It was one of those days.
It had kinda been those days for a while, though, so that wasn't all that surprising or anything.
Zoe sat. Technically they were also reading, but, like, only technically? They had a book in their hands, or a manga really, since book kinda implied novel and novels weren't really Zoe's thing, they were too long and moved too slowly and they got worn out by too many words at once every time they tried even when it seemed like it'd be really, really interesting. More specifically it was Fullmetal Alchemist, even more specifically volume 25, way too specifically chapter 101, though Zoe couldn't tell you what had happened in that chapter or what had happened in the chapters before it, either. Their brain was doing the Thing it did where there was like this low hum of static that sometimes turned itself up and drowned out the rest of their thoughts and they just kept looking at the page in front of them and there were words and those words wouldn't mean anything no matter how many times Zoe forced them one by one into their head.
Fullmetal Alchemist deserved better than this. Zoe wanted to give it better, but their brain was being stupid.
They put the book down. It was lunchtime, so they should have been eating, probably, but their brain fuzz was making their stomach fuzzy too or something, cause they were feeling a little bit nauseous, a little bit off, and they kinda hoped they were sick cause that would feel a little better than "wow Zoe this is just your life!!!" but it seemed pretty unlikely. They were sitting alone again. People were a lot. There were a lot of people, in fact! The cafeteria was full, and it was noisy, and the white noise of a million other conversations was trying to worm its way into their skull, and it was exhausting.
There was a whole wall they could stare at blankly instead of staring blankly at their manga, so that was nice. The wall wouldn't judge them for not paying enough attention. It was a good wall. They were friends now, Zoe decided. Zoe wanted to make friends. Walls were a start.
"Stand up and walk. Keep moving forward."
Fall 2013, paging the floofiest of pips
"Stand up and walk. Keep moving forward."
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
Walls were an excellent start, and also made pretty dang good friends to boot! So did ceilings, for that matter! They were just blank, open spaces, where the only things that lived on them were cracks and the occasional spider web, and that was it! You could lie on your bed for hours, and stare at them, and they wouldn't judge you for it. Wouldn't call you useless for being unable to get out of bed. Wouldn't pity you for how pathetic you were. They'd just stay there, and let you stare at them until you fell asleep.
Yeah. Yeah, walls and ceilings made perfect friends.
Not that Lyra had any experience with that, of course.
No sir.
But, even though, walls and ceilings made super great friends, Lyra felt as though they made an even better friend! At least, they liked to think they did. And what exactly made them a great friend? Well, lots of reasons, really! They tried their best to always be friendly and make everyone around them laugh and be happy! They were super open with their interests, and in return, loved to hear about the stuff that the people around them were interested in as well! They always tried to be there for their friends whenever they were feeling down, and they... uh...
...
Oh! They always did their best. Always. No matter what it was Lyra was faced with, they'd do their very best to scale it.
Lyra had been watching the person sitting at the table in front of them for about five minutes now. They had a book in their hands, but they hadn't turned the pages, and now it was lying in front of them, and they were just sitting there. Staring. And all by their lonesome as well. Lyra had arrived early and sat at an empty table, but it had quickly filled up as kids streamed in from various classes around the school. Even though they barely knew anyone sitting next to them, at least they were still among people.
It took Lyra just a few more seconds of mental decision making before they packed their food back up, swung their messenger bag onto their shoulder, and scooted her legs out from under the table, standing up and looking at the solitary stranger. They were still just looking at the wall, as if they couldn't rip their eyes away from it.
Hands clutching their little plastic green lunchbox, Lyra strolled over to the stranger, hovering a couple of feet behind their right shoulder. They'd done this plenty of times before, throughout their life. When they were trying to first break out of their shell, whenever somebody asked them what all the pins on their bag meant, whenever they found somebody who seemed like they'd be able to bond over something with. Yet every single time, they'd get butterflies in their stomach, and a whirlwind in their mind, as the possibility that they'd mess everything up with their first impression and ruin this friendship before it started came creeping along.
"Hi!" Lyra said, beaming. "What's that book you were reading?"
Another first impression, another bullet dodged in regards to fucking everything up already.
Yeah. Yeah, walls and ceilings made perfect friends.
Not that Lyra had any experience with that, of course.
No sir.
But, even though, walls and ceilings made super great friends, Lyra felt as though they made an even better friend! At least, they liked to think they did. And what exactly made them a great friend? Well, lots of reasons, really! They tried their best to always be friendly and make everyone around them laugh and be happy! They were super open with their interests, and in return, loved to hear about the stuff that the people around them were interested in as well! They always tried to be there for their friends whenever they were feeling down, and they... uh...
...
Oh! They always did their best. Always. No matter what it was Lyra was faced with, they'd do their very best to scale it.
Lyra had been watching the person sitting at the table in front of them for about five minutes now. They had a book in their hands, but they hadn't turned the pages, and now it was lying in front of them, and they were just sitting there. Staring. And all by their lonesome as well. Lyra had arrived early and sat at an empty table, but it had quickly filled up as kids streamed in from various classes around the school. Even though they barely knew anyone sitting next to them, at least they were still among people.
