy with him. Keith wasn't surprised, but he was upset. Tyler's words about the sword and leaving people to die had really struck a nerve. Keith could feel the corner of his mouth twitching as Sandra and Alice tried to defuse the situation.

He wasn't sure what to say. Joshua hadn't been moving when he'd left, but what if he'd been wrong and Joshua had still been alive at that point? Or if he hadn't agreed to keep watch outside. Or what if he'd stood up to Jasmine? She had seemed off. Would she really had tried to kill him? Shit. He didn't know and the scene was replaying in his head over and over and all he could know for sure is that somewhere along the line he had fucked up.

"It wasn't like...just...he wasn't moving anymore, okay?" he responded defensively.

He shrank down a little and stared at his shoes. They could probably all tell that he'd fucked up now. They knew he had failed.

[Grim Wolf]

"He wasn't moving."

Lizzie stared at him.  Her mouth opened, then closed.  She looked down at her empty water bottle.  She looked at Yazzie's face.  She looked at the people around her.

"Guys...guys...", said Alice.  How strange this was.  The people in this room...had they ever spent time together before this?  How had they ended up here?  

So much noise.  So little said.  Except for Keith.  Except for Tyler.

How did Tina die?  Sabrina?  Lettie?  Had someone stood by to let them die, just as Keith had let someone die?  And if it had been Lizzie, would she have fought?  Or would she have stood by?  Why hadn't she looked for her cousins?  Why hadn't she looked for Lettie?

She saw Nancy's face in her mind.  She imagined her thumbs digging into those eyes.  What did eyeballs feel like?  Would they give way like jelly?

"Calm down, alright?" said Sandra, and Lizzie understood.  She had understood for so long that it felt like breathing, so essential and invisible, beneath her notice.  The Luz family was huge, plagued by their own problems and doubts and conflicts.  Judgments, addictions, tempers, old feuds, old grudges.  From the first moment she could remember, she had fled from those conflicts.  The world was wide and wild, and the petty bullshit would just tie her down.  She kept quiet, she did just enough to keep everyone off her back, and she kept moving.

And because of that, Lettie had died without Lizzie ever seeing her.  Her family was dying, one by one.  And Harold?  Lizzie had led Tyler and Harry go, had left Astrid, because she was afraid of being trapped.  Because the sheer weight and depth of Harry's support for Tyler and Astrid's determination to stay alive had scared her.

"I don't wanna be calm," Lizzie said, not looking at anyone in the room.  What was the point of being calm?  This was a hellscape where the people they loved and cared for were dying all around them.  This was not a time for calm.  This was a time for fucking rage.  This was a time to dive into the petty bullshit, because there was nothing petty anymore, not with so many dead already.  Her eyes found Keith again.

"You should have tried," Lizzie said.  "And you know it, too."

She looked back down to Tyler.

"I wanna find Nancy Kyle," she said.  "Wanna help?"

[Emprexx Plush]

Half the room didn't interest him none. Between all the quaking for calm and the sputtering coward, his brain was having trouble latching on. Nobody needed him. Hell, nobody probably wanted him. It'd be easy to finally drift off into whatever was waiting for him on the other side of sleep. Stop playing the goddamn protector, since that hadn't worked out so far, and just see how things shook out when he woke up.

Before he could let go, though, Liz said something that perked him up. Recognized that name. Not from school, but all the killin' she'd been up to since they woke up. Wantin' to find someone like that...

Ty had thought about "finding" Conrad for what he did to Harry, leastwise until he heard someone had already "found" him first. Hearing that idea didn't paint a pretty picture. Somethin' had lit a fire under Lizzie's ass since they woke up, and he wasn't real sure where it had launched her, but he had an idea. Managed to sit up a little more and square off under that look she was givin' him. "That depends. What're you gonna do, assumin' you find her?"

[CondorTalon]

((GMing approved.))

"I don't want to be calm."

