Reporting Live: V7

i will not edit ur posts tho go away yugi

This is the critique board, suggested by Outfoxd. Come here to request critiques and critique the work of others. The goal of this board is to be a respectful environment conducive to the improvement of writing skills.
User avatar
Somersault
Posts: 312
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:56 am

#31

Post by Somersault »

Mmm, I'ma go change the character to follow to Mike Brown, tyvm.
[+] mona lisas and mad hatters
ImageImageImageImage
Appearance Tracker!
[+] a soiled dove finding herself
Image Tonya Collins - Got messy. - Unpretty - TLC
Memories: Child
Pregame: Rain
Prom: Honey
Trip: Furbies
Island: Girl - Way - Delicious - Rakshasa
Tonya by Irina!
Tonya by Ryuki!
[+] a damsel no longer
Image Kelly Nguyen: Couldn't claw back up. - 1234 - Feist
Memories:
Pregame: Universe - Puppies
Trip: Interesting
Island: Holiday - Play - Down - Robot - Unicorn
Kelly by Mimi!
Kelly by Ryuki!
[+] a sheriff trying to keep the peace
Image Adele Jones: Believed. - Good As Hell - Lizzo
Adele by Mimi!
Adele by Ryuki!
Memories:
Pregame: Chartreuself - Lair - Collisions
Trip: Down
Island: Hunger - Darwinism - Mario - Lucifer - House
[+] a cowboy looking for something to ride
ImageMike Brown: Spoke up. - Oh, What A World - Kacey Musgraves
Memories: Timog
Pregame:
Trip: Life
Island: Steady - Miles - Dive
Mike by Ryuki!
[+] tumbleweeds
[+] the town crier whispered
Image Keisha Higgins-Bell - Scouring out her next scoop. - Q.U.E.E.N. - Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu
Memories: President - Misery
Pregame: Talmbout - Time
Meanwhile: Wings - Persuasion - Everything
Keisha by Mimi!
Keisha by Ryuki!
Keisha by Kotori!
[+] v8
Ji-won "Daniel" Song is just praying along. - I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
Anna-Lynn "Ashlei" Mercado is staying in the spotlight. - Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, huh?
DeDe Dixon is the best. Definitely.
Pari Shirazi has been wreaking havoc since 2000!
Abby Davis wants to be in the know.
User avatar
Cicada
Posts: 1200
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:51 am

#32

Post by Cicada »

Just going to confirm that this is formally closed. The second post I reserved has been updated with a spreadsheet (Fenris intensifies) that contains links to Google Docs of all my read throughs, which will be updated live whenever I read the character in question!
V8 Vibes:
[+] Peace Only Under Liberty
Character Relation Planner! - I'll be responding to proposals and ideas in increments, please be patient!
V7 Vibes:
[+] Cicada Uses A Gun For The First Time
ImageB008, Demetri Futscher - Captain Of The USS Dekcuc - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 *
Image G018, Beryl Mahelona - Sleepyhead - 1 *
ImageG040, Camila Cañizares - Nightingale - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 *
ImageG060, Princess McQuillan - a flimsy purpose - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 *
ImageG065, Kelly Nguyen - everyone's friend - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Updated Character Appearances - Updated July 2020
Pregame Relationships
User avatar
Cicada
Posts: 1200
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:51 am

#33

Post by Cicada »

Quick note- I'm going to change my methodology a bit here.

I've been having fun doing this but the having to prepare to do close reading and evaluate things on some sort of critical level for every single post has messed quite a bit with my usual reading speed and schedule. I've decided to scale back to only offering per page or per thread thoughts for now. Loses the live action aspect some, but I figure it's better I do less rather than outright stopping.
V8 Vibes:
[+] Peace Only Under Liberty
Character Relation Planner! - I'll be responding to proposals and ideas in increments, please be patient!
V7 Vibes:
[+] Cicada Uses A Gun For The First Time
ImageB008, Demetri Futscher - Captain Of The USS Dekcuc - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 *
Image G018, Beryl Mahelona - Sleepyhead - 1 *
ImageG040, Camila Cañizares - Nightingale - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 *
ImageG060, Princess McQuillan - a flimsy purpose - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 *
ImageG065, Kelly Nguyen - everyone's friend - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Updated Character Appearances - Updated July 2020
Pregame Relationships
User avatar
Frozen Smoke
Posts: 533
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:50 pm
Location: Where I need to be

#34

Post by Frozen Smoke »

Don’t burn yourself out! These are great to read and I super appreciate the very specific technical advice, even though I’m not being reported on.
[+] V7
Relationship Thread!