It took Lyra just a few more seconds of mental decision making before they packed their food back up, swung their messenger bag onto their shoulder, and scooted her legs out from under the table, standing up and looking at the solitary stranger. They were still just looking at the wall, as if they couldn't rip their eyes away from it.
Hands clutching their little plastic green lunchbox, Lyra strolled over to the stranger, hovering a couple of feet behind their right shoulder. They'd done this plenty of times before, throughout their life. When they were trying to first break out of their shell, whenever somebody asked them what all the pins on their bag meant, whenever they found somebody who seemed like they'd be able to bond over something with. Yet every single time, they'd get butterflies in their stomach, and a whirlwind in their mind, as the possibility that they'd mess everything up with their first impression and ruin this friendship before it started came creeping along.
"Hi!" Lyra said, beaming. "What's that book you were reading?"
Another first impression, another bullet dodged in regards to fucking everything up already.
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
This was going really well! The wall thing. Like, at least as well as trying to make friends with a wall could be expected to go, Zoe guessed? It was kind of a one-sided relationship, though, and the urge to complain to the wall for its lack of commitment to making this work was real strong, but also there were other people everywhere and other people were surprisingly weird about it when you started talking to things that weren't people, in Zoe's not-very-limited experience. They decided to try to communicate telepathically, but they didn't seem to have the knack for it. The wall, not Zoe. Probably Zoe too, though.
But it was still going really well! Kind of! Maybe not? Maybe Zoe just wanted it to be going well. It would be nice if something was. They frowned at the wall, silently cursing its uselessness and then silently apologizing to it just in case they'd been wrong about the telepathy thing.
Then, suddenly, they heard a voice. The voice was talking to them? They thought? It seemed like it. That was new! Not really. People talked to them all the time. Usually they were asking for pens. They wondered for half a moment whether the voice was actually the wall responding to them after all before realizing that it was coming from behind them, and admittedly they didn't have a huge amount of experience with telepathy but it seemed kinda unlikely that the wall would beam its voice past them and have it do a u-turn?
They turned around, and it was, in fact, a whole human person! A stranger. And they were being nice without asking for a pen! Yet, anyway.
"Hi." Zoe's voice was a bit quieter than they expected. They hadn't talked to anyone but their moms in a couple of days and their words seemed kinda reluctant to come out. They coughed. Awkwardly, probably. "I mean, hi! I was... making friends with this wall? That's not what you asked, was it. Um..."
They were nailing this social interaction thing so hard right now??
"This! This book. Yes. That's what you said. Fullmetal Alchemist! Is what it is. It's a manga. Manga is no wait you know what manga is I'm sure sorry I think I'm rambling am I rambling?" Zoe was rambling. "Anyway, yes! Fullmetal Alchemist. It's very good. You should read it, except not this one, cause it's real late in the series, but in general? I think you'd like it. I mean, I don't know you, but I think anyone would like it?"
The words that had caught in their throat flooded out like a waterfall when given the chance. It was kind of nostalgic! Could thirteen-year-olds get nostalgic?
"I mean. I don't know you... yet?" Smooth. "What's your name?"
This was going to go exactly as well as every other conversation Zoe had had in the last two years. They were sure of it. But it still felt nice to babble a little every once and a while.
But it was still going really well! Kind of! Maybe not? Maybe Zoe just wanted it to be going well. It would be nice if something was. They frowned at the wall, silently cursing its uselessness and then silently apologizing to it just in case they'd been wrong about the telepathy thing.
Then, suddenly, they heard a voice. The voice was talking to them? They thought? It seemed like it. That was new! Not really. People talked to them all the time. Usually they were asking for pens. They wondered for half a moment whether the voice was actually the wall responding to them after all before realizing that it was coming from behind them, and admittedly they didn't have a huge amount of experience with telepathy but it seemed kinda unlikely that the wall would beam its voice past them and have it do a u-turn?
They turned around, and it was, in fact, a whole human person! A stranger. And they were being nice without asking for a pen! Yet, anyway.
"Hi." Zoe's voice was a bit quieter than they expected. They hadn't talked to anyone but their moms in a couple of days and their words seemed kinda reluctant to come out. They coughed. Awkwardly, probably. "I mean, hi! I was... making friends with this wall? That's not what you asked, was it. Um..."
They were nailing this social interaction thing so hard right now??
"This! This book. Yes. That's what you said. Fullmetal Alchemist! Is what it is. It's a manga. Manga is no wait you know what manga is I'm sure sorry I think I'm rambling am I rambling?" Zoe was rambling. "Anyway, yes! Fullmetal Alchemist. It's very good. You should read it, except not this one, cause it's real late in the series, but in general? I think you'd like it. I mean, I don't know you, but I think anyone would like it?"
The words that had caught in their throat flooded out like a waterfall when given the chance. It was kind of nostalgic! Could thirteen-year-olds get nostalgic?
"I mean. I don't know you... yet?" Smooth. "What's your name?"