So Sandra decided at that point to bail. Things weren't going to get any better. In fact, she might have even said that they were going to get worse. And fast.

"F-Fine," Sandra said, "that's fine."

It's not like what the others did in this room was going to matter in just a couple of seconds.

She breathed in and held it, before exhaling. She was the one who needed to be calm here. She stepped to the side.

Sandra sprinted forward, toward the door. Toward freedom. Toward Alice.

Grabbing Alice by the arm, she all but yanked her out of the room and down the hall.

((Sandra Dyer continued in Restore/Restart/Quit.))

[Espi]

Alice was tensed up, nervous and worried.

This whole thing had a chance of exploding, it felt, even if common sense dictated that getting into a fight in this cramped room was a disastrous idea. She really, really hoped Keith didn't do something, though.

He'd lost someone, it seemed. He'd made mention of Joshua previously, the boy killed by Jasmine (not Reed) two days ago. Alice hadn't known much about the context. Had he abandoned his friend, or was there something else at play?

Nancy Kyle came up again; Lizzie seemed intent on hunting her down. Alice didn't know why, momentarily assuming it was simple vigilante justice. But no, she remembered what Lizzie said, Nancy had killed Tina and Sabrina Luz, both related of course to Lizzie Luz. Vengeance.

Alice trembled suddenly, as it occurred to her that murdering murderers was a moral quandary she'd definitely have to face again. She'd had a similar thought before, when Lizzie had first mentioned it.

Suddenly, Alice saw Sandra dashing towards her, and Alice froze, screaming and holding her arms out as if any attack could be halted. But no, it took a moment to realize that Sandra wasn't going to kill her, that she had only grabbed Alice's outstretched arm and pulled her bodily from the room, her shorter legs struggling to stay upright and follow.

((Alice Baker continued in Restore/Restart/Quit))

[Courtography]

He should have tried. Well no shit he should have tried. He did try. Sort of. He'd run into the library despite the screaming, but apparently in the mind of a stupid teenage girl that didn't matter. Keith thought it was idiotic that someone would think that attacking a crazy chick with a sword would pay off well. Then again, she was looking for vengeance against Nancy, so that really showed how skewed her priorities were. Being alive was more important, even if the process sucked. His stomach twisted with the shameful memory of begging Jasmine not to kill him.

He didn't respond to Lizzie's bait. He had to keep his head, even if it was harder than usual. In the back of his mind he wished he was back in Arizona where there were plenty of ways to blow off steam after a long shift of his manager bitching at him at work. Sometimes, after work he and a friend would take his dad's old Trans Am that Keith of all people was allowed to drive where he wanted, to work, school, whatever. His dad said it was only fair, since his brother had been allowed to drive it too. They'd take it out on Arizona 66 and just drive for a bit, speeding like crazy if they didn't spot any cops around. Once Keith had reached 120 and just stayed there for about thirty seconds before going down to regular speed. He'd felt some of the deepest calm he'd ever felt come over him before he imagined how much a speeding ticket would cost him.

His dad probably wouldn't let him take the car anymore if that happened either.

Keith wished he could feel that strange calm now, but there were barely any roads on the island, and he doubted the damn terrorists had left any cars for him to drive either.

He was pulled out of his thoughts and staring at his shoes by Sandra running out of the room and pulling Alice after her. He took a step to follow, but then stopped. If she'd wanted him to come she would have said something.

He shook his head.

"Fuck."

[Grim Wolf]

"I want to-" Lizzie started, and then Sandra and Alice were bolting from the room in a tumbling, tugging, pulling mess of shrieks and furtive looks. Lizzie was so startled she stopped speaking and lost her train of thought.

"Thank you!" she shouted after them, because she didn't know what else to say.

Keith muttered to himself, not really looking at either of them. Lizzie spared him one glass of mingled curiosity and exasperation, then shook her head. Time was running out. She could feel it now, death breathing down her neck, making her skin tingle. Time had already run out for so many others. For Keith's friend. For Harold. For Sabrina, and Tina, and Lettie.