ImageFaith Clementine Marshal-Mackenzie
[+] Pregame
Memories: Making old enemies
Present Day: Making new friends - Playing childish games - Acting like an adult
Oneshots: Tidying up - Coming home
ImageParker Green
[+] Pregame
Memories: Cheaters never prosper - Except when they do - Keeping promises
Present Day: Getting informed - Playing nice - Keeping up appearances - Playing Games - Talking too much
Oneshots: Preparing for battle
Luca Thomas
[+] Pregame
Present Day: Being a team player
Prom: Trying her best
Memories:
Criticism or thoughts on my writing are welcome and appreciated - always looking to improve! Feel free to poke me on Discord or via PM.
User avatar
Cicada
Posts: 1200
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 11:51 am

#35

Post by Cicada »

Tried- can't do it anymore. I think I may have already said everything I feel I need to say? I'm getting the annoying sense I'm just repeating myself/preaching to the choir. This project's formally called off.
V8 Vibes:
[+] Peace Only Under Liberty
Character Relation Planner! - I'll be responding to proposals and ideas in increments, please be patient!
V7 Vibes:
[+] Cicada Uses A Gun For The First Time
ImageB008, Demetri Futscher - Captain Of The USS Dekcuc - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 *
Image G018, Beryl Mahelona - Sleepyhead - 1 *
ImageG040, Camila Cañizares - Nightingale - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 *
ImageG060, Princess McQuillan - a flimsy purpose - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 *
ImageG065, Kelly Nguyen - everyone's friend - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Updated Character Appearances - Updated July 2020
Pregame Relationships
User avatar
Buko
Posts: 843
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 1:49 am

#36

Post by Buko »

I enjoyed your criticism a lot and your praise really validated a lot of stuff I was doing, even if it lasted a short time, it was super ambitious and very helpful to me! Read to enjoy yourself! Serve us up with some Cicada nuggets at your leisure though, they're very delicious!

Thank you so much though for your commentary!
"My man got too familiar and I’d ended up having to whoop his ass, man, you know. Because he would step across the line. Habitually. He’s a habitual line stepper.” -Charlie Murphy
[+] Ace of Hearts
Image
V8 Relationship Thread

Slidin'
Lookin' for the opps, they been hidin'
I grew up 'round drugs, sex, and violence
We turnt off they street, we heard sirens
Since a juvenile, I been wylin'
User avatar
MethodicalSlacker
Posts: 1231
Joined: Tue Aug 14, 2018 2:18 am
Location: Here And There Along The Echo
Contact:

#37

Post by MethodicalSlacker »

Same as above—your thoughts were insightful and helped me reflect on my writing and ultimately I think it's been much, much better for it. If you ever want to offer up thoughts in a more informal context regarding Max feel free to shoot me a message on Discord.

Thank you for your service!
[+] Recommended Reading Order
—The Heaven Panel—



Image / Image - G051: Lili Williams: 1. Kidnapped from her school trip and thrown into a horrific death game, Lili wanders the wasteland in search of her past life before it slides away from her for good.

Meanwhile 1. From Here On Out [Complete] Marie Bernstein eats ice cream with her friend and gets a text message.

Image / Image - B043: Arthur Bernstein: 2. Arthur watches the waters from the beach, knowing that their presence spells death. Seeking his sister's comfort, he takes up the spear and walks alongside another.

Meanwhile 2. Colorless [Complete] A family reunion under less than ideal circumstances. When trying to unravel the mystery of her brother's death at the hands of esoteric serial terrorists, Marie discovers more than she bargained for.

——The Earth Panel——




𝄇


Image - G026: Liberty "Bert" Wren: 3. It is happening again. To make things right, Bert must understand where things went wrong.

Image - B049: Max Rudolph: 4. The words we use to construct our realities often also make up the links in our chains. Fleeing a vision, Max builds his most elaborate prison yet.

Image - B032: Lucas Diaz: 5. A life lived through the views of others. In pursuit of revenge and his own death, Lucas Diaz interrupts the falling of many dominos.

Meanwhile 3. Because We Love You [Complete] Selections from a Google Drive, never to be logged into again.

Meanwhile 4. The Lines We Draw [Complete] In the process of collecting his brother's memories, Milo Diaz has a fitful morning.

Image - G007: Violet Schmidt: 6. The stars in the night sky do not make pictures. Breathing on both sides of the water, Violet Schmidt journeys to escape the confines of her own mind, and her reality.

Meanwhile 5. Years of Pilgrimage [???] Dana Schmidt is dreaming.

Meanwhile 6. Colorless II [Ongoing] Charlie Bernstein returns to the desert and finds it empty.