This was going to go exactly as well as every other conversation Zoe had had in the last two years. They were sure of it. But it still felt nice to babble a little every once and a while.
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
Now, Lyra was a big fan of sugar coating things. Both in the common usage of the phrase, and in its most literal sense. They had a sweet tooth, and a sweet heart. They were willing to, if not overlook, at the very least look on the bright side of any and all of their closest friends' most glaring flaws and quirks. But even Lyra couldn't ignore the fact that this person was, well. They were pretty weird!
And that might have been enough for some people. People who would have just forced a smile onto their face and nodded and made little noises to act like they were paying attention, and then make up an excuse to retreat back the way they came.
But! Lyra was also pretty weird! And they knew it. They knew it all too well – even if they weren't very much aware of the fact they had an odd sense of humour and unique interests and a bubbly-but-bonkers personality, there were plenty of people at school who were more than happy to remind them that they were weird as heck.
So as this brand new person babbled on, the big broad grin on Lyra's face grew wider and more sincere, until eventually, they couldn't contain themselves any longer, and they burst into delighted snort giggles.
"I'm Lyra!"
Lyra put their hands on their hips, and tilted their head to one side.
"Lyra Doyle!"
With that, Lyra plopped themselves down on the seat next to their soon-to-be-they-hoped-friend, and placed their lunchbox down in front of them with a solid 'thunk'.
"I've heard of Fullmetal Alchemist! There was a, like, cartoon based on it, wasn't there? I never paid much attention when it was on, but I always remember it cause there was that guy who went-"
Lyra cleared their throat, and put on their deepest, most masculine sounding voice.
"-Fullmetal Alchemist! Before every commercial break!"
They giggled again, before a sudden jolt of realisation hit them.
"Oh! I don't know your name, either!"
And that might have been enough for some people. People who would have just forced a smile onto their face and nodded and made little noises to act like they were paying attention, and then make up an excuse to retreat back the way they came.
But! Lyra was also pretty weird! And they knew it. They knew it all too well – even if they weren't very much aware of the fact they had an odd sense of humour and unique interests and a bubbly-but-bonkers personality, there were plenty of people at school who were more than happy to remind them that they were weird as heck.
So as this brand new person babbled on, the big broad grin on Lyra's face grew wider and more sincere, until eventually, they couldn't contain themselves any longer, and they burst into delighted snort giggles.
"I'm Lyra!"
Lyra put their hands on their hips, and tilted their head to one side.
"Lyra Doyle!"
With that, Lyra plopped themselves down on the seat next to their soon-to-be-they-hoped-friend, and placed their lunchbox down in front of them with a solid 'thunk'.
"I've heard of Fullmetal Alchemist! There was a, like, cartoon based on it, wasn't there? I never paid much attention when it was on, but I always remember it cause there was that guy who went-"
Lyra cleared their throat, and put on their deepest, most masculine sounding voice.
"-Fullmetal Alchemist! Before every commercial break!"
They giggled again, before a sudden jolt of realisation hit them.
"Oh! I don't know your name, either!"
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
Lyra.
Lyra? Lyra!
That was a human name, belonging to a real human person and not an inanimate object or a wall that was still steadfastly refusing to talk to them. Zoe liked them immediately. Well, they liked pretty much everyone immediately, besides people who were mean to them. Actually kind of including people who were mean to them. They were still people, and they still had reasons for doing things they did, and they still had likes and dislikes and fears and dreams, and that was enough of a reason to like them, even if they didn't usually return the feeling. It was a lonely thing. "Unrequited friendship," you could call it, maybe, but that seemed too complicated for the feelings they felt.
It had been so long that it felt kinda alien, having someone say hello, introduce themselves, smile. They were smiling! Like, in an actually happy way! Zoe hoped they did a good enough job reflecting that smile. It was radiant and warm and beautiful and Zoe wanted to keep looking at it. Their eyes tracked Lyra as they sat, curious, excited, a little distressed, maybe a lot distressed?? They were eating lunch. With a person. Who didn't seem like they were going to make fun of them?
It was a minor miracle, and minor miracles were the best kind, cause the major ones always seemed kinda dramatic.
They burst out into giggles at Lyra's surprisingly good imitation. Zoe didn't really watch anime on TV, that involved remembering when it was on which was honestly too much to keep track of, they had the whole wide internet to watch whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, but they'd still heard that voice before. Though they guessed they were giving Lyra a little too much credit assuming they knew what manga was, if they were gonna call anime cartoons, cause that was Technically accurate but like, so clearly not the same thing?? Zoe probably shouldn't ramble about that, though, but it was really really hard not to.
"Yeah! Yeah, you're right. That's totally it. The same thing, I mean. And also you're right the manga came first and the anime- uh, the cartoon, is based off of it? I dunno what version is airing on TV, probably Brotherhood, that's the good version, the 2004 version is I'm rambling again sorry!" Whoops.
Their name. They were asking for Zoe's name. ... What was their name again. It took them a second.
"Oh! Names are important. It's Zoe! Zoe Alicea Feliciano. But you can call me... Zoe!"
Good! They did it. Introductions were done. Now they were friends! Right? That was how it worked, right?
