((Tanisha Abbey continued from I'm Here))
Tanisha sat on the damp grass and sighed. It was early morning, and the announcement should be coming on soon. She tapped her fingers along the shotgun across her lap. She was now dreading the announcements. A third of the class was probably gone now, and even worse, Joanne was one of them. And now, as the sun rose on the sixth day, she had retreated back into a cocoon of ennui.
She and Shauna had spent most of the day wandering around. They had lost Nikki, but at least they were together. Tanisha had hoped to use the time to get to know her ally more or to at least find a plan to find her girls, but the announcements had taken that away from her. Joanne was gone, and Blaise was responsible. They were racking up more kills, and Tanisha was mortified. She had really hoped that she could find her Titty Brigade sisters and find a way to survive this game. But now they were going to be incomplete forever, even if she found Adele.
Most of the fifth day had been spent crying and smashing her hands against trees in some vain attempt to feel powerful. All that did was give her a few splinters and make her feel worse off. But at least digging splinters out gave her some minor distraction from the reality.
But now, as she and Shauna waited for the next announcement, Tanisha had to think about what to do now. Was Adele going to be on this announcement? Was Blaise going to continue their spree? Was Tanisha going to lose more friends?
Finally, Tanisha had her idea.
"Hey, Shauna. Are you awake?" she asked.
I'm telling these tears, go and fall away, fall away
Private, pre Day 6 announcements
((Shauna also continued from There))
"Yeah," said Shauna quietly, laying on her side, head propped on her arm.
Shauna hadn't slept well these past few days. Fear, anxiety. Not having anything resembling a warm soft surface or a duvet. Weird, how not having that weight on top of you at night could mess with you so badly.
Tanisha was--Shauna wanted to say that the company had been welcome but it hadn't cut well either way. Shauna had struggled to raise anything worth talking about, and after yesterday, after they learned about what happened to Joanne... well, it was different from Shauna finding Caroline and Regina. There was no sense of blame towards Shauna, no panic overriding her human empathy. Instead there was just Tanisha's grief and Shauna's complete inability to mitigate it. Once more the wordsmith lost for words.
That wasn't strictly true. Shauna could think of plenty. Dialogue sprang to mind, the kinds of things that her characters would say, the comic book heroes rallying their friends past tragedy for a push to the end, but the words felt flat and dead in Shauna's mouth. Those protagonists may have been inserts of herself, or someone very like herself, but they differed crucially. They had all the confidence she didn't, and she got to pick how the others reacted. Better to shut up than to rip up the only break she'd had since Danny.
Shauna listlessly combed at her hair. Despite her best efforts, the matting had got worse, and it was beginning to clump together horribly.
"Yeah," said Shauna quietly, laying on her side, head propped on her arm.
Shauna hadn't slept well these past few days. Fear, anxiety. Not having anything resembling a warm soft surface or a duvet. Weird, how not having that weight on top of you at night could mess with you so badly.
Tanisha was--Shauna wanted to say that the company had been welcome but it hadn't cut well either way. Shauna had struggled to raise anything worth talking about, and after yesterday, after they learned about what happened to Joanne... well, it was different from Shauna finding Caroline and Regina. There was no sense of blame towards Shauna, no panic overriding her human empathy. Instead there was just Tanisha's grief and Shauna's complete inability to mitigate it. Once more the wordsmith lost for words.
That wasn't strictly true. Shauna could think of plenty. Dialogue sprang to mind, the kinds of things that her characters would say, the comic book heroes rallying their friends past tragedy for a push to the end, but the words felt flat and dead in Shauna's mouth. Those protagonists may have been inserts of herself, or someone very like herself, but they differed crucially. They had all the confidence she didn't, and she got to pick how the others reacted. Better to shut up than to rip up the only break she'd had since Danny.
Shauna listlessly combed at her hair. Despite her best efforts, the matting had got worse, and it was beginning to clump together horribly.
Shauna was awake. That was good. Tanisha would need her awake for what she was about to suggest. Tanisha breathed in and out. This was going to be rough.
"So, I know they're gonna announce who died and who killed yesterday soon," Tanisha began. "It was bad enough to lose Joanne yesterday, but I'm really worried Adele will be there too."
Tanisha clutched her hand on the handle of her shotgun.
