Re: Life is a Game
Posted: Sat May 30, 2009 4:09 am
Jacquard hadn't particularly expected anything from the boys. An acknowledgment, perhaps a thanks from Rein (whom she had been addressing), certainly not what she got.
"Jacquard," Aaron said, looking up with a slightly pinched look. "I'm so glad to see you taking an interest in our game. This is Rein, and this is Ivan. I would think one as versed in chess as you would be aware of the etiquette surrounding a match, being that you don't give advice. Ever. Especially if one of the players is a rival. However, as you are evidently woefully ignorant of basic courtesy and formality, I'll make it crystalline clear for you.
"I don't want you meddling. I know you hate me. I know you have your reasons, I would feel a twinge of jealousy too if I were you..."
For a moment, Jackie couldn't speak. For this - this boy to speak to her like he was - like he was better than her - like she should care about him, for some reason, when she barely knew him...anger, sudden, white-hot and startling flared up inside her, making her cheeks flush a bright and unattractive red.
Jealousy?
But before she could speak, he appeared to lose control, and began shouting. "Look! I understand that you're crippled, but even that doesn't mean you can be stupid! You can't just walk around fucking people's fun up because you want to!"
She wanted to speak.
She wanted too, somewhere deep inside her. She wanted to scream at him, to throw insults in his face until he cried, to beat him with words just as well as she beat him at chess (because oh, she remembered that match now, an easy win and the look on his face when she'd said
checkmate
and the look on his face when she'd smiled with an almost pitying pride) and she wanted to hit him, god, just beat him until he knew what it felt like to limp with every step, to be unable to run, to stumble and hiss in pain because sometimes she forgot and tried to take a step the way she used to.
She wanted to, but the words stuck in her mouth, her throat. Somewhere in her head she was screaming but on the outside she was icily calm, not changing her expression, the only hints of emotion the angry red on her cheeks and the white-knuckled grip she had on the cane.
She barely noticed Ivan standing, but she heard his comment to Ivan and for a moment her lips curved in a smile, small and hard and triumphant because someone agreed with her.
Jacquard was about to respond when Rein beat her to it, and she pinned her lips together, deciding to wait until he was finished.
"I've notice we have a hostile atmosphere here due to this game correct? It seems Aaron you do not like people interfering in our game so why not make it in a more private situation next timed and stop this one before you two ruin this day. And Aaron Jacques was just trying to help! My god you can't tell me you never whisper a move to someone in a friendly match? I do not see this as a tournament but a simple friendly game. If your talented as you say you should be able to take both of us. After all I rarely play and apparently Jacques is... Inferior to you if that what you want to say."
Jacquard's nostrils flared briefly as she sucked in a breath. Inferior? Inferior? Aaron would never be able to beat her, she knew that as well as she knew herself. She was better then him. She always had been and always would be - he was predictable, easily emotional. He was inferior to her, in all ways.
"And by inferior I mean chess skills. Her disability is not sign of weakness but a sign of immense strength for people like her are our equals even if they have a disadvantage."
Her knuckles cracked as she involuntarily tightened her grip on the metal handle of the cane. She was not. Fucking. Disabled. She wasn't to be fucking pitied, and this boy was sadly mistaken if he thought she was weak. The anger was returning, threatening to shatter her calm, and she took a deep breath through her nose.
Not that it helped when he turned to her and began to speak again.
"I apologize on my friend's behalf. He had a bad week and he's not all there so please forgive him. If you like Jacques, we could go for a walk. You seem to have some free time and I could use someone to discuss the latest news. Also Aaron meet me here after your courses. We can set up another match a later time with no interference or you can show me this... D&D thing..."
He smiled, probably what he thought was endearingly."I hope both of you understand?"
Jacquard took another breath, but it wasn't enough. She was angry. She was fucking furious, with the both of them. She clenched her jaw for a moment more, then spoke, her voice flat and level. She addressed Aaron first.
"Hughes." Her voice was dripping with disdain, and she didn't bother to hide it. "Even if I were to be jealous of your lack of talent and inability to win even simple matches, that would have nothing to do with my interruption. I sought only to assist in the education of a new player, in a friendly match. If I in some way ruined whatever pathetic strategy you were attempting, I apologize."
Turning to Rein with barely a pause, she continued. "Rein. I realize you appear to be new in that you don't seem to know that Hughes couldn't strategize his way out of a paper bag." Aware that her voice was becoming shrill, she took a breath, and attempted to calm herself. It didn't particularly work. "I am in no way - in no way inferior to him."
She took another breath, feeling the anger leave her, replacing itself with the icy calm she lived for. Addressing both of them, her shoulders squared, her eyes flat and her voice hard, she spoke.