Lyra? Lyra!
That was a human name, belonging to a real human person and not an inanimate object or a wall that was still steadfastly refusing to talk to them. Zoe liked them immediately. Well, they liked pretty much everyone immediately, besides people who were mean to them. Actually kind of including people who were mean to them. They were still people, and they still had reasons for doing things they did, and they still had likes and dislikes and fears and dreams, and that was enough of a reason to like them, even if they didn't usually return the feeling. It was a lonely thing. "Unrequited friendship," you could call it, maybe, but that seemed too complicated for the feelings they felt.
It had been so long that it felt kinda alien, having someone say hello, introduce themselves, smile. They were smiling! Like, in an actually happy way! Zoe hoped they did a good enough job reflecting that smile. It was radiant and warm and beautiful and Zoe wanted to keep looking at it. Their eyes tracked Lyra as they sat, curious, excited, a little distressed, maybe a lot distressed?? They were eating lunch. With a person. Who didn't seem like they were going to make fun of them?
It was a minor miracle, and minor miracles were the best kind, cause the major ones always seemed kinda dramatic.
They burst out into giggles at Lyra's surprisingly good imitation. Zoe didn't really watch anime on TV, that involved remembering when it was on which was honestly too much to keep track of, they had the whole wide internet to watch whatever they wanted whenever they wanted, but they'd still heard that voice before. Though they guessed they were giving Lyra a little too much credit assuming they knew what manga was, if they were gonna call anime cartoons, cause that was Technically accurate but like, so clearly not the same thing?? Zoe probably shouldn't ramble about that, though, but it was really really hard not to.
"Yeah! Yeah, you're right. That's totally it. The same thing, I mean. And also you're right the manga came first and the anime- uh, the cartoon, is based off of it? I dunno what version is airing on TV, probably Brotherhood, that's the good version, the 2004 version is I'm rambling again sorry!" Whoops.
Their name. They were asking for Zoe's name. ... What was their name again. It took them a second.
"Oh! Names are important. It's Zoe! Zoe Alicea Feliciano. But you can call me... Zoe!"
Good! They did it. Introductions were done. Now they were friends! Right? That was how it worked, right?
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
Like some sort of perpetual motion smiling machine, the sight of a big warm smile on the face of Lyra's brand new friend made their own grin grow even wider. It was a good smile! A cute smile! Lyra thought it would light up the whole room if somebody turned all the lights off! They beamed themselves, as they flipped open their lunchbox, so much so that they could feel their mouth starting to kinda ache from smiling so much.
Oh well! That was a small price to pay, really. They had such a good feeling about this.
"Oh! Zoe! That's a nice name!" Lyra said, brightly, briefly ducking under the table to grab their water bottle before popping back up again, placing it next to their lunchbox with another solid clunk. "It's super pretty! Zoe Zoe Zoe! Hi Zoe!"
They giggled again, before taking a bite out of their wrap (turkey and cheese and mayo and peppers, nice!), barely fretting about the apparent faux pas they'd made in calling Fullmetal Alchemist a 'cartoon'. What was it Zoe had called it? An 'annymay'? They'd have to look that up later, make sure they didn't make any more silly mistakes from here on out! Zoe didn't seem like they minded in the slightest, but. Y'know. Still didn't feel good to mess stuff up.
Lyra chewed on their lunch for a couple moments, and they felt their smile kinda shrink a little as they did so. There was a question, a seriously burning question in the back of their mind, and they seriously wanted to ask Zoe about it, but if calling annomae 'cartoons' was a faux pas, then this would almost certainly be one. One that could, quite possibly, cause this friendship to self-destruct right here and now.
They took another bite, before realising they really couldn't stop themselves from asking it.
"Thuffmmmghfff?"
Oh. Whoops! Mouth full of turkey and cheese. Lyra swallowed, gave a little bashful giggle, and tried again.
"That's, um, a girl's name, right? Zoe? Cause you're, uh, um..."
Whoops again. Here comes that good old feeling of stupidity.
Oh well! That was a small price to pay, really. They had such a good feeling about this.
"Oh! Zoe! That's a nice name!" Lyra said, brightly, briefly ducking under the table to grab their water bottle before popping back up again, placing it next to their lunchbox with another solid clunk. "It's super pretty! Zoe Zoe Zoe! Hi Zoe!"
They giggled again, before taking a bite out of their wrap (turkey and cheese and mayo and peppers, nice!), barely fretting about the apparent faux pas they'd made in calling Fullmetal Alchemist a 'cartoon'. What was it Zoe had called it? An 'annymay'? They'd have to look that up later, make sure they didn't make any more silly mistakes from here on out! Zoe didn't seem like they minded in the slightest, but. Y'know. Still didn't feel good to mess stuff up.
Lyra chewed on their lunch for a couple moments, and they felt their smile kinda shrink a little as they did so. There was a question, a seriously burning question in the back of their mind, and they seriously wanted to ask Zoe about it, but if calling annomae 'cartoons' was a faux pas, then this would almost certainly be one. One that could, quite possibly, cause this friendship to self-destruct right here and now.