"I'm also worried we're gonna learn some people are escalating in their kills. Like, are Quinn and Blaise and Erika gonna kill more people?"
Tanisha swallowed a lump in her throat.
"I don't want to abandon my idea to find my friends and hold out somewhere. But..."
Tanisha stood up, keeping her shotgun at her side.
"I think it's time we give up on the idea of getting out of here without killing. I'm not saying we hunt down specific people, but I'm starting to think this might be the point where, if we see someone dangerous like Quinn or Blaise, we might not have to hesitate to take them out. For the good of everyone."
"I'll protect you, but will you protect me?"
"So, I know they're gonna announce who died and who killed yesterday soon," Tanisha began. "It was bad enough to lose Joanne yesterday, but I'm really worried Adele will be there too."
Tanisha clutched her hand on the handle of her shotgun.
"I'm also worried we're gonna learn some people are escalating in their kills. Like, are Quinn and Blaise and Erika gonna kill more people?"
Tanisha swallowed a lump in her throat.
"I don't want to abandon my idea to find my friends and hold out somewhere. But..."
Tanisha stood up, keeping her shotgun at her side.
"I think it's time we give up on the idea of getting out of here without killing. I'm not saying we hunt down specific people, but I'm starting to think this might be the point where, if we see someone dangerous like Quinn or Blaise, we might not have to hesitate to take them out. For the good of everyone."
"I'll protect you, but will you protect me?"
Yeah, more people were going to be dead.
It... it absolutely sucked beyond belief that that was just part of their day to day at this point. The announcements were going to go off and there was going to be a death toll, like one of those news reports that told you about folks dying on the other side of the world or the country. 'The body count has now reached 65'. Only it was horribly, terribly here, horribly, terribly present, and those weren't anonymous names and bodies, they were schoolmates.
She had thought, no, perhaps not thought, but she'd had the slightest of hopes that hearing the butcher's bill would become a little easier with time. It hadn't. And a big chunk of Shauna felt kind of disgusted with herself for hoping in the first place. Selfish. So, so selfish. After all everything, she just wanted things to be smoother, easier for herself. Ugh.
Tanisha was still going. Shauna froze.
Oh.
Um.
Right. Um. Okay.
That was. That was not what she'd expected her to be bringing up.
Um. Fuck.
She couldn't... but... well...
Shauna had, she'd been telling herself that she should, or like, she shouldn't let... that she knew what was happening here wasn't right and sooner or later it was going to come back to her doorstep. She hadn't forgotten Danny.
"Quinn could have killed me," she said, after too long a pause. "I don't mean that I saw her, I mean that--she had a gun to my head and didn't shoot me for some reason. Even then, I think she would have done it if Danny hadn't already died defending me.
"I'm lucky to be alive.
"So, yeah.
"Yeah, I'll protect you. I'll try."
It... it absolutely sucked beyond belief that that was just part of their day to day at this point. The announcements were going to go off and there was going to be a death toll, like one of those news reports that told you about folks dying on the other side of the world or the country. 'The body count has now reached 65'. Only it was horribly, terribly here, horribly, terribly present, and those weren't anonymous names and bodies, they were schoolmates.
She had thought, no, perhaps not thought, but she'd had the slightest of hopes that hearing the butcher's bill would become a little easier with time. It hadn't. And a big chunk of Shauna felt kind of disgusted with herself for hoping in the first place. Selfish. So, so selfish. After all everything, she just wanted things to be smoother, easier for herself. Ugh.
Tanisha was still going. Shauna froze.
Oh.
Um.
Right. Um. Okay.
That was. That was not what she'd expected her to be bringing up.
Um. Fuck.
She couldn't... but... well...
Shauna had, she'd been telling herself that she should, or like, she shouldn't let... that she knew what was happening here wasn't right and sooner or later it was going to come back to her doorstep. She hadn't forgotten Danny.
"Quinn could have killed me," she said, after too long a pause. "I don't mean that I saw her, I mean that--she had a gun to my head and didn't shoot me for some reason. Even then, I think she would have done it if Danny hadn't already died defending me.
"I'm lucky to be alive.
"So, yeah.
"Yeah, I'll protect you. I'll try."
Halfway there.
Well, not really.