"And I. Am. Not. Crippled."
"Jacquard," Aaron said, looking up with a slightly pinched look. "I'm so glad to see you taking an interest in our game. This is Rein, and this is Ivan. I would think one as versed in chess as you would be aware of the etiquette surrounding a match, being that you don't give advice. Ever. Especially if one of the players is a rival. However, as you are evidently woefully ignorant of basic courtesy and formality, I'll make it crystalline clear for you.
"I don't want you meddling. I know you hate me. I know you have your reasons, I would feel a twinge of jealousy too if I were you..."
For a moment, Jackie couldn't speak. For this - this boy to speak to her like he was - like he was better than her - like she should care about him, for some reason, when she barely knew him...anger, sudden, white-hot and startling flared up inside her, making her cheeks flush a bright and unattractive red.
Jealousy?
But before she could speak, he appeared to lose control, and began shouting. "Look! I understand that you're crippled, but even that doesn't mean you can be stupid! You can't just walk around fucking people's fun up because you want to!"
She wanted to speak.
She wanted too, somewhere deep inside her. She wanted to scream at him, to throw insults in his face until he cried, to beat him with words just as well as she beat him at chess (because oh, she remembered that match now, an easy win and the look on his face when she'd said
checkmate
and the look on his face when she'd smiled with an almost pitying pride) and she wanted to hit him, god, just beat him until he knew what it felt like to limp with every step, to be unable to run, to stumble and hiss in pain because sometimes she forgot and tried to take a step the way she used to.
She wanted to, but the words stuck in her mouth, her throat. Somewhere in her head she was screaming but on the outside she was icily calm, not changing her expression, the only hints of emotion the angry red on her cheeks and the white-knuckled grip she had on the cane.
She barely noticed Ivan standing, but she heard his comment to Ivan and for a moment her lips curved in a smile, small and hard and triumphant because someone agreed with her.
Jacquard was about to respond when Rein beat her to it, and she pinned her lips together, deciding to wait until he was finished.
"I've notice we have a hostile atmosphere here due to this game correct? It seems Aaron you do not like people interfering in our game so why not make it in a more private situation next timed and stop this one before you two ruin this day. And Aaron Jacques was just trying to help! My god you can't tell me you never whisper a move to someone in a friendly match? I do not see this as a tournament but a simple friendly game. If your talented as you say you should be able to take both of us. After all I rarely play and apparently Jacques is... Inferior to you if that what you want to say."
Jacquard's nostrils flared briefly as she sucked in a breath. Inferior? Inferior? Aaron would never be able to beat her, she knew that as well as she knew herself. She was better then him. She always had been and always would be - he was predictable, easily emotional. He was inferior to her, in all ways.
"And by inferior I mean chess skills. Her disability is not sign of weakness but a sign of immense strength for people like her are our equals even if they have a disadvantage."
Her knuckles cracked as she involuntarily tightened her grip on the metal handle of the cane. She was not. Fucking. Disabled. She wasn't to be fucking pitied, and this boy was sadly mistaken if he thought she was weak. The anger was returning, threatening to shatter her calm, and she took a deep breath through her nose.
Not that it helped when he turned to her and began to speak again.
"I apologize on my friend's behalf. He had a bad week and he's not all there so please forgive him. If you like Jacques, we could go for a walk. You seem to have some free time and I could use someone to discuss the latest news. Also Aaron meet me here after your courses. We can set up another match a later time with no interference or you can show me this... D&D thing..."
He smiled, probably what he thought was endearingly."I hope both of you understand?"
Jacquard took another breath, but it wasn't enough. She was angry. She was fucking furious, with the both of them. She clenched her jaw for a moment more, then spoke, her voice flat and level. She addressed Aaron first.
"Hughes." Her voice was dripping with disdain, and she didn't bother to hide it. "Even if I were to be jealous of your lack of talent and inability to win even simple matches, that would have nothing to do with my interruption. I sought only to assist in the education of a new player, in a friendly match. If I in some way ruined whatever pathetic strategy you were attempting, I apologize."
Turning to Rein with barely a pause, she continued. "Rein. I realize you appear to be new in that you don't seem to know that Hughes couldn't strategize his way out of a paper bag." Aware that her voice was becoming shrill, she took a breath, and attempted to calm herself. It didn't particularly work. "I am in no way - in no way inferior to him."
She took another breath, feeling the anger leave her, replacing itself with the icy calm she lived for. Addressing both of them, her shoulders squared, her eyes flat and her voice hard, she spoke.
"And I. Am. Not. Crippled."