They took another bite, before realising they really couldn't stop themselves from asking it.
"Thuffmmmghfff?"
Oh. Whoops! Mouth full of turkey and cheese. Lyra swallowed, gave a little bashful giggle, and tried again.
"That's, um, a girl's name, right? Zoe? Cause you're, uh, um..."
Whoops again. Here comes that good old feeling of stupidity.
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
That's a girl's name, right?
Zoe?
Was it? It probably was. Zoe hadn't ever met a boy named Zoe. They hadn't ever met a girl named Zoe either, though. Except for themself, if they counted. Did they count? They weren't sure! It wasn't the first time they'd ever heard the question, and they had an answer that they liked to say, but they wanted to make friends, and maybe it was too weird of an answer, but it was the only one they had! Because they didn't have a better one, at least not yet. Why did Zoe Have to be a girl's name anyway? What made a name a girl's name? What made anything a girl's thing? These were questions way too deep and complicated to answer during lunch time, especially when you're prioritizing making a friend, getting through this volume of FMA, and wall telepathy, in vaguely that order.
Their default answer came out. Hopefully it was a good answer.
"Cause I'm... I dunno! What do you think I am?"
They tilted their head, curious.
Zoe?
Was it? It probably was. Zoe hadn't ever met a boy named Zoe. They hadn't ever met a girl named Zoe either, though. Except for themself, if they counted. Did they count? They weren't sure! It wasn't the first time they'd ever heard the question, and they had an answer that they liked to say, but they wanted to make friends, and maybe it was too weird of an answer, but it was the only one they had! Because they didn't have a better one, at least not yet. Why did Zoe Have to be a girl's name anyway? What made a name a girl's name? What made anything a girl's thing? These were questions way too deep and complicated to answer during lunch time, especially when you're prioritizing making a friend, getting through this volume of FMA, and wall telepathy, in vaguely that order.
Their default answer came out. Hopefully it was a good answer.
"Cause I'm... I dunno! What do you think I am?"
They tilted their head, curious.
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
And now, Lyra was silent.
They weren't often lost for words, so Zoe must have been a very very special person indeed. Something about what they said had just... resonated with Lyra, in a way they couldn't quite understand. Like finding the key to a dusty old box in the corner of the attic. Or getting the answer correct in a riddle or a math problem, even if you didn't understand the question.
"I, uh..."
What did they think? Going off of the back of the tone of Zoe's voice, and the fact that every Zoe they'd ever heard of, Lyra's brain wanted to say that the Zoe in front of them was a girl too. But if that was the case, wouldn't she have just said so? They didn't think Zoe was a boy, but that non-answer had put the seed of doubt in their mind, and overall, they were mighty confused right now.
"Um..."
There was more to it, because now that Lyra was silent and their brain had time to speak, rather than their mouth, they were getting a glimpse inside of that box, and taking a peek at how to work out the riddle and the math problem. There was a weird feeling in the pit of their stomach, some kind of weird feeling of recognition.
Because Lyra was a girl too, right? Everyone said so. Her mom did. Her dad did. Her teachers did. And they definitely weren't some stinky old boy, obviously. So they had to be a girl, didn't they? Even if, sometimes, they didn't feel like being all girly. But what else could they be?
Urgh. This was making their head hurt. They didn't wanna deal with complicated stuff like this at lunchtime. Thankfully, they did have an answer to Zoe's question!
"I think... you're a friend! And I hope I'm a friend, too!"
It was a bit of a cop-out, but you know what? It was also the truth.
They weren't often lost for words, so Zoe must have been a very very special person indeed. Something about what they said had just... resonated with Lyra, in a way they couldn't quite understand. Like finding the key to a dusty old box in the corner of the attic. Or getting the answer correct in a riddle or a math problem, even if you didn't understand the question.
"I, uh..."
What did they think? Going off of the back of the tone of Zoe's voice, and the fact that every Zoe they'd ever heard of, Lyra's brain wanted to say that the Zoe in front of them was a girl too. But if that was the case, wouldn't she have just said so? They didn't think Zoe was a boy, but that non-answer had put the seed of doubt in their mind, and overall, they were mighty confused right now.
"Um..."
There was more to it, because now that Lyra was silent and their brain had time to speak, rather than their mouth, they were getting a glimpse inside of that box, and taking a peek at how to work out the riddle and the math problem. There was a weird feeling in the pit of their stomach, some kind of weird feeling of recognition.
Because Lyra was a girl too, right? Everyone said so. Her mom did. Her dad did. Her teachers did. And they definitely weren't some stinky old boy, obviously. So they had to be a girl, didn't they? Even if, sometimes, they didn't feel like being all girly. But what else could they be?
Urgh. This was making their head hurt. They didn't wanna deal with complicated stuff like this at lunchtime. Thankfully, they did have an answer to Zoe's question!
"I think... you're a friend! And I hope I'm a friend, too!"
It was a bit of a cop-out, but you know what? It was also the truth.
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
Oh!
A friend!!!