((Angelina continued here.))
Angelina decided to head toward the mansion. It was a thought out decision after waking up and looking at the map. Ramsey talked about how Kelly tried to kill him there. Angie wondered if Kelly was dumb enough to stick there, but if she did, Angie would tear her apart from limbs to limbs.
Or something. She wasn't sure what she was going to do yet. Maybe she wouldn't do anything, maybe she would just watch her from a distance, stalk her until she fell asleep and took her stuff. Angelina wasn't sure what she wanted to do to Kelly, but she wanted to do something.
Without her gun, she actually felt safer. If she had kept it, the constant reminder of the metal against her skin would change her ideas. She didn't want to be distracted. Angie wanted one thing and it was to find Kelly. She didn't know if she could track her down, but searching for her was better than doing nothing. She owed that to Ramsey.
And also to Ace. But he was another story. It was a branch that was cut, waiting to be glued back to the tree of her life. She tried to keep him out of her thoughts, but he came back. He was probably searching for Quinn. Her name. It came out of her thoughts and into someone's mouth.
Angie's fists curled into a ball as she got closer. Angelina also owned Ace that. To know, to learn, to discover and to find Quinn. She owed a lot of things, but she wasn't sure if she could fulfill all of her promises.
Well, not really.
((Angelina continued here.))
Angelina decided to head toward the mansion. It was a thought out decision after waking up and looking at the map. Ramsey talked about how Kelly tried to kill him there. Angie wondered if Kelly was dumb enough to stick there, but if she did, Angie would tear her apart from limbs to limbs.
Or something. She wasn't sure what she was going to do yet. Maybe she wouldn't do anything, maybe she would just watch her from a distance, stalk her until she fell asleep and took her stuff. Angelina wasn't sure what she wanted to do to Kelly, but she wanted to do something.
Without her gun, she actually felt safer. If she had kept it, the constant reminder of the metal against her skin would change her ideas. She didn't want to be distracted. Angie wanted one thing and it was to find Kelly. She didn't know if she could track her down, but searching for her was better than doing nothing. She owed that to Ramsey.
And also to Ace. But he was another story. It was a branch that was cut, waiting to be glued back to the tree of her life. She tried to keep him out of her thoughts, but he came back. He was probably searching for Quinn. Her name. It came out of her thoughts and into someone's mouth.
Angie's fists curled into a ball as she got closer. Angelina also owned Ace that. To know, to learn, to discover and to find Quinn. She owed a lot of things, but she wasn't sure if she could fulfill all of her promises.
Tanisha nodded and smiled.
"Great. I'm glad to hear that," Tanisha said.
It was good that Shauna was on the same page as her. She was worried she'd have to engage in some discourse about it, but Shauna must have been as tired as Tanisha was. Of course, the best thing possible would be if they never had to kill anyone and could go back to the US on a rainbow bridge that spontaneously appeared on the island and fried the circuits of the collar bombs. But that was definitely not happening, so now they just had to be smart and sane for the rest of their time here.
Of course, it was then the announcements decided to come on and spoil the mood. First was the sad news that Nikki had been killed by collar detonation. Tanisha now wished she and Shauna could have tried to keep her around. Maybe they could have helped her avoid the danger zone. After that were a lot of notable people who had been killed, including Meilin, Nathan, Facebook Lucas, Bret, and Yuki. Adele was at least still alive. It still hurt to know Lorenzo was killing. Looks like his behavior back at the cliff was still carrying on.
Once the announcements ended, Tanisha stood up from her place, keeping the shotgun by her side. She let out a sigh.
"Nikki..." she said.
She wondered if Shauna was as crushed by that knowledge as she was. But that would have to wait. There was someone nearby. Someone Tanisha was friends with back home, but who had been outed as a brother killer the day before.
"Angie?"
"Great. I'm glad to hear that," Tanisha said.
It was good that Shauna was on the same page as her. She was worried she'd have to engage in some discourse about it, but Shauna must have been as tired as Tanisha was. Of course, the best thing possible would be if they never had to kill anyone and could go back to the US on a rainbow bridge that spontaneously appeared on the island and fried the circuits of the collar bombs. But that was definitely not happening, so now they just had to be smart and sane for the rest of their time here.