Instead of answering, she flipped open her bag and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. To anyone else, they would have looked like America Spirits, but Cris had emptied them of tobacco, remixed it with weed, and stuffed them again. 20 perfectly-innocuous spliffs.

Technically they were supposed to be for Lettie--he'd passed them onto Lizzie, since he knew they were both going on the science trip. But Lettie wouldn't be smoking again. Lettie wouldn't be doing anything again.

She stared at the pack for a long time. She didn't smoke--hell, she gave Cris shit for always sneaking off behind the house--but on occasion it was nice to be forgetful. It was nice to soften the world a little.

"Either of you got a light?" she asked.

[Emprexx Plush]

Ty didn't smoke much. More the old man's thing than his. They shared the habit on hikes every now and then though. Didn't care too much for it on its own, but for a moment there in them rolling hills, hand to the bark and smoke wrapped around his head in the breeze, Pop looked stronger than Ty had ever seen him. Wiser, and a helluva lot more confident too. And for a moment, when Ty lit up beside him, he liked to think he looked just like him.

Goddamn did he need to look like that now. Feel like it. Take in some of that image and fuck the world if it was all swagger, because for just a moment there wasn't a damn thing that could stop either of them.

He stretched out with a groan and fumbled in his pocket for the old nickle lighter. The words were scuffed and hidden under all the dirt and dust he'd kicked up. Before he could toss it Lizzie's way, he wiped it off to take them in.

Olee ebe i si?

Where are you from?

They were gonna go back sometime. The old man always talked about it, taking him and the rest of the boys back to see Nigeria. The idea snuck into his head every few months for as long as Ty could remember. He wanted them to see Enugu, get a good idea of where they came from. Maybe finally meet some of the family they'd only seen in letters and phone calls and Skype sessions. Something would sour him, though, or the money would run out, or nobody really gave a shit to start with. Nobody but him and Ty. Last few years, every time it'd come up, they'd talked about it. Maybe that's why Pop gave him his old lighter. Maybe, with just a little more time, they woulda actually made it back.

They needed him. Goddamn they needed him. He had to get out of here.

With a grunt, Ty pushed himself off the ground. No time to rest yet. "Hope you brought enough for the class," he mumbled as he handed the lighter off towards Lizzie. Reached up and gave his neck a solid crack, and his eyes found Shakes over there again. He wanted to lay into him. Tear that self righteous little head off for throwing accusations his way when he was just a goddamn coward. It'd feel so damn good. His mother wouldn't like it though. Pop wouldn't either. Not Atsa, not Marcus, not Harold, not Clarice, sure as hell not Bee. So much work had gone into dragging him out of the muck, and he wasn't gonna let this fuckin' place take it from him without a fight. Took a deep breath to steady himself before catching the kid's eye. "Hey," he said quietly. " 's not your fault. Whatever happened...it's not your fault."

That was the man they wanted him to be. Knew he could be. He had to try and live up to it. A goddamn cigarette would do wonders for that, so he hoped Lizzie was in a generous mood.

[Courtography]

Keith always thought cigarettes seemed like a shitty deal. They smelled awful and heavy smokers sounded like they were gonna hack up their lungs at any time. He'd heard it was a hard habit to quit though, so if Lizzie wanted to smoke, then whatever, that was fine with him. There were plenty of dumber choices that could be made in the situation.

He bit the inside of his cheek lightly when it occurred to him that it was unlikely she'd live long enough to get cancer from the habit.

Tyler surprised him with the statement that it hadn't been his fault. The problem was that it was Keith's fault. If he hadn't listened to Joshua and stayed outside, then Joshua would probably still be alive. Or at least Keith thought so. No guarantees, but Jasmine had seemed unhinged enough that she probably couldn't have gotten the drop on both of them.

He stared at his tennis shoes again.