That was a nice answer. Well done. Zoe kind of wanted to applaud but it would probably be weird to start applauding in the middle of the cafeteria even though it was probably too loud for anyone to hear them. They'd done that "what do you think I am" thing a whole lot of times because it was more fun than just saying "I'm a girl" and also being a girl was dumb anyway. Most people just said "a girl" because most people Weren't Very Creative and sometimes people said "a boy" which was really funny because it was very definitely wrong??? Friend was a better answer. Zoe was gonna write that on forms from now on. Where it said Gender or Sex or Whatever they'd fill it out like
[] M
[] F riend
It was very clever because technically Zoe was still checking the right thing cause technically they were still F for Female but now they were also F for Friend. Wait wait wait they were missing the important part. Lyra called them a friend. Like, their friend?? It wouldn't really make sense for someone to be like a General Friend, friendship kinda always went in multiple directions. Okay Zoe had just thought "okay we're friends now" cause they'd exchanged names and smiled at each other and that was good enough for them but Lyra saying the Friend Word made it kind of official. The Pact Was Sealed.
Zoe's grin practically reached their ears and it hurt their face a little bit. It had been a long time since their smile had gotten so wide.
"You have good ideas. I like you. But you also have to fill in the F box in surveys with Friend with me from now on or else you can't be an official Friend because that's how it works now I just decided? Or we can just be friends the regular friend way that works too I dunno I haven't had friends in a while but I missed having them and also you seem pretty cool??"
This was a much better way to spend lunch than all the other ways they'd been spending it.
A friend!!!
That was a nice answer. Well done. Zoe kind of wanted to applaud but it would probably be weird to start applauding in the middle of the cafeteria even though it was probably too loud for anyone to hear them. They'd done that "what do you think I am" thing a whole lot of times because it was more fun than just saying "I'm a girl" and also being a girl was dumb anyway. Most people just said "a girl" because most people Weren't Very Creative and sometimes people said "a boy" which was really funny because it was very definitely wrong??? Friend was a better answer. Zoe was gonna write that on forms from now on. Where it said Gender or Sex or Whatever they'd fill it out like
[] M
[] F riend
It was very clever because technically Zoe was still checking the right thing cause technically they were still F for Female but now they were also F for Friend. Wait wait wait they were missing the important part. Lyra called them a friend. Like, their friend?? It wouldn't really make sense for someone to be like a General Friend, friendship kinda always went in multiple directions. Okay Zoe had just thought "okay we're friends now" cause they'd exchanged names and smiled at each other and that was good enough for them but Lyra saying the Friend Word made it kind of official. The Pact Was Sealed.
Zoe's grin practically reached their ears and it hurt their face a little bit. It had been a long time since their smile had gotten so wide.
"You have good ideas. I like you. But you also have to fill in the F box in surveys with Friend with me from now on or else you can't be an official Friend because that's how it works now I just decided? Or we can just be friends the regular friend way that works too I dunno I haven't had friends in a while but I missed having them and also you seem pretty cool??"
This was a much better way to spend lunch than all the other ways they'd been spending it.
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
Lyra really really really really really hoped that Zoe would smile or laugh at something, the good kind of laugh where they were clearly happy to be around you and were laughing in appreciation of what you'd just said. Not the mocking kind of laugh because you'd said something stupid or weird. Not the kind where they were laughing at you, not with you.
Um. Anyway.
There was just something about Zoe that seemed... good. Like, wholly good. Lyra had felt at ease since the moment they'd sat down at the table, and they knew that they wanted to be Zoe's friend and for this to work out great, and they really really hoped their instincts were true because there'd been plenty of people who Lyra had latched onto and been 'friends' with for weeks or months or years, before their constant whittling away at Lyra's feelings and emotions had separated them.
Urgh. No. No, stop... stop thinking about that. It wasn't doing anything but hurting them inside.
Lyra's thoughts were growing in pitch, almost drowning out everything around them, almost making them miss Zoe's massive smile. One of Zoe's words managed to make it through to Lyra's brain, however, and as soon as they looked at Zoe, they couldn't help but mirror that smile. It was... there was no other way to describe it. It was radiant! It was perfect!!! It was super cute and good and Lyra wanted to see it every day, and even without Zoe saying anything Lyra knew they would be an actual factual super good friend.
"No, I'm gonna do it!" Lyra said, almost bouncing in their chair. "I'm gonna put F for Friend on all my, like, important things and stuff and even if people look at me weirdly I know you're gonna do the same! Cause we're form friends!"
They giggled, and held out their hand to Zoe, with their little finger extended.
"So we gotta pinky promise, okay? Pinky promise we'll be form friends! And the best form friends possible, too!"
Um. Anyway.
There was just something about Zoe that seemed... good. Like, wholly good. Lyra had felt at ease since the moment they'd sat down at the table, and they knew that they wanted to be Zoe's friend and for this to work out great, and they really really hoped their instincts were true because there'd been plenty of people who Lyra had latched onto and been 'friends' with for weeks or months or years, before their constant whittling away at Lyra's feelings and emotions had separated them.