Of course, it was then the announcements decided to come on and spoil the mood. First was the sad news that Nikki had been killed by collar detonation. Tanisha now wished she and Shauna could have tried to keep her around. Maybe they could have helped her avoid the danger zone. After that were a lot of notable people who had been killed, including Meilin, Nathan, Facebook Lucas, Bret, and Yuki. Adele was at least still alive. It still hurt to know Lorenzo was killing. Looks like his behavior back at the cliff was still carrying on.
Once the announcements ended, Tanisha stood up from her place, keeping the shotgun by her side. She let out a sigh.
"Nikki..." she said.
She wondered if Shauna was as crushed by that knowledge as she was. But that would have to wait. There was someone nearby. Someone Tanisha was friends with back home, but who had been outed as a brother killer the day before.
"Angie?"
No. Not Nikki.
That took her completely off guard, and hurt worse than Shauna thought it would. Had she thought it in the first place?
She kind of realised that when Nikki went running off, a part of her, maybe not even a little part, had been saying that she'd probably never see her again. And now it was true. And now from that first, uh, meeting, that first ridiculous, terrifying situation of waking up hanging upside down on a wall, it was... it was just her.
All the others were dead. All of them. It was... bad. It was a whole lot of bad. Shauna couldn't bend her head around any of that. Even with Danny having been killed right in front of her, she couldn't. She just...
Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit dammit.
Shauna tried to catch hold of her breathing. It slipped through her fingers.
She tried harder.
She barely managed to look up as Tanisha spoke again, seeing someone coming their way.
The shotgun slipped from her fingers too. Shauna scrambled to catch it before it went off and did something everyone would regret. Christ. She was the worst. Useless.
That took her completely off guard, and hurt worse than Shauna thought it would. Had she thought it in the first place?
She kind of realised that when Nikki went running off, a part of her, maybe not even a little part, had been saying that she'd probably never see her again. And now it was true. And now from that first, uh, meeting, that first ridiculous, terrifying situation of waking up hanging upside down on a wall, it was... it was just her.
All the others were dead. All of them. It was... bad. It was a whole lot of bad. Shauna couldn't bend her head around any of that. Even with Danny having been killed right in front of her, she couldn't. She just...
Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit dammit.
Shauna tried to catch hold of her breathing. It slipped through her fingers.
She tried harder.
She barely managed to look up as Tanisha spoke again, seeing someone coming their way.
The shotgun slipped from her fingers too. Shauna scrambled to catch it before it went off and did something everyone would regret. Christ. She was the worst. Useless.
"Tanisha."
Angie smiled. Her steps hurried toward her friend but-
She stopped.
She flinched. Basketball girl had a gun. A big gun, at that. A gun that would leave a big hole in her body if she got shot with it.
And the girl was clumsy. The shotgun fell from her hands. That made Angie jump backward. If she were to get shot, just like that, accidentally, she couldn't, and effectively wouldn't, be able to forgive herself. To die from a straight bullet after everything she had went through would be anticlimatic and there was more to her life than to die like that.
She stepped a second time. But this time, it wasn't because of a gun. It was because of the announcements: Mike. The words of the announcer settled down in her head like mica dust in a lake. She didn't move in fear to agitating the feelings. She had forgotten about him. Angie wasn't sure if she had really forgotten about him, or she just chose to ignore him, but now the consequence of her passivity was on the announcement.
"I..." her voice croaked. She hadn't noticed it was raw. "Can we talk?"
Angie smiled. Her steps hurried toward her friend but-
She stopped.
She flinched. Basketball girl had a gun. A big gun, at that. A gun that would leave a big hole in her body if she got shot with it.
And the girl was clumsy. The shotgun fell from her hands. That made Angie jump backward. If she were to get shot, just like that, accidentally, she couldn't, and effectively wouldn't, be able to forgive herself. To die from a straight bullet after everything she had went through would be anticlimatic and there was more to her life than to die like that.
She stepped a second time. But this time, it wasn't because of a gun. It was because of the announcements: Mike. The words of the announcer settled down in her head like mica dust in a lake. She didn't move in fear to agitating the feelings. She had forgotten about him. Angie wasn't sure if she had really forgotten about him, or she just chose to ignore him, but now the consequence of her passivity was on the announcement.