Meanwhile 7. Writing the Enigma [Ongoing] Randy Rudolph provides lodgings for Marie Bernstein as she investigates Survival of the Fittest, the city of Chattanooga, and the meaning of water.
———The Hell Panel———


𝄌
¿

[+] Other Threads
Virtual Pilgrimage: Exploring the Pregame Cities of SOTF
User avatar
Somersault
Posts: 312
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2018 8:56 am

#38

Post by Somersault »

Same as both of the comments above-your comments really helped me with establishing and developing Mike’s voice as a character, especially as he was a spur-of-the-moment concept more than anything else. Through your thoughts, I think I’ve been better able to both improve and take pride in my work so far. If you feel up to it, and if you’d ever like to shoot me some thoughts about Mike or any of my other kids, just message me on Discord! Lord knows I ramble at you way too much anyways.
[+] mona lisas and mad hatters
ImageImageImageImage
Appearance Tracker!
[+] a soiled dove finding herself
Image Tonya Collins - Got messy. - Unpretty - TLC
Memories: Child
Pregame: Rain
Prom: Honey
Trip: Furbies
Island: Girl - Way - Delicious - Rakshasa
Tonya by Irina!
Tonya by Ryuki!
[+] a damsel no longer
Image Kelly Nguyen: Couldn't claw back up. - 1234 - Feist
Memories:
Pregame: Universe - Puppies
Trip: Interesting
Island: Holiday - Play - Down - Robot - Unicorn
Kelly by Mimi!
Kelly by Ryuki!
[+] a sheriff trying to keep the peace
Image Adele Jones: Believed. - Good As Hell - Lizzo
Adele by Mimi!
Adele by Ryuki!
Memories:
Pregame: Chartreuself - Lair - Collisions
Trip: Down
Island: Hunger - Darwinism - Mario - Lucifer - House
[+] a cowboy looking for something to ride
ImageMike Brown: Spoke up. - Oh, What A World - Kacey Musgraves
Memories: Timog
Pregame:
Trip: Life
Island: Steady - Miles - Dive
Mike by Ryuki!
[+] tumbleweeds
[+] the town crier whispered
Image Keisha Higgins-Bell - Scouring out her next scoop. - Q.U.E.E.N. - Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu
Memories: President - Misery
Pregame: Talmbout - Time
Meanwhile: Wings - Persuasion - Everything
Keisha by Mimi!
Keisha by Ryuki!
Keisha by Kotori!
[+] v8
Ji-won "Daniel" Song is just praying along. - I know that you're a sucker for anything acoustic.
Anna-Lynn "Ashlei" Mercado is staying in the spotlight. - Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, huh?
DeDe Dixon is the best. Definitely.
Pari Shirazi has been wreaking havoc since 2000!
Abby Davis wants to be in the know.
User avatar
Shiola
Posts: 769
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 9:29 pm

#39

Post by Shiola »

Though I've said it via PM, thanks again for all your work here. I felt it really helped me tighten up my character in those first few posts, and catch mistakes I might've otherwise missed. I really appreciate it.
User avatar
MurderWeasel
Posts: 2566
Joined: Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:37 am

#40

Post by MurderWeasel »

Echoing what the rest have said: this was a joy to read, and at the same time I absolutely understand and respect the necessity of finding a reading regimen that doesn't make you want to tear your hair out. Thank you for the thoughts you provided. Your take is always fascinating and insightful. :)
Avatar art by the lovely and inimitable Kotorikun
User avatar
BlizzardeyeWonder
Posts: 682
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2018 3:41 pm
Location: The Zone™

#41

Post by BlizzardeyeWonder »

I too appreciated your feedback, and your critique was actually quite in depth for what was supposed to be a "live" kind of thing. Don' forget to treat yo self!
[+] Meilin
Meilin Zhou (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: life observes itself
-->Pregame Status: Waltzed out a party with her crush
>Prom Start: Fancy Meeting You Here
-->Prom Status: Taking a dance, taking on the world
>Trip Start: The Best of You
-->Trip Status: Running away from an eyeful of NSFW
>Game Start: Rise Great Undead Lord Dread
-->Game Status (FINAL): Stop hitting yourself

Aesthetics
"No sun to rise would be okay with me... Everyday, every day is okay"
[+] Camilla
Camilla Bell (Wiki) - DEAD

>Pregame Start: Who's Turn Was It, Anyway?
-->Pregame Status: Had more than her fair share of revelry
>Prom Start: Early in the Morning
-->Prom Status: Ditching the drama for blues
>Trip Start: When I'm Gone
-->Trip Status: Preemptively homesick
>Game Start: Bloom Nobly, in a Transient Life
-->Game Status (FINAL): Loved to death.

Aesthetics
"A voice in her head, a voice in her head, screaming all the words that were left unsaid"
Post Reply

Return to “Critiques”