Urgh. No. No, stop... stop thinking about that. It wasn't doing anything but hurting them inside.
Lyra's thoughts were growing in pitch, almost drowning out everything around them, almost making them miss Zoe's massive smile. One of Zoe's words managed to make it through to Lyra's brain, however, and as soon as they looked at Zoe, they couldn't help but mirror that smile. It was... there was no other way to describe it. It was radiant! It was perfect!!! It was super cute and good and Lyra wanted to see it every day, and even without Zoe saying anything Lyra knew they would be an actual factual super good friend.
"No, I'm gonna do it!" Lyra said, almost bouncing in their chair. "I'm gonna put F for Friend on all my, like, important things and stuff and even if people look at me weirdly I know you're gonna do the same! Cause we're form friends!"
They giggled, and held out their hand to Zoe, with their little finger extended.
"So we gotta pinky promise, okay? Pinky promise we'll be form friends! And the best form friends possible, too!"
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
Zoe kept smiling. Like their smile wasn't going away it just kinda kept being a thing and the way they felt right now Zoe kinda hoped it would keep being a thing forever. They weren't really the kind of person that liked to do too much, like, Reflecting, or Worrying, or Introspecting, but they hadn't really had a choice but to do those things lately because those were the sorts of things that happened when things were bad. And things had been bad for a long time, or at least it felt that way. It felt a little like forever. Being happy had felt so far away for so long even though they tried real hard to bury themself in manga and anime and games and clothes and other things that weren't people. People were their happiness. But they hadn't been able to find them in a long time.
That didn't matter right now, though! It was all melting away, right here, right now, because they had a friend now. Friends solved everything, always. They knew. They trusted. They probably shouldn't, but they did anyway.
Things would be better.
At least, that would be okay.
And that was good.
"Best form friends is what BFF actually meant the whole time I don't know why people think it means something else when the truth is Right There but like we could be best friends forever too probably?? I mean maybe it's too early to say that-"
It was definitely too early to say that, Zoe!
"- but maybe!! Maybe I could say it anyway??"
That would be nice! They'd heard best friends forever before and it wasn't forever at all but maybe it could be this time. Things would be better.
They had a good feeling! And that was all they needed.
That didn't matter right now, though! It was all melting away, right here, right now, because they had a friend now. Friends solved everything, always. They knew. They trusted. They probably shouldn't, but they did anyway.
Things would be better.
At least, that would be okay.
And that was good.
"Best form friends is what BFF actually meant the whole time I don't know why people think it means something else when the truth is Right There but like we could be best friends forever too probably?? I mean maybe it's too early to say that-"
It was definitely too early to say that, Zoe!
"- but maybe!! Maybe I could say it anyway??"
That would be nice! They'd heard best friends forever before and it wasn't forever at all but maybe it could be this time. Things would be better.
They had a good feeling! And that was all they needed.
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
Lyra honestly felt like they could cry right now.
Like, seriously, they were about to cry onto their almost-forgotten wrap, right here in the middle of the cafeteria, and that was, in principle, a Bad Thing! That'd get their wrap all soggy and gross and they'd have to throw it away, and people would start staring and they'd think they were even weirder than they did already, and maybe a teacher would get involved, and it'd be all kinds of awkward!
Call them strange (people already did, after all), but Lyra couldn't find themselves caring. Sometimes you just needed to have a good cry and let everything out. Maybe after a long, rough day, or after having to deal with something super unpleasant, or even when something super good had happened and you were just trying to deal with all the emotions welling up inside of you! Like right now!
Smiles and tears really did make everything feel better sometimes.
Lyra managed to hold themselves together, though, just about; they could still feel the tears bubbling up like a big water balloon in the corners of their eyes. They gave Zoe the biggest smile they could, so wide their face really was starting to hurt, and spoke softly, like they were whispering through a cloud of feathers.
"I think... I think that'd be nice. Friends forever..."
Lyra let out a little giggle, then a gasp, as they remembered something very very very important Zoe had yet to do. They stuck their hand out closer to them, pinkie still extended, vibrating slightly in their chair.
"You still gotta pinkie promise though!"
Like, seriously, they were about to cry onto their almost-forgotten wrap, right here in the middle of the cafeteria, and that was, in principle, a Bad Thing! That'd get their wrap all soggy and gross and they'd have to throw it away, and people would start staring and they'd think they were even weirder than they did already, and maybe a teacher would get involved, and it'd be all kinds of awkward!
Call them strange (people already did, after all), but Lyra couldn't find themselves caring. Sometimes you just needed to have a good cry and let everything out. Maybe after a long, rough day, or after having to deal with something super unpleasant, or even when something super good had happened and you were just trying to deal with all the emotions welling up inside of you! Like right now!
Smiles and tears really did make everything feel better sometimes.
Lyra managed to hold themselves together, though, just about; they could still feel the tears bubbling up like a big water balloon in the corners of their eyes. They gave Zoe the biggest smile they could, so wide their face really was starting to hurt, and spoke softly, like they were whispering through a cloud of feathers.
"I think... I think that'd be nice. Friends forever..."