"I..." her voice croaked. She hadn't noticed it was raw. "Can we talk?"
Tanisha looked over at Angie as Shauna clumsily stood up as well. Tanisha decided to keep her shotgun by her side and try to play it peacefully. She knew people were going to have to kill eventually with how demonic this game was by design. And sure, she could potentially understand why Angie had killed. But she really needed to know why Angie killed Ramsey. It was tantamount she find out.
"Yeah, let's talk," Tanisha said.
Tanisha briefly pushed her glasses up so she could rub her eyes. There was a bit of sleepiness still in them, and she could feel the corners were a bit wet as well.
"I think we have a lot to talk about, considering it's been about a week since we last saw one another," she continued, readjusting her glasses. "This shitty game really makes it hard to kiki with your friends."
"So...you first, I guess."
"Yeah, let's talk," Tanisha said.
Tanisha briefly pushed her glasses up so she could rub her eyes. There was a bit of sleepiness still in them, and she could feel the corners were a bit wet as well.
"I think we have a lot to talk about, considering it's been about a week since we last saw one another," she continued, readjusting her glasses. "This shitty game really makes it hard to kiki with your friends."
"So...you first, I guess."
"I- I- I-"
Angie started stuttering. Her lips trembled as if she were a lost child. Perhaps, she was one. Lost and seeking for her parents, someone to unconditionally love her. Too bad she had killed the only person who could do that, and too bad that the others that could do that are going to hate her for it.
"I killed Ramsey."
Yeah. But there's more. Don't stop there. You're just halfway through the band-aid. There's blood underneath, and there's raw skin, but if it hurts, it's just a reminder that you're alive. You just have to tug a little more.
"He was sick." That's an understatement. He wasn't sick, he was dying. Puking his guts out. He was probably doing more than just vomiting blood, but Angie didn't bother to check.
"Kelly," she gasped. "She-" Angie shook her head, "she did something to him."
She mouthed that last part. Angie didn't know how she was doing it without breathing. She wanted to hold her breath until she was saw black dots again.
"And he was dying and he-
"He asked me to-
"I really-
She cried for a second time.
"What the fuck did I do..?"
Angie started stuttering. Her lips trembled as if she were a lost child. Perhaps, she was one. Lost and seeking for her parents, someone to unconditionally love her. Too bad she had killed the only person who could do that, and too bad that the others that could do that are going to hate her for it.
"I killed Ramsey."
Yeah. But there's more. Don't stop there. You're just halfway through the band-aid. There's blood underneath, and there's raw skin, but if it hurts, it's just a reminder that you're alive. You just have to tug a little more.
"He was sick." That's an understatement. He wasn't sick, he was dying. Puking his guts out. He was probably doing more than just vomiting blood, but Angie didn't bother to check.
"Kelly," she gasped. "She-" Angie shook her head, "she did something to him."
She mouthed that last part. Angie didn't know how she was doing it without breathing. She wanted to hold her breath until she was saw black dots again.
"And he was dying and he-
"He asked me to-
"I really-
She cried for a second time.
"What the fuck did I do..?"
Tanisha knew this game changed people. That was obvious considering a good chunk of the senior class were now classified as killers. She knew it was entirely possible what Angie was saying was a lie. Maybe Kelly Nguyen wasn't poisoning people. Maybe Angie killed Ramsey in cold blood. Maybe she was trying to get Tanisha and Shauna in a weakened state so she could kill them.
But that wasn't what Tanisha wanted to believe. She knew Angie. She knew what kind of person she was. The game changed people, but Tanisha was willing to believe Angie. After all, if she didn't, she wouldn't be tearing up right now.
"Hey, it's okay," Tanisha said, wiping the corners of her eyes. "We've all seen and done some fucked up shit here."
Granted, Tanisha would only claim the former and not the latter, but still.
"It's fine. I believe you."
Tanisha sighed a bit.
"Ang, have you seen Adele? After what happened to Joanne, I want to find her and make sure she's okay."
But that wasn't what Tanisha wanted to believe. She knew Angie. She knew what kind of person she was. The game changed people, but Tanisha was willing to believe Angie. After all, if she didn't, she wouldn't be tearing up right now.
"Hey, it's okay," Tanisha said, wiping the corners of her eyes. "We've all seen and done some fucked up shit here."