"It kind of was, but uh..." he trailed off.

He kept quiet for a moment.

"Sorry about being a dick."

He still didn't trust Tyler, but he supposed fighting for your friends was better than just letting them die.

[Grim Wolf]

"Hope you brought enough for the class."

"I'm not that much of an asshole," Lizzie replied, taking his lighter and lighting her own spliff.  She handed the lighter back to Ty, along with one of the spliffs.  She offered the pack to Keith, in spite of the look of disgust on his face.  She inhaled, tried to imagine she looked cool, and immediately lost that image as skunky, scorching smoke scraped against her throat and lungs and sent her coughing so hard she thought she might throw up.

"Sorry!" she coughed.  "Sorry."

She leaned backwards against the wall, tears in her eyes from the coughing.  But she breathed deep through her nose to catch her own second-hand.  She'd always liked the smell of weed, and handrolled with some choice tobacco...she had to give Cris credit.  She might think it was a fucking disgusting habit, but he almost made an art out of it.

She fingered the pack in her hand.  The people who'd put her here...they must have left this for her, right?  What did that say about them?

"It's your fault," Lizzie agreed.  "Just like it's my fault.  I should've..."

Should've gone looking.  Why didn't you?  Lily is somewhere out there, you could still save her, but all you think about is Nancy fucking Kyle.

"It's not just our fault, though," she said.  "It's theirs."  She nodded to a camera, gesturing vaguely towards the black collar around her neck.  "And it's...it's the killers.  Them mostly.  They didn't have to...they..."

She closed her eyes, lifted the spliff to her mouth, and took another drag.  This time she inhaled slowly, controlling her intake.  Her throat tickled, but she didn't cough.  She exhaled, and opened her eyes to look at Tyler through a cloud of smoke.

"I gotta know why," she said.  "I gotta.  I gotta know why she..."  

"Before I go," she said.  "I gotta know.  And maybe...maybe do somethin' about it, if..."

She touched the collar around her neck like she was feeling for a pulse.

[Emprexx Plush]

Ty gave Shakes a tense nod. "Happens all the time. No skin off here."

From the moment Lizzie lit up, Ty was real, real glad nobody had figured out how to send smell through a camera just yet. If Ma caught him like this, even she'd bust his ass seven different ways. Not like it was the very first time, but he wasn't itching to try again, and it seemed like a situation like this would only get worse without your head free and clear.

Ah, hell. He was well past that point anyhow. Might as well light it up. He coughed, but it got lost in Lizzie's fit. After she found her feet and starting chatting, Ty got up and wandered closer to her. Sat down to take another puff, let the smoke wisp out of his mouth as he thought about her words. "That's a tall ask." He stared down at the sparks on the end of the cigarette as he spoke. "When I saw Conrad with that damn sword, and Harry holdin' his guts in...didn't really think about it. Just next thing I knew, I was on top of the bastard and his arm was broken."

Took another long, slow hit. Made things feel more natural. Like he was out there on the hills, dirt and trees and wind in his nose, talking to the old man. "Didn't know why I did it. Didn't kill 'im, and I couldn't tell you why there neither." Ty cracked his neck, and turned to look Lizzie in the eye. "Been making up reasons ever since. Dunno if any of 'em are right. But it means I gotta ask...when you find her, is it really gonna matter what she tells ya?"

His eyes went back to the ceiling, watching the smoke drift through the lounge. "Or are you just gonna do whatever you feel like you gotta do, and figure out why you did it later?"

His gaze drifted down to Keith. "Guessin' you've seen it the worsta this place too, so lemme run this your way: what're we supposed to do?"

[Courtography]

Well at least Tyler was gracious about everything. Keith wouldn't have expected that before, but maybe he'd been a bit too harsh. It was something to keep in mind. Most people were probably worse here than he'd expect from their normal lives, but it was possible a few people would act better than he'd expect. Maybe Tyler was one of them.