Lyra let out a little giggle, then a gasp, as they remembered something very very very important Zoe had yet to do. They stuck their hand out closer to them, pinkie still extended, vibrating slightly in their chair.
"You still gotta pinkie promise though!"
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017
Zoe remembered pinky promises.
Zoe loved pinky promises.
It was funny because they didn't mean anything, not really, they meant locking fingers and saying I Promise! and then doing a thing, or not doing a thing, whatever that important promise thing was. And it was always something important, even if it was only little kid important and not big kid important like things were now. But the pinky thing wasn't magic, it wasn't like a contract or anything, it was just pinkies, and promising, and trusting. Rhea had never liked pinky promises. She said they were silly. And they were silly! Zoe liked silly things. And Zoe liked trusting people. And sometimes that went badly.
They had a good feeling this time, though. Good feelings could be enough, sometimes. Like pinky promises could be enough, or like one silly conversation at one lunchtime could be.
Lyra was shaking. It was cute. They were cute?? Zoe wondered what could be making them tremble so much until they stuck out their own hand and realized it was shaking too! Huh. That didn't stop them from locking their pinky with Lyra's. Their smiles matched in Bigness. It was another good feeling. Those were piling on top of each other and blocking out all the other feelings that Zoe really really wanted to be blocking out anyhow.
Their eyes were watery. Were Zen's? They had no idea. Probably! But that was okay. They hadn't had happy tears in a long long time, not counting happy tears from good anime, which didn't seem like they really counted??
"Pinky promise, for sure and for definitely. Forever and ever and ever."
And ever even after that!
Zoe loved pinky promises.
It was funny because they didn't mean anything, not really, they meant locking fingers and saying I Promise! and then doing a thing, or not doing a thing, whatever that important promise thing was. And it was always something important, even if it was only little kid important and not big kid important like things were now. But the pinky thing wasn't magic, it wasn't like a contract or anything, it was just pinkies, and promising, and trusting. Rhea had never liked pinky promises. She said they were silly. And they were silly! Zoe liked silly things. And Zoe liked trusting people. And sometimes that went badly.
They had a good feeling this time, though. Good feelings could be enough, sometimes. Like pinky promises could be enough, or like one silly conversation at one lunchtime could be.
Lyra was shaking. It was cute. They were cute?? Zoe wondered what could be making them tremble so much until they stuck out their own hand and realized it was shaking too! Huh. That didn't stop them from locking their pinky with Lyra's. Their smiles matched in Bigness. It was another good feeling. Those were piling on top of each other and blocking out all the other feelings that Zoe really really wanted to be blocking out anyhow.
Their eyes were watery. Were Zen's? They had no idea. Probably! But that was okay. They hadn't had happy tears in a long long time, not counting happy tears from good anime, which didn't seem like they really counted??
"Pinky promise, for sure and for definitely. Forever and ever and ever."
And ever even after that!
"Well, Fenris, the King of Gossip. We meet again."
And as Lyra gently locked their pinkie finger with Zoe's and looked into their eyes, they finally felt a couple of tears trail their way down their face. They were hot and made their eyes sting and they knew how ugly they looked when they cried, but that was okay, it was all okay. Because Lyra had a smile on their face even as they cried, and so did Zoe, and that smile alone made Lyra feel warm and safe and like they were right where they belonged.
Things could get really confusing a lot of the time. So confusing and so weird and so much for Lyra to deal with, that they'd much rather just stuff it away and out of sight, because carrying the weight of all of those mysteries was preferable to having to face it head on and accepting answers they didn't know they were ready for.
And things could hurt a lot of the time. Things that were naturally part of them, and that they didn't know if they could change, or if they even wanted to change, but that repulsed and alienated people anyway. Or things that they did want to change but that they weren't strong enough or persistent enough to ever do so.
But right now, Lyra felt warm and like nothing could ever harm her, and even though they'd have to let go of Zoe's pinkie eventually, that was okay, because Zoe's hand would always be there for Lyra's whenever things got heavy and scary.
"Forever and ever and ever."
And Lyra smiled and they knew that everything would be all right.
((Lyra Doyle continued elsewhere in the past))
Things could get really confusing a lot of the time. So confusing and so weird and so much for Lyra to deal with, that they'd much rather just stuff it away and out of sight, because carrying the weight of all of those mysteries was preferable to having to face it head on and accepting answers they didn't know they were ready for.
And things could hurt a lot of the time. Things that were naturally part of them, and that they didn't know if they could change, or if they even wanted to change, but that repulsed and alienated people anyway. Or things that they did want to change but that they weren't strong enough or persistent enough to ever do so.
But right now, Lyra felt warm and like nothing could ever harm her, and even though they'd have to let go of Zoe's pinkie eventually, that was okay, because Zoe's hand would always be there for Lyra's whenever things got heavy and scary.
"Forever and ever and ever."
And Lyra smiled and they knew that everything would be all right.
((Lyra Doyle continued elsewhere in the past))
"bryony and alba would definitely join the terrorists quote me on this put this quote in signatures put it in history books" - Cicada Days, 2017