Granted, Tanisha would only claim the former and not the latter, but still.
"It's fine. I believe you."
Tanisha sighed a bit.
"Ang, have you seen Adele? After what happened to Joanne, I want to find her and make sure she's okay."
"No, no."
Angie kept crying. She hated crying. She looked ugly and messy.
"I haven't-"
Nikki.
She had abandoned Nikki, right?
Oh no.
And Bert.
And Mike.
And who else did she abandon? Herself. She had abandoned herself a while ago. She couldn't quite come up with the exact moment she cut herself away from her mind but at one point, it did happen. It made her feel queasy.
And Meilin.
Yeah. That's everyone. Ace isn't dead yet. Fuck. Why did she leave him? He was a mess and-
He wanted to leave. You left him because he wanted to be left alone. You also wanted to be left alone. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. It's just the execution, not your feelings.
uh. Angie shook her head.
"I haven't seen her. I was with Ace and Ramsey and- and Meilin for the last three days."
One of these people had been murdered by her, the other had been killed by Quinn and Ace had the misfortune to be last one left alive. Angie didn't count.
"There was Nikki. I saw her." She heard her. She didn't saw her. At least, not directly. Angie saw her shadows, but her voice. That was her voice.
"She was doing... fine. But," her head toward where the voice used to be, "I guess I was wrong. I should have done something."
Angie kept crying. She hated crying. She looked ugly and messy.
"I haven't-"
Nikki.
She had abandoned Nikki, right?
Oh no.
And Bert.
And Mike.
And who else did she abandon? Herself. She had abandoned herself a while ago. She couldn't quite come up with the exact moment she cut herself away from her mind but at one point, it did happen. It made her feel queasy.
And Meilin.
Yeah. That's everyone. Ace isn't dead yet. Fuck. Why did she leave him? He was a mess and-
He wanted to leave. You left him because he wanted to be left alone. You also wanted to be left alone. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. It's just the execution, not your feelings.
uh. Angie shook her head.
"I haven't seen her. I was with Ace and Ramsey and- and Meilin for the last three days."
One of these people had been murdered by her, the other had been killed by Quinn and Ace had the misfortune to be last one left alive. Angie didn't count.
"There was Nikki. I saw her." She heard her. She didn't saw her. At least, not directly. Angie saw her shadows, but her voice. That was her voice.
"She was doing... fine. But," her head toward where the voice used to be, "I guess I was wrong. I should have done something."
So Angie hadn't seen Adele. Tanisha was disappointed, but not too surprised. It was going to get harder and harder to find individual people on this island. It'd be easier to light a giant beacon that draws everyone to it like moths, but that wasn't likely to happen.
Angie began to list people she had seen, including Ace and Meilin. Tanisha remembered that they were a couple, and she wondered how Ace was taking Meilin's death. Probably not well, especially if he was there when Meilin died. Tanisha couldn't imagine how that must have felt.
It was then that Angie mentioned a name she did recognize. Nikki.
"Nikki? You saw Nikki?" Tanisha asked.
She glanced over to Shauna, then back to Angie.
"We were with Nikki two days ago. She wandered off and..."
Tanisha gulped. She thought about what Angie had said about Nikki. She thought about how Nikki was acting before she wandered off.
"Was she..."
She didn't want to finish that question.
Angie began to list people she had seen, including Ace and Meilin. Tanisha remembered that they were a couple, and she wondered how Ace was taking Meilin's death. Probably not well, especially if he was there when Meilin died. Tanisha couldn't imagine how that must have felt.
It was then that Angie mentioned a name she did recognize. Nikki.
"Nikki? You saw Nikki?" Tanisha asked.
She glanced over to Shauna, then back to Angie.
"We were with Nikki two days ago. She wandered off and..."
Tanisha gulped. She thought about what Angie had said about Nikki. She thought about how Nikki was acting before she wandered off.
"Was she..."
She didn't want to finish that question.
((Erika Stieglitz continued from Reflection))
Six days. Sixty or seventy dead, most of them murders. A few killed by the collars, though she supposed if she really thought about it, the devices were responsible for all of them in the end. She hoped. Nathan was dead already, at least. Yuka wasn’t. Neither was Julien. Or Tyrell. It was a bit nauseating to realize she was more concerned by the names she wasn’t hearing than the names she was.