He initially was going to turn down smoking, but then he smelled that it wasn't just tobacco in there. Keith had tried weed a few times, at friend's houses of course. He would have been on cleaning duty at the business for months if his father had ever caught him smoking it. Keith liked the way it just mellowed him out a bit more. He was usually pretty calm, but sometimes that little bit extra was nice.

He took a spliff from the pack before giving the rest back. He knew that lighting up on the island was probably a really stupid thing to do. It wouldn't help anyone survive, but they were probably all going to die anyway. It wasn't like he had a plan to save them all. He kinda doubted anyone did.

He started digging through his own bag. He remembered seeing a lighter in the first aid kit when he'd gone through his supplies with Joshua. He knew Tyler had his own lighter, but he was hardly going to ask for that after insulting the guy. He listened to the conversation. Lizzie agreed that Joshua dying had been his own fault. Like he didn't know that shit already. He wasn't sure why people killed either. Jasmine had seemed visibly off, so maybe some people just lost it. Knowing why probably wouldn't help anything, but he wasn't going to tell Lizzie that. She hadn't responded to his comment about Nancy not getting away with murder.

He had finally dug out the lighter and lit the spliff when Tyler asked him a question. He was tempted to take a little first, but decided to answer first.

"Shit, I dunno, I was part of the friend search crew, but I think I've been uninvited," he responded with a bit of an edge to his voice. The plan had been stupid, but he hadn't expected them to just run off. He felt agitated.

He took a drag.

Maybe it would help.

[Grim Wolf]

Lizzie was quiet, eyes hazing out so she was staring at no one and nothing in particular, considering Tyler's question. Did it matter? Or was she just looking for some reason to find Nancy? Some way to convince herself she wasn't just looking to kill?

She thought of Alex, who she'd given her sword. She thought of Tara, standing precariously on the cliff's edge. She thought of Astrid, claiming in a shaky voice that she could be a killer. But anyone could be a killer, couldn't they? If Nancy fucking Kyle could...

And she thought of Harold, assuring Yazzie that he wasn't going anywhere, that he had his back. Assuring him that for all the horror of this place, they were still friends.

"Yeah," she said. "It matters."

She had laughed, because she was afraid, and because this was a thrill bigger than anything she'd ever really imagined. The electric adrenaline of exploring a place you weren't supposed to be, with possible killers all around, and here was Lizzie Luz, adventurer extraordinaire, here to talk some sense into the madness, here to forget her best friend and her cousin while she wandered, lost and idiotic, trying to avoid the noxious web of conflict magnified a thousandfold by the axe hanging over their heads, the leash around their necks.

Her fingers were still on the collar.

"Not just for me," she said. "For you. Why you hurt'em. Why you let'em go. We've all these things we're doin', and we've already lost so much and we're never gonna know why or how or..."

"I gotta know how she can do it," she said. "I gotta. And then...then, if she can't..."

Keith spoke. Lizzie looked at him. She felt a ghost of her old tightrope exhilaration.

"No friend search crew, huh?" she asked. "Wanna join a foe search crew?"

[Emprexx Plush]

Foe search crew. This had bad idea written all over it. Nothing good could come from feeding all those negative impulses. At some point, a line was gonna get crossed, and they weren't gonna be able to walk back from it.

On the other hand, Harry was dead. Clarice hated him. Conrad had turned into a psycho and got himself killed too. He hadn't seen a hair of Bee, or Asha, or Fiyori, or anybody else who really mattered. For all he knew, they were all dead too. So maybe they were already well across the line, and it didn't matter all that much. For just a few days, he had an excuse to hurt the people who goddamn deserved it. And if his friends weren't dead, maybe he could keep it that way.

His head went straight to Clarice, and the way she kept looking at him. Fuck her and her self-righteous bullshit. Feeling like shit for what he'd done hadn't got him nowhere. Ty took another drag off the cig and gave a nod. "I'm in."