Like they couldn’t die fast enough.
It wasn’t as if there was no reason to feel that way. Rations were running low, even with what she’d scavenged from people. Sleep was barely achievable even in the safest possible hiding places. The only thing she seemed to have a comfortable supply of was ammo. In the interest of being quick on her feet, she’d hidden the Martini-Henry and its ammunition elsewhere on the island’s central Plateau. There hadn’t been any cause to switch back to it yet, but leaving it somewhere in the open was just asking for trouble.
Well, I suppose it’s in kind of an open area. A little bit too open. That's the idea though.
According to Danya she’d killed more than anyone else - himself excluded, obviously.
And how many was it by now for him? Over a thousand, if she remembered correctly. Plus who-knows how many people his organization had killed along the way just setting all of this up.
She didn’t have a choice. She wasn’t the why. Just the how and the when.
Just a tool.
Minimizing her actions next to that of her captor didn't feel right. Someone else being worse didn't make her better, somehow. It was a number of people that sucked to compare to any other. It was enough to count as a serial killer. More than fit in an average-sized van. More than she’d personally come out to. More people than she had close friends. None of them she felt she could forget. She hoped not.
Erika paused, her eyes setting on the Gardens lying open in front of her.
Desiree. Blake. Saffron, Katie. Oliver. Tom. Yuki. Demetri. Sal.
Good. She didn’t want to forget them.
Because that would be wrong, no?
The true definition of hell seemed to be a place where conscience felt like a burden. No tormentor could hope to keep up with her mind.
As long as they didn’t make it a danger zone, she didn’t see many reasons to leave the so-called Inner Circle. There were plenty of spots to set up and spot others without being seen, herself. The manor with its second-floor windows was an attractive proposition, though that depended entirely on whether anyone was home, and what might be in the way. The sound of voices from ahead nearly dissuaded her, and she shuffled quickly behind one of the heavily-overgrown stone planters.
Erika had developed a tremor since the encounter in the Infirmary. Every time she stopped for a few moments, she noticed it. In her hands, or her knees. The shaking had kept her awake through much of the night. For a little while she was concerned it might’ve been some kind of injury, maybe an infection the iodine she put in her water hadn’t killed. As she brought her hand to the charging handle to check the rifle's chamber, she made an uncomfortable discovery:
Her hands were completely steady.
"...I guess?"
Suicide was the type of thing her family never talked about. They had lost an aunt once, and everyone went into this frenzied state of panic and mania to cover it up. Everybody knew but nobody talked about it, they simply said she died after a short period of illness.
And that was it. The suffering was erased and everyone was fine. Suicide was the type of thing you weren't allowed to think about. It was a dirty word. Saying it was bringing bad luck. Talking about her aunt was also a big no-no.
So when Nikki was announced to be dead because she had stayed in a danger zone, Angie's first reflex was to shut it down. Maybe she had tripped, perhaps she was injured or maybe she got stuck there because of someone else.
"I don't... I hope it's not what I'm thinkin'."
Angie sobbed out a cry. She would be fine if she ignored it. There wasn't any point to talk about it. What was done just... happened. Just like with Ramsey and Meilin. There wasn't any point in torturing herself over it.
"You." Angie wiped her tears. "How was your week, girls?"
Suicide was the type of thing her family never talked about. They had lost an aunt once, and everyone went into this frenzied state of panic and mania to cover it up. Everybody knew but nobody talked about it, they simply said she died after a short period of illness.
And that was it. The suffering was erased and everyone was fine. Suicide was the type of thing you weren't allowed to think about. It was a dirty word. Saying it was bringing bad luck. Talking about her aunt was also a big no-no.
So when Nikki was announced to be dead because she had stayed in a danger zone, Angie's first reflex was to shut it down. Maybe she had tripped, perhaps she was injured or maybe she got stuck there because of someone else.
"I don't... I hope it's not what I'm thinkin'."
Angie sobbed out a cry. She would be fine if she ignored it. There wasn't any point to talk about it. What was done just... happened. Just like with Ramsey and Meilin. There wasn't any point in torturing herself over it.
"You." Angie wiped her tears. "How was your week, girls?"